What are userpoints?

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Userpoints are exactly what you think. This is how you can learn who the serious PoopRepoters are. The more points a user has, the more respected and venerable and wise the PoopReporter they must be.

The points scheme is quite simple. You get one point for every comment you post and 10 points for every story you post. In the near future, you'll get three points for rating a story (that functionality hasn't been implemeneted yet). So the more you read, and the more you contribute, the more points you'll get -- and the more your fellow PoopReporters will pay attention when you say something.

So why does The Shit Volcano have so many points? Because she hasn't posted many stories, but she's commented the hell out of the stories on this site. And Poonurse? She hasn't made too many comments, but she published a ton of articles in the PoopReport medical database.

And why do I have so many points? Maybe it's because I've commented the hell out of the site AND posted a ton of stories. Or maybe I cheated and gave myself 3,000 points to appease my giant ego. One of the two, that's for sure.

Also, in the near future, everyone will have their points listed next to their names -- not just the people in that sidebar.

Update 9/22/05: Now you can see users ranked by points! That's a good step... more to come!

Update 2/15/06: Now good and bad comments are rewarded and punished!

277 Comments on "What are userpoints?"

MegaDump's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Damn, I'm gonna have to consume Nu-Lax more often to get enough stories to boost my poop reporting street cred hahhahaa.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

And remember, if you post tons of comments that could be posted as one the moderators may decide to delete them.
I look at the points and I'm amazed at how long Tydirum has been around until he poked his sweet head into the forums and joined. (glad that you finally did).
Are forum posts going to count ever, by the way?.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Forums posts will one day count, but not any time soon.

And yeah, don't be tempted to just post crappy comments to build your post count... we will see them and delete them and hate you for it.

WhoFloatedTheAirBiscuit?'s picture

Interesting... I had registered on PoopReport a while ago but haven't ordered my thougths for an actual poop report yet. I've posted a few comments though, so hopefully they'll count. On a PoopReporting note, I've been a little frustrated lately. On the Stoolstice I couldn't produce an unbroken log and was really disappointed in my performance. However recently I've gotten some incredibly lengthy turds that I'd have been proud to report for the Stoolstice! Where were these turds when I needed them?!?!

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

uh....hmmm....!

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

oh, oops (walks away whistling innocently to drool in the corner)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

it really saddens me that i haven't been able to submit any poop reports yet. i just don't have any poop stories to tell! i suppose that's a good thing, because it means i haven't pooped my pance or defiled a bathroom. but i'd still like to be able to report on SOMETHING. oh well, i'm sure my day will come.

i love poop.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Ms Pance, with some creative word manipulation, even the most mundane poop can be turned into a masterpiece. I'm sure many of us ( I know I would) would be glad to help you, although I'm kind of new at it myself, I do have a degree in American Lit, as well as an A.A. degree in Journalism, not that my stories reflect this fact, as I have forgotten most of what I "learned" in College.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

So the more comments we make, the more points we get. Great! Maybe I should write a report...

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

thanks, bilgepump. i'm actually a pretty good writer (toot! toot!--that's me tooting my own horn), i just don't have any stories to write well. actually, i do have one (about my younger brother), but i haven't written it yet because, even if i beef it up, it would still be pretty short. maybe i'll write it anyway. people like to read short ones sometimes, right?

i mentioned in the forums a while back that my boyfriend and a friend of his used to poop their pance so they could get sent home from work, and dave wanted me to write a report about that. but i haven't gotten around to it yet. i suppose i should do that, too.

perhaps my problem has more to do with laziness than anything else. story of my life!

i love poop.

Poopaloopas's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Better get started on those comments then.
Truly a great addition to the site. Added sense of community may be what is needed to keep quarrels at bay.

liquidy_poo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Haha, toot your own horn.

Wonderpance, you make me laugh.

In The Bushes's picture
l 100+ points

Yeah, I did publish a couple of stories a while back but now that I know the folks here at PR I am always too intimidated to attempt that again. Standards are high! And, as one of my coworkers once said to me,"Are you going to tell another one of your long, boring and pointless stories again? Because I really don't want to hear it." I think that's why I had to go into the teaching profession...so people would have no choice!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Your coworker says that to you? That's really rude. The next time he says that you you, you should say, "Well, kind of, this one is going to be long, but it has a point...", and then you should stab him in the leg with your bow. Then, you can say, "See? That was the point."
Howabout you post one of your stories in the poop stories part of the forum when the originals get back up to running and we'll all probably tell you it's cool, and then Dave-O can move it to a front page story?.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

dung daddy jr's picture

must get userpoints

(Moderator's note: You've got your point, but only because, we presume, you're DungDaddy's kid. Next time, think of something to say.)

jontee was ere

Di Uhreea's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points

Dave has the most points because he has a common name and gets all the cred for others that posted as "Dave". See the 8/24 comment here.

I'm changing my name to Bob. No, Dave-Bob.

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

I noticed, when I read some of the older stories, that my pre-update comments are not highlighted and linked like everyone else's. Does that mean they don't count for points like everyone else's?

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Probably, yeah. We had over 30,000 comments to move over... many of them fell through the cracks. Sorry.

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

New feature! See users ranked by points!

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

9/23 update -- say, if you've noticed that your points aren't going up when you make a post, don't worry. I've seen it, too. We're working on the bug. In the meantime, though, rest assured that the database is recording your contribution, and once things are worked out, your points will be credited to you.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Whew. I'd noticed that, and I was about to stop my participation in PR, because after just a few days of this new system, I find that my only motivation now for commenting is to rack up User Points.

You might consider, Dave, looking into the research B.F. Skinner and the Behaviorist school did on the effects different reinforcement schedules have on behavior (of both rats and humans). It turns out that you get the highest frequency of bar pressing (with rats) when you deliver reinforcements intermittently. So, for example, suppose you rigged it so that a comment got 10 points with probability .1. Most often, you'd get nothing, but then every once in a while you'd hit the jackpot with 10 fucking points. Even though in the long run we'd get the same reward total, we'd be posting comments at a ferocious rate compared to the predictable system you currently have us on. Just an idea...

Logjam

Tydirium's picture
k 500+ points

I want my points!

Tydirium's picture
k 500+ points

I deserve one point for that post!

And this one.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Shit. I was closing ground on Tydirium on the tote board, and now he pulls away from me again, with two flippant, lame posts. I've got you in my sights, you bastard.

Logjam

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

You guys are killing me. This user points thing is fun.

I wonder if people are going to post more comments just because they get more points......hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

Hell yes they will!!! :-)

Thanks for the info, Dave. I'm rather enjoying this new system.

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Update: points from comments are now being recorded as they should. However, moderators will discover that when they delete a comment the moderator loses a point. Whoops. That's being worked on. Don't worry, the computer is recording everything appropriately -- once the bug is worked out, points will be accounted for.

In other news, you may be asking yourself, "How did Dave just get 2000 more points? What's with this guy's ego?" The truth is the most recent recalculation just took into accounts posts on the BM Newswire. We finished migrating over 1300+ posts from the last four years. At 4 points per post, that really hooked up those of us who have been writing news updates: me, of course; also Logjam and Turd Hugegrunt, and Big Sphincter and Hershey-Squirts who worked at the news desk back in 2001 and 2002.

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

P.S. I know it's kinda unfair that people who haven't been on for years have more points (and thus higher recognition) than those who are today's most regular posters. I'm trying to figure out a way to have the sidebar reflect only active posters, but I'm not sure how I'll accomplish that. I've added that to my "To Do (Someday)" pile.

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I was thinking, Dave-O, that maybe you should have two sets or user point rankings. One for active posters and one for defunct or banned posters.

Failing that, you could place an asterisk beside a poster who is no longer active or banned. If the poster reappears or is reinstated, the asterisk could be removed.

Whatever.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

These points are a way of measuring our e-penises (sorry ladies) As it stands right now, I have a wee e-winky!

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

You know, I think there's a way I could do that. It wouldn't be automated, but I think I might have a way to manually disable a person's userpoints... let me work on it.

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

PS I think all the bugs in the userpoints script have been fixed... you should't lose points when you delete comments now. All is good and well with the world!

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Hey, Bilge, in the interest of fairness to the ladies, perhaps the points could also stand for their bra cup sizes. Heh.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Well, then I'm either Jamaican or Dolly Parton. hahaha.

Maybe someday our uber status could be alongside our name? Yeah, I've jumped on the epenis bandwagon. It's just the nature of positive reinforcement......hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

damn it. so all this time i've been thinking about how i want to get my name in the list of highest users (although, my name should really be at the top of that list, if you catch my drift. wink wink, nudge nudge), but i just realized that if that happens (assuming nobody else beats me to it) i'll be knocking mr. hugegrunt off the list. that's not cool.

oh, and liquidy (somehow i never saw your post before), if you don't toot your own horn, nobody else will. so toot away!*

a couple of my friends have a sign that says that (or something like it) on their front door.

i love poop.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

You're so considerate, Wonderpance. I suggest some therapy. However, I see a way for you to make the list without displacing TH. If The Shit Volcano would shorter her name to Shit Volcano, Dave wouldn't need two lines to display her stats, allowing in the same display space room for one more high-pointer below TH.

By the way, this was a difficult post for me to submit. It kicked my User Point total from 666 (a number I rather liked given its ominous meaning for fundamentalist Christians) to 667. I actually gave some thought to retiring.

Logjam

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

LJ, you are moderator, are you not? simply erase a point from your total and live in 666 perpetuity!!!!

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

hehe...are you saying i need therapy because i'm considerate?

actually, i think dave is planning doing something to make it so that it only shows active users, which would remove at least a couple people from that list. so i suppose i'll just have to be patient.

i felt the same way as you when i hit 666 posts in the forums. it's a cool number! last time i saw something with my credit score on it, it was 666. it almost makes me not want to improve my credit.

i love poop.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Bilgepump. Ah yes, that would have given me a way to preserve a link to Satan if Dave, the Angel of Shit, hadn't gone and fixed that "bug" (see his post above).

Logjam

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Oh, and Wonderpance. Yes, that was what I meant to imply, which tells you something about the family I grew up in. Also glad to know you're a fan of 666. You're headed to hell, girl.

Logjam

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

logjam, it's not just your family. many people aren't very considerate. i tend to be more considerate than anyone should be. i care too much about people's feelings etc. which is odd, because i really don't like most people.

and yes, i will be going to hell. but it's cool, cuz everyone i know will be there, too.

i love poop.

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

OK, I couldn't identify lapsed users automatically. So I did it manually to five highly-ranked but long-gone users. I know some of the ones who moved up because of this are also long gone, like Poonurse, but her contribution to the site is legendary. That's pretty much the criteria I used -- while Poonurse and Dr. Adams, for instance, (as well as you-know-who) don't come around much any more, their contributions to the site warrant their memory to live on. People like Big Sphincter and Hershey Squirts have disappeared into the anals (mispelled on purpose!) of poop history.

But if you want to remember them, they're way at the bottom of the list, with negative points -- the negative should represent not "minus" but instead "haven't been around for a while."

I could mine the whole list for lapsed users, but I really only wanted to get the highest ranked ones out of the way.

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

By the way -- if you want to earn points but don't have any poop stories to write up, we always need more people to help out with The BM Newswire. 4 points per post! Email me if you're interested.

And if you are interested, take a look at Logjam's contributions to the BM Newswire. Without exception, they're exactly what a BM Newswire report should be: the day's poop news not only reported but GIVEN CONTEXT. Context is the key -- we don't just report, we interpret.

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

E-penis. Thant's cute.
I guess my e-bra size would be along the lines of "itty bitty ***ty" at the moment. Maybe some day I'll be up in the Dolly Parton ranking with Daphne. By then she'll have JJJ's, though. Don't know how you'll carry those around, it will be hard to hug the cute little e-bunnies.

I have a feeling this post is going to get deleted. I hope not.

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

don't worry ms. poopie, i doubt you'll ever be in danger of having a post deleted. unless you start talking about having sex with poop or something.

i love poop.

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points

Thanks for the peace of mind, Wonderpance. :)

AssBlaster2000's picture
PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ points

I was wondering why people had negative rankings. TCM should have the lowest negative ranking.

And maybe it's just me, but I think non-disgraced historic posters should retain their place on the list. It might make people go back and read the old stuff; then again, maybe not, because I'm almost on the list, dammit.

Logjam: So you want to make commenting on PR like playing the slots? Would PR have to put up a gambling addiction disclaimer? I could see someone just sitting on here posting mindless post after mindless post waiting for the PR points jackpot.

L Wrong Hubbard's picture
l 100+ points

I just joined not too long ago and love this site. Been commenting a lot and sent in some stories. Waiting to see my name in lights....
I thought I read somewhere that you could get points for recommending people to join ? Is that true, or was I seeing things?

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Hey, what's happened to ThreePly, and how come his outstanding contributions weren't recognized by giving him a registered user name and point accumulation?

Logjam

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Uh, Three Ply exists:
http://www.poopreport.com/user/three_ply

Haven't seen him around in a while, but he's got 110 points to his name.

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