The Retention Prevention Stretch

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k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Very often, at the end of an IBS attack, I am left with what feels like a pebble-sized turdlet stuck just inside the hoop. This has caused more cursing and excess wiping and raw bunghole issues than I care to admit, as the idea of sticking a finger or anything else up there to get it out is just too gross for me. (In fact, it never even occurred to me before reading PoopReport.)

So I'm having an episode the other day -- the first really bad one in a very long time, I'm happy to say! -- and I had been on the pot for twenty minutes or more when I felt like I needed a stretch. This was also toward the end of the attack, and I just so happened to be waiting for that little turdlet to drop. I went in for the stretch, and as I reached up and arched my back, the gherkin-sized grogan popped out like a squeezed watermelon seed!

I was excited, but also worried it was just a fluke, so I waited until the next time it happened. Sure enough, a few days later when I stretched, out popped the stuck turdlet again. Eureka!

Being a good PoopReporter, I have to share. Here's how to perform what I'll call, until one of you comes up with a better name, "Retention Prevention."

You're probably already leaning forward, on your tip-toes, elbows on your knees, trying in vain to drop that poopkin, right? Now do this: stretch your arms out in front of you and clasp your hands together. Roll your spine up off your lap while reaching upward with your arms as high as you can to give yourself a good stretch all the way down from anterior to posterior. Keep your back arched and make sure it's a true stretch, not just a reach. (Although maybe that will work, too...?) Just about the time you get into it and the stretch starts feeling really good, your stuck shit should plop right out into the toilet.

If you have hip joint issues, this maneuver may not be for you, since from a seated position, the stretch will put your legs at a very acute angle to your body; however, you may be able to experience the same results with a lesser degree of arching or stretching.

This has worked for me twice so far. Anyone else care to try it and report back, please?

32 Comments on "The Retention Prevention Stretch"

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Good discovery, I just hope I never have to need to do it. Thinking about those folk who have bad joints - take a look at the photo in the BM Newswire "Toilet twinning brings bogs to Burundi". A set of those grab bars would help them get a good stretch on.

Disabled toilets have them and they`re a great place to hump your girl as she can get good purchase gripping on them as you give her a good seeing to.

The voice of sanity

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Dave, you're a mind-reader! In the first draft of my story, I was going to ask PoopReporters to help me come up with a clever name for this technique--if in fact it actually works for anyone else.

So Poopers, I look forward to hearing from you!
A) Did it work for you;
B) What should we call it?

_______
Help for IBS

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Tbox - I added that part because my own hips are arthritic, but you know how sometimes a stretch will just kinda "take" you, where you're not in control of it anymore? Well, it did that to me, and my hips twinged a little but the surprise of having the shitbit pop out overcame the pain.

We actually have a grab bar in our toilet room, but I think it gets used more for hanging the bidet sprayer thingy...

_______
Help for IBS

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Great idea! I have not had occasion to try it, but if that situation arises, I shall surely do so, and let you know. Sing hurray for the advancement of medical science! Many past discoveries have been quite by accident.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I'm having a hard time imagining this one. Perhaps you could put a video demonstration up on YouTube.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Before I found poopreport, I had stuck pooplets that were like dried sharp petrified squeezed raisons. The stretch stopped working for me. I didn't want to wait on the stretch, so I would ease the old longest digit up there and swipe it out. It would be all dry with dry mucus strings wrapped around it like a cinnamon swirl.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Yet another argument in favor of the squat toilet. The perfect position for complete elimination.

Bran Lover's picture
k 500+ points

Oh man, I can't wait to try this one out! I have this happen off and on to me. I remember the first one when I was eight or nine at a sleep over. I was on the toilet forever and ever. I wiped way too much. My friends were laughing at me, because I told em that I had a little one still in there. (I was sooo smart back then. ...if I just would've kept my mouth shut...)
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I have always hidden my poo problems from others.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

SnL... a squat toilet would have you arching your back the wrong way, I think. I'm talking about arching your back in, which kinda automatically makes you stick your butt out, whereas a squatter would make you tuck your butt under... right?

Anyway, think of the kind of stretch that is typically accompanied by a yawn--arms up, chest out, spine in, ass out... from a seated position on the john.

DejaPoo, I hope that's enough of a visual for you ;)

_______
Help for IBS

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

(Butt yes, a squat toilet is better and would likely eliminate the need for this maneuver completely)
_______
Help for IBS

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

shitwit's picture
k 500+ points

I'll give it a try tonight at work!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Nine Inch Log's picture
k 500+ points

SP, ew. When I was hospitalized with spinal damage several years ago the nurses told me that I may have to use digital stimulation to poop. I was petrified. Sticking a finger up the ass to digg out poop is one of the grossest things ever to me. Ew!

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Digging crap out with your finger ranks right up there with emergency tracheotomy. You only do it if there is an imminent-death emergency.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Nie inch and Dungdaddy, I was desparate like life or death with the sharp edges of the raisonette digging into the sides of my rectumpness. I told the doctor about it and as with all my other symptoms, it was ignored. Vengence is mine, sayeth the Lord.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

meowpoo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

i tried.it's a success i tell you! a success!

-- what smells? shit!

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

meowpoo: AWESOME!! Did you think of something to call it? (the move, not the turdlet...)
_______
Help for IBS

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

meowpoo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

well i'll be darn! i did think of something else. the art of poo yoga.-- what smells?

-- what smells? shit!

meowpoo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

life is really easy, ain't it?
_______
-- what smells? shit!

-- what smells? shit!

assfixation's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Wouldn't it be nice to have one of those "New Japanese toilets" they can spay water up your hoop or the vaginal way. Wow, that would be a convenient way to clean ones passages.

My shit don't stink.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Two good size apples a day with keep the turdlets away.

assfixation's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Give me a hose and I'll get the bugger out.

My shit don't stink.

Ominous Howard's picture

Stretching is good!!

Another really effective stretch for pooping is actually called the "morning stretch" in the Yoga world [it also looks a bit like the Islamic prayer position, no offense intended!]

For this one, you go down on your knees and put your hands out front on the ground/floor and put your forehead on the ground and stick your butt way up, feel the pull at your midsection. Breathe deep, relax, pretend there is no goal involved, relax.

5 to 10 minutes of that in the early morning, and you are trotting off to the toilet.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I tried this and it didnt work for me. But what DID work was leaning forward, so my chest is almost touching my knees, for a few seconds, then sit up and sometimes that dislodges it.
Guess it depends on the angle at which the shit is coming out.

poop lover's picture

pooping is so last year

IBS Victim's picture

There I sat on the toilet with a stubborn, rock-hard, and very large pebble. I got bored waiting and pushing so I came upon this site with my mobile phone and after a little lube and trying this stretch it came right out! Thank you! butt lube works wonders for the dry ones!

Let it Rage's picture

poop lover (not verified), Totally right, All the cool kids have moved on to strictly peeing. I hear that vomit will be all the rage next year.

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Swallowing repeatedly several times can also kick-start peristaltic contractions to help urge the stubborn little nugget out.

_______
Open your eyes AND your mind to the power of food!
Health via Food (scroll down to read by chapter)

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

Anonymous Coward's picture

Ahh thanks for that advice, for me it's no longer a toil-et

Anonymous Coward's picture

Wow have to try that.

He Who Was Once Known as Homonymous Coward's picture

Ohmigod! It worked! Thank you so much!

medicated's picture

I don't have ibs but I tried this when I was very constipated, it worked for me :D

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