The Deliverance Cure To Constipation

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m 1+ points - Newb
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As a rule, I am a pretty optimistic guy. I like to smile a lot, laugh a lot, and people generally like me. At least, that's how my psychiatrist likes to describe me.

Still, I like to have enjoyable moments. We all do, don't we? I mean, what's life without joy, right?

Well, life without joy is like a stale, dry donut without a cup of coffee to wash it down with. Life without joy is finding yourself in an empty restaurant, alone, on a Saturday night, sitting down to a delicious meal of fried duck, when all of the sudden, after your first delicious bite of food, you find yourself choking on a mystery bone that came out of nowhere, without warning, and without so much as a waiter or a maitre d' in sight to give you a much needed Heimlich. And, as this crucifix-shaped bone slowly chokes the life out of you, as your pathetic existence begins to flicker away like a dying flame on a damp wick in a rainstorm, you think to yourself, "Did I turn the stove off when I left the house?" That is life without joy.

Life without joy is finding yourself in a secluded, commercial storage facility on a hot summer's night, rummaging through the last few belongings you have remaining from the house fire that left you homeless two weeks earlier, all the while having to take a shit so bad that your colon is about to go supernova on your ass; when out of the blue, what with your eye do you spy, but that cute, brass antique spittoon that your mom left you as part of her last will and testament; and, coming to the conclusion that unless you drop trou that instant, squat onto that tiny pot and squeeze out an ass rock the size of Montana, you are gonna die. So, doody calls and you do that doo-doo that you do so well.

Having concluded carefully that you are in the facility by yourself, you drop trou, squat down, look around, and proceed to take a colossal crap into this tiny brass well in hopes that you can make a clean break-away, thus nullifying the need for toilet paper. A few moments pass and, having completed your grunt work for the day, you stand, evaluate the situation, give yourself a huge two-thumbs-up sign, reach down and pull your pants up, zip up, buckle up, turn around, only to find yourself staring directly into the most expensive state-of-the-art security camera system known to man, mounted directly on the wall in front of you. That is life without joy.

Anyway, you get my point. Joy is good. I like joy. Only, when you live on a small disability check from the federal government like I do, your options in life are pretty limited. You have to take pleasure where you find it. Me? I like a good crap. I like it more than sex. It's one of the few instances in life where, provided everything is working as it should, your efforts are immediately rewarded with a prize.

For me, a good butt goblin is a trophy worthy of being mounted on a wall, complete with its own brass nameplate and Certificate of Live Birth. It's evidence of a job well done. And seeing as how I am not working a traditional job right now, you can imagine the pride I take in my "job".

As fate would have it, I do a lot of my best thinking on the toilet. I also do some of my best work. Yet even I was surprised when several months ago I stumbled onto one of the most profound secrets known to man. So profound was my discovery that I am certain most archeologists would be green with envy at the very notion of not having discovered it first. Alas, it was my ass, not theirs, that would accidentally uncover this holy grail of crappery. Here is how it all began.

One day, while doing some of my best work yet, I happened to be thinking about movies. In particular, I was thinking about the movie Deliverance. Particularly, the more suppository scenes (I would have said "expository", but "suppository" is a lot funnier) where Ned Beatty's character, Bobby, is forced to "squeal like a pig" as one of the gross hillbillies has his way with Ned Beatty's rear end.

Now, for the uninitiated, Deliverance is a powerful and superb movie. I wholly recommend it (but not for children). The film follows four city dwellers as they canoe there way through the fictional Cahulawassee River somewhere in Georgia. At one point in the film, two of the characters run into some rather odd hillbilliess who have a particularly strange idea of what constitutes playtime. I won't go into more detail than this. Suffice it to say that it factors into my story. Anyway, back to my story.

As I sat on my throne, thinking about this particular scene, I began to have some fun, play-acting with this one scene, acting it out as I sat there in my bathroom. (I live alone, so this is perfectly normal, right? Just say "yes" and nod your head up and down. It helps me feel OK about myself.)

And so, rather pleased with myself as I sat there alternately squealing like a pig and barking out the order to "Squeal like a pig, boy!", something wonderful happened! My sphincter muscles relaxed, my butthole dilated as if it were a mile-wide sinkhole in the middle of the Mojave Dessert, and I dropped a butt-ball the size of a small toaster oven right there into my toilet.

It all happened so fast that I actually got light-headed and almost passed out.

Suddenly the world seemed so much bigger, my consciousness, like my butthole, having just been expanded light years from where it had once been. My God! Could it be true? Was it possible? Had I actually discovered the secret to having super-sized chocolate squishies every single time you go to the bathroom?

Well, yes and no.

In truth, or at least partly in truth, I had accidentally discovered why the hillbilly was so eager to get Ned Beatty's character to squeal like a pig: easy entry.

This rather unsavory realization was just too much information for me. I didn't like knowing it. Religious convictions aside, I am pure man, and I don't like knowing the motivation behind "squeal like a pig, boy!" The scene itself is unsettling enough. Now I had to deal with the unvarnished truth of biology and what happens to the sphincter muscles when you squeal like a pig. Moreover, the unpleasantness of this discovery was compounded by the fact that if, and only if, this was duplicable, how could I harness this energy when there was so much of an "ewww" factor involved?

In other words, if this worked, and worked every single time, there was the conundrum of how to take advantage of it without having to imagine this one scene from the movie and everything that came with it.

First, I had to do another experiment to determine if indeed this was duplicable. The very next day I would get my chance.

The following day, I awoke early in the morning, eagerly anticipating greater discoveries. As is customary, I had a cup of coffee and a protein bar to get things moving. After a few minutes, I headed to the bathroom. "Would it work?" I asked myself. Only time would tell.

A few minutes passed while I warmed up my ass and vocal chords, getting into character.

At this point, I need to explain something: I am a method actor, and a professional. So getting into character normally does not take me very long. I can even fart on cue. But this was different. I was heading into uncharted territory with eyes wide open.

This scene is brutal. I knew it. My mind could only take so much before I cracked. In fact, tradition has it that Ned Beatty only wanted to do this scene once. Sadly, Bill McKinney (who plays the hillbilly) apparently enjoyed doing the scene so much that he forced Beatty to do it over and over, reportedly doing the scene a total of thirty-three times. Ned Beatty was never the same after that. Nope. This was no trip through the tulips. This was a one-shot deal only. I had to nail the scene, and never revisit it again.

Once on the commode, I stared straight into the wall ahead of me. With furrowed brow and clinched fists, I began to squeal like a pig. Only this time the fact that I knew what to expect somehow interfered with the process. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. "OK, slow down, man, breathe easy, relax. You're forcing it. Let it happen," I said to myself. "OK, squeal like you mean it. You can do this!"

"Squeal, dammit, squeal your ass off!"

And with that, I lost total control. I could not stop it if I had wanted to, not even if my life had depended on it. I dropped not one but two deuces, one right after another, each the size and shape of roughly-hewn bricks. "YES!" I shrieked, like Al Michaels at the 1980 Olympic hockey finals. It worked! I knew I had something. I was in possession of perhaps the most coveted secret in recorded history. It was like discovering plutonium: beautiful, powerful, but in the wrong hands? Dangerous.

So, now that I had proven that this was duplicable, how would I package it? How would I overcome the conundrum of squealing like a pig? The very next few crucial days would be the most important of my life.

Over the course of the next week I took a journal with me to the bathroom. Several experiments failed miserably. Nothing was working like squealing worked. I was desperate. Unless I could find a more palatable way to tap into this amazing power, it was useless. I mean, if all of humanity began to squeal like pigs when they shat? Well, you just cannot fathom the chaos this would cause. Civilization as we know it would cease to exist. No, there had to be a better way. There just had to be.

On the last day of my bathroom journal entries, I put my pen down. It was no use. I was exhausted. I was discouraged. I was constipated. I was about to give up, when suddenly, my training kicked in.

I relaxed. I began to remember the words of an ancient warrior. "BE the ball! Shuh-nuh, nuh, nuhnuh, nuhnuh, nuhnuh, nuhnuh, nuh..." Only I inserted the word "turd" for "ball".

"BE the turd!" I said to myself.

Suddenly, a new movie came to mind: Batman and Robin, from 1997! Sure, it was the suckiest movie that ever sucked before, easily the worst in the franchise, but something about that movie has stuck with me ever sense. The character played by Arnold Schwarzenegger -- Mr. Freeze! Something about the name.

I began to say "freeze" over and over, rhythmically, with a high pitched sort of whine tacked onto the end. "FREEEEEEEEEEEEEZE." When I said "freeze" forcefully, in that way, something happened. Something wonderful. Something beautiful Something familiar. I said it again. And again. Then it happened. Just as before. Nirvana! EUREKA! The Shangri-La of Shitting. Kunta Kinte, I've found you!!!

Life has not been easy for me. It has not changed all that much since that day, either. But on that day I made a discovery that slowly will begin to change the way we poop forever.

Will I get credit for it? No. Not likely. Great men never seek greatness. It either finds them, or it doesn't. But greatness is not what truly great men seek after. No, my friends, the truly great wise men amongst us comfort themselves in knowing but one thing: they make great doody just like everyone else, one doody at a time.

I will let history determine my fate.

42 Comments on "The Deliverance Cure To Constipation"

C Everett Poop's picture
j 1000+ points

So you are a professional actor who lives on a government disability and seeks ways to stretch your asshole through re-enacting movie scenes?

Yeah, I believe this one...............

spudnutsncoffee's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Well, its partially true. I am an actor in the sense that I am unemployed and worthless. I do have Cystic Fibrosis, so I am on disability. And yes, the story about Deliverance and Mr Freeze and the Spittoon is, in fACT true. In fact the only part that isn't true is the chicken bone part. But the rest is true, so there, Mr. Poo!

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Sounds like Spud just wants to see how many will try it. Like chain mail and hoax virus warnings.
_______
If a pig loses its voice is it disgruntled?

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Funny story, spud, but unless you can come up with something quieter you`ll have to keep that method for your well insulated home. I, for one, will certainly not be caught coaxing out a monster log in a public toilet by squealing like a buggered pig!

The voice of sanity

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Great story spuds, very funny. I sympathize with you for your medical problems but am happy that we live in a country that helps you with disability payments.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Ned Beatty's picture

For the record I want it known that CEP was my body double during filming of The Deliverance.

C Everett Poop's picture
j 1000+ points

I was the mutant mongoloid playing the banjo.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Spuds, I can see you have a lot of time on your hands because of the agonizing length of your story. You wrote very well, it was just too long and wordy. I almost put it down. But because I like your style I trudged through it. I knew you couldn't make up the stories, they sounded real to me. I'm sorry you have CF, and hope you get healed. I also hope you can find a part time job. Are you able to work something part time? It would help your financial situation.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Nine Inch Log's picture
k 500+ points

Well, this is the strangest poop report I have ever read. I'm a good sport though and will give it a shot (since I'm pooping now anyway and reading PR via crackberry). Here we go. . . FREEZE!!!! FREEZE!! Ah hah!! Well, it sort of worked. No major softball sized turd, but I did manage to push out a few extra nuggets. What I am discovering is that when squealing or saying freeze with real gusto is that this forces me to "bear down" in the same manner that I would use to, say, push out a stuck poop. So really, Spudnutsncoffee, all your discovery has accomplished is a loud way to exhale and push. Sorry, nothing to see here.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I don't know, 9. Maybe Spuddie didn't invent anything new but the imagery of him sitting on the crapper channeling a fictional hillbilly from Deliverance while taking copious notes on the crapper for a month of days was pretty funny.

This could have easily been three separate posts: adventure at the storage locker, squeal like a pig and Mr. Freeze: a study on brick laying.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Maximus Poopius's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Very compelling story and a good read even though the subject matter was a little suspect. I can't imagine perching on the throne and thinking about deliverance where something is being thrust 'in' when something should actually be thrusting 'out'.

However, whilst trekking through the Himalayas a few years ago I spent some time in the company of Buddist monks who gave me some pointers on 'Throat Singing' which produces something akin to your squealing experiments. That is a 'full body harmonic' where you can attain a state of near nirvana, or in your case relaxation of the bowel.

I think a similar effect could be achieved by humming gently, which would probably suit your neighbours better, rather than causing them to be disturbed and frightened every time you go for a crap.

I can imagine the conversations now. "What the hell's that noise?"
"Ah - don't worry that's just spuds buggering a pig whilst taking a crap"


_______
The tiger stripes you left in my toilet are just not acceptable

The tiger stripes you left in my toilet are just not acceptable

Maximus Poopius's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

By the way - I forgot to mention that the movie Batman and Robin is the only movie I have ever walked out of before the finish.

I had a massive diarrhea attack about two thirds of the way through the movie and never went back to my seat. Coincidence, or my body telling me that this film was shite and forcing me to leave?

I suspect that it may be just the thought of the film and not the "Freeeeeeeeze" helping you here. Perhaps other films might be worth a try. Braveheart - "Freeeeeeeeedom" etc

_______
The tiger stripes you left in my toilet are just not acceptable

The tiger stripes you left in my toilet are just not acceptable

pnuttycorn's picture
k 500+ points

So.....have you tried this method in a public pooper yet?
Hilarity would most definetley ensue.
SPUDNUTS!! You must live somewhere in the nortwest? I think that's the only place you can get spudnuts anymore.I saw a thing on the travel channel about doughnuts and they did a little piece on Spudnuts.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I must say that I am a hillbilly pervert but when I am buggering a city slicker in the wilderness I prefer for them to bleat like a goat, just a matter of taste I suppose. I once made one moo like a cow but I found that to be completely unsatisfying. Perhaps clucking like a chicken would be OK?...so many sounds...so little time!!


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

I kept reading the story expecting to see the transitional phrase "but I diverge."

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

All spudnut is doing is saying a word during the val salva manuever. It is not the word. It is the val salva manuever that helps one push the poop out.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Nine Inch Log's picture
k 500+ points

Well, this is the strangest poop report I have ever read. I'm a good sport though and will give it a shot (since I'm pooping now anyway and reading PR via crackberry). Here we go. . . FREEZE!!!! FREEZE!! Ah hah!! Well, it sort of worked. No major softball sized turd, but I did manage to push out a few extra nuggets. What I am discovering is that when squealing or saying freeze with real gusto is that this forces me to "bear down" in the same manner that I would use to, say, push out a stuck poop. So really, Spudnutsncoffee, all your discovery has accomplished is a loud way to exhale and push. Sorry, nothing to see here.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

spudnutsncoffee's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Thanks to everyone for the comments. They certainly run the full spectrum from "like" to unmitigated "yawns".

I particularly enjoyed the Val Salva manuever comment. I take issue with the poster however. It's not called the Val Salva manuever. Ohh sorry wrong answer. That would be the Val KILMER Maneuver. KILMER was the word you were looking for.

In any event, when hatching a turtle, I have tried the breathing and humming techniques, both of which have a similar affect. However, The Mr. Freeze approach brings with it an added element of elimination that more thoroughly purges the GI Tract.

Using the Freeze approach, I have blown a hole in my porcelain hip harness three times today. And it's not even 12:30 in the afternoon.

spudnutsncoffee's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

PS: I am in agreement with the few folks that felt my poop report was too long. However, this was my first poop, so you will indulge my verbose and voluminous style.

For the record, I believe I have spotted a few poops on this web site that are as long, if not longer, than mine.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Almost every story has some negative, but hopefully constructive, criticism, Spud, no worries, you did fine.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

SPUD> For a first story, it was good. But val salva manuever is a real medical term for bearing down.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

spudnutsncoffee's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Sitting, I know. I was teasing you.

spudnutsncoffee's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

As I read my essay again, I actually fell asleep. Damn, that thing is LONG.

My apologies to all you poopers out there. The next time I will just break it off and give someone else a chance for a change. Heheheheh ;)

spudnutsncoffee's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

By the way, has anyone hear ever snarffed? That is when you sneeze, cough and butt-belch at the same time.

I did that today and immediately called 911. I have never had so much pain. My poor flapper-valve ached for an hour and a half after that. Man that hurt!

C Everett Poop's picture
j 1000+ points

Valsalva is clearing your ear pressure caused by altitude change by pinching your nose and blowing. It has nothing to do with your asshole, asshole.

spattacus's picture
l 100+ points

The following wiki contains references to straining on the toilet and floaters - so perhaps it is linked (!)

Valsalva retinopathy
A pathologic syndrome associated with the Valsalva maneuver is Valsalva retinopathy. It presents as preretinal hemorrhage (bleeding in front of the retina) in people with a history of transient increase in the intrathoracic pressure. The bleeding may be associated with a history of heavy lifting, a forceful coughing, straining on the toilet, or vomiting. The bleeding may cause a reduction of vision if it obstructs the visual axis. Patients may also note floaters in their vision. Usually a full recovery of vision is made.

Dildo Baggins's picture
l 100+ points


I think that this story was more of a cry for help rather than a poop story._______
Look out for Number 1, but don't step in Number2

Look out for Number 1, but don't step in Number2

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I lost interest in this story after the first 2 paragraphs, sorry but I did. But now no one's comments make sense so I'll have to go back and read it. I did get a chuckle out of CEP referencing himself as the mutant banjo player though.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

CEP> you are wrong about the asshole part. The valsalva mauever used often for various reasons. you may clear your ears with it. i on the other hand use the val salva mauever to poop.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

CEP is correct in stating that the Valsalva maneuver is taught to military air-crews as a means of equalizing pressure on both sides of the eardrum when either climbing or descending but it has other uses as well.

The Valsalva maneuver is performed by attempting to forcibly exhale while keeping the mouth and nose closed. It is used as a diagnostic tool to evaluate the condition of the heart and is sometimes done as a treatment to correct abnormal heart rhythms or relieve chest pain.

Description

When performed formally, the patient is asked to blow against an aneroid pressure measuring device (manometer) and maintain a pressure of 40 millimeters of mercury (mm Hg) for 30 seconds. Or, less formally, the patient may be asked to bear down, as if having a bowel movement. During this 30 second period, a recording is made of the changes in blood pressure and murmurs of the heart.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Nine Inch Log's picture
k 500+ points

Wait, so part of a medical test is to have someone bear down and see what happens? What if the patient has to poop? Just the thought of having to push out a poop while at the same time keep it in is raising my blood pressure. I could only imagine how that would mess with medical tests if the shituation actually occurred.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

NI,You can do the val salva manuever without including your ass. If you hold your breath then push against that breath you are doing the val salva manuever without invoving your bladder or your rectum. Try it. Then you will understand.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Well thanks guys. Now I've got an "outtie".

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Nine Inch Log, the following is extracted from the Encyclopedia of medicine and was edited by Tish Davidson;

"The Valsalva maneuver is performed by attempting to forcibly exhale while keeping the mouth and nose closed. It is used as a diagnostic tool to evaluate the condition of the heart and is sometimes done as a treatment to correct abnormal heart rhythms or relieve chest pain.

Purpose
The Valsalva maneuver is used with patients who have suspected heart abnormalities, often in conjunction with echocardiography. The maneuver is based on the fact that when a patient forcibly exhales against a closed nose and mouth while bearing down, as if having a bowel movement, specific changes occur in blood pressure and the rate and volume of blood returning to the heart.

Comparing the changes in a diseased heart to those expected in a normal heart gives clues to the type and location of heart damage. In addition, when a doctor listens to the chest with a stethoscope during the Valsalva maneuver, characteristic heart sounds are heard. Variations in these sounds can indicate the type of abnormality present in the heart.

The Valsalva maneuver also corrects some rapid heartbeats originating in the atria. When the maneuver is done correctly, blood pressure rises. This forces the heart to respond by correcting its rhythm and beating more slowly. On rare occasions, the Valsalva maneuver can be used to diminish chest pain in patients with mild coronary disease.

Unrelated to any evaluation of the heart, the Valsalva maneuver is also taught to patients with multiple sclerosis who are unable to fully empty the bladder (flaccid bladder). It is sometimes used in sexual therapy to help men avoid premature ejaculation."

br>_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Bran Lover's picture
k 500+ points

What? What? Where am I? Whew! Dozed off there... Thought I was in medical school there for a second.

Yes, a sneeze and a HUGE extreeeemely loud fart in fourth grade equals complete and udder humiliation. Period. At least noone said anything though, but I knew they knew.


_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Ha hahaha. PD's innie after the valsalva manuever just became an outtie. Nine after Chief's dissertation on the valsalva do you still not understand?
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

lauren54's picture
l 100+ points

Lol Kunta Kinte i wonder if that scene from roots would also work? lol. "I'll shit when I please, not when you tell me to." Nelson Mandela

Everything comes down to poo.

Bran Lover's picture
k 500+ points

Does the valsalva maneuver have anything to do with Chief's secret velveeta and saliva recipe that we turned in to the Army special forces unit behind his back?

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Valsalva velveeta, Manuver salviva, its all the same. Shhhh! Don't tell the chief!
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points

Sal Manella, sal ammoniac, Sal Vital, Val Kilmer Val Ediction, Val's Saliva...but getting back to the story, folks...
I thought spud nuts was a medical condition.
Theres a filthy joke about Kunta Kinte's sister being the first black prostitute, but I won't go there, either.
The story: Long-winded. Spuddy, are you related to Scummy?
The main character: Has problems. Lots.
My opinion: Get professional help. Real soon.

_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

How is living a joyless life shitting in a spittoon in view of a camera? That sounds more like being a dipshit and not looking around first.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Get a job where you can charge by the word !

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