Your toilet is broken and a plumber can't come until the next day. You really gotta go! What do you do?

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120 Comments on "Your toilet is broken and a plumber can't come until the next day. You really gotta go! What do you do?"

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

if i had enough time, i might just drive to my parents' house and use their toilet, so i chose other.

but if it was really super urgent, i think i would probably ask the neighbor. i would always rather poop in a toilet than anything else!
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i love poop.

i love poop.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

This will probably brand me as a gross and disgusting human being but I have actually shit in a plastic bag and placed it in the trash. I had just moved my trailer and knew none of the neighbors, my sewage line had not been hooked up and I couldn't imagine introducing myself and asking if I could come in and take a shit in the same breath. The plastic bag contained even the odor and my line was hooked up the next day.


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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

the level of grossness depends on whether you threw it in an inside or outside trash can!

but, i suppose as long as it didn't stink up the place, it wouldn't be too gross for it to be inside. but i don't think i'd be able to stop thinking about it being in the house, even if it didn't stink!
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i love poop.

i love poop.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

I thought about putting it in the kitchen trashcan but my wife convinced me it should go in the outside trash. You won't believe how convincing a 4' 10" woman with a 12" razor sharp chefs knife can be:)


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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Space dock. ( I just found out what that was in the forums, and was just itching to use it.)


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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

This happened to me once, but I didn't know the toilet was broke.We just signed the lease and I was at the house by myself. I really had to shit, so I did, unaware that the water was off. When I went to flush nothing happened so I panicked and used a Walmart bag to fish out my poop. I think I chucked the whole thing under the deck because there were no trash cans around at the time and my family was pulling up in the driveway. I bet I used a half a box of baby wipes and a whole container of hand sanitizer before I could get to a sink.
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Keep some wagbags around.

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

C'mon! People! It's just a toilet. 1 hose, 2 bolts, and it's off. For the cost of 10 minuets with a plumber, anybody could go to Home Despot, and buy a new one. Maybe not a Gerber, unless he is around a half hour.

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points

I'd shit in a bag. Actually, I had to do that once.
I double bagged the bathroom trashcan, dropped a few paper towels into it and braced myself against the wall with the can in position. Wiped carefully, then I tucked the inner bag completely inside of the other, tied off the outer bag, washed my hands, and dropped the package in the dumpster off the back porch of my apartment building.
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

prarie doggin's picture
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I'd shit on the floor and blame the dog.

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points

Yep, you know what I voted.
But if this scenario occurred "back in the old days", I'd have happily gone out in the back yard, quickly dug a hole behind the shed and slung a couple of bedsheets around it for a makeshift porta-potty tent.
Then informed the kids that this is the shitter until the plumber arrives.
Of course, I'd then quickly drive to the nearest 7/11...

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The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Aren't they 11/7's down there?

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

I chose other. I would just head to the local Wal Mart. I always wanted to just go there to take a shit and not buy anything.

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

ASSuming the toilet problem isn't something I can fix myself, of which there aren't many, I'd probably dig a hole in the backyard to crap in and bury it.

Good Scouts "Leave no trace"!

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How I beat IBS

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I'd shit in a bag and put it in the outside trash. If I knew which neighbor puts dog poop in my garbage, I would repay them with the shit-filled bag in their trash can on trash day after the garbage truck already passed. Just like they do me.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Frank Benway's picture

I once spent about 6 months as an irresponsible 18 yr old with no gas, water or electricity. It got to the point after a month where I actually had the cash to pay the bill, but I wanted to see how far I could push it. I used kerosene lamps. Meals were consumed straight from the can, cold. Showers were taken in the men's dorm of the college down the street. And when I had to shit, it was into a paper bag which was then thrown surreptitiously into the storm drain at the edge of my yard.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Well PD why not just have greasy beer shits all over the litter box and wall and blame the cat?
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Nice thought MMC, but I don't have a cat.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

I'd go get the survival pot out out the garage and sit down for a nice comfortable dump in the great indoors. These are platic buckets with bag liners....about $10.00 at Wally World.

Sam's picture

why not just drive to your local public setting and go there??? There's a McDonalds on the corner that i could walk to, that's my plan in case things go sour!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I would poop in the bag, then take it to the plumber's house, then set it by the door & light the sack on fire, then ring the door bell & run for the hills. That's what they get for putting off my stuff till the next day.

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I`d probably dig a hole in the new neighbours garden and dump in that....just to mark my territory and let them know who the boss is.

The voice of sanity

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
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I like that AC....sorta like preemptive revenge.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

poophero's picture

id shit outside in my back yard when nobody is around

sharty shorts's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I have had to take a piss in the cat's litter box before (my 17 year old (at the time) sister spent half the day in the bathroom). When I was 8-10 years old, I'd always use the backyard as a toilet. If I was out there, and needed to go, I'd just go to the corner and do my business. So for this one, I just chose the backyard.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

One other possibility hasn't been mentioned: Go to the nearest mall or big box store that has a public toilet, and use that. As long as it's not too far away, you can get there and discharge your business without fouling your car or your house. Who knows--it might even be the same store where you are buying a new toilet!

Another question might be: What do you do when, at work, the toilets can't be used (sudden loss of water pressure, etc.)?

Anonymous Coward's picture

I'd go to a store and use their facilities.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

I really didn't do a good job explaining the situation. I should have stated that the bowel movement was eminent and needed to be taken care of in a matter of a few minutes or you would have a pants load of shit to deal with.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

pnuttycorn's picture
k 500+ points

I haven't lived in a house with just one toilet in years. But I'd shit in a bag if i had too, and piss in the shower squat style. my floor drain is pretty big.

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points

**** a subtle elbow nudge to the Chief *****
...eminent, or imminent?
I believe that Catholic cardinals like to be referred to as "Your Eminence"...
Was there some subconscious connection there?
A bowel movement having eminence?
I thought it was pd that had the Catholic upbringing...
_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

Chief, in that situation I would drop my pants, hang my ass over the fence, and give my neighbor a present she soon wouldn't forget.

Doodeedoo's picture

I'd go to the store, gas station, or office after hours and go there.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I would put saran wrap over the toliet so it could hang down into the toliet but still be sealed the flod it over put in plasic bag and put in the nearest dumpster. (just like when I was little and mama needed a poo sample for the doc)

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I am Catholic god dammit.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

Here's another idea. Go to the plumbers house and take a dump in his driveway.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Blind Mullet said " **** a subtle elbow nudge to the Chief ***** ...eminent, or imminent?"

My God, I have been out grammar Nazied!!


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Or take a shit in an envelope and mail it to him. Postage doo.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

Don't feel bad, Chief. You know there will soon be another 15 year old texting AC that you'll be able to rip a new asshole into.

crapper in the rye's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

This actually happened to me once--the power was out for several days and we have well water, so the toilets weren't flushing. Just as we were getting ready to go to the hotel (we sure as hell weren't staying in a house with no heat in the dead of a Michigan winter), I realized that I really, REALLY had to take a crap. With no time to formulate or execute a plan, I panicked and deposited my load into the non-functional toilet. Unfortunately for me, my parents, and the toilet, the log was nearly a foot long and impressive in girth and odor. I don't think it would have flushed even if the water was on. I went upstairs and my parents were already getting into the car, and I was too embarrassed to tell them there was a monster poop lurking in my bathroom. The not so happy ending to the story is that when my step-mother went back to check on the house a day later, she followed a strange odor down to my bathroom. The power was back on so she turned on the light, lifted the toilet lid, and...I really don't know what happened after that. All she would say was that she "took care of it", and beyond that, she didn't want to discuss or think about it anymore. She's a tough cookie, that one.

If I were in the situation again, I would probably choose the bag option.

Captain Craptastic's picture
l 100+ points

Do you have a cat? Leave a log in the catbox as a form of communion with your cat! I now have a 4-month old kitten whose poops resemble almond roca or mini-tootsie rolls with pebbles. Cute little turdlets!

If I leave the door open when I poop, she comes in and "helps" with the log drop. After the poop is expelled and is floating happily in the commode, she's right there! When I lean over onto one cheek to do the paperwork swipe, she puts her paws on the edge of the toilet seat and gets closer to the action. I can feel little whiskers tickling my butt, an odd sensation, though not altogether unpleasant. Kind of tickles.

In response to the poll question, using the catbox seems OK, but might be traumatic for the kitten and her developing mindset about appropriate places to poop. I'd be just as likely to take a crap outside, though in an apartment complex, that action might tend to get you talked about. "You know what that fuckin' guy in 4-B did? He shit on the lawn in front of the building in broad daylight! And the bastard didn't even wipe! Just left it there and pulled up his pants and went inside! Some people!"
----Captain Craptastic!!!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I wonder what they'd say if you drug your ass across the lawn to clean it instead.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Oh Shit Son's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

we used to live on the 7th floor apartment and the toilet was clogged good for a week... we just went to the grocery store and used the public restrooms there lol.

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Now that's what I call classical gas!

Now that's what I call classical gas!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

We live a bit too far from town to drive in should the urge arise, and I think holding a crap in is like playing Russian Roulette with your ass. Plastic bag for me and a surprise for the garbage man.


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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

I think the plastic bag is the best way to go by far. Most people seem to agree as it has the largest number of votes. I wonder if the votes for the garbage disposal in the kitchen sink are for real? If they are, ewwwwwwwwww!!


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Knock knock
(Daphne) Who's there?
The garbage man
(Daphne) Aww shit!
(Gator) Rut-ro

Anonymous Coward's picture

probably shit in a big garbage bag. Not that my load is that huge but because i dont know where to aim.

Smelly Arabian Shits's picture

I would fix the toilet myself, really how hard can it being a plumber is a job that any1 can do.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

SAS.......There is a lot more to plumbing than you seem to realize. Having the right tools is also important. Do you have a commode auger handy? You might need one.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

pjshaw1's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I've actually been in this situation! I pooped in the toilet and used my little drink umbrella to pick it out and put it in my neighbors dog run. I felt sharing was the thing to do and it made his dogs very happy! I love dogs so I did not give them the drink umbrella!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Chief, with all due respect, that link had a picture of an ass auger, not a commode auger. A commonly misused tool.

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