What is the most unusual way you have been interrupted while pooping (crappus interruptus)?

// 89 Comments
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89 Comments on "What is the most unusual way you have been interrupted while pooping (crappus interruptus)?"

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

i chose other! i told the story in the forums not too long ago. this evil spider tried to attack me whilst i was on the toilet, and i had to jump up in order to avoid and, subsequently, vanquish the spider.
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i love poop.

i love poop.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I chose other as well...usually because the cat got out...leaving me wipeless.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Nothing more unusual than the phone that I can remember however, I had a friend when I was a teen who was taking a dump behind the barn when a chicken interrupted him by pecking a dangling piece of corn from his butthole.


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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I voted other because there is no interupting my poop. Once my butt hits the seat, I'm blowing it out. There is no stopping me now!
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I voted other. I was working at night at my office, and I had to go. I must have sat too long on the toilet, because the light/fan timer expired and I was left in the dark. It was pitch black, and I had to waddle out of the stall and open the hallway door to reset the timer. Luckily no one was walking into the bathroom at the same time.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I voted other. One time I was working in my office at night and I had to go. I must have sat on the toilet too long, as the light/fan timer expired leaving me in pitch blackness. I had to waddle out of the stall and open the hallway door to reset the timer. Luckily no one had chosen to walk into the bathroom at the same time.

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points

Other: I was camping and some kid decided to toss a water balloon into my latrine stall. The paper was soaked. I finished, wiped and pulled my shorts up. All the while, Doofus is still laughing outside. When the door opened, all he could say is "Oh Shit, Sir. I thought you were someone else." I glared at him while I washed my hands, and then asked him to lead me to his parents.
Ever been grounded to a campsite when all of your buddies are swimming? Now imagine that site being about 75 feet from the water, and all of your buddies know you're in trouble.
I didn't crack a smile until I was walking away, hearing their laughter.
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You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

The building was on fire and as I was evacuating, I had to be evacuated.

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

a wanking baboon

http://www.poopreport.com/Travel/ethiopian_defecation.html

The voice of sanity

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

About a week ago my wife was coughing a lot at night and decided to move to another room to minimize the noise. The alarm clock is in our room, and when I got up, I forgot to turn it off. I went to the computer room. After a bit, I felt the urge, went to the little bathroom off our room, and sat down to unload. It was a good movement, coming out slowly, when the alarm went off. Since my wife had only recently gotten back to sleep, I surely didn't want to wake her with the alarm; so I squeezed off the TIP (turd in progress), hobbled over (pants still down) to cut off the alarm, and hobbled back to finish my crappus interruptus, which still had a couple of turds to go. That episode was what prompted me to submit this poll.

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points

I voted for the "family member emergency" because at one stage, it seemed that every time I'd sit down and get comfortable, I'd just begin to grow a tail and someone would need to use the toilet (and their need was always greater than mine).
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The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

It's always the damned doorbell. And of course it's always the bathroom that has the door directly across from the window on my front porch. And of course I never shut the door because the kids have to come in 50 times and ask me things. Our new favorite thing to ask is from the 2 year old, "Hey Maaaaaaaa you pooping?""Hey Maaaaaaa you a farter."
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Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Poothagoras's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

When I was a boy my Dad and I lived in a third floor apartment, and our bathroom window (right next to the toilet) was directly above the front door to the building. It greatly minimized the interruption being able to stick my head out the window and shout "I'll be right there, I'm taking a shit!"
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Every poop is not to be told to every body.

Every poop is not to be told to every body.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I'm sure that arrangement also came in handy when there was an annoying salesman at the door.

Poothagoras's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Now that you mention it, it was definitely a great way to avoid answering the door as well.
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Every poop is not to be told to every body.

Every poop is not to be told to every body.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I am forever getting interrupted by the Papoopse. Whenever I go into the bathroom, he has to go to the bathroom as well. He's developed this habit of wanting to pee while I'm peeing. It's his new Daddy-Papoopse bonding thing. It doesn't matter when the last time was that he's pissed either. Even if it's 5 minutes earlier, if I'm in the bathroom, he's in there as well wanting to join in the party in the American Standard Cimmaron.

However, he assumes that every time I go into the bathroom that I'm going to pee. I never lock the door either, although I usually close it. So, I'll be setting there with my pants down around my ankles and he'll come barging in. Of course, there's no "Oops." and then heading out of the room. Nope, he drops his pants and looks at me like "Move over, Dad. I gotta pee." He's gotten over being hurt when I don't immediately get up. I usually tell him that he'll just have to wait, that Daddy is pooping. As long as he gets to flush, he's happy.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

How about "All of the above"? (except maybe the calamity outside the bathroom window)

I've had crappus interruptus via doorbell, by phone, by alarm clock, by kid rushing in, and by vomiting (so fun when it's coming out BOTH ends!)

If I'da been on the toilet instead of sitting at the computer when my asshole neighbor crashed his car into my fence, then it would truly have been All Of The Above.

Missed it by that much!

_______
How I beat IBS

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Oh yeah, and my office building is like PD's... I've been "crappus leftus inthe darkus" many, many times in my 12 year tenure in this building.

And then there also was that one time...

_______
How I beat IBS

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

Anonymous Coward's picture

i was walking along one day on my uncles farm when i felt something slippy and slidey in my panties. it felt nice. it was moisturising my botty. i thought 'ooooooh! nice!'
so i walked to the pig sty and let them look at the poop that had escaped my botty hole. they said 'ooooohh! nice!'
and then.. MY UNCLE WALKED IN!
i was like 'OH NO!'
and he goes 'oh my. you stole my trend!'
so i sighed 'look at my poopy uncle!'
and he has always respected me from then onwards coz he liked my poople.

Anonymous Coward's picture

i was doing my poo when the dorrbell rang, i got up to answer it but forgot i hadn't quite finished...when i answered the door, the postman was delivering a parcel, when i got a little parcel for myself too. I pooed my pants...oops, the postman looked at me as i groaned and i shut the door. I wiped and then did a machine gun turd. YUM.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

AC, I took your above 2 posts, and through a complicated process of triangulation and decyphering, I have narrowed down your location to a 10 mile radius of Bumfuk West Virginia. Am I close?

Captain Craptastic's picture
l 100+ points

The doorbell and phone have happened mid-poop a number of times during the number two. That's why there's voice mail, since the poop ALWAYS takes precedence! The world can wait for five minutes while I pinch a loaf.

I voted for other since I now have a new kitten that likes to join me in the bathroom. You know how curious and inquisitive kittens are. She even jumped up on my lap a couple times right as the colon beast was appearing. Doesn't interrupt me per se, I keep on pooping. Just a humorous interlude.

The other day, the Atrocity of Diarrhea made an appearance. The sound of large amounts of liquid shits spraying out of my ass at a high rate of pressure and speed was quite entertaining for both me and the kitten.

By the way, the kitten eats dry food, so her little poops are solid and easy to grab, just in case I want to toss one over to the neighbor's dog for a snack. "Here boy, gritty tootsie roll kitten turd comin' at ya'!MMMM, Good!" The kitten poops twice a day, just like me, that's a good girl!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

I should point out that I was not the postman mentioned in AC's comment above, thank God.

AC's Postman's picture

So that was you, Anonymous Coward. I just want you to know that I was so inspired by your free-spirit, by your utterly shameless shitting that I had to tell your neighbor's all about your turdage while I was dropping off their mail.

Interestingly enough, most of them said, "Hmmm. Not surprising." or some such variation.

AC's Chickens's picture

Hey, watch who you're insulting there, Chitlins. Our coop smells better than AC's nasty shit-encrusted cooter any day of the week. In fact, our coop smells better than AC after a bath. Heck, the whole barnyard smells better than either AC or her Uncle.

As for the noise, bacon boy, the ruckus that those two was raising was above and beyond the row that you and the sow raise.

If anybody should be sent to the slaughterhouse, it should be those two. If you can't do that, then at least castrate the Uncle instead of the pigs. The pigs serve a purpose in this life. As for the Uncle, well, that's questionable.

AC's Pig's picture

I remember that incident. That was some nasty booty she was showing off. It was all covered in poop and smelled like the inside of the chicken coop.

Then when her Uncle came in and saw that messy package, he became so excited that he mounted her right then and there. You should have seen and heard them. They were, well, squealing like pigs.

That was just so wrong. I swear it made even me feel unclean. It should be illegal to breed hillbillies. If you've got to castrate anybody, you should castrate the Uncle instead of us pigs.

Horsepuckey's picture

One of my now outside cats sprayed my leg while I was on the toilet.

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Two words. Airline turbulence.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

So squat were you and your poo sent airborne?
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Mmmmm, turbulence, airborne shit? Sounds familiar.

crapper in the rye's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

When I was younger, I had my own bathroom downstairs, so I often shut the door only partially or left it open if no one was home. My sweet and loving doggy (may she rest in peace) would occasionally nudge open the door when I was on the pot and amble in, tail wagging and a doggy smile on her face. When she was happy, she used to sneeze a lot, so she would come right up and sneeze repeatedly into my lap while I was trying to poop. Not necessarily an interruption, but certainly distracting. Plus, I not only had to wipe my ass, I also had to wipe the dog snot off my legs.

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http://www.shybowel.com/

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

PD's story was so frighteningly familiar, that it was almost not funny. I do so hate flying. Give me a sailboat in a hurricane over a plane anytime.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Ever since I read an article in Hustler about trying to join the mile high club and experiencing turbulence the whole thought of someone being airborn in the toilet makes me giggle.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Trampolines are more fun anyway.

_______
How I beat IBS

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Depends on how you use them I guess.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Artful Dodger's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points

MMC, no one reads Hustler for the articles, silly. Second, you've actually looked at a Hustler? Lady Dodger won't even touch my copies of High Society, Swank, and Juggs except to throw them in the garbage...

Tiny Michael's picture

I learned to cope with these interruptions when a teenager. I left home for school after my parents had gone to work, and one of my duties was to pay the milkman on Fridays. He could never be sure of his exact timing, and sometimes he arrived when my trousers were round my ankles. If the operation in question hadn't begun, it was OK, and I 'did myself up' and went to the door. But there were times when this wasn't possible, and I would shove some paper up the relevant part of my anatomy, and waddle to the door with my trousers half way up. I was confident enough as a person not to be over-fastidious, and I he knew me well enough to know what I was doing.

Likewise, when our group of friends called for each other on the way to school on weekdays, or church on Sunday mornings, one of us might be in the same 'predicament'. You learned to be respectable but not over-fastidious.

Sometimes there is a telephone call or knock on the door at an awkward time. Nuisance callers at the door, or canvassers for some right-wing religious sect, can be embarrassed if you appear at the door with the belt on your trousers undone, and you say something like 'I was on the toilet' or 'I was wiping my bottom'.

My boss at work sometimes rings me when I am occupied in this way, and I have my cordless or mobile phone with me. At least, he knows I am using my own toilet paper, and not the firm's!

Cheeky's picture

I chose *other* also. Once lived in San Francisco. Nothing to disturb your constipation, I mean, *concentration* like being more than one floor above ground when an earthquake hits.

wendy woo's picture

I hate it when my 2 grandkids,dog and boyfriend all have to follow me to the toilet when I have to "go".I can't get any privacy.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Correction Dodge MEN don't read Hustler for the articles. I've read a bunch of Hustlers, Playboys and the like. Alot of them have some great raunchy comics in them, especially Hustler.How could she throw them away?! The horror!
While there are some "interesting" photos there is also alot of humor in them. I urge more women to take a look see. You might be surprised.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

my first trip to a porn shop, i didn't know what to get but i just HAD to buy something. so i got a three pack of Hustlers. at least, i thought they were all Hustlers. they snuck a Fiesta in the middle to make it look like a better deal than it was!

i read the articles.
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i love poop.

i love poop.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

Damn, wonderpance, I'm jealous. In the little hick town I live in there are no decent porn shops. Next time you go, pick me up some Hustlers, will ya?

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Postman, you deliver the magazines don't you? You surely take a peek.
I'd be leery about the 3 packs Wonder. They might just sneak a man porn magazine in the middle.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I got interrupted once when my jumprope broke.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

LiLac22281's picture

I picked other because it's usually some kind of combo between the kids and something else. Imagine your poop getting interrupted because of someone else's poop. While I was in the toilet my 23 month old hollered, "mommy, I shoo-shoo," needless to say she had a trail of diarrhea on the floor. Then my 4 and 6 year old came to tell on each other about something while my 2 month old was crying to be fed and the doorbell rang while the phone was ringing...phew! I am interrupted just thinking about that!

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Postman, this was actually big ass porn shop in Seattle, where i was visiting a friend. it was a site to behold!

prarie, don't worry. i only bought those because i wanted to buy something and couldn't afford any ummm....anything else. but i wouldn't buy porn again. there's a veritable cornucopia of free porn online!

people who pay for porn are suckers.
_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I've never heard of a porn shop that just has big ass porn, but I guess if it has to be anywhere, Seattle would be a good place. Maybe you can PM the Chief with the location. He likes the big ass women.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Dammit all, our porn shops only have weird ass porn. Sigh. It's always something!
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

PD, those of us in the Postal Service can't drool over those magazines anymore, because they all come plastic wrapped. Even Easyrider comes wrapped now, which is a real shame. All those biker chicks seem to love showing their tits for the camera.

loaf pincher's picture
l 100+ points

I chose other,a few years ago we had adopted some wild mustangs,one day in the process of breaking them to ride one of our hands was inside the barn arena with one that got away from him, I happened to be in the can at the time.The horse ran down the wrong alleyway in the barn discovered it couldn't get out and started kicking wildly and just so happened to kick in the bathroom door while i was sitting on the throne,(that bathroom is not a really big one sink and toilet only), door swung (shattered)open in the process and happened to catch my arm and slam it against the wall, and break my wrist.I had no trouble shitting at that point.We no longer mess with mustangs.

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