You're sitting in a public place surrounded by strangers, such as the DMV. You move in your seat and make a farting sound. You:

// 203 Comments
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

203 Comments on "You're sitting in a public place surrounded by strangers, such as the DMV. You move in your seat and make a farting sound. You:"

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Millions of subway riders agree, loud and proud is a great way to get knocked onto the tracks accidentally. At least way until the train comes rumbling by.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I had to select other, I think I would have to laugh. If it was a real stinker my laughter would increase.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Henry the man's picture

i would blame it on my sassy bagle :)

Bran Lover's picture
k 500+ points

I did this once in fourth grade. I sneezed and farted the loudest fart in all the world's history. The teacher was reading from some book. She kept going, but I think the American flag across the room fluttered. My butt cheek chorus echoed back and forth across the cinderblock classroom. I could have remained anonymous. I could have thought to look around to incriminate some gross guy with cooties. I could have.

Instead, I immediately slumped in the desk entrenching my plea of "guilty" beyond repair. If the slump didn't give it away, the blazing red hot blush across my face sealed it in.

Noone laughed at me to my face. Noone talked about it that I know of. Maybe the slump saved me. Maybe they thought the fart noise was really from the slump, from my skin scraping across the seat of the desk.

I doubt it, but it was worth a try. (Even if the try was on accident.)
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

as long as it was only "fumes" you are ok....now if you blow chunks, you walk away quickly as though you were radioactive.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

In 7th grade I farted briefly and then tried vainly to deny it. I would have gained more respect, I think, by saying, "Yes, I did it; and there's more where that came from!"

In Mark Twain's short story "1601" Sir Walter Ralegh (as he spelled it) lets a brief fart while in the presence of Queen Elizabeth and numerous courtiers, and the Queen makes inquiry of each person as to the source of the fart. Finally she gets to Raleigh (as we spell it), and he admits authorship, apologizes for having "fathered wuch a weakling", and "delivered he himself of such a blast" as shook the palace.

loaf pincher's picture
l 100+ points

I voted other,I agree with Chief I think i would have to laugh to much.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Henry the man ... I was going to make fun of you for misspelling beagle but luckily I looked it up first and discovered that a bagle hound is a beagle/basset cross. My second guess was going to be that you had misspelled bagel but I just couldn't imagine that eating bagels would cause flatulence, unless you spread them with garlic and sauerkraut ... yummy!


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Bran Lover's picture
k 500+ points

Yet another example of Chief-O-Stomach. Blegh!!!

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Well, I'm a dummy. I thought by bagle he was referring to his sassy ring piece. (which by the way, if it looked like a bagel, I would imagine it would sound like a tuba)

By the way, if I come up with a poll, I usually don't reply right away as I have an unfair headstart on ideas.

If I happened to slide my ass on a seat in a public place and it made a farting sound, I would just get up, turn around and sniff the seat. I would then proceed to announce to the crowd that, as I suspected, it was not a real fart. If I was at the DMV, that would definitely move me up in the line a bit.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I would laugh, too. Farts are funny.

Shitting your pants, however, is not funny.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

craptrina's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

PD, I will be looking over my shoulder for you, because you are obviously spying on me. :-)

I DID fart at the DMV this week! It was one of those seat slappers that is unmistakable. I blamed it on my friend in the next seat, who got a distasteful glare from the college-aged girl sitting behind us. My cowardice lost me three points in the daily fart contest.

Of course I made up for it with the large, hot gas cloud in Fred Meyer, which caused the old lady behind me to flee in a hurry.

W.'s picture

My wife farted a silent, but extremely deadly smelling gasser in Big Lots. I walked into the cloud and promptly started gagging and complaining loudly. I thought it was the Mexican lady that just left the aisle. Needless, to say I cut up so much that my wife didn't admit to the attack till we were in the car and on the way home.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I had to go to the gyno two days ago for a lump near my hmm hmm. It turns out its a varicosity. But while I was waiting to be seen I farted loudly and it smelled like what I ate the night before. I was waving the smell away when the NP walked in. I know she had to smell it. Then she left and don't you know I farted again and she walked into it again. I preteneded nothing happened but I know she had to smell it again. Thank God I didn't have to fart when she and the doctor had their faces near my hhm hhm.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

 crazy JOE 's picture

I just farted so good & MY wife didn't hear it & when she did smell it she puked all over the rug

Anonymous Coward's picture

If I'm alone, I act like nothing happened. If others are with me, I look at them, nod at the chair and either grin or laugh (depending on their reaction).

Mickey's picture

No she didn't.

anne's picture

If it were a chair, I'd keep moving around so it's obvious it was a chair noise. If it was an actual fart, well, I'd do the same...

Captain Craptastic's picture
l 100+ points

I selected "Other" since I would grin and give a satisfied sigh of relief! Most of the human parasites at the DMV would have their miserable lives improved by being farted on. I try to handle as much DMV business on-line or at the AAA office to avoid this cesspool.

As I have told a few coworkers:
ALWAYS MAKE THE MOST OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO FART IN THE ELEVATOR! Bonus points awarded if not alone and brave enough to let go an audible! Please refrain if prone to SHARTS!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

Captain Craptastic's picture
l 100+ points

Addendum:

Also, TRY TO GET MORE INSECTS IN YOUR DIET. CHANGES THE DEPTH AND CHARACTER OF THE FARTS! Glad to be of service with helpful suggestions to improve your quality of life, that's what nursing is all about!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I teach, and my best teaching shoes occasionally make a slight farting noise, which my students heard. Once, as I turned from the whiteboard, the noise came; a few students tittered, so I said, "Aha! You thought I had committed an indiscretion, eh?" and made the noise again with my shoe. End of story.

Uncaring Lactose-Intolerant Dude's picture

A few months back I lived in my truck and would have the worst smelling shits (farts - military speak) that I later found out were due to my being lactose intolerant. Anywho, a month ago, I parked my truck at work in a way that it would more than likely have to get moved and so my supervisor got my keys and moved my truck. Apparently I had gotten used to the smell so it didn't affect me, my super on the other hand lost his entire dinner after getting out of the truck. What I didn't know was that the smell ingrained itself into my entire interior.

String cheese: $2
Jug o Milk: $3
Estimate for detailing the shit out of my truck: (Priceless?) over $3500

flushette's picture
l 100+ points

Sometimes it actually surprises me when I'm in the company of a nice male friend who admits to like spending time with me, but then lets out huge ass farts. It's the people I'm not dating but are friends with that I would never fart around, only because I don't love them enough. So what does this mean when a guy will rip ass next to me? He's wayyyy too comfortable. That's what.


_______
Remember, even hot chicks poop and fart.

When you've got nowhere to go, and you feel it start to flow, diarrhea... diarrhea.

German Kraut's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

There is a new German Site with Fart Videos and Sounds (Furz Töne) in German Language.Choose "Furz Töne" and there you can listen to the Sound of Fart.Watch this: http://www.darmgas.de/

Rate your shit,blog your log: http://shitlogger.com
http://www.scheisse-bewerten.de/index.php

Bran Lover's picture
k 500+ points

Wunderbar! Danke German Krout! Wilkommen!
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

I always wanted to learn how to fart in another language. I hear farting in Japanese is very difficult. I was hoping Chief could help me, but he says his wife doesn't fart.

Proud-Ass Dad's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I chose "Other" because I would pat my fat belly and ask the closest person if they enjoyed it. I would then fart for real.

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points


while it is slightly unclear as to who makes the fart sound (me or the seat) I would claim it anyway, grinning & nodding at anyone that cared to glance in my direction, whilst offering out a pinkie for anyone to pull
_______
Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

German Kraut's picture
m 1+ points - Newb


_______
German Kraut Maybe we can make a fart Contest.Tell us your Fart Sound .Go to http://www.darmgas.de/ ,go on "FURZ TÖNE"(Fart Sounds), and tell what sounds comes out of your Ass.The way to record your Fart by your own, and send it via E-Mail (mp3) is not profitable.There are 81 different Sounds of FARTS.I think you will find your personal one.What of this 81 Sounds is your favorite,and what does come out of your Ass (in the morning after a big Party and a lot of Beers) ???? I´m cirious and waiting for your answers .

Rate your shit,blog your log: http://shitlogger.com
http://www.scheisse-bewerten.de/index.php

Anonymous Coward's picture

I sit there and look around the room with a large shit eating grin on my face.

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

This is a kind of deja vu situation for me. A few weeks ago I was in a Tunisian shuttle train, in Tunis, the capital: it was crammed with commuters, students and pickpocket scumbags taking advantage.

I`d eaten an enormous amount of veg with my dinner the night before and let a most horrendously long, but luckily silent, fart out among the bodily crush of the space I was in between the carriages.

Pickpockets disappeared in a calamitous rush for the doors.

I should have been claimed a hero!

The voice of sanity

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Normally I would recommend carrying your wallet in a front pocket where you were Tbox, but in your case, I'm sure the back pocket was more secure.

shitwit's picture
k 500+ points

I'd laugh meniacally while fanning the air and gagging, even if it wasn't a stinker. I like having lots of space between myself and others in public places like that, and a good old fashioned triple flutterblast is a surefire way to make it happen.

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Those damn ducks!

Constipoo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Actually, I would do my best to repeat the noise by moving on my seat in an exaggerated manner so that others could see that is was only a vulgar chair noise and not not the escape of noxious fumes from my bum.

_______
Do I smell chili?

Do I smell chili?

Anonymous Coward's picture

I try to make the sound again as if to say "Look it wasn't me...It was the chair...*fart* see!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

AC, it was you, you disgusting pig. How would you like a square, splintery leg up your ass?

The chair

turd turdgutson's picture
l 100+ points

I gotta say, I'm so shameless, if I ripped one, I'd go about my business as usual. and if I had to fart again, I would!


_______
"You will spray oil when you fart. You will have diarrhea. You will be shitting constantly and you will lose control of your bowels." - Mr. Angry on alli

"You will spray oil when you fart. You will have diarrhea. You will be shitting constantly and you will lose control of your bowels." - Mr. Angry on alli

German Kraut's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I applause myself and tell all Guy´s who look at me: "I like the smell of a Fart in the morning,come here and take a Nose full of my personal taste of Poo ,you realy enjoy this like your first Coca Cola"

Rate your shit,blog your log: http://shitlogger.com
http://www.scheisse-bewerten.de/index.php

Anonymous Coward's picture

I try to make the sound again when people look over at me so they know it wasn't a fart.

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

If the line is short, you hang in there. If the line is long, you leave and come back later AFTER the air has cleared.

Poonanza's picture
l 100+ points

I couldn't help but laugh. Daddy taught me :)

Nofew's picture

I usually do it so loud that everyone hears it and I end up falling down laughing sometimes. It's pretty hard to put blame on anyone else so my excuse is I laugh before anyone else does. It usually works ^.^

ass asassin's picture

Hopefully i would have someone with me so i could smack their arm shout u r disgusting i told u not to eat that then stomp out in a huff. Yeah that is mean. Depending on the person nxt 2 me i may pretend nothing happened. Of course if it were hubby he probly did fart.

jBarrettA's picture

I would say, "Oops; please excuse me, sorry y'all gotta put up with me in addition to the people at the DMV."

Anonymous Coward's picture

I would quickly try to make another noise that sounds like a fart, such as moving my shoe along the ground or moving the chair. Something to make people think that the noise was made by something other than my fart.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Well, I'd move around in the seat to see if the noise would happen again, but it usually doesn't...so I voted for "acting like I did fart, and saying 'excuse me'". Nobody ever believes you anyway when you blurt out "It was the chair!"

Whether it was the chair or not, the fact is this; everyone farts. Sometimes it stinks, sometimes it doesn't. Some people get embarrassed or disgusted, some people think it's hilarious. I just laugh about it, say "excuse me", blush a bit, and move on. Just for the record...I'm usually the first person to break into giggles if somebody rips one!

Blasting Bowels's picture

I selected other. Reason? I would hold my hand up in the air for the person next to me. He/She'd give me a high five and congratulate me on an anal biscuit well baked.

the realist.'s picture

Shift in the chair more, recreating the sound enough times that if it were really a fart, it would be absurd, lending everyone and their ears to the notion that it wasn't a fart, after all.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

realist ... And if the sound is not recreated, what then?


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Post new comment

  • Allowed HTML tags: s:62:"<em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <br>";
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.

More information about formatting options

CAPTCHA
This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
Image CAPTCHA
Enter the characters shown in the image.
To prevent automated spam submissions leave this field empty.