The Urinal Poop Scandal: Confessions Of A Turd Terrorist

m 1+ points - Newb

It all started as a harmless prank. But the law of unintended consequences snowballed into blind accusations, employees being threatened with firings, and a tale that is still being told years afterwards to new hirelings. And, most importantly, a lesson in moral responsibility for me to live up to.

Our story begins the week after Super Bowl XXXIX. I was working the night shift at an industrial factory and getting pretty bored at my job. One of the things I do to relieve that feeling is to come up with hare-brained schemes to entertain myself and maybe others.

For a while, I had been toying around with the idea of leaving some poop in the urinal. I remember going into a movie theatre restroom years before and seeing some urinal poop. It always fascinated me because I wondered: why someone would crap in a urinal? Were they drunk? Were all the stalls taken? Were they new to this country and didn't know what urinals were? It gave me a good laugh at the time, and I felt it would be noble of myself to spread good cheer and happiness to my fellow co-workers.

So one night, after getting back from Jack-in-the-Box on my lunch break, I had about ten minutes left before I had to get back to work when I suddenly had the urge to poop. Now, I always thought about how I would go about doing this prank. I couldn't pull down my pants and squat on the urinal, because what if someone would've walked in on me? But as I sipped the last of the Sprite, inspiration struck me: my drink cup!

I walked into the restroom with my drink and nary a co-worker in sight. So far, so good.

I went into the furthest stall. I emptied the ice into the toilet. Then, ever so carefully, I squatted over the toilet, holding the empty cup just a few inches below my ass. However, I miscalculated the angle to hold it ; the first log skimmed the cup's rim and fell into the toilet. Damn! So I tried again, this time getting a nice little morsel dead center on the bottom. It wasn't anything to brag about. Just a little four-inch chunk, a leftover from its departed brethren. But I didn't have any more to squeeze out and I wanted to make it quick.

So far, no one had come into the bathroom. I wiped myself and flushed the toilet. Upon exiting the stall, and hearing no one coming around the corner to the restroom, I dumped the little gift into one of the urinals.

Quickly I threw the cup into the trashcan, covered it with some towels to hide the evidence, and walked briskly out of there. No witnesses. No evidence. And a turd in the urinal. The perfect crime!

I went back to work, business as usual; and for about two hours, nothing happened. Then our shift manager, Ramon, announced a shop floor meeting. I was pretty sure I knew what it was about, and my psychic senses were right. After everyone gathered around his desk, he announced with authority: "Some person here defecated in the urinal. This is absolutely disgusting. I can't believe someone would do this. If you know who did it or have any information, get back to me and let me know right away."

I wasn't too worried because the boss didn't seem too upset, more so upset out of principle; and besides, no witnesses. And he really didn't make too big of a deal out of it -- he was just a little pissed.

The next night I came in, and people were talking. Most of them were amused. "Why would anybody shit in the urinal?" one asked ponderously. Another co-worker remarked, with all honesty and understanding, "Maybe all the stalls were full and he really had to go." We all had a good laugh picturing some desperate gopher-holing it to his nearest available depository. "At least it wasn't the sink." While I shared my laughs with my friends, I laughed harder inside knowing the culprit walked amongst them.

Then this matter all went to shit. Literally. At the end of that shift, around six AM, there was an announcement over the loudspeaker. "All third-shift employees report to the break room for a meeting." What? Another meeting? Nah, this must be about overtime or changing vacation permissions or something...

I entered the break room. Everyone sat down at the tables and I noticed the factory manager -- my boss's boss -- Jim, with a stern look and some papers he was holding. Total Type A personality, an asshole. You know the type.

He spoke in a thunderous, angry voice: "Some disgusting sick human being just took a shit in the urinal here!" Uh oh. He was getting red-faced, he was swearing, and he was completely unlike the cool, professional persona of Ramon. He was a MAN, personally offended. "How dare they take a shit in my house?! MY HOUSE! This person just shit on all of us! They think this company is nothing more than crap and that is what they are telling us!" His anger was building. The vein on his forehead was beginning to bulge.

Then he started passing out the paper he was holding. It was a picture of my poop in the urinal. Apparently he had the fine idea of photographing it with a digital camera. He tells us: "Look at what this person did." People looked at the picture, some with disgust, others with no emotion, and passed it on to the next person. I carefully studied the reactions of others to best gauge how I should do mine. As much as I was nervous, I kept my cool. I received the paper, looked at it for three seconds, grimaced, and passed it to the person next to me.

Then he threatened. "Whoever did this, we will find you. We are going to do DNA testing and find out what sick person did this and they are going to be fired!" The tone of his voice indicated he was completely freaking serious. As much as this guy was known for being irate, I have NEVER seen him get so worked up before. I knew this "harmless prank" really crossed the line with him and I actually started feeling guilty about it. I just wanted to make people laugh and talk... I didn't want to give my boss a heart attack!

After the meeting was over, some people were somber, others jovial and entertained. "DNA testing? What, he's gonna make us all shit in a container?" they laughed. I laughed too, knowing the futility (and legal problems and cost) of getting everyone tested for DNA. Besides, if they were going to test the poop for DNA, that would mean they would have to freeze it to preserve the specimen. What, is my "evidence" safely stored in a Zip-Loc bag in the corporate break room's freezer? Yet, with Jim being so irate, and a man of action, who's to say what lengths he wouldn't go to catch the perpetrator? Suddenly I felt like Jean Valjean pursued by Javert in Les Miserables.

And yet, it was about to get even worse. Apparently my friend Adam called in sick to work the day of Jim's meeting, making him the only one absent. Soon, baseless rumors spread that it was Adam who did it. He intentionally missed the meeting, they claimed! Besides, the turd was rather small and Adam is a skinny 120 pounds, and only something like that would come from him. And plus, he's kinda crazy and would do it! It was Adam! It must be Adam! Everyone was talking.

It got all the way up to upper management. Adam was called into the HR office. Ellen, the HR lady, flat-out said to him, with a serious face: "Why did you defecate in the urinal?" She didn't ask him IF he did it -- she asked him WHY he did it. He vehemently denied being the donor of the gift. They pressed him further, trying to make him confess. He responded back saying he would get a lawyer if needed. They let him go.

I felt really bad for Adam, since he was a good friend and an innocent caught in the paranoid crossfire. But at the same time, I couldn't confess, since I would lose my job and my friendship. I did my best to help him. I reassured him they couldn't fire him because they had no evidence, and even if they did, he could sue them and win easily.

Fortunately, the whole thing blew over. No DNA testing was done. No one was fired. All that was left was some good laughs and some company lore. But, to be honest, I still felt bad knowing that I unintentionally pissed off my boss Jim to such a degree and for it to go so far as to threaten a friend's job. After some careful introspection, I realize why I don't poop in urinals anymore.

And as much as I feel bad for my friend getting the blame, I admit I'm amused every time someone mentions the urinal poop story and says, "Yeah, Adam did it." I try my best to hold my laughter when one person sees Adam goes by and says to another, "That's the guy that shit in the urinal!" At least Adam is cool with it. It doesn't really faze him. He always denies it's him, but at least he can laugh about the whole thing.

And like I said, it's now a part of company lore. A little while back I was talking to some temporary workers who were on the job for about two weeks and one of them brought up the urinal poop story. Funny how they've been here for a little time and already heard the story. "Man, what kind of sick bastard..." the temp said.

"Yeah," I replied. "What kind of sick bastard..." But there was a twinkle in my eye.

For years, people have been talking about the incident and getting a good laugh over it. So in a way, I did what I was meant to accomplish. And I got away with it scot-free. I'm glad to have amused others. I'm glad to have given them stories to tell to newbs. And even though I may have pissed off my boss and almost got my friend fired and given him a sordid reputation (more so), in the end, no one was really hurt.

And maybe it's poetic justice, but last month I was laid off from that company. Adam still works there. But even though I may be gone, my little precious turd I left in the urinal so many years ago lives on the memories of all the workers still there. People may forget me a couple years from now, but they won't forget the turd.

The turd is my legacy. My legacy is my turd.

46 Comments on "The Urinal Poop Scandal: Confessions Of A Turd Terrorist"

C Everett Poop's picture
j 1000+ points

We had a urinal shitter on a ship I was on once. He did it because he hated the guy that had head (bathroom to you) clean-up duty that week. He even bragged to some of his buddies about it. He was kicked out of the Navy.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Pepe Le Pew.......You shit in the urinal, not for revenge for some wrong you had suffered , but just for the hell of it. I wish you had lost your job much earlier. If I had access to your pantry I would shit in your cornflakes and see how funny you thought that was.

Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

fan-o-poop1983's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

i am a female and have never had to encounter a urinal before except to clean one. i can not imagine the horror and disgust on the face of the person who had to clean that up. ugh! i worked in fast food for several years and have seen some pretty disgusting shit in bathrooms and had to clean it in my time. god bless and help the people who have to clean that up. i did find the story hilarious but still fill very sorry for the cleaning crew.

Anonymous Brave's picture

Funny..except if I was your friend Adam, my revenge would leave you shitless.

Crapper John McIntyre's picture
l 100+ points

I think the humore in the situation makes it worth it. A turd in a urinal sounds really funny to me. To discover it would probably make my day.

And cleaning it up wouldn't be THAT bad...I mean, put some gloves on, get a paper towel and hold your breath. It'd be over in like 7 seconds. Of course, I've worked in healthcare, so this may explain my tolerance for feces in places other than toilets.

Crapper John McIntyre's picture
l 100+ points

Yes, humor does not have an 'e' on the end.

John Poo-Shack's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I can't help but think of the South Park episode "Mystery Of The Urinal Deuce". Pew, your boss' boss could almost be Mr. Mackey addressing the SP boys... "who left a chocolate taco in the urinal?".

Myself, I've had to clean up after people who've shit in a urinal... you find that a wire hanger has another use other than hanging your clothes or breaking into vehicles.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I've told this story somewhere here before, but I'm old and am expected to repeat myself.

I went into a Wawa one time and needed to use the restroom to pee. As I approached it a red faced employee was coming out. He said to me "you don't want to go in there man, someone shit in the urinal." Well, I figured that the toilet must be clogged also, but there was still the sink and trashcan, so I went in. The urinal had two huge logs in it and there was one of those yellow "wet floor" cones (I guess they don't make "shit filled urinal" ones) right in front of it. I just used the toilet (which was clogged) and left. I guess the kid was told to clean the bathroom and as I passed him, he was on his way to tell the boss he quits.

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

DungCubby pooped in the urinal one time in a restaurant. It was done out of neccesity, not maliciousness. When the poop stall came free, I transfered his little turd to the toilet and cleaned everything up appropriately.

You can see that PoopReporters do not condone turd terrorism.

CC's picture

I had a buddy shit in a urinal but it was out of despiration,another guy beat him to the shitter.But he did a good clean up leaving a couple turdlets behind.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Pepe, tell me you aren't tempted to sneak back into that place and do this again now that you're gone.

I've never said this about turd terrorism before, but I guiltily found this to be absolutely hysterical. It wasn't the act that made me laugh so hard, it was the retelling and the boss's reaction.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

pnuttycorn's picture
k 500+ points

John poo, It's who left a chocolate taco in the urinal mmmk?
Drugs are bad mmmmk?

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

It would seem that a few flushes of an industrial sized urinal would have disposed of the turdlet. That would be especially true if were one of those floor to midwall jobs.

While different, it does not seem to be as gross as the so called "upper decker" which was the subject of prior posts.

CC's picture

I think this would be a great movie or TV scene.Joe Pesci would be great as The Boss.Ashton Kutcher would be great as Pepe.Tina Fey as The Human Resources Lady.Jason Alexander as Adam.Gary Coleman as The Turd.

AnonymousPooper10101's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Some people take things way too seriously. What a stupid boss.

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points

I love Daphne's reference to turd terrorism, it conjurs up a million different ideas, moletopf turd-tails being one, and has anyone ever thrown a cherry bomb down a fully loaded toilet?

I've heard similar stories of 'the new guy' getting turds put into his coat pockets, or cling film (I thing you guys call it surran wrap) placed tightly over a toilet bowl, with the seat placed ontop of it.

My fave tho' is a cup full of very loose motion poured into a toilet cistern. Once the next user flushed, & checks etc. what on earth would be going through thier mind?

I may try the last one sometime this christmas.

Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

BVC, your last one is referred to here an an "upper decker" and you can dispense with the cup. Just pop the tank lid, stand on the seat and bombs away.

Donald McDeuce's picture

Funny story! Your boss was way over reacting though. I'm suprised he didn't try installing cameras in the bathroom also.

Rhesus Peices's picture

ChiefThunderbutt: Dude get over it it was a joke.... I'm sure he would have stepped up if they would have fired Adam.. It was a joke and worth every second.. Everyone will remember that forever.. Wont be easily forgoten... But anyhow at least Adam didnt get fired... Probably should send an anonymous email to them assuring them, it was not Adam, Would be funny to see the reaction... It saddens me that today people are so easily offended by such inconsequential happenings. The only person that should have maybe been offended should have been Adam and possibly the person cleaning it...Congrats Pepe LePew great prank....

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

You call a turd in a urinal inconsequential? I bet parties at your house are smokin'!

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

felt it would be noble of myself to spread good cheer and happiness to my fellow co-workers.

I especially liked this lil nugget. I love how some people think, this would totally have been me. If I didn't work at home I think I would have to do some turd terrorism of my own.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

PINWORM's picture
l 100+ points

For all that bullshit and needless wasted energy displayed by the management team in this place, you should have shat somewhere else just to REALLY piss them off.

DNA testing..seriously, a slap in the face to the intelligence of everyone they threatened..trying to flush out the shitter with a threat like that over a shit in a urinal. Let them spend 2 grand to get a dna test and 30 grand to deal with privacy lawsuits and bad PR.

Just for that, you need to shit in the suggestion box.

Adriane the Coward's picture

I feel sorry for Adam. wonder if he knows?

hockyoligist's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I once responded to a service call from a local theater( you guessed it a turd in the urinal) my young helper got the best ofme on that one he told me he was the helper and if I needed help he was there .Putting on my surgical gloves wasthe end of the $175.00 turd.I heard later tat the manager that called me was docked for the bill.For my part 10 jobs like that a day would have been nasty but easy money

if your gonna be a bear be a grizzly

McCloggins's picture

Haha this is hilarious! I had a similar boss a few years back. I didn't crap in the urinal, mind you. It was a machine shop where we made fine jewelry ( i.e. gold and platinum ) and I basically had the job as supplemental income. I did not care about "working my way up the ladder" so I really had no respect for anyone, including our *giggle* anal boss. So I head for the shitter one day, needing to drop a huge bomb. I was really amazed at the antiquity of the facilities, considering the nature of our products. A lot of money went through that place, but the bathroom was not included in the luxuries. You know the type.. cold tile floors, battleship gray paint scheme, centralized sink, etc. So I drop trou in the circa 1945 shitter, drop a massive log and to my horror it wont go down. The mass of twisted turds and paper only twirled and clogged. A few minutes of this and I give up. After all, I'm a machinist not a plumber, dammit. So I exit the shitter and no one notices for a couple of hours. Later in the afternoon, I hear a grunt over the PA: "Mandatory meeting, NOW!" screamed like a communist work slogan. All the machines are shut down, bringing the gold train money express to a screeching halt. My boss has us circle him in the break area and proceeds to tell the entire shift about the malfeasance in the bathroom. The more he chides, the madder he gets. I can see the red rising up to his brow with the typical anger overreaction. He screams at the top of his lungs: "I want to know RIGHT NOW who clogged the toilet!" with the same threat of DNA testing, lie detectors, etc. At this point I break out laughing, which I am sure announced my guilt to the workers, bringing their ire as well. My boss comes to me with the "Full Metal Jacket" approach of screaming in my face. "So it was you!" to which I reply "No.. I just find it hilarious that you are threatening to fire someone over a bathroom accident that is probably due to the lack of a modern toilet" which infuriates him even more. Clipboard gets tossed across the room and he screams "THE NEXT TIME THIS HAPPENS I WILL FIRE THE ENTIRE SHIFT!" and now I am howling with laughter which results in me being told to go home for the rest of the day. Like that is a punishment. So I wave goodbye and tell my boss if he needs me I'll be at the lake fishing. At this point I think I literally saw steam come out of his ears. I showed up the next day and it was like it never happened. Really strange.

Sorry to stray off topic.. but hearing about your boss just made me remember that incident.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Excellent comment and quite funny! I've found over the years that authority figures get the maddest when you make points that discredit their arguments, which you did.

Actually, when my son does this to me, I struggle to not freak out also.....

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

mo poop's picture

Interestingly if that had been a French factory it would have been considered highly normal behaviour. Totally unquestionably normal and very common. Viva Le Poop!

Colonel Colon III's picture

Do trumps have lumps?
Yes, if Mr Brown is at the window.

Theblankshit's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

wow you need to hear this.alot of people already know but who cares. in the summer igo live with my aunt in xenia ohio so i decided to apply for a burger king for extra spending money. well i get the job but on the 2nd week there some wise ass baths in the sink, but like i said earlier it was on the news and in the papers. its still on the web.(ps. i live in austin,texas, go horns!)

Sophomore year's picture

Well, I checked out this site after watching the Southpark episode "Deuce in the Urinal", where the school councelor, Mr. Mackey, is trying to track down the 4th grade boy who pooped in the urinal. I was looking for a description of the various euphimisms (sp?) the he used: mud monkey was one of the best.

Well, a few years back, I was living in a college dormitory: you know, communal toilets, showers, all that good stuff. My grandmother used to send me these enormous boxes of fudge, like 10-15 pounds of it, no joke. I'd share it around with friends and stuff, but the problem was that there was simply NO WAY to get rid of it all. Eventually my roommate and I came up with what we thought was a brilliant idea: we'd roll it up to make it look like crap, and place it in unfortunate and awkward places. We hit the urinals, the edges of the most of the toilets, and even put some in the floors of the showers, just for good measure. The fudge was really dark colored, and we kept the pieces to reasonably small sizes, hoping that people would only get close enough to see it, not smell it--which would give it all away. We even put a nice big log on a pure white sheet of paper, laid it in front of the door of a kid down the hall (the Asian one that always played loud rap music, even though he was a computer science major). It was great.

After we put it in front of the Asian kid's door, we knocked real loud and quietly slunk down the hall, so it wouldn't be clear to him whether someone had run down the stairs or whether the culprit was one of his hallmates (as it was!). We heard this loud, "Oh SHIT!" and we had to smother our laughs--dying behind our closed door. The next day finals were starting, and at about 7:30 in the morning we were awoken when somebody (still not sure who) screamed from the bathroom, "Every single toilet!!! You are some filthy MOTHER****ERS!!!" I think he had a test at like 8:00 or something, and was just disgusted that he couldn't 'just go.' The thing was great--the whole floor of the dorm was annoyed all week long, looking for who had done this. Of course, I had waited a little while after passing out the fudge to go through all these efforts, so nobody ever pinned it on me, and I still tell this story..

CrappingCrusader's picture

I think my ass hairs are a little longer after finally finishing this story.

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points

Sophomore year, that reminds me of the fun that can be had with a Snickers bar.

In the pub one time, I took my beer into the toilet with me so that I could sip it while taking a dump. However, the stall was occupied and by the time it became free, my glass was empty. Being a little worse for wear, I hit upon the idea of shitting in the glass so that I could examine my stool in detail, check it for blood clots, you know the sort of thing. Aye, it's a terrible thing, drink. Anyway, I pissed in the bottom, then placed the mouth of the pint glass against my arse, squeezing out a glorious knobbly turd, stood up, and pissed in the glass again until the shit was about three-quarters covered. I cleaned myself up and examined my load in detail, marvelling at the subtle changes of texture and colour that can be detected close up, and was going to flush it away, but my inner terrorist had got the better of me and I decided to leave this sculpture-in-a-glass on the cistern so that everyone who came in the cubical after me could appreciate it as much as I did. As I said, drink's a terrible thing.

As it turned out, the next person in happpened to be my pal Arthur, who came out of the toilet to join us at the bar, fuming and furious as what some dirty fucking fucker had fucking done, which prompted me to burst into fits of laughter and admit it was me. Gary and a couple of the other guys went in to have a look and be suitably disgusted, and Arthur even saw the funny side eventually. Although quite what the staff thought when they cleaned the toilet at closing time, I dread to think. (Incidentally, Arthur never drank from a pint glass in that pub ever again. Bloody wimp!)

The next time we were due to go to that pub, I decided to put into practice a certain practical joke I' d heard about, so made sure had a Snickers in my pocket (although in the UK they called them 'Marathon' at the time). I went into the toilet drinking my beer, had a piss in the usual way, washed my hands, squashed the Snickers into a turd shape (it's the peanuts that make it convincing) and plonked it into my beer. It looked fantastic. I went back to the bar, tapped Arthur on the shoulder and he turned round.
"Hey Arthur! Look at what some filthy cunt's left in the kharzi!" I said, holding up my glass with the big brown floater in it. He looked at me with horror as I poked it gently with my fingertip and nudged it aside as I took a swig from the beer it was floating in.
"Bloody waste! And the beer ain't even flat!"
Arthur's face as he retched and rushed to the toilet to be sick, was something I'll never ever forget. Sadly I didn't have the opportunity to pick the 'turd' out and take a bite, which would have been a truly legendary moment, but I'm hoping that I'll get a chance to repeat it one day and do just that.

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points

Good one, El Scumbag!!!
That gag rates right up there with the best of them!
It reminds me of a gag I saw in an old Aussie movie called 'Stork'.
The central character, Stork, was prone to gross-out gags too. He had a job as a waiter, and to impress his friends, he pulled the following stunt while serving a customer:
Obtained an oyster from the kitchen and secreted it into his hankie. Carried the food out to the customer. Placed the food on the table and pretended to sneeze. Apologised and put the hankie to his face, pushing the oyster up one nostril. Removed the hankie, exposing the oyster and again apologised to the customer. Can't remember if he tongued the oyster then ate it...
I'll have to track that movie down.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

At the beach, I used to get my hand wet and let out a big sneeze, the same time flicking my hand at some poor sunbathing young lady's back. No wonder I couldn't pick up girls.

ACSial's picture

Terrible waste of your poor Grandmother's fudge! Remember what the manual on marine heads says--"flush nothing that hasn't been through the body first..."

Actress Thandie Newton once boasted about grossing-out someone on the set of one of her flicks with a chocolate bar, Marmite and her dad's old undies...

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Next time, try taking a whiz in the toilet. See if the boss can connect the dots.

Joseph1's picture

Did anyone ever find out that you did it?

gREEnPoopoO's picture

I think your story is quite funny. And IMO since you are no longer there you should fess up to Adam so at least he knows who he's catching shit for.

Impervious Corn's picture

This is not a prank but a crime of convenience.

A bar was entered. The men's bathroom contained only two urinals. One of them received a token it was unaccustomed to.

Will Crap 4 Food's picture

I'd strongly considered turd terrorism when I was at a very uptight bible collage. So many of the people there were such uptight assholes like the bosses you all have discribed. No sense of humour and think every 1 but them is going to hell.

One day we put a baby ruth bar in the shower in our dorm. we fixed it up real good and aside from no stank it looked SO real. The r-a completely freaked out first screaming at the top of his lungs then praying and then saying some one was demon posessed to pass a deuce in the shower. Me and my buds were rolling on the floor laughing we couldn't help our selves. we Got called into a deans office who said we were unchristian scum and we had to repent.

I wished I had stayed there and I woulda crapped every where I could depositing my leavings on desks in the urinals and where ever. Turd terrorism.....I like the sound of that! LOL j/k

Anonymous Coward's picture

Nice one!

I once had the irresistible urge to poop during a job interview. I could no longer hold it in, but, following etiquette, decided it would be best to just hold it in.

At the end of the interview I went to take a shit. The company had a policy whereby the interviewee must always be accompanied by an employee. So I went inside and it took me about 20 minutes to complete my glorious crap while my interviewer waited outside. It was not a regular shit but a very flatulent one, shall I say. The look on the interviewer's face looked exactly like the portrayal of your boss's boss's.


i once left a turd in my frat houses shower floor. i was accused, but had a rock solid alibi. i even offered to take a poo-poo DNA test{this was before the OJ trial). the turd sat for about two weeks before it was flushed away. it is still a very fond memory from my college days.

Anonymous's picture

I once dropped trow and deposited a most foul load of shit straight into a public urinal. I ran out laughing just as some Asian guy was walking into the bathroom. Seconds later, all I hear is "What the FUCK?!". I laughed for hours straight afterwards.

Moderators comment, So you found amusement in your juvenile behavior? You are what we adults on Poop Report refer to as a turd terrorist. You are the scum of the earth and hopefully a target for some good old fashioned Karma one of these days. It would bring a smile to my face if you were to go to breakfast some morning and find a big juicy turd floating in your cornflakes like a battleship.

Chief Thunderbutt

Anonymous's picture

This is the best story so far, funny, disgusting, and kinda touching.

Anonymous's picture

I know I will be accused of being a horrible father, but ... I belong to a dining club that always has traditional Christmas pudding served with the Christmas buffet. Now if you have ever seen this stuff, made essentially from dried fruit, you know what it looks like and what it would look like when rolled.
For many many rears in a row, I would role up many chunks of the Christmas pudding, wrap it in napkins and then go into the Gents room with my son and his friends. We would deposit our presents near the sink, in the sink, in the urinals and on the various toilet seats and cubicle floors. Then the whole family and my son's friends would slip out quickly after filling out my chit and laugh like fiends for hours. Extremely juvenile I admit.

Anonymous's picture

A similar thing happened at my work years ago, although it was unintentional. I urinated standing up and partially missed the mark. This is just how it comes out sometimes, the stream begins straight and then suddenly decides to take a detour! I have no control over it! Unless I sit down. Actually most of the time that is what I do, in order to avoid this problem but that was a pretty stressful job and every second was money to the boss. Other times, I will do a quick wipe of the floor.

The toilet at this workplace was cramped and dark and I didn't even see that it didn't all go in the bowl. Anyway, my boss (who was not a pleasant person to be around) came out one day and said "If I catch the person who pissed on the floor I'm go to chop his dick off"

I laughed with the others though was a little unnerved because he had the temperament of a ticking time-bomb.

One of the other workmates sent me an email with a funny cartoon and the name of the bloke who worked in the store-room, who was a bit of an odd guy. Eventually he was getting the blame from the other staff. Nothing ever eventuated from it thankfully, but in everybody's head, he was no doubt 'guilty by suspicion'.

It's interesting how the average person will not easily accept denials, yet they'll readily believe accusations.

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