My Name Says It All
Well, maybe not all of it.
I have had green, foul-smelling diarrhea for a couple of months. Bowel movement frequency and volume are fairly normal, but just very loose and very green -- ranging from very dark green to lime green. Sometimes maybe a bit oily and sometimes kind of gelatinous.
I went to the doctor and she sent me home with a poop collection kit: a little bucket that fits in the toilet, three little jars (pill bottle sized) half-filled with clear fluids, one empty larger cup (three-to-four ounces), and a couple of latex gloves. As per the instructions, I squirted what looked like liquid green pudding from my ass into the bucket and then, with these ridiculously tiny spoons, proceeded to add shit to the three jars until the poop/fluid mixture reached a mark on the side of the jar. Then I filled the cup with the nasty green substance and screwed all the lids on tightly.
While I was digging around in my shit with one of the spoons, I found an object that was kind of shaped like a grape -- kind of oval -- but a little smaller. It was too big to be a bean. It was smooth and the same lime-green color as the rest of my shit, but it was a solid object, not just a ball of shit. I did not swallow any kind of food of that shape.
What the hell is this? Will I need it back?
I still have two eyeballs, two testicles, and tonsils, but I'm a little concerned. I have heard that the liver or gall bladder can excrete crystals or something, but this was definitely nothing crystalline.
Just in case, I added it to one of the little jars. That should entertain the lab technician for a bit.
If you have any thoughts about the green shit in general or about the foreign object in my shit, I would really appreciate it.
Oh, and why did they need so much of my shit?