Eternal Debates: Is Toilet Paper Enough?

// // 87 Comments
PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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The issue: Does TP clean your ass sufficiently, or is something else needed to clean up the job?

87 Comments on "Eternal Debates: Is Toilet Paper Enough?"

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

TP is good for 98% of the poop stuck to your bum after movement. Some form of wet cleaning is needed for the rest. If you don't believe me. Stick your finger down there and give it a whiff. Stink = Poop.

krzyzewskifan's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I completely agree w/ DD thus why they invented Wet-Ones, but I cannot condone giving yourself a Dirty Sanchez to see if you're clean.

_______
I poop because I am...I am because I poop.

I poop because I am...I am because I poop.

Gaseous G's picture

Ideally, I do my duty just before I get in the shower in the morning and then I'm done until tomorrow. That's the best clean-up: a shower. But a few times a month, it doesn't happen as planned. In those situations, I'm not so fastidious. I wipe away the brown and leave it at that. I do notice though that my ass is not as fresh as I would like. But what the hell? Only Tiny Tim could arrange his life to allow for a shower after every dump.

bowlfiller's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Yes I agree, vaste mojority of the time TP is enough, somtimes however, when your poop is in a bad way a suficiant ammount of wetted TP is needed to give you that satisfied feeling of clean.

After a distressing poop, it can be somtimes painful to get the wipe you require with dry TP, this can also require some wetted paper to sooth the wipes needed to clean away all remnants of your brown friend.

laters

bf

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points

Well naturally jumping in the shower after each dump and scrubbing your asshole clean is the best way but of course we humans don't do this unless be are total clean nuts who only shit at home.
I only use good old fashion toilet paper and no it can never get me as clean as I would like to be.
We always have wet wipes on hand because my daughter will ONLY use wet wipes after her dump but I rarely use them.
Too expensive a habit to get into.

Slightly Irregular's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Pretty much all my daughters and I use are the flushable wipes. My husband however... he calls them sissy and refuses to use any thing but TP. Maybe that is why I find skid-marks when I do the laundry....

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

"Sufficiently" is the key word here. Sufficient for what? If you're about to invite someone else's nose to get close to your bung hole, then you should do a total cleanup down there -- your asshole should sparkle. But if your ass is just going to spend all day in your chair at work, what toilet paper can do is sufficient in my mind. I'm sure that, as DungDaddy points out, my ass generally would fail the finger test. That's why I don't administer that test.

Logjam

Poopgirl's picture
m 1+ points - Newb


Toilet paper is not enough. There is still some poo left when I wipe, and then I have to use a wet wipe.
Poop on!

-Poopgirl

Poop on!

-Poopgirl

Political Dumper's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I never do the finger test, mainly because that is actually quite disgusting. But I do think that wet wipes are the way forward. Toilet paper alone either scrapes the delicate skin from your arsehole, or it's like the never ending story and before you know it you've used two rolls and you're still wiping.

Even worse, when I was in primary school, they used to give us something called Izal, and lets put it this way, we used to use it as tracing paper when the normal tracing paper had run out. If you y accident folded that stuff and it ended up with a corner... I actually bled on more than one occasion.

Does anyone else think that wet wipes should be offered as standard?
_______
Semper Cinaedus - Always Shameless

Semper Cinaedus - Always Shameless

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

We keep a box of flushable wipes on the backs of the toilets, but we only use them when regular TP is leaving smears. Wipes really do finish things up nicely!

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

I too notice that the paper doesn't do the job. Especially the "Military" paper here. It's rough, it's tough, it doesn't take shit from anyone! A nice spray of cool water would do the job so much better, but still after an initial wipe to get the big stuff off.

_______
"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

[Insert witty banter here]

Nine Inch Log's picture
k 500+ points

I'm with doniker here. Normally I plan my daily dumps prior to a shower. One in the morning and one in the evening before bed. It really is the best way to get clean.

When I have an unplanned movement, if I'm at home I'll generally hop in the shower for a minute to clense, but if I'm anywhere else I just use regular old toilet paper. It really doesn't feel as good, and I don't feel nearly as clean or refreshed.

Lately I've been scouring the internet for bidet's though, same shower clean, less hassle.

_______
Take pride in your poop, report it.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I love flushable wipes. Not only am I cleaner, but certain members of the family are less smelly.

Flushable wipes are great for dump time because you can get the "I just stepped out of the shower" feeling with your butt without the shower. Not that I want to discourage any of the men here from showering.

Usually I just use TP, but those wipes sure are nice to have around just in case.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

the log of hazzard's picture
l 100+ points

Yes, Indeed it does. Although some days you need to do some extra cleaning, TP is perfect for the cleanliness of the anus.

Some are born crappy, some achieve crappiness, and some have crapiness thrusted upon them. (Do NOT be the last one)

PoopReport Sucks's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

TP with a little bit of water will take care of any "kling-ons" if you have that not so fresh feeling after a wipe or two. It really sucks when you have a workpoo and no water to dip your TP in.

Baron von Poopenschnitzel's picture

Usually TP is fine, especially if my poo is nice and firm from eating lots of fiber. However, a night of buffalo wings and beer tends to make the next morning poo somewhat soft and greasy. In this instance, paper gets most of the mess, but will inevitably leave behind a stinky reminder of what had just transpired. I can see how wet wipes can help with that "final wipe" and leave the bathroom with that fresh clean feeling, but I've never gotten around to trying them.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I occassionally have to resort to a Dremel Tool with the wire brush attatchment...but usually TP is just fine.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Anonymous Coward's picture

I love a nice warm water dampened washcloth (especially the ones that are the really soft material). I can scrub pretty hard without it shredding (and it is nice and warm!). When I am at work, I have used moistened paper towels on a number of occasions-just don't scrub too hard; wet TP just tears apart. I make sure they go to the bottom of the garbage can so no one sees the brownish-yellow smear on it! Now I am wondering if the janitor has seen all of those...

sharty mcfly's picture
l 100+ points

TP is generally enough. sometimes if it's really that bad and i feel i've wiped enough i'll hop in the shower. usually i do also plan my dumps around shower time.

It's the 3 S-es.

First you Shave, then you Shit, and then you take a Shower to clean up the extra foam on your face and the poo on your ass, i guess it's a man ritual, it just makes the most sense that way. i've never had the money for frivolities like flushable wet wipes.

yours in time,

Sharty Mcfly

Nine Inch Log's picture
k 500+ points

Sharty, I'm all about the 3 S-es as well. Best way to start your day.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Political Dumper's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I'm a girl, and I used to have a lovely 3 S-es routine too. Then I had a stomach operation and my routine has never been the same since. Maybe I should Ask PooNurse!
_______
Semper Cinaedus - Always Shameless

Semper Cinaedus - Always Shameless

Northy's picture
l 100+ points

In my household we to keep a box of babywipes (or whatever they are) that are wet on the window ledge behind the toilet, I tend to use these when I've had a really bad shit that has torn my ring into pieces so bad that using TP actually hurts. Then when you use the wet wipes it feels like when you put soap over a fresh cut. A slight sting, but at least it gets the job done unlike TP.

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

When you use wipes on an abused ass, you ARE applying soap to a fresh cut, or rip in this case.

I wonder now if an operation I had as a baby is why I poop so weird now. When I was just a baby, too young to remember, I had to have a section of my intestine removed because of blockage. Or perhaps it's a combination of this and how I used to hold it until I couldn't anymore.

_______
"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

[Insert witty banter here]

poomama's picture

Summer routine for icky itchy sweaty yuckiness. I recommend dousing your wet wipes with some witch hazel. Very soothing, like Tucks. Wipe gently. Use a squeeze bottle of warm water to rinse. Dry with a small towel specifically set aside for your nether regions. Then, for you girls and metrosexuals, a light dusting of feminine hygiene spray with baking soda. Or after shower powder. Outer limits only...not on the mucus membranes! I try to limit my worktime elimination to #1 only, if I can.

Rottenshit's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I agree with most of the comments that 95% of
all pooping situations are "rectumfied" with traditional 2 ply (yes 2 ply)T.P. However, why should we be burduned with an unsatisfactory wipe 5% of the time. I for one am VERY regular and usually visit the porcelain god twice a day. Thats approx 730 times a year. That would mean that 36-1/2 poops a year are trouble. That is enough to merit a backup system in the immediate area that could serve both the problem shit and the occasional "swamp ass" to soothe the bung prior to the dump. I suggest a small portable washing machine that can hook up to the bathroom sink so the nice, soft, soothing cloth can be washed and moistened time and time again for the not so fresh days. Now that I've looked at this comment, maybe just grin and bear it, give an extra wipe, and hope for the best.

Phillip DeCrapper's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

First of all, I think that you have to look at this dilemma two ways. Without question, a step in the right direction is to eat the right kind of foods; high fiber, low grease= good solid drops. There are many times when I don't need to wipe at all, but even then I give the old seat cushion a couple swipes with T.P. My turds come out feeling good, and looking better, really a very quick and clean delivery. However, like I said, I still wipe. Here's how ole Phillip DeCrapper cleans the shit-pipe.
1. Flush crap down the river, and start with clean bowl. This will prevent back-ups.
2. Wipe two (2) seperate times with old fashioned style 2 ply T.P. I use the T.P. to dig out any oversize chunks still "hanging around".
3. Wipe with "Wet Ones", or comparable brand name product, no need to cut corners with discount brands. With first sheet, I wipe the exterior portion of my ass, smoothing over work done previously with T.P. After that, I fold the first sheet over itself, and expose the clean reverse side. Then, I use the recycled sheet to clean the inside of my butt.
4. Next, I take a second Wet Ones, and smooth over all backdoor cleaning, careful to note that the sheet LOOKS clean when finished. If not, I double that one over, and wipe to completion.
At no point during my wiping process, do I apply undo pressure, nor do I "scrape". For my efforts, I do not suffer from hemmorhoids, skidmarks, or clogged toilet bowls.
That's the shit.

Bra's picture

After I poop I keep wiping until toilet paper is clean. I poop naked so when I am done I squat and really get in good. Then I use wet ones. But I have a problem, a few years ago I ate sunflower seeds with the shells on and the next day when I went to poop the shells ripped my ass apart! I had to stick my finger in and scrape them away!
Anyway, ever since that incident, after each poop no matter how clean the toilet paper is after final wipe, about 45 minutes later I go in and wipe again and there is piles of poop in my butt. Then I wipe it all out and it happens again. But when I have the runs this don't happen.

pcpooper's picture

I think TP works fine but in my household we only buy and use the "wet ones" they just make you feel so much fresher and cleaner after a good dump (or bad dump).

Phillip DeCrapper's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Yeah. For me the whole wet ones thing is relatively new, but I feel that it is definately here to stay.

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

My recent experiences with the bidet I've had installed in my new house lead me to this conclusion: you still need something to dry your ass with after cleaning with water, whether in the form of a bidet or wet wipes. TP fills the bill.

I've found that a combination of using the bidet and TP sparingly works quite well.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

BTW, the only other possiblity would be to use a blow dryer on the brown eye. Uh, I don't think so.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

You could always keep a certain towel set aside just for that purpose, and wash it when you wash the rest. Your butt just got clean anyway, but still give it its own.

_______
"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

[Insert witty banter here]

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Or you could learn to summon tornadoes. That'll dry the bunghole pretty quickly....

Or else you'll get a cow lodged up you ass.

Either way, you're clean and dry.

_______
"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

Just wear brown underwear, and save a lot of money on toilet paper.

_______
Send all your money to Bilgepump, or to Dave!

Phillip DeCrapper's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Maybe Double Flush is onto something. A special towel set aside only for ass drying is an intriguing idea. One question though, which one of my wifes towels should I volunteer for service. Is there such a thing as a "towel draft", I would hate to be held responsible for sending it into combat.

Ledhead71's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

for me toilet paper works just fine. i use costco toilet paper and it does the job

SmartAss's picture

It's gross to check with your finger to see if your ass smells? O.....O.K........comon kids get a grip ! It won't hurt you and it washes of with soap and water .Now I don't care how many times you wipe your finger with toilet paper that finger would still not be welcome in my bed ! I have a Toto self cleaning toilet seat that sprays warm water while, (with my fingers !), I wash and make sure I'm clean.then I dry with a small amount of paper and check the paper. we are dealing with shit here . Just becouse all of your dear relitives clean there smelly butts with paper dosn't make it a clever Idea .We all have running water now . go wash and then wash your hands and then come to bed!

NoShit's picture

We use Preparation H brand flushable wet wipes. Not only does it do an admirable job of cleaning, it is medicated, and soothes the ravages of a burning bunghole.

PoopReport Sucks's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

So, you wipe your ass with your fingers, SmartAss? I read your post four or five times and am still unsure since every fiber of my being screams that this is just wrong!!! I don't care if you have a pressure washer at toiletside to clean you hands with.

By the way, is your toilet inside or outside of the trailer?? Does your Toto clean the white trash off your fingers too??

Anomalous Coward's picture
k 500+ points

Kerosene on a greasy rag, followed up with a quick touch up with a brass bristled brush gets grease off an engine block. I wonder...

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

Woah, Anomalous Coward, back up. That would only make you more grasy, and the brush would tear your fragile little nether region to pieces! I wouldn't try that. Instead, do like I did--rig up a rubber hose to your sink (assuming it's close enough to the toilet) and use it as a makeshift bidet.

_______
Damnit, someone stole my signature!

[Insert witty banter here]

hanging dingleberry's picture

i dont think ive laughed so hard in my entire life!!

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

I agree that TP is enough. But, for those who have trouble with personal cleaning, the bidet may be necessary. In the end, it is what works for the individual that counts.
_______
Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Crunchy Frog's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

TP is good for me because I like to get a bit of a skiddie going after if I'm honest, it's the sign I've had a really good poop.

Miss Simone Scat's picture
k 500+ points


__For most jobs, TP is enough. Just in case there are always wetwipes near the throne._____
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Over the last year, I have gone to using Kan-Doos. Very effective flushable wipes. I carry them in a ziplok baggy in my back pocket.

dumpbabydump's picture

all you have to do is fold the toilet paper and wet it from the sink or a spray bottle...if you are in a public restroom...wet a paper towel or toilet paper...ball it up and squeeze the water from that onto your folded up toilet paper...works for me :)

Inspector Pu P. Stayne's picture
m 1+ points - Newb


Here's a trick that I sometimes use-I take a large cotton ball, wet it with rubbing alcohol, and clean my ass with it. It burns a little, but it feels good when it is drying' it has a nice cool feeling, and it leaves my ass squeaky-clean!_______
"You have to probe a lot of turds before you find gold in one......and it turns out the gold is corn!!

Inspector Pu P. Stayne's picture
m 1+ points - Newb


_Follow-up to my last post- the alcohol cleaning is done after using toilet paper.______
"You have to probe a lot of turds before you find gold in one......and it turns out the gold is corn!!

SHIT BREAK's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Always travel with baby wipes. They will fit in your pocket and come in travel packs.

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