Eternal Debates: Chromatic Bungfodder

// // 46 Comments
k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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THE ISSUE:

Colored toilet paper: What's the point?

46 Comments on "Eternal Debates: Chromatic Bungfodder"

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points

Artistic colour contrast, old chap. If brown only looked good on a white background, the world would be a very drab place.

My fave is orange or peach coloured paper. In large quantities pre-flush, it's like an autumnal collage in the bowl and reminds me of the beauty of fallen leaves. Green is pretty good for that too, although it can sometimes look like army camouflage if you've been eating spinach or other leafy green vegetables.

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Scumbag is right. I won`t tolerate white paper in my house due to the excessive contrast between its brightness and the darkness of turds. Far too sore on the eyes.

Personally, I find cream or pale yellow/orange to be the ideal colour to complement my fecal wipings.

The voice of sanity

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points

I have to admit though, that shit on pink toilet paper looks damn ugly. Pink and brown together can never be pleasing to the eye, which is perhaps the reason why one seldom sees supermodels wearing pink and brown colours together. Versace himself must have wiped his saggy balloon-knot with pink TP on occasions, looked at the resultant smears and vowed never to allow such a travesty of design to occur in his clothing lines.

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

The thought of Versace`s saggy balloon-knot makes me shudder. I`m sure he did use pink paper - after all, he was influenced by that pop-art charlatan Warhol. Pink paper is an abomination. Be wary of anyone that admits to using it.

The voice of sanity

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points

I think this deserves a poll, Thunderbox. What is everyone's preferred colour of shit-ticket, that kinda thing.

LeandraCullen's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

ES: I have pink TP! *mutters to self "Don't like these people anymore"*
_______
Peace, Love, Twilight.

The Original Grasshopper

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points

You are still young, Leandra, and therefore such crass errors are forgivable as youthful folly. Now that you know better, I trust that you will change your TP accordingly. There is hope for you yet.

phatmanxxl's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Call me old fashioned but i like the white.

LeandraCullen's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Yeah...good to know, ES>
_______
Peace, Love, Twilight.

The Original Grasshopper

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points

There is nothing wrong with white at all. It is merely dull. Traditionalists favour the white and of course it is the commonest colour, but other colours are more attractive and can subtly affect the colour of the smear. As an experiment, obtain several different colours of TP and after your next stool, try wiping your anus with several different coloured sheets. It's the same poo, but the background colour will very subtly affect the shade of brown if you examine the arsewipes closely. One of the other reasons that I and Thunderbox enjoy wiping on orangey paper (sorry for being presumptuous Thunderbox, but I believe we may be of a similar mind) is that the lines of definition between the shit and the paper are softened, and on the final wipe the smear can subtly blend into the paper in a most attractive way, and it's sometimes hard to determine where one colour ends and another begins. Peach or orange paper is also very pretty when the shit smears are infused with the occasional bloody smear from haemmorrhoids, which is harsher aesthetically and less pleasing to the eye with white. Peach, brown and red together is a wonderful colour scheme.

C Everett Poop's picture
j 1000+ points

I didn't know there was any other color than white. I saw those Osama print asswipes a few years ago but never used one. I would use his actual face if I got a chance.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Since brown is a neutral color that can be created by mixing two complimentary colors I would suggest the following experiment. Eat lots and lots of beets until you are assured of dropping a load which will be predominately red. After defecating, if you wipe with green paper you should achieve a nice smear of red that gradually fades into brown around the edges. This colorful smear, surrounded by the green of the paper, should be quite an attractive bit of art. Framed, it would be worthy of being hung in any gallery that exhibits the works of Andy Warhol. A rustic frame made of corncobs would, I believe, be quite appropriate.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points

Indeed, Chief. And Postman wonders what the point of coloured TP is. Pah!

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Toilet paper is colored for high school pranks not for bathroom purposes. One of my high school buddies used to love to TP houses. For July 4th he liked to use the pink, blue and white TP to lend a patriotic theme to his efforts.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I use white just to be sure the color of my poop shows up pure and pristine against the paper. That way I can easily detect any off-color tendencies. I have followed Chief's advice and eaten lots of beets (which I enjoy greatly anyhow) just to get the red turds. Oftentimes it works.

I have used other colors of t.p.--yellow, pink, light blue, and green come to mind. As a boy I often wondered why they didn't make brown t.p. for better camouflage; and finally it came to me that the contrast between the poop's brown and the t.p.'s color was intentional and necessary.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

The store I buy my shit wipe from only sells white, those undereducated spooge monkeys.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

IF I get bored with a particular color scheme, I just run down to the Humane Society.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

My mother always has colored, embossed, perfumed, FULL, roll with a cute fold on the end. I should do a story on her. She does not have a computer. Should be safe.

luvkimchee's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

The white paper is good for Rorschach tests.

Nine Inch Log's picture
k 500+ points

Like CEP I was unaware of colored TP. This is an exciting development. I should get some and see if my girlfriend says anything. She still denies that she poops.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

phatmanxxl's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Ok this conversation is just a bit too wierd for me. I dont want or feel the need to examine my wiped colon cobras on a sheet a little closer to admire the the colour contrast. Thats just a bit disurbing.

If it cleans my gruffie without the conkerbills and snowballs, Im good to go be it white, pink, blue, red.

pnuttycorn's picture
k 500+ points

White. Scott. 1000 sheets.
Please and thank you.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

My toilet paper is kind of a cross between peach and pink and is textured. Wait. That's not TP. That's my fingers. Never mind.
_______
My special need's student crapped in your honor roll student's backpack.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Leaky Bowel King's picture
l 100+ points

You know, I don't even know why there is a debate on what color of toilet paper to use. Who gives a flying shit what color it is as long as it does the job. You start adding colors, you start adding price. I stick my cheap yet comfy white angel soft.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Apparently those who claim that Versace would never allow pink and brown to go together have forgotten how eccentric he was.

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Leaky, there is no extra cost involved in buying coloured TP over white TP, at least not in the UK.

I`d imagine that white could possibly become a more expensive option in the future. You`ll find that it`s far harder and more expensive to create pristine white than "off-white" or darker coloured TP from recycled sheets.

The voice of sanity

Leaky Bowel King's picture
l 100+ points

Hmmm, I'll keep that in mind thunderbox. We don't have colored tp that I've seen down here in these southern unites states, but if I could travel to the uk just to get cheaper, colored toilet paper, you bet your ass I'd be on the next plane. But, until the colors are introduced here and are cheap, I'll stick to my white. Thanks though. And I think I'd be scared of recycled toilet paper. I mean, to be recycled, it has to be used first, right?

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

The point of colored toilet paper surely was to accessorize. My mother did this when I was growing up. Yellowish paper in their gold bathroom, and blue in ours. There was always light blue toilet paper in our little bathroom growing up. I loved that. Nowadays I can't find anything but white in the area, nor have I ever seen anything but white while shopping for years.

In fact, on Ebay last year someone set at auction up for 3 four packs of peach toilet paper that he/she had found in a recently-deceased relative's house, and people were bidding.

The only place I've found colored toilet paper is on the internet, and the site that sells it is expensive as hell. There's even black toilet paper. Funny.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

If you want colored paper and can't find it, use crepe paper. Crepe paper is merely tissue that has sizing added to change the texture. Since the texture is much rougher it will scrub that bung as clean as a whistle. It also might remove a layer or two of skin.

The toilet tissue that I do not understand the need for is the scented type. I am convinced that the delicate aroma of some floral extract will be overpowered by the stench of anus once it has been used.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

spattacus's picture
l 100+ points

Crepe paper on a Band-Sander - automated arsewiper and exfoliator?

Nine Inch Log's picture
k 500+ points

Oh, TP on a band sander! That sounds like a good idea. Who needs a bidet when one can simply scrub off his or her ass?

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points

No self-respecting man would admit to wiping his freckle on anything other than standard, traditional white dunny-paper.
Newspaper is acceptable, and so is a cat, and the added bonus of newspaper is that you can educate yourself while you're at it.
I get the sneaking suspicion that coloured bog-roll is just another weapon in the Communist's arsenal. Its another subtle attempt to feminise the blokey half of the population. Sooner or later, there'll be no proper men left to defend the country, because they're all too busy studying their poop smears on their girly coloured dunny-paper and thinking of Versace and Warhol.
Whats next on their evil agenda?
Pink toothbrushes, maybe? In an attempt to get us used to the idea of putting long, pink...

Oh, God, thats disgusting.


_______
I don't bite my nails, 'cause I don't like the taste of whats under 'em.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Great post BM but you failed to mention how manly it can be to forgo toilet paper all together and scrape your bung free of residual matter with a corncob.
_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Postman's picture
k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

You want to talk manly? Try using a wire brush.

Leaky Bowel King's picture
l 100+ points

My grandfather had a way to wipe that only used one square of toilet paper. He took one square of toilet paper, grabbed the middle of it and made a teepee out of it, riped off that top lil piece, stuck his finger thru the hole and wiped his ass with his finger, then used the toilet paper around his finger to clean his finger off, and used the little piece from the top to get under his nail. Needless to say, that nethod never caught on with me.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

LBK.......In these days of economic strife the one square wipe may become more common. I have adopted it already. I am presently preparing snacks to accompany my Super Bowl viewing. You are all cordially invited to come over and watch with me. I make an excellent ham and....er.....peanut butter canape.
_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Postman's picture
k 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Thanks, but if I come over, I'll probably just drink the beer.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Postman, would that be the amber liquid, with the slightly foamy head, oh and about 98 or so degrees temperature?

Leaky Bowel King's picture
l 100+ points

Hey pd, I think you're talkin bout piss.

crewzinforabrewzin's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

never even knew T.P. came in other colors beside white. favorite color that i ever wiped my turd cutter on would have to have been red and black flanel, while it may not be considered by many as T.P. many of my shirts have served as buttwipe while in the woods. first to go is the pocket if there is one. then the shirt sleeves start to go, piece by piece over time. if you ever see me and my shirt sleeves are tore off at different lenghts, you can probally guess why

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I think crewzin has just explained Larry the Cable Guy's wardrobe.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Leaky Bowel King's picture
l 100+ points

Yea, that does make a lot of sense actually. That would be why you never see Larry with shirt sleeves on. That and the fact that since he's not really a redneck country boy himself, he thinks that's the stereoutypical redneck wear. Well, he's only half right. In the winter they wear real tree camo jackets over the flannel shirts.

Russell's picture
l 100+ points

Scumbag is right.
_______
Russell the shitting queen

Russell the shitting queen

poospicacious's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

where does one buy frickin' colored tp? i want some.
however, i'd kill to get some non-bleached to death, regular tree-colored tp. yes i realize you might have to wipe a bit more, but guys, wet wipes!


_______
...i'm never done talking about it. (poospicacious)

...i'm never done talking about it.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I'm not sure colored toilet paper is made any more, from what I understand are concerns about the colored dye leaching into the environment. Exactly what harm it would do, I don't know--nor, I suspect, do those who got it removed--but I certainly have not seen it for decades. I have used it in the distant past, but not in at least 30 years. I am still content with the white, for contrast.

(Incidentally I do remember one concern: that certain people's bottoms would be sensitive or allergic to the dye. I wasn't, but surely that could be an issue for the tissue.)

Anonymous's picture

He already did... remember: reuse, recycle...

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