Eternal Debates: Accepting Life's Little Imperfections?

// // 36 Comments
m 1+ points - Newb
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THE ISSUE:

How many wipes do you wipe before you give up?

36 Comments on "Eternal Debates: Accepting Life's Little Imperfections?"

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Now that the recession is biting, I`ve bought a year`s supply of dark brown TP and undies in bulk to save money. I only ever do three wipes now, no matter the quality of the turds. This leads to economy of money and labour.

The voice of sanity

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooper

CEP -- for the record, I would have deleted a Bush reference in the same manner as well. Pointless political flamebait is lame, no matter what the ideology.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Thunderbox........Ever the frugal Scott. I salute your Spartan wiping habits, that leaves me with one hand free for nostril pinching if necessary.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

C Everett Poop's picture
j 1000+ points

Yes, that was a pointless political comment. I have the news on and I can't believe the scandals already going on. I'll take the censorship whack on the knuckles for that one. The point was that this question has too many variables to be answered with a definite number.

Coach Crap's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

IF I am hope I wash out my bung hole.If it's a road game whatever it takes to get the job done.

Coach Crap's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

What a moron I am that should be home not hope.

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

If you are kilted, and commando, as I usually am. Plus considering the cost of dry cleaning wool. Never give up! Slide down a banister if you have to. Use a restaurant tablecloth.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I just hope I never have to climb a ladder to safety and one of you guys is ahead of me.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I use 3 sets of paper twice per set (original, folded), very rarely 4, occasionally only 2 or 1. If it looks like it's going past 4 sets, I use water or salve on the paper. Sometimes even that isn't enough, but I have other things to do, and sooner or later I must shower. That takes care of it if nothing else has; ordinarily my 3 sets is plenty.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I rarely give up. I wipe until pristine clean. I prefer to have all a.m. poop done before my bath. I will fold the wipe to a clean side as many times as I can before taking a new wipe. I don't count how many wipes I use. First, I get the bulk off with Scott then I use wet wipes until clean then I dry up with Scott. Then I reach down and free any dingleberries from my person. Wash my hands then pull up my pants.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bananaman's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I freely admit that what pours forth from my delicate flower of a ring can only be described as an abhorent, putrid smear on Darwins theory of evolution. Neither do i deny that at times, for the well-being of society, i should be taken to a quiet field, made to dig a hole and then shot like an old, cankerous dog. I will not argue, that at the very least, i should given a bell and made to shout "unclean" when ever i leave the house. But no matter how vile, debauched, depraved and debase i may be, i will never, absolutely never stoop so low as to give up on wiping. I am not a Frenchman!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Bananaman...Are you saying that wasn't cheese I smelled last time I was in Paris?


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Bananaman's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Cheese yes, just not the edible kind

phatmanxxl's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

I always move to diaper wipes if TP won't get the job done, I can usually tell after the first wipe what its going to take.

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

ewwwwwww! great now i'm never going to Europe! anywho i wipe till its clean no matter how many rolls it takes, or how much blood is spilled in the process.
_______
Oops I did it again, I shit when I fart, I crapped in my pants.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

pnuttycorn's picture
k 500+ points

I will wipe and wipe,too infinity and beyond!
I hate an itchy ass crack.
I have been known to wipe utill my poor pucker is raw but not in a long time. Since I've been on pain meds, I have been rock solid,and requiring few wipes. No more pnut butter poop,creamy and easy to spread.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I go through between 3 and 5 cats a year.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Coach Crap's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Bear:(taking a shit) Mr. Rabbit do have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?
Rabbit:No,Mr.Bear
Mr.Bear grabs Mr.Rabbit and wipes his ass
(sorry Daphne)

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

No probs, Coach. My rabbits are all Scotch-Guarded. I say wipe your ass with the bear, especially if it's Charmin bear.

I wipe until it's clean, number of wipes be damned. If you don't wipe until it's gone, you risk having itchy ass crack later, which is might uncomfortable.

P.S. Kilts are mad sexy!


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

P.S. Kilts are mad sexy!

Might depend on who is wearing it.

My father was stationed in France during WW2. Things were looking fairly bleak until the night he herd bagpipes. The Scotts had arrived. Acres of tartan swayed as they marched. Dad pressed himself against the wall, for the formation was as wide as the road, and he was sure they would march right over him if in the way. Fierce eyes were straight ahead, as unwavering as their purpose. the hob-hailed boots striking fire on the cobblestone street. The "Ladies from Hell" had arrived! At that moment, he knew he would make it home.

Poonanza's picture
l 100+ points

lmao squat! I get the visual of the hyena legions from the lion king when scar is doing his thing in his lair.

I go until I'm done. If it's juicier, then I'll actually fold up the paper more somehow, and if it's cleaner I'll fold it less. So I only use a little bit more for the nasty ones than I would for the good ones. I guess I'm so ginger with the wipe that it works out x_x

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I've never really thought of this before. I'll eat some junk, shit, and get back to you.

_______
I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Squat, I happen to find that type of ass kickery mad sexy!


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Loocretia Kornmush's picture
l 100+ points

I wipe until the paper is clean. I use great gobs of paper and I flush several times so it won't get clogged. I can't stand the feeling of my butt cheeks sliding together lubricated by insufficient wiping.

Cannabem liberemus!

shitwit's picture
k 500+ points

I'll wipe til the TP comes back as clean as a whistle! If we can't afford TP this winter I'll just go outside and drag my ass in the snow "poodle style".

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Apparently, my limit is fourteen wipes before I hit the shower head. Stupid tomato sauce!

_______
I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Leaky Bowel King's picture
l 100+ points

If I'm at home, I generally only have to use a few of my super absorbant toilet paper, especially since I always have liqui-poop, but when I'm at work, it seems my shit just melts the toilet paper and gets on my hands and what not, so it takes a lil more. And since there are no official breaks in the tp, I just use however much I need till I'm clean. But god forbid I do, by chance have solid poop at work, which hardly never happens, and that toilet paper just frustrates me and i stop when i start bleeding.

La Petomaine's picture
l 100+ points

By all that's holy, I still wipe till clean! Of course I'm one of those namby pamby wussies that uses the moist wipes, at least at home, but I admit to it freely and proudly!


_______
Have a crappy day!
La Petomaine

Have a crappy day!
La Petomaine

El Scumbag's picture
k 500+ points

Wipe until no smears remain, or the ring bleeds. I find that dabbing rather than wiping, is a better method of soaking up the residue if the first 3 or 4 wipes are unsufficient. But then again, if the first few wipes don't at least get the worst of it off, you probably crimped off too soon and you are beter off sitting back down again, seeing if you can release that stubborn nugget that's causing all the problems.

LeandraCullen's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

I don't want to think of the alternative to wiping until clean....
_______
Peace, Love, Twilight.

The Original Grasshopper

Russell's picture
l 100+ points

Well I have to say I wipe two or three times if it is solid and five or six times if it is liquishit
_______
Russell the shitting queen

Russell the shitting queen

Russell's picture
l 100+ points

Scummy, you make a good point there
_______
Russell the shitting queen

Russell the shitting queen

BungTheftAuto's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

If wiping fails I grab baby wipes or waddle over to the sink and wet the piece of toilet paper and use that (thanks to the poopreporter who originally gave this method).

meowpoo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

good for you rotten peice of crap. no offense. every one here is shit anyways.-- what smells? shit!

-- what smells? shit!

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

meowpoo....reign it in a little, or expect to not be here any longer.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Anonymous's picture

omigosh! Other people really wonder about this too! That makes me happy.

Seriously, I have settled ways when it comes to wiping. I am really NOT a clean freak in general, it's just that when it comes to my ass, well let's just say I never want to get caught with a dirty behind.

I know TP costs money. And I have even started being a little more thrifty when it comes to the amount of paper used per "sit down" session, but I would never think of skimping on whatever it takes to make the butt area clean after an evacuation event.

My wife has given me trouble over this issue. She manages to keep herself clean with MUCH less TP. Congrats to her, but it takes me lots more paper. Maybe I should study her methods instead of just getting mad when she gives me trouble! Ha!

Until my methods improve, don't expect me to use less paper. I'm not budging on this habit. So there....

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