Eternal Debates: Is It Ever Acceptable To Steal Toilet Paper?

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I am a part-time college student struggling to make ends meet. I wait tables to support myself and qualify for some grants. Otherwise, I would not be able to attend school. I am lucky enough to be able to take food home from work for free at the end of the night on the weekends because the restaurant I work for is a huge buffet. I close on the weekends, and I raid the trash before walking out. I bring my own plastic storage container, even.

A few months ago I was on my way out to the car after a shift and remembered that I was out of toilet paper at home. I walked backed into work with the excuse of having to pee and took a role from our stash under the sinks. I felt a bit guilty, but I barely had made enough money for gas that night. Since then I have taken toilet paper three times. I only take one roll or so, but I know I could be fired if I am caught.

Now my manager is refusing to give me a raise that I was supposed to get at the one-year mark, so I don't feel bad about taking some toilet paper. I talked to my sister about this on the phone, and she said that it's never alright to steal. We started talking about different situations, and the longer we talked, the more we disagreed. She has a rich husband, and I am struggling to get by.

I'm a long-time lurker, so I thought I'd ask all of you about taking toilet paper from public places. Is it ever alright to do so? If so, when?

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32 Comments on "Eternal Debates: Is It Ever Acceptable To Steal Toilet Paper?"

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

It's not OK. It's not that big of a deal, but it is strange that you would ask a random selection of complete strangers if it's wrong or right, as if we could decide. It's wrong or right regardless of what we think.

Would you be justified if, miraculously, we gave our OK? I'm assuming you are an adult. It's disturbing that you would have to ask us.

My advice: take whatever you want from anybody who won't catch you. As long as you need it and can't afford it, maybe somebody will tell you it's OK. If you're just going to stick with ass-wipe, steel it from the college. You are paying tuition there at least.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Stealing for survival might be justifiable but stealing to improve your position in life is certainly not ethical. There are alternate methods of depooing your asshole that don't require you to do something unethical.

My wife and I raised two children back in the days before disposable diapers came on the scene. It was an unpleasant task but washing the shit off of a cloth diaper so it could be reused wasn't that big of a deal. So, get a wash cloth that is dedicated to your asshole only, do not wash your face with it. After dropping your load wash your ring-piece with the washcloth then wash the cloth itself and ready it for its next use.

You might also train your bowels to be regular and try to unload your bomb bay either at school or at work.

Stealing is wrong and I, being a firm believer in the law of karma, think by stealing even small amounts you are possibly sitting yourself up for some major payback. If you came home and found that your apartment had been ransacked and your PC and TV were missing could you complain since you are a thief yourself?

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

It's never okay to steal, especially if you get caught. You'd probably get fined and have to pay damages in excess of $80-$90. For that much money, you could buy a LOT of TP. C'mon, TP's not that expensive--you can get 12 rolls of Scott 1000 for $5 if you use a coupon and buy it when it's on sale.

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Chief, you stole my comment.

Anonymous's picture

scott 1000 sucks. its one-ply. You might as well wipe your ass with sandpaper........

Otto von Skidmark's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I realise (or I guess) you live in the US, where finding public transport is about as likely as finding gold nuggets in your droppings. However, is there any chance you can lose the car if you can't even afford TP? A car, even a shitty one, costs several thousand dollars a year to run. Is there any possibility of sharing a ride with a fellow student, move closer to your school or work, get a motorcycle or pushbike, or otherwise rearrange things to make the car unnecessary? You will then be able to afford to wipe your ass with a soft tissue and a clear conscience.

Dr Scully's picture
l 100+ points

Otto, I was thinking that too. Here in Canada if you have a car the amount you'll get from student loans is sometimes decreased too (they consider a car a luxury).

No, I don't think it's ok to steal the TP. TP is one of the cheapest things you can buy if you go for the bargain brands. If you are that strapped for cash you could try to find another/similar job that pays more, ask for an increase in hours, etc. You could also even ask the boss if you can buy a few rolls to take home with you for cheap (make some excuse about how it's too late at the end of the night to go to the store).

However, if you are going to continue to do it anyways, then at least do what others said and take it from school or somewhere where you won't get fired for doing so. Think about how screwed you will be if you lose your job over stealing ass-wipe.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

It is wrong to steal toilet paper, just as it is wrong to steal anything else. The dedicated washcloth is a good substitute. If even that is unavailable right now (hard to imagine), then, when you do use the work restroom, take maybe 10 squares of t.p. and put it into your pocket to take home for your next bowel movement. And then, from time to time, leave an extra dollar somewhere for your boss to replace the t.p. you take. But it's really best not to take it. T.p. is one of the necessities of life, and many brands are cheap.

Anonymous's picture

Dear Comrade Student,
You are not stealing toilet paper. You are liberating it from the oppression of Capitalist Pigs.

Viva El Revolucion!

Fidel Castro

Anonymous's picture

CoachB12:Try to find a dollar store.You can find TP for a buck.If you can't ask somebody to give you a hand.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

In some Middle Eastern countries you can have your hand cut off for stealing. After that punishment, finding some toilet paper would be your second biggest hurdle when it comes to wiping your ass.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

But on the bright side you would forever be prevented from committing the sin of Onanism.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous's picture

Well this is interesting reading, I'm a single mother of two and find it hard to make ends meet. I steal loo roll all the time. In fact I resent paying for something I'm just going to wipe my arse on or snot into, there are much worse things to steal, I get it from the supermarket where they leave it out or from the public toilets in town. I always make sure I don't leave the loo without paper so really it's a victimless "crime". I say steal away, also I know other people that do it

Anonymous's picture

I was a Peace Corps volunteer in Chile. The women I worked with - a co-op of indigenous women - would steal the toilet paper from the office. I finally started bringing my own toilet paper to work and locking it in my desk drawer.

It's wrong to steal, period.

http://class-factotum.blogspot.com/

Anonymous's picture

I agree with all the comments of stealing is wrong, but totally disagree with the idea of TP is cheap! TP is one of the most expensive items you ever are going to use and you need it daily more than other so called needed items, s^%#t I can have no food for a day, I can't run out of TP.

Anonymous's picture

Well I supose the question lends itself to the age old question of "Is a pigs arse pork?"
I mean there are always alternatives, like yesterdays news papers. OK you get type-ink and skidmarks up your back but at least you havnt stolen anything.

Anonymous's picture

Don't bother yourself asking if it's wrong or not. You've got to wipe your ass, period. I arrived in the city I'm in with less than 50 bucks, no job, no place to go at all. No warm clothes, during the winter. Had to steal a pair of sweat pants, socks, and a tuque to avoid dying from cold. I had my 50 bucks, but I couldn't really use it mindlessly since I didn't know how much time it would take me to find a source of revenue. If someone who do pretty well would rather let you die than letting you take something you need to survive, then that person seriously lack compassion, and stand between you and your survival.

For the toilet paper, there's other solutions than stealing rolls at your job. But if you can do nothing else, then why not. Just don't get caught. (I don't know your boss, but I don't think he/she would fire you. I would not.) I used to go in coffee shops, and grab a handful of napkins to bring back home and use as toilet paper. I used to live with 10 other people in a tiny apartment in the bad part of town, so we'd all do what we could to help each other.

So just do what you can, try to be as honest as possible, but it's no biggie if you can't, especially if it's because you truly need something. (I think you could get rid of your car.) Per example, I lived with 10 people, walked everywhere I needed to go (with shoes that has no more soles, I just kept wearing them because many places forbid you to get there if you don't wear shoes), wore the same clothes everyday, summer or winter (I was so cold), got food from food banks, dumpster diving, etc., until I found a source of revenue.

Anonymous's picture

It's been well established on this blog that it's not okay to steal. However, there may be mitigating circumstances that surpass this longstanding ethical mandate. For instance, if you sharted and you needed something to tidy yourself before going into the store to purchase a roll or two... I mean after all, then it's actually a health and sanitation issue. Otherwise, if you can't afford toilet paper, just grab a telephone directory, sit comfortably on the throne, rip a few pages from the book. Rub the pages together rapidly and soon you will have something soft enough to rub against the delicate skin of your arse...

Anonymous's picture

*it's "my wife and i",
jackass.

Anonymous's picture

Wow, I can't believe people are honestly this uptight about liberating some toilet paper from a buffet boss. I don't encourage stealing, and I think it is wrong in most circumstances. However, I wouldn't feel the slightest bit guilty in sneaking some toilet paper away from a cheapass boss or school restroom in your circumstance. Getting through college is difficult and the last thing I want to worry about is if I have something to wipe my ass with when I shit.

1) Stay in College
2) Maybe take a few "donations" for the cause
3) graduate
4) ???????profit???
5) become a meaningful member of society and donate shit to the less fortunate

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

There are many alternatives to stealing, and the excuse that you're stealing from someone who is either well off, or a total dick does not make it right. I used to deliver paper products and quite often I would get cases of tp that were refused because the boxes were ripped or something. I have donated hundreds of cases of tp as well as other products to churches, food pantries and fire departments where the needy could get it. In this country, there is always a place to go to where you can get assistance and/or basic necessities.

Anonymous's picture

I predict that someday we will celebrate St.Prarie Doggin Day.Keep up the good work.CoachB12 gives you a big thumbs up.

Anonymous's picture

Tp is like those bowls of pennies beside a register. It's not yours but it's there for you to use. You're doing them a favor by saving them water by not going on their toilets.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear Anonymous, If you check at UsingEnglish.com you will find the following statement made in reference to the question "which is correct, I and my wife, or my wife and I."

"Neither is more "correct" the normal neutral way for English, some say it's a gesture of politeness, and it may well be that [or some other reason], that we do not put ourselves first. But it's certainly possible."

Why don't you register and put a face, or at least a name, to your comments?

The most important thing you can do is realize that this isn't a thread to criticize grammar but rather a thread to discuss the ethics of stealing. Both I and my wife agree on this and, she says since I am doing the typing she doesn't mind if I go first.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points

anonymous,
who taught you manners?
here's some of mine.
you cocksucking, motherfucking piece of shit. and i say that with no due respect.
so, there.
xo.

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points

aren't there any $.99 cent store market types where you live?
if you cite being a kleptomaniac, or just a maniac, i think you are in the clear.

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Using the same logic if you steal the silverware from a restaurant in which you dine you have saved them the trouble and expense of having to clean it. Let's see where else we can go with this.

Leave the store with your groceries in your pocket and save the cashier the trouble of having to scan them.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous's picture

Actually, it's not a victimless crime. The store has to pay to replace that toilet paper, and will in turn raise the price of the groceries to offset the costs if people keep stealing it. Or they will just start locking up the toilet paper rolls, or even leave the bathroom off limits altogether.

"Steal away?" Nice lesson to teach your 2 children. I worked in a grocery store before and saw a guy walk out with a $1 daily newspaper in front of his child. He was held and police were called. Over a NEWSPAPER. Think about that next time you are swiping tp. Stealing is stealing if you get caught.

Anonymous's picture

It is really a victimless crime because the shop puts the paper out anyway, I don't steal food, or money only loo paper. I teach my kids to be honest and they don't know that the loo paper is stolen. The shop I steal it from is ASDA a wallmart chain (I'm in the uk), are you seriously saying they cannot afford to provide loo paper for their customers???

Anonymous's picture

Well, would you like it if someone stole a roll of toilet paper from your bathroom every time he or she (or they) went in there? Why would you ask whether this is wrong...unless you already know. If you lose your job, you won't even have a pot to pee in...so I guess you will pee in the woods and use the leaves...they are free....from God (maybe you need to ask God...if you have a relationship with God). You will do better in life (call it God or karma) if you do good (or the right thing) good will come back to you.

Anonymous's picture

This is actually becoming more and more common = people stealing Toilet Paper. If you ever watched any of the looting scenes on TV the most common item people were taking was Toilet Paper. We should all get a Hand Held Bidet Sprayer and then you don't really need Toilet Paper anymore. Everyone would be cleaner and there wouldn't be as many people in prison! See bathroomsprayers.com.

Anonymous's picture

When is it OK to steal? Never.
What is the difference morally for stealing $1 or $1,000,000? None.
Either way it is probably not worth the potential consequences of getting caught, whatever those may be.

To the lady who thinks it's OK to steal at Walmart because they can afford it? If that b.s. helps you sleep at night, then I'm glad your not my mom. Whether or not you tell your kids you're stealing doesn't make you a good roll model. Kids are smart and they grow up. They will probably figure it out. Either way you are setting a bad example.

On a similar but entirely different topic, I recently witnessed a man in the park with his, I'm guessing five year old son, it was a weekend and the park was full of families. There were two rest rooms near by in either direction. However the father decided to show the son how to pee on the grass. Broad daylight No bush, no tree, fully exposed! I personally find sooo many things wrong with that! First off your teaching your child that's its ok to expose himself in public and in front of strangers?. Your also teaching him to urinate where children play, Creating a potentially toxic and smelly environment and contributing to ruining the park. But that's not all! if your really lucky, when the kid is a bit older he may get arrested for (indecent exposure!) For doing exactly what dear old dad taught him to do. Now along with that charge on his permanent record he will become a registered sex offender for life! Maybe then he will decide to pass that little pearl of wisdom on too his son.

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