Poop Contest #29: The Warming Bidet

// // 29 Comments
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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American Biffy makes bidet attachments. While I've never used a Biffy, I've used similar products: they hook into your toilet's water line, sit between the toilet seat and the bowl, and provide a gentle cleansing spray whenever you're at your worst. The only problem users have had, however, is that sometimes the spray can be cold.

According to an email they sent out this weekend, Biffy is about to solve this problem with a bidet unit that heats the water to a balmy 98 degrees before spraying your starfish with it. What they don't have, though, is a name.

They're running a contest to see who can come up with the best name for this warm and soothing buttsink. They didn't ask me to post this, but I KNOW that the winner currently resides within our collective brains. They ask you to send your submissions to sales@biffy.com by Friday, September 12 to enter the contest; I ask you to post your entry here as well. They're offering a free warming unit ($179!) to the winner!

29 Comments on "Poop Contest #29: The Warming Bidet"

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Some info from Biffy:

"The new Biffy heater has the following features:

* Comfortable max water temperature of 98 degrees
* Safe, low voltage electrical connection
* Two built-in safety thermostats

"If more than one person submits the same name, we will reward the first three submissions, so send in your suggestions quickly!"

C Everett Poop's picture
j 1000+ points

1. Dejumpifier
2. Shooting star water warmer
3. Bungwarmer

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Starfish spa

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Biffy ring rinser

Hot splash`n`dash

Comfy crack cleanser

The voice of sanity

Frank2401's picture
l 100+ points

The Biffy Balmy Bidet.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Not too cool.
Not too hot.
Biffy's the one,
For your balloon knot.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

OoooYeah
Relax
Sooothe
Fresh Start
Tushuzzi

Logjam

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Butt barnacle blaster.

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Tushuzzi! Like it.

The Regifter's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

The Shitter Shower.
Wet Wipe.
The Biffy Personal Shower.
Skid-be-gone.
The Pinch 'n' Squirt.
Clean Days by Biffy.

I hope that thing shoots out at an angle otherwise, cleaning the fallout off that contraption would be hazardous.

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

The good kind of warm and runny.

The Big Wiper's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Soothingly surf down under with the new Butt-In-Ski!

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Crapper John McIntyre's picture
l 100+ points

Wash n' Warm
Rinse n' Roast
Torrid Tushie
Comfy Cleaner
Tempid Tidier

Yeah, I guess I could give it a little more thought...

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

tlhIngan maH! (death to Klingons)

Powersoak's picture

Hurricane in a bowl
Hurricane for the red eye

Di Uhreea's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points

1)THERMBIDET
2)THERMACLEANSE
3)SANI-THERM

for fun:
4)Toastywash
5)Assblaster 2000
6)Rimsimmer
7)Desoilinator

Anonymous Coward's picture

ButtBungSpritz

Slip, Slide, Splash, Wash That Ass!!

The Tushie Fountain

hockyoligist's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

look ma no hands!!

if your gonna be a bear be a grizzly

hockyoligist's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

warm wet papersaver

if your gonna be a bear be a grizzly

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

Asstro Wash

Dutchess of Dookie's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I know its over but....
Uglies Washer
Kandoo clean the poo
Doodie Washer
The Pusher Washer

_______
I poop therefore I am.

I poop therefore I am.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Squirts warm water right up that ass,
Biffy's just right for you and your lass.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Go ahead, eat that 5 star Thai
Biffy cools and cleans that smoking third eye

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Well, that's that. Now it's up to the people at Biffy. I'll let you know what they have to say...

Squat-n-leaveit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Gee... Dave...
I hope my third rate prose were not the reason the axe fell.

The Regifter's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Yes, it's closed, but one more for the record...

Winter's Morn'

JonaD's picture

The Can Cleaner

I know its done though

reece's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

biffy cleans that shit right off!!

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

Bun warmer.

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