Contest #28: The Return Of The Glass Eye Limerick Contest -- vote now!

// // 15 Comments
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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Last week, an alarmed Korean War veteran wrote in with an urgent problem: he'd swallowed his glass eye (again!) and wanted to know how he could get it out. He needed our advice. Instead, he got a bunch of limericks. And now it's time to pick the funniest. Your seven nominees are below:


LIMERICK ONE
Oh, what did the great glass eye see
On its gastrointestinal journey?
A dollop of poo,
A polyp or two,
And some fifty-year-old kimchee.

-- Shatty Cake


LIMERICK TWO
Marty's eye his bung hole did clog,
and through his shit he was forced daily to slog.
And when it finally came out,
he let loose a proud shout,
"I've birthed the very first seeing-eye log."

-- Logjam


LIMERICK THREE
A crusty old veteran of Seoul,
had a fake eye lodged in his hole.
"It could have been worse,"
he exclaimed to his nurse.
"It could have been stuck in my pole!"

-- ChiefThunderbutt


LIMERICK FOUR
Poor Martin's glass eyeball will stink
When it lands in the toilet, I think.
Poor Martin's confessin',
"I've learned me a lesson;
My eye should be cleaned in the sink!"

-- J. E. Pettit


LIMERICK FIVE
There once was a young lad named Danny
Who was falsely accused by his Granny
Of stealing an eye,
But the eye, by and by,
Was lodged in poor Grandpa's tight fanny.

-- Shatty Cake


LIMERICK SIX
Poor Martin! His eye, made of glass,
Into his full tummy did pass.
So now the poor fool
Must sift through every stool
To be sure when the eye leaves his ass.

-- MSG


LIMERICK SEVEN
Oh what a piteous sight
Marty grunting all through the night
It slid from his hole
Then over the rim of the bowl
Balefully stared the cyclopsean shite

-- The Turdly One


/** * the following displays the most recent poll * and assumes you have the poll.module enabled * * Works with Drupal 4.6 * Does not work with Drupal 4.5.x * */ // Set the nid for the poll you want to display $nid = 5371; $poll = node_load(array('nid' => $nid, 'type' => 'poll', 'moderate' => 0, 'status' => 1)); if ($poll->nid) { // poll_view() dumps the output into $poll->body. poll_view($poll, 1, 0, 1); } print $poll->body;

15 Comments on "Contest #28: The Return Of The Glass Eye Limerick Contest -- vote now!"

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

all of them are pretty good. but i chose #3 because it had the best rhythm.

it's all about rhythm.
_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

That's what she said.

I have no idea who to vote for yet again. Decisions, decisions.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

Said the absent-mind Prof down in Spain
As his brand-new glass eye slid down t'drain:
"My labors are futile:
I've lost a new pupil!"
He was mournfully heard to exclaim.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

Said the Queen of PR, Wonderpance,
When poor Dumpster did ask her to dance:
"I may have a patch
On my left eye, but natch,
I can still 'prise the size of your lance!"

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

And then there is Daphne, who can
Decide whether Dumpster is banned:
We hope she decides
To judge with both eyes,
And not just the one from last Jan.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Oh for fuck's sake.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

"There's really no reason" she stated,
"For Adolphne's ban lust to be sated.
'Cuz the pain of the hour
'Was your abuse of power,
'A power that's since been negated.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

I had to give my vote to number 3. That was the one that made me laugh out loud.

TurdyTreeAnaTurd's picture
l 100+ points

#2 very first seeing-eye log ... lol

TurdyTreeAnaTurd's picture
l 100+ points

There still lives a man in Nantucket
Whose eye was so loose he did suck it
Now he looks for the glass
Each time he wipes ass
If he finds the damned thing he should chuck it.

RoboCrap13's picture
l 100+ points

Had to go with the seeing eye log, because in the land of the blind, the one-eyed is king!
_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

Phillip_D_Trousers's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I'm gonna cry... none of my limericks were selected for the finalists... boo hoo sniff

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

We have a winner! Hail to the chief. Send me your shirt preferences, chief.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I am overcome with emotion by the great honor that has been bestowed upon me.
Of course it could never have been possible without your votes. I should like to take a moment to thank all of you who voted for my entry, I thank you from the heart of my bottom.

To all of you who voted for someone else I should like to take a moment to say, fuck you, nanner-nanner-nanner. Seriously, there were many wonderful entries and I was jut a lucky old geezer, now if I could just extend that luck to the lottery......... Here is my acceptance limerick;

The irascible ChiefThunderbutt,
that profane and vulgar old nut,
came up with a ditty,
that was oh so witty,
'bout eyes that get stuck in your gut.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

baron von crapalot's picture
k 500+ points


Its gotta be #3 the pentameter was spot on.

Butt, where was PD's effort??

_______
Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

I hope to god I've just sat in a Shepard's pie.

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