Van Destroyer


My friends and I took a trip from New Jersey to North Carolina to help a friend of ours move. We spent the previous night drinking Guinness and Bacardi 151. Bad idea.

We woke up early that morning to a cold winter day and started slamming Wawa coffees along with some breakfast sandwiches. Another bad idea.

We hit I-95, and all was well. We were just joking around having fun; then we hit a KFC. I order some of their barbecue wings, sat back in the van, and all of a sudden... bam! I start unleashing toxic green clouds. My stomach felt worse with each silent bomb that leaked from my ass. We eventually had to pull over as my friend's girlfriend started puking.

We were still laughing when we got back in the van, but we all start gagging from the lingering stench, which ended up being worse than the actual farts. We had barely arrived in North Carolina barely and my gas became worse. I start farting in the house, and by this point my friends wanted to kill me.

Even though we avoided the van for the two days, it was not enough time for the van to air out; the ghost of the toxic stench was still there when we left.

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4 Comments on "Van Destroyer"

ChrisM's picture
l 100+ points

My uncle was notorious for gas like that. He could stink up half the house, even with the air conditioner blowing air away from certain rooms.

The ChrisM virus is incompatible with your current operating system. Your system will now be rebooted into DOS and return to the virus.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I once farted in my truck just as I entered the parking lot at work. At the end of what was probably a ten hour day the truck was still filled with aged fart. If I hadn't driven home with the windows down I think the fart might have lasted several days.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points

A fart that I cut in the kitchen area of spacious house in Palm Springs during the night was still visible and noxious that morning after, as evidenced from the 14 year old niece of my then girlfriend who said, "I can still smell It". I had no other reaction but to shrug my shoulders and chuckle.

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Tuba Cheeks's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorm 1+ points - Newb

Just admit it, Chief- you ghost wrote this story didn't you.

I have occasionally released a lingering bomb of doom myself. The staying power of these monstrosities is both wonderous and horrifying.

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