Heaving Las Vegas
After the fact, everybody who was anybody said the same thing to me, “You should have known better.” And in fact, I really should have. It’s amazing what alcohol, large amounts of meat and strippers will make you do… The entire plane ride to Vegas, I was trying to think positive. I was going...
Half-Packed Bags, Fully-Packed Colon
Up until the point that I was sixteen years old I had never spent very much time away from home. I had a fairly sheltered childhood; the only times I ever spent away from home were either at a relative’s house or accompanying my parents somewhere. During that sixteenth summer I finally left home...
Door Number Two
A couple summers ago, my wife and I took a week-long trip to the beach in Destin, Florida, with another couple. I generally eat pretty healthy, but since I was on vacation I decided that it was time to splurge a little. Every meal I ate was some combination of cheeseburgers, fries, pizza, fried...
One Missed Step
Several years ago my friends Brenda-Lee, Kaye and Robert and I took a vacation in the United States. We travelled from the United Kingdom to San Francisco and had a simply super time doing all the touristy things to do in that great city. Part of the trip included the hiring of a thirty-two foot...
Going In The Gobi
I tried. Believe me, I tried so damn hard to get either a dose of the squirts or some serious constipation for PoopReporters' enjoyment. But I'm sorry to have to admit that, despite my best efforts in a strange and faraway land, I failed completely to have anything but perfect and regular stools....
The China Syndrome
Editor's note: Iberian Crapper apologizes that English "ain't my mother tongue." Since I'm already impressed by his use of the colloquial, I don't think it'll be a problem. It all happened last summer. I went with my mate over to China to visit a friend working in Shanghai and to tour around China'...
One Groovy Poopsicle
We've always taken a five-gallon bucket with a screw-top lid as our groover on our rafting trips, but we never actually used it; we were blessed with lovely outhouses on all of our previous trips. This changed when we went on the Owhyee in Eastern Oregon, a beautiful and remote float with no...
The World's Oldest Squat Toilet
I've just come back from a trip through the Kurdish region of Southeastern Turkey and was lucky enough to come across an unusual find for PoopReport: the world's oldest recorded squat toilet -- a toilet that is at least 2,750 years old. Cavustepe Fortress was built by the Urartian people near Lake...
The Harbor And The Fury
I love kayaking. The simplicity, the freedom, the access to places that few have visited, the thrill being in the middle of a pod of killer whales, the silent meditation of a still midnight crossing. Pooping while kayaking, however, can be troublesome. People ask, "How do you go to the bathroom?"...
The Shit Tits: Welcoming The Newtown Cre
There are over eight million people in New York City. Invariably, each and every one of them will go to the bathroom. So after that fateful flush, where does it go? Well, if they happen to live or work in North Brooklyn or the East Side of Manhattan below 72nd Street, the odds are that their poop...
The Himeji Poop Exhibit
Editor's note: This was originally posted on the author's fascinating blog. Visit it! Today's Word Of The Day is うんち (unchi). That's Japanese for "poop". Last weekend, my wife and I went to the Confectionary Exposition in Himeji, and on the way back to the car we saw this sign: Here is what the...
Houses Of The Holy Cow Poop
The stereotype of India is true: cows wander the streets with impunity. They block traffic, they sleep on the sidewalk, they eat food scraps and plastic bags off the ground. Indians don't eat beef because they consider cows holy, but just because they're holy doesn't mean they're not an annoyance...
How Iran Drops The Bomb
I've just got back from a trip to Iran and thought some of you might be interested in seeing how they go about their toilet business. It may be called part of the "Axis of Evil", but the government and the people are two completely different things. You could not meet more friendly, generous, and...
Notes On Ethiopian Defecation
A year or two ago, I found myself bedded down for the night in an Ethiopian whorehouse. This was in Bahar Dar, a town in the northwest of the country, on the shore of Lake Tana -- the source of the Blue Nile. We were a party of eight traveling around the northern Ethiopian highlands, and the source...
Dinner At The Real India
Aside from the fact that everywhere we went men wanted to ask us about ourselves or take pictures of us or with us, a life-changing event occurred in India -- one that made me understand what Angelina Jolie must feel like at times. And because this was Stef's idea, I tell her she owes me money for...
Sailing With An Impotent Macerator
So there I was on my honeymoon this past September. My wife and I decided to take a week-long sailing trip around Antigua. The boat was a fifty-foot catamaran (picture a big pontoon) with four guest cabins holding two people each and one crew cabin. The guest cabins were spaced in the hulls of...
Hind(i) Signs
It's been just over a month since I started working at my company's office in New Delhi. I haven't paid much attention to the bathrooms here at the office -- they haven't seemed particularly clean nor particularly dirty. Considering that fifty men share two urinals and a toilet, I figured they were...
My Big Fat Feek Shedding
The Barafu Hut outhouse, situated about 15,000 feet up Mt. Kilimanjaro. The English lexicon contains words for the persistent fear that peanut butter will stick to the roof of your mouth ("Arachibutyrophobia") and the act of tossing someone out a window ("defenestration"). "...
Bearing The Prospect Of No Toilet
I have an active bowel, and I'm concerned about traveling on buses without toilets or being in other places where a bathroom might not be readily available. This is not debilitating, but I am cautious. I asked my wife how long of an airline flight she would be willing to take if she knew that a...
Letting Go In Egypt's Land
I was so excited to be taking my first and only trip to Egypt. It had been a lifelong dream of mine. While going over my list of things to pack as recommended by the tour group, I came across a strange entry: toilet paper. Don't they use toilet paper in Egypt? Why would I have to bring a roll of my...

my butt is leaky
March 25, 2004. 1,653 Comments