A Mexican Ruin(ed)

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m 1+ points - Newb
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The year was 2008, November to be precise, and I was on my honeymoon in Mexico. My wife and I were staying at a very posh and expensive resort. Seeing as how it was all inclusive, we spent most of the trip lounging around the several pools, drinking copious amounts of alcohol and eating anything and everything in sight. We ordered from room service at at all hours of the night and dined at the many continent and country-themed restaurants that littered the resort. One night we'd go Italian,and the night we'd do Mexican, and so on.

Well, the next morning after one night of eating the seafood paella (probably the calamari) I started to feel the uncomfortable gurgle that was sure to be a hot liquid explosion. Oh, the best part of this feeling was that I was boarding a tour bus from the resort to go to a Mexican ruin. And wouldn't you know it... there was no bathroom!

"Stop the bus," I said. Embarrassed and clenching my butt cheeks, I jumped off the bus before it left the resort with my wife fuming and following behind me. The remaining day my wife was pissed that I "had to eat the strange food" and that "we'd never see this ancient crappy Mexican whatever".

Sadly, the next day I still wasn't feeling any better, and after shitting from sun up to the arrival of the next redemption bus my wife had had enough. She left me in the resort and went on the bus with all these old people and tourists to see Chichen Itza. So, for the rest of my marriage she throws this fact in my face -- that she had to go and get strangers to take her picture alone in front of the steps. I'm pretty sure sitting in shitty pants is a worse story, so I take my chances with her spite.

12 Comments on "A Mexican Ruin(ed)"

Caca Poopy Pants's picture

Scraping the bottom of the barrel with this worthless poop report.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Chichen Itza sounds like something you would eat, "I'll have the Chichen Itza with extra jalapeños please."


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How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

C Everett Poop's picture
j 1000+ points

All of Mexico is shit.

Pancho Gonzales 's picture

Ah yes Senor Poop, my country is full of shit. That is why I travel to Van Nuys, California and unload my bowels on the decks of the fishing boats in the harbor. Smell my used bean burrito gringo!

Andale andale!!

C Everett Poop's picture
j 1000+ points

Good luck with that Pancho, since Van Nuys is about 40 miles from the water. I have plenty of gulls and pelicans to shit on my deck.

Pancho Gonzales 's picture

Aye-yi-yi-yi, I have misspoken in your crude and very guttural language Senor Poop. I actually do my best shit squirting in the harbor at Ventura, California. My nickname is actually El Pelícano.

Smell my gifts bestowed on your deck with love.

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points


CEP-when ass was king.
I don't know if you are baiting or not. And instead of ignoring your wiseness, I will retort with this: may a bloodsucking chupacabra suck your brain out of your ass. Amen.
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Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

ChrisM's picture
l 100+ points

Last time I was in Monterrey, I got the wicked runs....but only from the insane amount of beer.

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The ChrisM virus is incompatible with your current operating system. Your system will now be rebooted into DOS and return to the virus.

The ChrisM virus is incompatible with your current operating system. Your system will now be rebooted into DOS and return to the virus.

Frank Benway's picture
l 100+ points

Eating a fat diarrhito
With a wannabe Frito Bandito
Got raped in the culo
By a down's syndrome Cholo
Now the prisoners call me "Putito"

Frank Benway's picture
l 100+ points

A plump little whore from Oaxaca
Once ate too much tainted Machaca
She cut so many sharts
Mixed with poisonous farts
That la gorda turned into la flaca

Frank Benway's picture
l 100+ points

A beady eyed Jew up in Queens
Thought he could consume refried beans
He spent his Passover
Shitting squirts in the clover
It's not Kosher to eat what's unclean

Anonymous's picture

Whenever I eat Mexican I always have poo flow out my anus and I have endless wiping

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