The Uritonnoir: A Male Concert-Goer's Best Friend

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If you've ever been to an outdoor concert, then you have most likely waited in line to pee in a smelly, and oft'-filthy, porta-potty. If you're a guy, then you may have decided to pee elsewhere: behind the porta-potty, at the edge of the field, in the parking lot, on someone else's shoes, etc. Well, guess what? Now you can pee into a bale of straw! Meet the Uritonnoir.



Peeing into a bale of straw was never easier.

Thanks to two balding, French, penis-owning geniuses from the Faltazi company, concert-goers who have their own penises can saunter up to a straw bale into which the several Urinnoir models have been inserted. The Urinnoir comes flat, as shown here:

By folding along the dotted lines, one makes a jointed funnel that allows the peer to deposit his recycled beer deep into the bale, and simple chemistry takes over. Thanks to Moonbattery.com, I can explain this without blowing a mental gasket: After drinking beer, you pee into the funnel. The nitrogen in your pee reacts with the carbon in the straw. This extra nitrogen speeds up the decomposition process by what seems to be the natural form of aerobic decomposition. Nitrogen, carbon, and and phosphorus are used by bacteria to break down organic material; therefore, the extra nitrogen added by pee gives them more food, and they do their job better ... or something like that. Later the pee-soaked bales can by used as fertilizer. The funnel comes in propylene currently, and in September will come in stainless steel to "resist climatic changes."

The Uritonnoir allow a concert or festival promoter to reduce the amount of human waste created at the event, and it can accommodate shorter or taller partiers. According to the website, complete compost evolution takes roughly six months, and then local farmers can use the compost to fertilize their fields. Those who purchase the device can even place advertisements on them.

If anyone sees these popping up in the United States this summer, drop us a line or send a picture. Maybe I'll send you a bumper sticker or a poop-like business card holder.

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8 Comments on "The Uritonnoir: A Male Concert-Goer's Best Friend"

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

What an ecologically friendly idea! You could possibly even spray some diarrhea into the funnel.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Of course the French would come up with something this fancy. Here in Wisconsin, people have been peeing in bales of straw for decades already. Yawn.

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

Log Layin' Lady's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

As if men didn't already have the easy-mode of concert peeing. Oh well, at least there is hope that there will be a slight reduction in porta potty seat pee.

Jack Schitt's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points

The last concert I went to I simply had the missus hold a blanket in front of her as I proceeded to pee between her legs from behind. I ended up pissing on my own pant leg, but what the hell, I got relief.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Thank God someone has come up with something to help us poor guys find a place to pee. We have suffered long enough. Wait...oh..it's the girls? Never mind.

Jack, kudos to you and the wife. Nice.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Considering the previous article (http://www.poopreport.com/Discussions/porta-potties-aflame.html), I suppose it's just a matter of time before the outdoor concert turns into a Burning Man festival.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I wonder if they're going to make puking hay bales for the Michael Bolton concerts.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Michael Bolton is a good choice for poop report. The strained quality of his voice always sounded to me like he was trying to take a shit but was a little stopped up.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

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