The Princess, The Bouncer, And The Balloon

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m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

I posted on here a while back about my own situation on the page My Butt is Leaky, but that was a few years ago. My condition has improved, so I thought I would repost some new thoughts.

Let me tell you briefly about my situation. I very, very rarely had any noticeably visible leakage; however, I did have serious butt odor problems and sweaty ass/mild liquid leakage that took over my life. Every day, during most every waking moment, my asshole was on my mind. That's no way to live. I can totally relate to people who have posted thoughts about suicide. You cannot truly become your best, or much of anything, when you constantly smell like shit.

It was in 1999 that my trouble started. I wanted to have a normal life – to get married, and be successful and have a well paying job – but I smelled like shit. It just happened too; one day it seemed as if I was blindsided by a stinky ass, and it never went away. At first, there was visible leakage, and then after it stopped the smell never went away.

I'm sure diet is a big factor, but I don’t think it’s the only factor. If it was, then why aren't the millions and millions of greasy food-eating, low fiber people out there all having this problem? I think there may be more to it than just the food or the caffeine. And I don't think it's what you guys want to hear. I honestly think people on here are not paying enough attention to one important factor: the sphincter. I didn't have this site to go on, and nobody to talk to about it, and I just eventually figured that my ass wasn't tight enough. And I think I was right.

A healthy person with a tight ass can have liquid shit in his rectum for hours without any leakage, but asshole needs to be like a clenched fist, all of the time, for this to be. It truly was, for me, a combination of physical and psychological issues that were causing my problem. Above and beyond any concern about fiber, I recognized the simple fact that my asshole is supposed to be tight.

I'm going to tell you exactly what I did, which didn't involve diet, to treat that sweaty wet dirty ass problem that no one wants to talk about but obviously ruins people's lives. First of all, I keep my ass clean. I don't take one shower every day; sometimes I take three. And when I shower, I wash my ass like my life depends on it, because in a way, it does.

If you don't feel comfortable drying your asshole with your towel, then drying your face with the same spot, then you haven't washed well enough. That shit should be spotless. When the problem was at its worst, for me, I would also periodically go to the bathroom and wash my ass; and by periodically, I mean frequently. Lock the door and wash your ass in the sink. Or, wash it in a clean toilet by scooping some water out of the toilet and using soap from the sink. Dry your ass with toilet paper or the towel and wash your hands. You'll be in the bathroom a bit longer than normal, but that's better than smelling like ass. Don't just go back and wipe over and over, because you'll wind up irritating your asshole. Wash it!

If you want to get over the problem of a leaky or smelly butt, every spare minute should be dedicated to your asshole. This means that moping on the couch and wishing you were dead is not an option. Your ass cannot be trained to function well only while sitting down, because as soon as you stand, walk, or perform any physical activity your ass training will be out the window. Go for a walk and concentrate on your rectum and sphincter. I used to take a small line from a song, and repeat it over and over and over again while gently flexing my asshole. I would put myself into a strict trance-like state while chanting a rhythmic mantra to myself, and mentally exploring my asshole. Your objective (in the beginning at least) is not to end your walk with a perfectly clean ass. Your objective is to get to know your asshole. Don't think about work, girls, TV, or anything else. Think about your ass and your ass alone. Keep your mind as tight as your ass should be, which is to say super tight. You are in asshole boot camp, soldier.

As you do this, you move toward the end result, which is a thorough understanding of where your asshole is supposed to be, where it is now, and what you have to do to close that gap. Most people only think of their asshole as one sphincter. I think there are two. I call the outer sphincter the bouncer. It is supposed to be big and meaty and is used to keep the big guys inside. It will stop a boulder from falling out, but isn't designed to stop the light gentle moisture from getting out. For that we have an inner sphincter, maybe an inch inside, that I call the princess. The princess is smaller and tighter, like a tiny rubber band. She is private and doesn't like to be looked at, by which I mean she doesn't like to be thought about too closely, or moved or flexed. She can be forgetful and let the ass juice out, but when she's doing her job she can be so tight it hurts. She can be a real bitch. When the ass is tight, the princess rises further into the rectum. The meaty bouncer can be controlled more with your conscious mind, and is more readily apparent, but the princess is more of an automatic thing, she deals better with your subconscious mind. Keep in mind that none of this is from science. I haven't looked it up, but it's what I think and it helped me get straight, and maybe it can help you.

Editor’s note: This is actually anatomically accurate. There are two sphincters in the anus, one external and one internal. The external anal sphincter is composed of striated voluntary muscle, and the smaller, internal anal sphincter is composed of smooth involuntary muscle.

Tense your diaphragm and upper abdominal muscles slightly to create a vacuum like effect in your lower torso and rectum area. As if you are gently trying to suck something up into your ass through a straw. The inside of your rectum is a bit like a deflated balloon. Removing the pressure like that will cause the balloon to sort of inflate into its proper shape. The end result is for the balloon, princess, and bouncer to all be working at one hundred percent all of the time, on a back burner in your mind. Like breathing. And they should all be strong from constant training and activity over the course of a long time.

Also, hold in your farts; don't just let them go. What better anal strength training than holding in a belligerent fart?

Too much serious flexing and relaxing can also make matters worse, so it’s best to train yourself in private. While in public, just try to maintain a constant, gentle state of contraction or tone.

I've read some comments from people on here whose approach is not, in my opinion, helping at all. For instance, if you have problems while working out or playing sports, like I did, then for pete's sake don't work out or play sports. You have to have a life for your own sanity's sake, but put your asshole before your friends, your hobbies, your favorite TV shows, and everything else. If you are serious about it then be about it all the time, and the rest of your life be damned. Do you want to smell and leak forever? No, of course not. It took me a long time, and it will probably take you a long time. You have no choice but to either give up or get tough on yourself. Trust me, you will come out the other side smelling like roses, but it will take work. And with proper maintenance and, yes, treating the symptoms as well as the problem, you can have a halfway normal life in the meantime.

To this day, when I go to the club I can tell if I'm going to get a smelly ass from dancing. For instance, if I've shit recently or since the last time I showered, I know better than to dance hard. It will make me (and the rest of the club) smell bad. I'll dance lightly or not at all. If I showered before I came out, however, and I haven't got the runs or really bad farts, then I dance like there's no tomorrow. Be conscious of the situations you put yourself in so as to still have a life with minimal complications.

Well, that's my two cents. I hope it helps somebody, I know I sure could have used some help.

26 Comments on "The Princess, The Bouncer, And The Balloon"

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

This is one of my favorite parts of being a part of PoopReport -- hearing from someone who was able to overcome an embarrassing problem and wants to help others.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Live and Learn !

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

This is an amazing story. I'm sure most people don't think of their inner sphincter as a voluntary organ. The story reminds me of one I heard over 40 years ago, about a person (Christian Science practitioner? not sure) who would clean his lower tract by running warm water into the bathtub, lying in the tub, and letting his anus suck in water--in effect, an enema with nothing to insert. Once enough water was inside, this person would supposedly get out of the tub, dry himself off, go over to the toilet, and only then expel the water and associated bowel contents. I had discounted that story as, at least, an exaggeration; but in light of Recovering Stinker's story, maybe it's true.

Me Too's picture

I also have a mantra or song I think of internally whilst flexing and toning my turd belcher, Led Zeppelins "We're Gonna Groove" but I've changed the lyrics a bit to help me focus:

Hear my turd comin' down the track
Betcha my sphincter's holding it back
Someday it'll come back to me
My ass will no longer leak

We're not gonna poo, Yeah poo
Yeah we're not gonna poo

We're gonna hold... until the break of day

Sphincter sweet as sweet can be
You don't know whatcha do to me
Let me say you're my one desire
You not gonna set my ass on fire

Oh we're not gonna poo,Yeah poo
Yeah we're not gonna poo
We gonna hold... until the break of day

Sphincter sweet as sweet can be
Lemme tell ya you don't know whatcha do to me
You're not gonna set my ass on fire
Sphincter you know you're my one desire...

We not gonna poo... (repeat)

Anonymous Coward's picture

If it were me, I'd get a butt plug of some sort if the exercising didn't work. Sure it doesn't exactly fix the problem but sometimes the only way to stop a leak in the plumming is to ducttape it fiercely till it dare not leak.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I believe the flexing exercise is called a "kegel" exercise. Many women use it to help with urinary problems (not being able to hold it, especially after have children) and some men use it for the same as well as to overcome... Premature mishaps...

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Awesome report, Stinky. You have obviously spent some time thinking and working on this.

I wish that you could give personal or group lessons. I can think of whole subway cars full of foul, smelly fuckwads that could use a good lesson on how to keep their shit in their asses at least until they get off the train, present company excepted. You would be doing a great public service.

Again, congrats on licking ...er, solving ...your leaky ass problem.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Thank you for posting this. My now ex-boyfriend had a smelly ass that eventually led me to break up with him. He would leave that disgusting smell in the bedsheets and even in my car upholstery. His jeans smelled like that. And when we were "getting busy" last summer and the fan was blowing on the bed, it actually blew the stench in my face. I took to putting Vicks under my nose like coroners do at autopsies! Finally, I really just couldn't deal with it. I had become so, so turned off that I kept avoiding chances to be intimate. I talked to him about it and he made an effort (more showers, talcum powder, etc.); I don't know exactly what caused this because he always showered right before coming over. At his house, I noticed his bath towel smelled even worse--like I imagine a dead body would smell. I mentioned it to him, said he should wash his towels after one or two uses, but every time, the towel (at nose level when I used the bathroom) smelled like that. I mentioned it again and he said it was from getting sweaty as he was drying off. That just doesn't make sense; God, the whole thing was really disgusting. He says that no woman ever mentioned the stench problem to him before. I began to wonder whether it was some kind of illness/bacteria and even whether it could be contagious! What was ironic is that before I even ever mentioned this problem, he loved to quote a line from comedian Redd Foxx: "You gotta wash yer ass." See this link. It is hilarious: http://vodpod.com/watch/2184447-redd-foxx-wash-your-ass

Recovering Stinker's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

You know, it just blows my mind that there are ten pages of comments on the 'leaky butt' page, and nine or so on the 'smelly ass' page, and most of them are single post sufferers. I figure hundreds of different people have posted about this problem on this site alone. I didn't see a single person saying 'hey it might be that your ass isn't tight enough.' But I believe in tough love.

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Good luck with the exercises, Stinker. I hope they keep your sphincters in prime condition.

The voice of sanity

Bran Lover's picture
k 500+ points

Couldn't there possibly be a prolapse or an internal hernia or something? I mean there are ligaments holding the colon into certain places. Maybe one of them broke upon exerting too hard on a constipated day.

Another thought is maybe there is too much magnesium or other muscle relaxant drug/mineral/supplement in the diet? I know if I take too much magnesium, the priness and the bouncer take a day off.

There is a thing called Ligament Laxity, so maybe there is a Colon Laxity or Smooth Muscle Laxity. (I apologize for not looking those up. I have Follow-Through Laxity.)

_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Bran Lover's picture
k 500+ points

Serious ailment, that Follow-Through Laxity.
_______
To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

To affect the quality of the poo, that is the art of life. ~Thoreau, sort of.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Get well soon, Branny!!!


_______
"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Anonymous Coward's picture

I wish you well...I really do. But I need to go wash out my brain after reading this.

who flung poo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I've experienced some embarrassing moments like this but what really makes me angry is most of the time I don't smell it at all. My nose wont let me find the odor or it only exist to other people and not to myself so I never suspected it was me. It's not often, it's usually after a huge excrement, but when it happens I'm usually so sick to my stomach from embarrassment that I just want to crawl under a bus before it drives away.
I don't have it happen too often but it usually itches a lot when I'm leaking or recovering from a baseball release.

a person who actually has a life. nuff said.'s picture

you guys dont have any lives.i mean lets get real here this is a website dedicated to POOP. this is not the place to tell people about what goes on when you crap because frankly NO ONE GIVES A CRAP! i mean how much free time do you have? all im saying is get off the toilet!!!!!!!!the worlds a beautiful place unlike your bathroom! wake up and smell the roses instead of crap! youll thank me later imbeciles.i mean truthfully how many of you r on this site WHILE ur crapping? NO ONE CARES WHT COMES OUT OF YOUR NASTY LITTLE BUTTS. k well i have a life so im gonna go live it instead of wasting my time here like you buttholes. kthanksbye.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear person with a life ... Excuse me but didn't you just waste a few moments of your wonderful life making that comment. You are a very impatient person because you submitted the comment twice, I deleted one of them.

You might spend some quality time with an English teacher and try to improve your writing skills, they stink more than our crap!


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Hoo boy, a real live critic! Just so you know, PR is only a part of our life--a nice part, an amusing part, but a part. We do have lives; we are merely those people who value a part of our lives that some others reject as unworthy. So there!

poomellon's picture

The exercise is called a Kagel. Women do them all the time to improve orgasms. I had no idea it would help my pooper. Thanks!

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points

Oh Recovering Sphinctor,
You are a brave one. It takes guts to share your ailment, painstakingly work on a cure (or manage), then report to the world. Our bodies and their functioning surely throws us some doosies to confront. I quess that is where our will can prove challenging, resiliant, and in tune. Some simply give up, and that's tragic, but when courage, patience, and a filter of not being shamed can raise your spirit, then you can spare thoughts of hopelessness.
Everyone stinks....we are smelly animals, so your not alone. Bravo...glad you are smelling better, and the leakage has waned.

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

biglogosu's picture

Recovering Stinker, your story breaks my heart, I did not realize that people suffered the way you have! I do have some questions that require an honest answer. Did you damage your sphincter? Serious, did you insert anything into it that was too wide and tear it? Did you pass the world's widest turd and tear it? Makes me wonder about female porn stars always taking it up the rear, are they fecal incontinent too? Pew!
Also, very curious, are you an excessively large person or tall person? More downward pressure may have just blown that thing out.
As far as addressing the problem, have you discussed it with a physician, had a barium enema or endoscopy to explore the cause? What if there is a mass near the nerve that controls the princess?
I agree with at least one other post, I likely would have developed some type of butt plug to fill the gap, or maybe have the thing surgically purse stringed to make the opening smaller! I wish you the best of luck!

biglog

Anonymous Coward's picture

Don't you people in the USA have a bidet in your bathroom? In Europe we have that very practical device. After having a crap, we seat in the bidet and wash with our hand our ass and genitalia with an abundant quantity of warm water and soap. You get it clean as a whistle. Think of that. No need of toilet paper or cleaning tissues, not having to take a full shower just to have your ass washed. Also, you people in America seem to treat your asses pretty roughly. Whether by self-abuse or having been abused by other people. Perhaps you have been abused as a child and can't remember no more. One thing is sure: you people seem to have your anal sphincter damaged. Stop that crap of anal sex or anal masturbation (if you can't stop, at least go slowly and use a lot of K-Y lube). It's not natural and it can damage the anal sphincter beyond repair. You'll end up as walking cesspools...

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Dear AC, Let us know what part of Europe you are from and we gross, unnatural, butt fucking Americans shall worship you as perfect assholes.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points


__for many reasons, this is my favorite story from last year...it's sincere, heart wrenching, and fucking funny!___

__
Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I cannot wipe my ass sufficiently to rid it of its stinky smell and if I did it would be rubbed red raw. Upon reading the article here I am sure it is because I have a loose sphincter, a girlfriend years ago accused me of having gay experiences because of my big asshole. I have never had anything up my ass and till then had not realized my anus was big, it's not really something that occupied my mind. Now I think about it all the time, damn. When I have a poo at home, after wiping I wash my ass with soap and water and wipe with a different towel to the one I generally use. My asshole stays fresh for a while but after a couple of hours, or straight away if I exert myself physically, it starts to stink again. Speaking of which I hate the synthetic running shorts these days because they really stink from my stinky ass after about a mile.

Pusher's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I have a couple of things to address. (Hi, I'm new by the way)

I can't hold in my farts because I have IBS and it would either kill me with pain or I would jump in front of a train to end the pain.

For those who just can't get clean enough, for whatever reason I have a secret. I have short arms. Not sure why, but I call them flippers. If I have to do something and am worried that I am "not so fresh" I use a press on panty shield placed further back. It will stop skid marks (ewwww) and keep you safe until you can get clean.

I recently had surgery on my back and most of the time my husband has to help me, if you know what I mean, so when I can't do a good enough job with my wipey toys, I used a liner. I really hope this helps someone. I want to make and sell these. I already have a name for them. ;)

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