Poop, Wipe, And Flush In Less Than 25 Seconds


I once managed a 12.659-second poop, including wiping, when I blew my nose while on the toilet. The sneeze forced it right out. And it was a clean one wiper.

What's your fastest time?

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10 Comments on "Poop, Wipe, And Flush In Less Than 25 Seconds"

Anonymous's picture

You use a timer while you're on the pot? AWESOME!!!

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I rate my poops by stench factor rather than speed of delivery. I can proudly say that I have wiped out a few facilities in my day.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Are we counting only solid ones? When I'm having an IBS attack, I can expel poop from my backside in less than 10 seconds. It just depends on how angry my intestines are, I suppose.

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

phatmanxxl's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

You sir are a Power Pooper

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

I have a friend who can walk into a bathroom (to poop) right behind someone who just has to pee, and still come out ahead of them. I guess he hasn't read many novels in his lifetime.

Anonymous's picture

I have a high fibre diet, with fresh fruit and vegetables. This means that my body clock is synchronised with the actual time.

It takes me less time to poop than to wipe. In fact, I sit my bare bottom on the toilet, and before my trousers and underpants have reached my ankles, sometimes I have started plopping. It's not of the diarrhoea texture, but soft enough to take a lot of wiping. (Though first of all I hold my distinctive masculine appendage inside the front of the seat so that it can make its own contribution to my general comfort.)

Apart from stomach upset, which I rarely have, I regard a dirty bottom as a sign of a healthy internal system; if, however it's hard and there is nothing on the toilet paper, it suggests to me that there is something wrong.

The occasions when I do get out of kilter is if I don't have the opportunity when I have the urge. I sometimes miss a day then.

Once a day every morning is idea for me.

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points

as opposed to your front side?

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Anonymous's picture

Takes me around one to five minutes.

Anonymous's picture

I timed my best friend once. 7.47 seconds to drop and wipe AND flush, and it was at least a foot long. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't witnessed it myself.

This same friend also took a deuce the literal size of a newborn baby in the toilet at school. People were taking pictures and sending it to each other. The janitors had to literally pick her poop up out of the toilet because it wouldn't flush.

Anonymous's picture

Could have been an actual baby.

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