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Poop Oppression In America's School
Submitted by Danny
December 11, 2002, 71 Comments

I'll tell you why America's youth is in trouble: our schools are run by what you have termed Poop Nazis. In my school, first and foremost, no one is allowed to leave a class for any reason for the first ten minutes of the period, and many teachers have either a "No Shits During My Class" or a "...

Toilet Paper Alternatives
Submitted by Dakota
November 11, 2002, 79 Comments

Editor's Note: These stories first appeared on The PoopReport Forums. Dakota says: This morning I went for a jog. As I was leaving the apartment complex, I caught up with another young dude, Brad, who also lives there and also jogs regularly. We decided to jog together. It was a great morning --...

Experiments In Propulsion: Soy Nuts and
Submitted by Mastercrapper
September 19, 2002, 24 Comments

My new girlfriend and I had been living together only a few months before our domestic bliss was rocked to the foundation by the tremendous disparity in our bathroom habits: she was a zippy little shitter and, when I lumbered off to the throne, I usually took three sections of newspaper, a cup of...

How I Ensure Smooth Moves
Submitted by Anonymous PoopR...
August 26, 2002, 11 Comments

Editor's Note: This appeared one day as a comment to our Ways of Wiping story. Although it was completely anonymous, the PoopReporter who wrote it outlines the (perhaps extreme) measures s/he has taken to achieve perfect bowel health. I thought I'd share, and open up the floor to find what...

Taming Tremendous Turds: How I Successfu
Submitted by "Skat"
July 24, 2002, 350 Comments

This is the story of my life-long struggle to successfully flush either overly long or extra large diameter feces. I'm average size and eat normal sized portions; it's just that my intestines produce over-size ordure. While I enjoy daily regularity, I'm constantly concerned with clogging --...

Squatty Training
Submitted by Jonathan Isbit
July 1, 2002, 96 Comments

Back when you were an infant you knew instinctively how to answer the call of nature. While still in diapers, you used the squatting position, the method human beings have always used -- and still do in most parts of the world. Then one day Mommy or Daddy taught you the "proper, civilized" way to...

The Humanure Handbook: Do More With Mess
Submitted by Dave
June 27, 2002, 11 Comments

Editor's Note: Joseph Jenkins is a world-renowned expert on the process of composting human manure -- that is, recycling our shit into our gardens. His book, The Humanure Handbook: A Guide To Composting Human Manure provides historical, cultural and environmental histories of human waste to...

The Drought-Emergency Responsibilities O
Submitted by Dave
May 6, 2002, 29 Comments

There's a drought here in New York City and most of the Northeast. Thanks for the global warming, Johnny S.U.V. Mayor Bloomberg is urging all New Yorkers to cut their water consumption. Restaurants, for instance, are no longer allowed to serve water unless the patron asks. Decorative...

The Brown Line Of Silence
Submitted by Dave
April 22, 2002, 536 Comments

I've heard them all. As of this writing, there are 327 pages that constitute PoopReport. Give or take 20 or 30 index pages, that leaves about 300 pieces of content that I've collected over the last year and a half. Yup, I've heard them all. Twits who crap themselves, poor souls who can't crap,...

Wet Wipes: The Great Wipe Hope?
Submitted by Dave
April 12, 2002, 122 Comments

Editor's note: this conversation originated in the PoopReport Forums. Super Bowel: Last night I was at the store, and I picked up some ultra soft antibacterial, wet wipes. Made by some toilet paper company, I forget, but it doesn't matter. All that matters is how great they work! Holy shit, I have...

The Courtesy Flush: Gallant or Futile?
Submitted by Dakota
April 4, 2002, 99 Comments

FUTILE: I've recently observed that the so-called courtesy flush is not doing what it is intended. I have courtesy-flushed in the past, but my recent public poops have been accompanied by a single, final flush. I decided that the courtesy flush is an urban legend and should I cease wasting...

Female Squatting: An Etiquette Guide
Submitted by Latrina
March 25, 2002, 64 Comments

Hey Dave! It's Latrina, long time no talk-- I've been busier than a one-armed paper hanger, or something like that. Anyway I read this article on and I don't know if there is an appropriate forum for this... but check it out and see: Ladies Who Spray: If you sprinkle when you tinkle,...

Women Peeing Standing
Submitted by Sarah
January 17, 2002, 227 Comments

Any of you ladies here on PoopReport will no doubt be familiar with the Raunchy Restroom problem. You're at a concert or a club, or even out hiking, and suddenly the need to pee arises (as it is wont to do, from time to time). So you exit the dance floor in search of the ladies' room, and you're...

One Of The Wet Ones
Submitted by Jaybowel
January 14, 2002, 39 Comments

Not long ago, I pushed out a turd the size of a brick. Actually, it was bigger than a brick. It was more like a concrete block. It felt like I was trying to park the car in the mailbox instead of the garage. Needless to say, by bung was literally bleeding -- after all, bungholes are only made...

Men or Women: Who's More Disgusting
Submitted by doniker
December 11, 2001, 168 Comments

There has always been an ongoing debate on which public restroom is the most disgusting -- the women's or the men's. After what I witnessed last week I definitely say its the women's restroom. Where I work I have many responsibilities. Among them, I am the Facilities Administrator. Well one day...

Stopping a Serial Shitter.
Submitted by Jimmy Piper
August 31, 2001, 31 Comments

I just wanted to write and let you know that up in Syracuse, NY we have a serial shitter on our hands. After the first clogged toilet in my fraternity house a few days back, everyone assumed that this was just a one-time deal. The predator comes in, shits all over, and buries the mess in a pile of...

Ways of Wiping.
Submitted by Dave
August 27, 2001, 388 Comments

Back in April, I got this email from Steve. It's been sitting forgotten in my inbox for months: the other night, a bunch of us from work were out at the bar, drinking. and the conversation came to toilet paper. It was really interesting, I just figured everyone dealt with toilet paper the same...

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