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My Poop Nirvana
Submitted by Dr. Strangeturd
December 12, 2003, 56 Comments

For years, I have been searching for the Poop Nirvana: the most peaceful poop ever. A poop during which my mind can be at ease while I make peace with the bowel demons. I am not a morning shitter, nor will I ever be. I choose to take mine after a long hard day on the job, but before I relax and...

Cholera In The Time Of No Cholera
Submitted by The Other David
November 20, 2003, 15 Comments

Living in Pacific Palisades in the greater Los Angeles area, I was only 12 years old at the time. I was in what is known as the Marquez Knolls, and my school, the Marquez Elementary School, was only a block away. If I recall correctly, it was on a Friday, just at the beginning of the weekend, when...

Runs On The Run
Submitted by Sits On Bowl
October 28, 2003, 19 Comments

I am a very athletic guy and have played just about every sport except hockey. I ran track in my younger days and was a long distance runner. By now you probably know what's coming, because finding time and a place to fart and poop out on the road is a science best left to professionals. It's not...

The Power And The Glory Hole
Submitted by Mudd
October 17, 2003, 33 Comments

At the risk of being banned from the PoopReport, I have a troubling story to tell -- a confession of sorts. And while the story includes my shitting, it is really about the selfish act I performed one day last fall... My wife and I were downtown enjoying a crisp fall day in Chicago. It was late...

Hoverer Outed
Submitted by Manker
October 9, 2003, 21 Comments

I finished my course in university in 1997 and, upon my return to the family home, found my social options somewhat limited. After three years away, most of my previous peer group had either moved on or just politely declined my reunion suggestions. To remedy this I started to frequent the nearest...

Bringing Out Baby
Submitted by MommyPoo
August 14, 2003, 568 Comments

I was surprised when I came to PoopReport to see that there were no entries about childbirth pooping. Every mom knows that when you push that hard for that long, your bowels will empty in front of your husband, your mother, your doctor, your nurses, etc. If you're not comfortable pooping in front...

Time Out Of Hind
Submitted by Dave J
June 30, 2003, 23 Comments

I've just moved into my new (though temporary) home, and have noticed some interesting changes in my habits. I call this a Dissertation on Geographic Relocation and Acute Circadian Time-shift on the Bowel Habits of Me. In normal terms: I moved, my hours changed, and I can't poop normal no more...

Preparing For The Summer Stoolstice
Submitted by Dave
June 18, 2003, 0 Comments

The universe is like a giant Swiss clock. Gravity and other magical forces effortlessly keep the planets and the stars floating around space with the precision and regularity that only someone on all-oatmeal diet can possibly replicate. So exact is the rotation of the Earth around the sun that...

The Ideal Poo
Submitted by I.P. Daley
June 4, 2003, 194 Comments

I am an engineer, and I like precise engineering specifications and procedures. While internet-researching information about acute colitis, I came across a homeopathic website touting the benefits of "colon hydrotherapy," or a BF enema. At the end of the article was a description of the perfect...

Piles Ahead
Submitted by Dave J
May 28, 2003, 36 Comments

I'm a young guy of 25 -- but that's not important until later. I like to read, particularly on the crapper, so with much glee I placed the latest tome on the porcelain throne. It's a biggie: The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Six books, all bound as one, about a thousand pages total....

Ode To Stink
Submitted by Mad Shittah
May 23, 2003, 14 Comments

After reading many of the stories posted here, including my own, I have noticed that the majority of them share a common thread: racing to beat the diarrhea drop. Most of the victims eat or drink something that fuels this watery fire, and are suddenly faced with an emergency evacuation situation....

Liquids And Solids
Submitted by Mastercrapper
May 7, 2003, 24 Comments

"You're about ten points shy of a perfect bowling game," the doctor told me. Unfortunately, sitting there in an uncomfortable vinyl armchair in a doctor's office, he was not giving me advice about how to bowl my final frame. He was holding the results of my bloodwork. He was talking about my...

My Shameless Family
Submitted by The Big Wiper
April 22, 2003, 28 Comments

It appears that my laissez-faire attitude towards pooping and privacy has struck a nerve with a few PoopReporters. Since I discovered this site, I've embraced the Shameless Shitting Manifesto wholeheartedly; but I've lived it in spirit my entire life. Until we moved when I was twelve, my family...

Take A Load Off
Submitted by Mastercrapper
April 17, 2003, 12 Comments

My girlfriend is getting her master's degree in public health (we balance each other well -- I study business and rapacity, she studies goodness and well-being), and she is convinced that the nation's #1 public health problem is obesity. Today she pointed me to an article in the Wall Street Journal...

Pain In The Ass
Submitted by doniker
March 28, 2003, 44 Comments

Over the past few years I have suffered from a condition called Sciatica -- inflammation of the sciatic nerve. During my occasional flair-ups, the pain starts in my lower back, runs though my butt cheeks, and then down the back of my thighs. It is an aching pain that feels as if someone hit me in...

In Defense Of Open Stalls
Submitted by The Big Wiper
March 13, 2003, 206 Comments

One of the most interesting issues that pops up from time to time on the poop forums is the discussion of open stalls versus closed stalls. I grew up going to public schools in the South where open stalls for boys were the norm. Girls had closed stalls -- I know because I once went one in to check...

Storing The Shitstick
Submitted by Dave J
March 12, 2003, 12 Comments

I've dated this wonderful girl for 4.5 years now; we've been engaged for the last eighteen months. She is currently living back with her parents, as her job is close to home and pays great, and she's saving up because she's footing the bill for most of the wedding I've stayed with her folks...

Learning To Sit
Submitted by Bantam
March 10, 2003, 24 Comments

I'm going to admit it: I have never been fully potty trained. That's right. I've learned to read, do math, even program computers and fly simulated airplanes, but I've never mastered using the toilet. What don't I get, you ask? Can I not wipe myself fully? Do I not know how to raise a toilet...

Forming A More Perfect Union
Submitted by Joel
February 28, 2003, 10 Comments

Editor's Note: This article first appeared as a comment on How I Ensure Smooth Moves. While one the commentators is disappointed to find people out there who adhere to a shitting schedule, the fact is every body has some form of weak link -- whether it's muscular, nerve related, bone, tissue or...

Growing Pains
Submitted by doniker
January 28, 2003, 32 Comments

I am approaching age 40. For most of my life I have eaten what I wanted, when I wanted, and as much as I wanted. Donuts for breakfast. Fast food for lunch. Beer. Fried, spicy, and fatty foods for dinner. Beer. Sweet snacks between meals. Beer. I have been 6' 3" since age 16. I was always able...

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