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Eating Too Fast: Dangerously Cheesy
Submitted by Ratz
June 13, 2005, 34 Comments

Many folks are quick to give me a hard time about the pace at which I eat: fast. I can't help it. Food is fuel. Just like gasoline -- would you like to stand at the pump and savor that experience? Of course not. You just want it over with ASAP so as to resume life as normal. Food is fuel, and I...

The Rarest Shit of All
Submitted by Soylent Brown
April 21, 2005, 69 Comments

Years ago, while coming down after a night of pretty hard partying, some friends and I got into a lengthy discussion of a fecal nature. It was the kind of stream of consciousness discussion that can only occur between close friends late at night and while under the influence of a variety of...

The Japanese Check-Up
Submitted by Great White
March 21, 2005, 26 Comments

I'm an American living in Japan. Japan has socialized medicine, and universal insurance provided by the government. It ain't all roses -- patients still have to pay 30% of each visit; doctors get paid for each visit so someone with four cavities will have to visit the dentist four separate times...

Code Brown: The Small Office Bathroom St
Submitted by Thomas of Denver
March 18, 2005, 52 Comments

Being a member of a small office (four men, three women) has advantages and disadvantages. I really like the camaraderie of a small crew -- it feels more like family. However, problems tend to arise when you have four strapping "high volume" male defecators competing for the use of a VERY small...

Bathroom Guarding
Submitted by The Big Wiper
December 28, 2004, 48 Comments

Back in 2002, the first full year PoopReport really left its mark, the watershed declaration that is the Shameless Shitting Manifesto was formulated through the joint effort of many PoopReporters, each bringing their own unique insights to this aspect of bathroom behavior. After two years of...

Wiping While Obese
Submitted by Dave
December 27, 2004, 122 Comments

Last week, while I was sipping eggnog and stuffing my face with roasted chestnuts, the world of PoopReporting was moving on without me. On Thursday, I got this email from Logjam: Just in case you've been busy and haven't had the time, you really have to hear Chris Rockwell's show yesterday, where...

Manual Disimpaction
Submitted by The Big Wiper
November 4, 2004, 89 Comments

Early this summer I had some minor surgery to remove a small benign cyst. Although it was an outpatient procedure, my doctor elected to perform it under general rather than local anesthesia. There were no glitches, and I was driven home by one of the nurses at the clinic and put to bed for the...

For My Protection
Submitted by Garebear
August 19, 2004, 32 Comments

I'm sitting on the toilet at work. To clarify: on a toilet, in a stall, in the men's room at work. I'm looking at the toilet seat cover dispenser to my side, and I notice to words, "Provided by Management for Your Protection." And I think, "How nice." Isn't it nice how management works hard to...

The Flow Stopper
Submitted by F. Art Gingerly
August 4, 2004, 50 Comments

From April 2002 until May 2003, I lived with uncontrolled Colitis. I really don't know what brought it on, but it first manifested itself early on a Monday morning after a weekend beer binge. OK, maybe I do know what caused it. Anyway, it all started with a mild cough. I coughed and I crapped my...

Homeless Pooping Really Not So Hard
Submitted by Dr. Van Poop
August 2, 2004, 87 Comments

I was homeless for over a year. I know the mental images that have spawned in your mind: desperation, danger, squalor. But I assure you that I was quite comfortable. You see -- I lived in a van! Before writing this, I began thinking of all the sad tales in the media about people living in...

The Lav Of My Life: Nigel's Childho
Submitted by Nigel
July 29, 2004, 42 Comments

I am Nigel, age 67, retired. My son Alan has been a close friend of {PoopReport contributor} Sitting Wiper since they started school. In a post this March, Sitting Wiper described using a double-seater outhouse with my son when they went together to stay with my dad, twenty-six years ago. This...

The Shit Of My Career
Submitted by The Big Wiper
July 22, 2004, 252 Comments

"I just took the shit of my career!" I was a senior in college the first time I heard that phrase. A dorm buddy of mine had just walked into my suite to watch a little television (I was one of the few guys that had a portable in my room that semester) and, as we were watching some mindless show,...

Wiping B.C. (Before Charmin)
Submitted by The Big Wiper
June 24, 2004, 94 Comments

Humanity hasn't always had toilet paper. It's only recently in our history that we've been able to wipe in colored, scented, quilted, two-ply comfort. Toilet paper didn't really hit the masses' asses until the late 19th Century; before then, according to, people were likely to...

Holy Shits
Submitted by The Holy Shitter
June 17, 2004, 63 Comments

I am sorry to do this, but I feel that I must bring something of an education to my fellow PoopReporters. You see, I have had experiences in the world of poop that are otherworldly, surreal and, in some cases, sublime. It all has to do with my religious beliefs. That's right -- my religious beliefs...

The Bowl Of Last Resort
Submitted by Poo Bear
April 29, 2004, 55 Comments

I was shopping at the local grocery store when it hit. You all know what I mean. So I left the cartful of groceries over by the soda section and hightailed it to the men's bathroom. When I got in there, I couldn't believe what I saw. There was only one stall, two urinals and a sink. The most...

The Ass Muffler
Submitted by HoofArted
April 5, 2004, 78 Comments

Shameful Shitters: have I got a crutch for you! I like to call it The Ass Muffler. It's a technique I developed years ago. We all know how difficult it can be for the faint at heart to take a nice healthy crap in a public restroom. Paranoia sets in, and we are absolutely sure someone can hear us...

Orthodox Poos
Submitted by Crapola
March 22, 2004, 33 Comments

Today I had an interesting conversation with a close friend of mine. She's Jewish. She's a Holocaust survivor. She has a great sense of humor. But she is not religious at all. My friend mentioned that one of her girlfriends (also not religious) had a new boyfriend. And the new boyfriend is a very...

Clothes Encounters Of The Turd Kind
Submitted by The Big Wiper
March 18, 2004, 26 Comments

Over the years I have been privy to a couple of excretory "left-behinds" that pretty much left me speechless -- and I am not one easily disgusted by this area of daily human existence. Everyone on this site knows all about my Shameless attitudes and my easygoing, sociable toilet habits. But even I...

How The Ayatollah Says To Poop
Submitted by Dave Shameless
January 27, 2004, 49 Comments

I was recently re-visiting one of my favorite sources of "wisdom," a collection of Ruhollah Khomeini's political, philosophical, social, and religious sayings. During the Islamic fanaticism that erupted in Iran during the late '70s, it was known as "The Little Green Book." It is filled with...

Splat Race: Tales Of A Competitive Eater
Submitted by The Big Wiper
January 13, 2004, 26 Comments

No longer a sideshow at the county fair, "competitive eating" is now an official extreme sport, with its own governing body (IFOCE, The International Federation of Competitive Eating). On the news, we see footage of people eating and footage of someone celebrating, and then it's a cut to Cindi...

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