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One For The Gripper
Submitted by Logjam
July 10, 2006, 36 Comments

Last summer I rented a block of condos in Park City, Utah, for a meeting I was running there. The first evening, I invited everyone over to "my place" for drinks. Twenty minutes before they were to arrive, I executed a pre-party shit in the downstairs toilet. Damn if the thing didn't clog. I'll...

Poop Is The Cure
Submitted by Dave
June 22, 2006, 37 Comments

Editor's note: The vast, vast majority of content on PoopReport is original, written specifically for this site. However, every so often, something comes up on another site that is so compelling that I feel it must be shared with the community here. Today is one of these days. The following...

Preparing For The Summer Stoolstice
Submitted by Dave
June 16, 2006, 38 Comments

The universe is like a giant Swiss clock. Gravity and other magical forces effortlessly keep the planets and the stars floating around space with the precision and regularity that only someone on all-oatmeal diet can possibly replicate. So exact is the rotation of the Earth around the sun that on...

Brown Bagging It
Submitted by The Random Rectum
May 31, 2006, 36 Comments

It was my junior year in college and money was tight. I was living off-campus in a two-bedroom dump with my roommate, a landscaper by day and alcoholic lunatic by night. Our paths rarely crossed, which was a good thing. Our little hovel had one bathroom which he rarely used, as he was never home....

The Weekend Pee Workshop: Overcoming Par
Submitted by Latus Rectum
May 24, 2006, 44 Comments

Editor's note: though this is not about poop, I found it fascinating nonetheless. A little while ago I wrote in to Dave about paruresis, or shy bladder syndrome -- a form of social phobia marked by the physical symptom of being unable to urinate in the presence of other people. According to the...

How To Hide A Shart
Submitted by Shits Happily I...
May 22, 2006, 43 Comments

A couple of years ago, I finished up a six-year stint at the department store from hell. While I can fill this forum with tales involving scat left by customers, this first foray into poop reporting involves my own creation. I was about to graduate college and I had a part-time job (which I loved...

How I Learned To Crap At Home
Submitted by JamieTeal
February 10, 2006, 37 Comments

For many years, I didn't poop at home. I've heard stories about people who won't go at the office or at school, but from the ages of about eight to fifteen, all I had was school, the library, and any place except home. When I did poop, it was usually at intervals of four to seven days. I was born...

Overdose
Submitted by Angry Bowels
January 30, 2006, 28 Comments

Some poop stories are funny. We read them and laugh aloud at the antics of our bodily functions. Others are embarrassing. While still funny, we cringe along with the author as we laugh at them. And some poop stories are merely tragic. This is a tragic poop story. About halfway through my senior...

The Proposed PoopReport Poop Rating Scal
Submitted by JamieTeal
December 1, 2005, 34 Comments

Start with whatever number from 1 to 10 represents your average crap. (10 is best. Unless you're really lucky, your average crap is probably not a 10.) Add 1 point if: There is no pain in passing the turd. It flushes okay. There is no excessive wiping required. Add 2 points if: It gives you a...

The Farky Diet for Longevity and Art
Submitted by Kristi B
October 28, 2005, 20 Comments

After transferring to art college from a much finer Institution of Higher Learning due to flunking out, I was trying mostly just to keep a low profile. I was about halfway through my first semester there when I met "Farky." Obviously that's not his real name, but the onomatopoeic disharmony aptly...

College Pooping 101: The Four Poopers Of
Submitted by Erica M
October 13, 2005, 145 Comments

First day of college. We've all been there. You just moved in. It took four carts, but most of your important possessions are finally safely stored in your new closet, sometimes referred to as dorm. Your parents just left, but not before taking you to one of the finest restaurants in town. There...

Meth Maintenance And The Shower Techniqu
Submitted by Fecal Phantasm
September 23, 2005, 107 Comments

There was a time in my life, years ago, when I had a little problem with narcotics. Who am I bullshitting -- I had a huge problem. As most of you probably know, opiates constipate you. And I was on the king of them all: Methadone. Yup, the junkie's cure-all, the panacea to heroin addiction, yadda...

The First Day Of Fiber
Submitted by Pill Pooper
September 13, 2005, 23 Comments

I wasn't all that sure how to cope with the fact that I wasn't shitting regularly. Going a day or two without backing out a deuce is fine, but going four and five days was getting to be terrifying. After three days, my belly would grow noticeably engorged. After five days, I looked almost obese...

Pills And Other Problems
Submitted by MegaDump
September 6, 2005, 23 Comments

For several days I had been combating intense migraines. For me, these migraines are the type of headaches that make it hurt to move even my eyeballs, never mind any other part of my body. Lifting my head makes me want to vomit, and the pressure feels like it could cause my head to explode. To...

Instructions For Stool Specimen Collecti
Submitted by Hairy Pooter
July 26, 2005, 40 Comments

The Lav Of My Life: The Big Wiper's
Submitted by The Big Wiper
July 22, 2005, 41 Comments

Editor's note: This is the second in what may soon be a series of reminiscences of special bathrooms past. Here is the first; if you have one of your own, by all means send it in. About half a dozen years ago, my Mississippi hometown converted my old high school building into a Performing Arts...

Delivery in Thirty Minutes
Submitted by Bilgepump
July 13, 2005, 85 Comments

Editor's Note: I don't often publish stories this short, but the point this one makes is well worth your consideration. I have some knowledge of the inner workings of my digestive tract, so I read some of these poop reports with a grain of salt. You know the ones I'm talking about: "I ate mass...

Going Long: An Attempt To Observe The Su
Submitted by DungDaddy
July 1, 2005, 29 Comments

The Summer Stoolstice has come and gone and my ass failed to produce the sought-after Long One. I admit much disappointment in regard to this failure, and I would like to know if there was any measured success amongst other PoopReporters this time around. On my part, it wasn't for lack of trying...

The Warning Waves
Submitted by Porcelain Cracker
June 27, 2005, 30 Comments

I live in a hot tropical climate, where I work outside. Working outdoors in landscaping requires a lot of fluid replacement. They say water is what you are supposed to drink in hot weather, but NOT ME! When I'm hot and thirsty, any kind of water is an instant laxative with disastrous results; and...

Preparing For The Summer Stoolstice
Submitted by Dave
June 16, 2005, 69 Comments

The universe is like a giant Swiss clock. Gravity and other magical forces effortlessly keep the planets and the stars floating around space with the precision and regularity that only someone on all-oatmeal diet can possibly replicate. So exact is the rotation of the Earth around the sun that on...

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