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Taming Tremendous Turds: My Son's M
Submitted by Mother of Mr. Sub
June 5, 2007, 34 Comments

Editor's note: This was originally posted as a comment on Taming Tremendous Turds: How I Successfully Flush My Super-Size Feces. *Sigh* I can't believe there's a website on this problem. I put in a Google search for "toilet 'too small' feces," hoping to find out what to do about this problem. My...

How To Build The Big Doo Doo
Submitted by Pat Kelly
June 1, 2007, 29 Comments

I am the owner of the Pet Butler franchise in Lexington, Kentucky. Recently I was thinking about how to get people's attention and have them read my vehicle's graphics. You see, PoopReport, I am a Professional Fecal Matter Removal Technician -- one of over sixty other Pet Butler franchises across...

The Lav Of My Life: The Little House Out
Submitted by Alterscheiss
May 30, 2007, 13 Comments

In 1934, when we sold our modern Central Texas house and moved to the Spunky Flat farming community near Waco, we said goodbye to indoor toilets for many years. There is something different about using a privy out behind the house. Among a lot of unpleasant things, you can freeze your backside...

The Mixing Bowel
Submitted by dooder
May 16, 2007, 13 Comments

Last Thursday night, I snacked myself into a near-death experience. I always munch during Thursday TV time. That's three total hours of eating anything I can find during commercial breaks. This last Thursday, I awoke about one AM to feel Lemmiwinks actively searching for freedom deep within my...

Plungers Aren't Yours
Submitted by SmooveMF
May 3, 2007, 31 Comments

I recently relocated to San Francisco. Yep... no more Minnesota Matt. Whoa, no -- I am big time now! I spent a hundred nights on my brother's couch until I finally secured a job and, a month ago, got my own pad: a small one bedroom with windows to alleyways on top of Russian Hill in San Francisco....

Food For Toilet: Life Without A Gallblad
Submitted by The Shit Volcano
April 30, 2007, 290 Comments

Editor's note: this was originally posted a month or two ago on the forums. As you may know, our dear Ms. Shit Volcano recently had her gallbladder removed. I'm posting it now because it's interesting, and because I'd like TSV to post a follow-up so we have the whole story in one place. What's a...

Fissure, Fiber, And The Poop Shuffle
Submitted by Liz
April 12, 2007, 39 Comments

Being a married college student, my life is hectic and busy. I admit that I don't eat right, and that this had a huge effect on my pooping habits. Sometimes I will go for a week at a time without pooping. Other times, I will have diarrhea for a month. Sometimes, the turds will be so big that they...

Chronic Childhood Constipation: A Fear A
Submitted by Crunchy Frog
March 22, 2007, 37 Comments

This is not a clever story or a funny story. But in telling it, I hope I can exorcise some of my shameful, shitty past. As a child, I was perfectly normal until I reached about the age of seven, at which point I started wearing my underpants in the bathtub. My reason for this was that I thought if...

Friends With Suppositories
Submitted by RedTileFloor
February 27, 2007, 21 Comments

Context: My self-diagnosis, confirmed by all close friends, is hemorrhoids. Little scratchy bleeding sons of bitches that make it feel like I am passing a medieval combat flail, and it has only become worse over the past few weeks. My report: For the past couple days, I had been dreading an...

Flatulence Will Get You Nowhere
Submitted by Professor Schitz
February 21, 2007, 11 Comments

Why is it that people who consider healthy bowels a requisite to overall health are regarded with scorn, mockery, and derision? Even among medical professionals and persons employed in the health food business, why are colonic hydro-therapists and others with special interest in the lower digestive...

Good Ass Days And Bad Ass Days
Submitted by Professor Schitz
January 30, 2007, 63 Comments

Some days are Good Ass Days. Some days are Bad Ass Days. But why? I find myself mystified. This age-old question seems to be always on my mind. On some days, my regularity astounds me. On days like that, I feel invincible. I have a firm, heavy, healthy dump in the morning, and then I don't find...

Submitted by DrIndaca
January 17, 2007, 19 Comments

Back in the day, I used to dabble with some pretty hard drugs, one of which was meth. Now I have since been quit for over ten years; but at the time, I was a regular user. For those who have never experimented with the drug, it's usually taken over a period of a few days during which you don't...

When There's No Time For A Stalemat
Submitted by spackle
January 5, 2007, 39 Comments

I live in a rural area where good jobs are few and far between. That being the case, one has to create one's own employment. One of the things I do is to drive elderly people around -- to go shopping, to the doctor, the hairdresser, and so on. On this one particular day I was driving a regular...

What To Do With Underwear
Submitted by obi-poop kenobi
December 22, 2006, 58 Comments

The small business I work for has around fifteen employees, and unfortunately the door to the lavatory is in full view of everyone. The scene is undoubtedly set for embarrassment whenever fecal fireworks are in your destiny; and so it is always with some concern that I enter the bathroom. I'm not...

Diagnosing A Leaky Butt
Submitted by cured
November 20, 2006, 79 Comments

Editor's note: This was posted yesterday as a comment on the leaky butt discussion by an anonymous PoopReporter identifying his/herself only as "Cured." I felt it deserved more attention than as just one comment of many. On February 7, 2005, I went to work like any other day. I was in a meeting...

A Disability Perspective
Submitted by Phoenyxx
November 17, 2006, 30 Comments

I'm disabled. I'm a wheelchair user. And I'm a computer graphic arts major at a local community college. I think I do just fine handling my limitations, doing what I enjoy, and getting through the day in general, with minimal hassle. However, more and more I'm finding myself frustrated -- not by...

My Dependence
November 2, 2006, 69 Comments

This is a message many years in the making. Currently I am thirty-nine; it all started when I was twelve. I had a father who was a little on the angry side, and I found myself on the wrong end of too many smackings. I became more and more nervous of these episodes and eventually started to say...

Don't Give Up On Senna
Submitted by healthy 1
October 20, 2006, 25 Comments

It was May of 1999, and as usual my IBS was wreaking havoc. The long run of perfect turds earlier in the year was now nothing more than a distant memory. Since April I had only had two normal bowel movements. Constipation was now lord and master of my bowels. Worse still, my body had become...

Carpe Diem Poopum
Submitted by dr. dookie
August 10, 2006, 25 Comments

It had been about four or five days since my last good evacuation, and I could start to feel something going wrong. My insides began to get tighter and tighter. I presume it was the perfect storm of poop conditions -- midway through the holiday season, sitting in front of a computer getting last...

The Bucket System
Submitted by turd banned it
July 25, 2006, 33 Comments

The events I am about to relate happened several years ago when I was first getting settled in on a piece of property that I had recently hacked out of the woods. Since I was tired of paying rent, I was staying on the property. I had electricity. And along with electricity, I had running water...

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