Techniques
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Composting Toilets For The Masses'
Submitted by Joe Jenkins
October 27, 2008, 13 Comments

Editor's note: This is based on an email from the author that was sent to a list of persons interested in large-scale humanure composting -- i.e. ecological sanitation. This is a story and video about the success composting toilets at a music festival in California, where the toilets served 400-500...

Kids In The Wrong Crapper
Submitted by Kay O. Pectate
October 23, 2008, 59 Comments

Editor's note: this was originally published on the PoopReport forums. This isn't a poop story, but a bathroom etiquette story. I was in a restaurant a few years ago and had to go to the bathroom. I entered the women's loo and there was a young boy in there. He looked to be around six years old...

The Lav Of My Life: The Day the Outhouse
Submitted by cagd
October 16, 2008, 41 Comments

The farm we lived on when I was a small child still had a fully functioning outhouse. A "one-seater." A "Gravity-Powered Organic Waste Disposal Unit." "A "Skunk's Parlor." Simply put, it was a little shed out back that teetered over a ravine on four rotting red cedar fence posts. It was made of...

Healthy Poo, Healthy You
Submitted by Squat-n-leaveit
October 6, 2008, 26 Comments

A simple recipe for survival.My health is good. Borderline wonderful. Why? Good genetic material? Nope. Father had a heart attack at thirty-two, another at thirty-five, dead by forty. Had one cousin dead of heart failure at twenty-one. I haven't had health insurance since 1981. That means that I'm...

The Secret Society Of The Shart
Submitted by The Iron Mike
July 21, 2008, 57 Comments

(Editor's note: this was originally posted on the author's blog.) It happened on Saturday morning. I was driving to Glendale to pick up my mother-in-law's birds. (Don't ask.) The night before, I went to see Lez Zeppelin at The Bluebird. When you're watching four lesbians cover Misty Mountain Hop,...

Poo De Grace
Submitted by Motherload
July 14, 2008, 11 Comments

Editor's note: this first appeared in the forums. While visiting my granny yesterday, I was asked if I would get Mr. Load to come over and look at her toilet in the front bathroom because it was leaking. So tonight when he got home from work, we went over there so he could check it out. After a...

Preparing For The 2008 Summer Stoolstice
Submitted by Dave
June 17, 2008, 19 Comments

The universe is like a giant Swiss clock. Gravity and other magical forces effortlessly keep the planets and the stars floating around space with the precision and regularity that only someone on all-oatmeal diet can possibly replicate. So exact is the rotation of the Earth around the sun that on...

How To Resolve A Colostomy Mishap
Submitted by snowpea
April 15, 2008, 34 Comments

A couple of years ago, while working as a nursing assistant at a rehab center for the elderly and the infirm, I had a resident who was suffering from multiple sclerosis and was paralyzed from the neck down. I'll call him Tom. Afternoons with Tom involved reading him the sports page, doing "range-...

Bring Back The Courtesy Match!
Submitted by Bullroarer
April 9, 2008, 44 Comments

Fellow expellers, it's time to revive the time-honored tradition of the courtesy match. For those who are unfamiliar: the ancient practice of firing up a match or two after a particularly heinous dump in close quarters is a tradition handed down through the ages from our great-great-great...

Ways Of Wiping: The Pinch Method
Submitted by animal
January 25, 2008, 107 Comments

You probably won't be able to pull this off with one square (thus greatly disappointing Sheryl Crow) but this technique should reduce the amount of toilet paper you need -- and make you cleaner as well. Basically -- and this is really sad because I'm just realizing this at twenty-seven years old...

The Dairy Diet
Submitted by Chorn
January 21, 2008, 20 Comments

My last story on this site is a few years old. Since then, some things have changed. For instance: among the diseases I have now, I'm a diabetic. Which makes for some interesting fecal madness. Up until I was diagnosed with diabetes and prescribed medication, I was pissing out of my ass every time...

How To Avoid Gas (Or So Reader's Di
Submitted by The Dumpster
December 18, 2007, 51 Comments

As the second or third oldest member of this site (by age), I still peruse the once-esteemed Reader's Digest. I've been a loyal subscriber to the Digest for forty years; and though you won't find much in it these days to prod the modern imagination, some of the jokes are still pretty funny (Q:...

At The Carwash: Taming Trauma With Poop
Submitted by shitwit
December 5, 2007, 13 Comments

Editor's note: this was originally posted on the forums. About a month and a half ago, I decided to take a carwash with the lil' Shitwits in it. I didn't know how they'd react to it, since it was their first time riding through a carwash (awake, anyway). I was worried that lil' Shitwit #1 would...

I Am The Clogger
Submitted by Push n Clog
November 8, 2007, 79 Comments

It all started when I entered high school, I think, alongside my increasingly tight schedule and ever-growing load of homework. The stress level increased. And it's medically supported that stress causes one's poo to often become compact and unusually dense. At that point, the chronic clogging of...

The Joy Of Groovers
Submitted by blown o-ring
October 26, 2007, 14 Comments

I live in one of the more mountainous states way out west -- a state with a lot of hiking trails that need constant repair work. There are a number of volunteer group that work on these trails, and I am a member of one such group. Several years ago, I was out on a week-long project way back in...

Su-Jok Therapy
Submitted by Dave
August 28, 2007, 30 Comments

On Saturday I had the unique opportunity to tour the Sulabh Museum of Toilets here in New Delhi, where I'm currently finishing out my month of work. Sulabh is an organization dedicated to bringing sanitation to the poor masses in India and other developing countries, and eliminating the barbaric...

The 'Worst Nightmare' Cure For
Submitted by Hamster
August 1, 2007, 57 Comments

I was brought up by my parents to be a Shameful Shitter. "Only ever use a public toilet to wee" was my mother's mantra. School toilets did nothing to discourage this approach, and by the time I was in my teens I was too inhibited to poop anywhere but in my own home. There were uncomfortable times...

The Telltale Finger
Submitted by The Big Wiper
July 24, 2007, 33 Comments

A recent poll on the flaws of toilet paper reminded me once again of a very interesting period of my life: graduate school. I've previously posted my adventures with dorm toilet paper allocations and the dead-giveaway dump announcements they produced among my floormates. My own mention in the poll...

Preparing For The Summer Stoolstice
Submitted by Dave
June 18, 2007, 26 Comments

Editor's note: With June 21 fast approaching, I'm reposting this article to help you prepare for this wonderful PoopReport tradition: the Summer Stoolstice. The universe is like a giant Swiss clock. Gravity and other magical forces effortlessly keep the planets and the stars floating around space...

The Acid Crap Attack (?)
Submitted by acidcrapper
June 15, 2007, 55 Comments

Editor's note: the technique described by the author below mystifies me. Can anyone figure out what he's trying to accomplish? What happened to me? What happened to me was a little thing I like to call the Acid Crap. Yes, it's as awesome as it sounds: it burns when it comes out, and it burns for...

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