Bringing Out Baby

// // 568 Comments
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

I was surprised when I came to PoopReport to see that there were no entries about childbirth pooping. Every mom knows that when you push that hard for that long, your bowels will empty in front of your husband, your mother, your doctor, your nurses, etc. If you're not comfortable pooping in front of someone, don't invite them to your birth.

So yes, I too pooped during those final hours of labor. But that's not what I'm here to tell you about. No, what happened to me was far more embarrassing than squeezing out a few doo-doo droppings on my OBGYN.

It was my first baby and I opted for the epidural -- the injection that numbs you from the waist down. And as many of you might know, when you are numb from the waist down, that includes ALL of your muscles. As a result of this numbness, I was unable to control any gas that needed to exit, and ended up ripping LOUD (I mean LOUD) farts left and right. They seemed to be coming every three seconds.

Mind you, I have never been a farter or a Shameless pooper. I've never had any trouble with my bowels; I rarely fart, and I NEVER farted in front of other people -- even my own family and my husband of six years. But on that day it all changed.

I eventually told the nurse I didn't want any guests, and to only disturb me when absolutely needed. I was so embarrassed by my out-of-control gas. I desperately wished I had that fart device depicted on SNL once -- the one that plugs up your ass and makes verbal, robot-like conversation every time you break wind. Instead, I ended up wedging a towel in between my cheeks to muffle the sound. It worked. I lay there, numb as can be, farting in blissful silence, and no one could tell.

I implore everyone here to ask your own mothers about their childbirth stories. I'm sure there are some good ones.

-- MommyPoo

568 Comments on "Bringing Out Baby"

Di Verticula's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I was informed (wrongly, perhaps) by a labor & delivery nurse that while in labor, the bowels shut down and take some time off whilst mother is busy birthing the little nipper. I personally did not poop while pushing, having been constipated for seven days prior to labor, but would hardly have cared if I had. It would not have mattered in the grand scheme of it all. I hardly think pooping by accident during labor should be cause for embarrassment, considering that your gaping snatch is exposed to everyone in the room. Also, the material which comes flying out of your baby hole immediately after childbirth, the afterbirth, could make a random poop shoot look like Tootsies from a candy store.

Di Verticula's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Shitwit, sounds like you developed a prolapsed colon from pushing. Your inny bung hole became an outty. A normal phenomenon that can be repaired - like a giant hemorrhoid. Seek a colorectal doctor. S/he can prolly repair it in-house. Kudos on mid-wifing BTW!

Anonymous Coward's picture

I was surprised when I pooped during when I was delivering my son. I pushed down and felt a "plup plup" and I really didn't think too much about it until about a week later when the thought occurred to me, "I pooped in front of everyone!" oh well. **it happens :)

Meaghan's picture

Hey everyone...my names meaghan and i was just reading up on some baby stuff because i am expecting...i am only 17 and very scared of this whole situation and i am just trying to get in as much info as possible until the big day when i supposibly poop, haha. i really dont mind the pooping but i did want to see if it was true..i belive the pooping is the least of my worries but i guess it will be kind of embarrasing. Oh well things happen nd that probably wont be the grosest part of it all. Anyways i just want to thank everyone that took the time to write what they've went through because its very uselful to us "first timers". thanks alot...meaghan

Anonymous Coward's picture

This further affirms that I am nowhere near mature enough to sacrifice my body for pregnancy and childbirth. I love children, but for the love of God . . . Does having a C-Section make it much better, anyone??

My sister actually gave birth in my car, but thankfully no mess. We couldn't even make it to the hospital.

On a slightly unrelated note, how many women out there have the problem that I do - A boyfriend who swears women don't poop or fart. I hate it, I sit by while he farts and smells awful, but I feel ashamed to even accidentally let out a tiny fart when I feel bad, much less to admit it was me! Ugh.

Di Verticula's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Meaghan, don't worry about whether or not you'll be embarrassed if you accidently poop while pushing during delivery. It's all perfectly natural. I do hope, at 17, you have good support from the people around you. Anyone THAT concerned about pooping while delivering should be taking Metamucil daily in her ninth month, especially if she has been constipated. Take it with you to the hospital too - hide it in your bag - and keep taking it daily after you have the baby. The one thing you DO NOT want after you give birth is to be constipated and have to push more. With my first daughter, I had been constipated for like six days before I went into labor, then two days after I had her I still had not gone. You do not leave a hospital until you are eating, peeing and pooping (no matter what you are in the hospital for). I was miserable in the hospital after I had my baby, begging for an enema or something to help it. By the time it finally broke, I swear I think I blew out the back of the hospital toilet. With my second daughter, being older and wiser, I took Metamucil daily for the entire pregnancy, then snuck it into my room in my bag and kept taking it daily after I had the baby. No problems, and no pooping during labor.

Yep, it's me's picture

It's about the kid, not the crap.

GirlsPooToo's picture

Ok, so are there any fool proof things that will make you not take a crap all over the obgyn?? I'm like freaking out about this... Should I be eating toast for a week before my labor ?

Di Verticula's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

The difference between women farting silently to themselves and men farting out loud for all the world to hear comes down to simply having some manners. If you let one rip, you might say "pardon me" the same way you would if you burped. Passing gas is completely healthy and normal however, making a spectacle of it and blatently farting out loud to crack up a room is just plain immature and disgusting. Guess it's a guy thing. The only reason most women put up with it is because they are married to the farters who put up with some of their habits, too. Let's face it - we all have habits. The best we can hope for in a relationship is to find someone whose faults we can live with.

Shitake's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I shat with my first kid....My mom and best friend were in the room. I wouldn't have known except for the smell....but then again, without an epidural that was the least of my problems. My second kiddo, I had the joy of constipation before labor started. I'd sit on the toilet till my feet went numb trying to get that puppy out. I knew if I went to the hopital with that multi-day beachball, it would not be pretty. Hence my first experience with manual disimpaction. The relief far outweighed the disgust.

MyPoopDontStink's picture

Not to much to say about the story other than "hey shit happens" and i'm pretty sure that when i have my child i'll be a little more occupied with the more important things than whether or not i poo. i think it should be noted that i'm not a shameful shitter i happen to think poo and farting are the funniest things in the world. also it gets funnier the older you get cuz it gets more shameful. i think that those who have had the shit scared out of them (pun totally intended) for child birth are probably rather young and a little selfish (in the child rearing department)hmmmm i dunno thoughts for later???

kenn's picture

with the poop on the baby cart, just let the doctor know which one you want to name!

shitwit's picture
k 500+ points

Yes, I definitely think I've turned the puckerhole into an outie. It sometimes goes back into place for a few hours, but whenever I fart or crap it rolls right back out. I'm a little embarrassed to go to a proctologist.... even if I can freely discuss my twisted bunhole's predicament with thousands of annonymous readers.

When I went back for my post-partum check up with the midwife, she asked how my tush was feeling. In other words, "is your balloon knot still stretched out?"

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

TooterHole's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

laughed so hard reading these, i almost pooped on my couch!!!
i've had two babies and no poop on the table---i asked both the nurse and my husband, they both said there was none. boy, was i relieved, the idea of pooping on the table scared me even more than the pain!!!
_______
underwear are to catch the drippings!

underwear are to catch the drippings!

Harry Pooper's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Oh you made me laugh. Im the same way I have been married for 6 years and according to my husband I have never farted or pooped once in my life. He often tells me when I finally fart it will be a toxic murshrrom cloud and he will die of shock. Im with you there. After my first child where everyone was starting at my va jay jay even though I asked them to leave, I decided to have a sheet draped over my legs. If I shit I never knew and neither is my husband because I am still a shameful pooper.

Leon TROTSky's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

When my wife gave birth to our first child she squeezed out a turd and a baby. The turd was actually healthier looking than the baby. It also probably felt better for her.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

So if your wife had said, "Aw, Honey, looks just like you!", would you have been offended?

Anonymous Coward's picture

Reason number 900,000 why I Never want kids

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points

Brilliant comment once again GGG!!!!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Flattery will get you everywhere!

Within reason.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points

No need to worry GGG - I'm thousands of miles away!!! And I know you are spoken for - and that even if you weren't there'd be a queue!!!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Hamster (316) -- 08.19.2007 -- wrote: :
No need to worry GGG - I'm thousands of miles away!!!
"

Oh, like THAT'S ever stopped me! Hah. Please.

"And I know you are spoken for - and that even if you weren't there'd be a queue!!!"

DAY-amn! :)

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points

GGG - I do hope I haven't offended you. Not intended - quite the opposite!!!

Miss Simone Scat's picture
k 500+ points

Hammy, GGG's DAY-amn! is a good thing here in the USA.
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Spot on.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points

That's ok then! Please excuse my ignorance GGG!! I'm learning - albeit slowly!!!

Anony-mouse's picture

An episiotomy is to prevent tearing. Healing is much easier when you cut a clean line than it is when it tears. They will know if you're going to tear or not. If you are, an episiotomy is a good idea.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I took castor oil twice, with two children it put me in labor both times and it made me poop before I even went to the hospital. I didn't have to worry about a thing.

Anonymous Coward's picture

my mom has told me so many gross storys about when she gave birth to me...

Loves Hairy Women's picture

Women should not be embarrassed to poop and fart - ever! Enemas are really something that men and women should learn to enjoy giving to one another. Women should let all of their body hair grow natural. Hospitals should be fined for shaving off woman's pubic hair and then made to write an apology letter giving her a full explanation as to why they had to shave her bald. The only person other than the hospital staff that should ever be allowed near the delivery room, is the man who made her pregnant in the first place... or in some cases the man who will be raising the child with her. Last of all, hostiptal staff should tell each and every lady that she's probably gonna poop, fart and put out all kinds of gutsy looking stuff during the delivery and that it's perfectly ok to do so :)

Princess Gigglyfarts's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

i had my first baby at home a month ago. he was born in the bathroom!(i thought it was fun!)

i had diareah when i woke up that morning in labor, and i barfed falafel into the trash while i was crapping, so i thought i was pretty emptied out.

i did end up pooing a little just as his head was coming out a few hours later. it was just a little nugget and my midwife cleaned it up right away. it was no big deal.

my boyfriend managed to kneel in a little bit of my poo while he was helping me stand/squat to push though, and he didnt even notice. he thought i was joking later when i told him to go wash the poo off his knee before he got in bed with us!

i didnt tear at all, but i did walk around like a t-rex for about three days because my ass hurt! my vag was fine but i had a good case of assteroids.

oh yea, i almost forgot my after birth awesome fart. after my midwife went home, i had a fart that lasted for like 20 or thirty seconds! i guess that was my intestines coming back out of my ribcage! my boyfriend and i had a good laugh about it, but i peed myself and it burned.

PooBear's picture

I'm 25 weeks pregnant. No one ever mentioned pooping on the table to me before, and then presto! This week 5 different people brought up the subject.
While I am a prolific pooper, I am also a stealth pooper. don't get me wrong...I LOVE a good crap. I'm only 5'3" and prior to pregnancy weighed about 115 pounds...but I produce thick, long, perfectly formed cable that amazes me. They are stunning.
Needless to say, I was petrified at the thought of farting or crapping in front of anyone. My mom and my friend Chrissy are the only people who know about my prowess in the loo; I am so proud of the poops that until I started working from home, I'd routinely walk into Chrissy's office and just hold my hands up to illustrate, smile, turn and walk out.
I've been with my husband for 5 years and the man has never seen, heard or smelled any evidence that there is a functional purpose to my bottom half (aside from nookie, of course).
I want to thank especially Mommy Poo who started this thread back in 2003...I laughed so hard at the early posts that I was in tears, gasping for air and had such belly laughs I truly worried I'd give birth (or have the dreaded 'twin birth') right then and there.
I'll leave you all with my accomplishment from yesterday (speaking of stealth)

Desk for new home office, $1600
Phone for new home office, $125
Taking a huge dump while on the phone with a business prospect, priceless. :-)

I love crap's picture

I must say, this website has really enlightentend me on how normal this is. When i gave birth to my youngest, Hamish, i crapped all over his poor little head. and the midwife's too...

iluvmytp's picture

I can remember one of my first dates with my now-husband. We were at a comedy club when one of the comedians joked about pooping during childbirth. I looked over at my date and noticed that he was laughing uncontrollably.

At that moment, it occurred to me that he wasn't aware that this actually happens. When I told him, a look of disgust washed over his face.

Since that night, I have taken an emergency shit between cars in front of him. (Up cropped that same look). In addition, we have gotten married and are expecting our first baby. We'll see how he holds up during delivery and all that comes out with it.

Jenny M's picture

Thank you for reassuring the fact that i will one day be adopting. You just made one future homeless child's dream come true.

Kitty's picture

Man, when I had my 2nd baby(have 3 now)his heartrate was dropping so they were hurrying me to push harder and faster. Which I did,and wasnt worrying about what else might come out. Lo and behold I pooped during the push and the nurse must have been so happy about that push she kept saying, loudly, "that's it, push like you poop (which I actually hadn't been trying to do, just came out). She kept saying,"yeah push push like you poop, poop poop poop.."saying it instead of counting."Poop poop poop" LOL My husband was giving me weird looks and looking at her and I was, no lie, trying not too laugh in the midst of intense pain...was mind boggling and surreal. Later my husband said he so wanted to slap her to snap her out of her poop trance. Was one of the most weirdest experiences of my life for sure. Don't remember much of the birth but her in my face saying Poop poop poop... lol

CeliacSpew's picture
m 1+ points - Newb



Speaking of that birthing caca...
I just read an excellent book called "Good Germ Bad Germ" by Jessica Snyder Sachs. While not completely dedicated to poo, like Dave's, it talks alot about our wonderful symbiotic intestinal bacteria. Here is a quote from Part II: "Life on Man", the chapter is entitled "The Inner Tube of Life":
"...the colonization ... of the human digestive tract begins at birth, starting with lactobacilli encountered in the birth canal. As the baby's head crowns, it compresses the mother's rectum, pushing out a small amount of stool. Though doctors and nurses move quickly to wipe away the offense, their squeamishness may run counter to nature's purpose - an immediate and dirict inoculation of the newborn with the mother's own intestinal bacteria. If so, it's no coincidence but rather the result of natural selection that a newborn's head typically faces in the direction of it's mother's rectum when it's head first emerges and remains there until the next contraction delivers the shoulders and the rest of the body. This head-to-anus juxtaposition ensures that, of all the billions of microbes that the baby will meet in its first day of life, the first will be those to which the mother's immune system has aleady developed protective anitibodies."


Here's to achieving solid phase.

Here's to achieving solid phase.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I'm a guy, and I will say that I don't know what the big deal is? I understand women may feel embarrassed, but we all poop, and it's a natural body function for everyone. I look at it like this, Baby (who is being delivered obviously) is going to be making some horrific messes diaper wise that Dads have to clean up to. Plus, baby can even poop themselves right after birth (it's happened). In all honesty, I want to say that I am proud of all woman who have birthed babies. you may feel embararessed, but you shouldn't it's just a natual body function. I'm a guy so I won't ever know what it's like to be pregnant and go through labor, but I just thought I'd say that hey, I know they are natural body functions and I'm sure from the pushing and pain (epidoral or not) farting and pooping is just a way of your body trying to get that hard job done, but at the same time the body is trying to relax itself. This is exactly what I will tell my Girlfriend / wife when we are blessed with havig kiddos.

Anonymous Coward's picture

yup, had my daughter 16 years ago, when i was 16. i was slightly embarrassed when a couple of little poops came out on the table when i started pushing. but, i had been walking around half-naked, stringy-haired and in PAIN for 36 hours, had vomited (because i had to eat, which you are not supposed to do) i was in the tub in front of nurses, bending over with crack showing on the birthing bed, etc. i didn't give a crap who saw me, i just was persevering... i definitely tell people about the little poops, it was memorable, and no one had told me it would happen... no one made me feel bad, it was just a little surprising embarrassment. the only i think i cared about body-wise was NOT getting a urinary catheter! i was numb after the epidural, fell when the nurses came to get me to the toilet, and then they left for the catheter. when they came back i was on the toilet, trying to pee... i had made it numb-legged with the help of my husband and the iv pole.

Stincoln Logs's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

With our first, my wife was *very* uncomfortable so she requested an enema (turns out our daughter wasn't in the exact correct position so she was applying a lot of pressure to my wife's innards as she was moving down). I came in after the nurses were done and asked my wife if she felt better and all that, and she was emitting some of the loudest stinkiest farts - about as bad as me! The nurses completely ignored them, but my wife is an incredibly Shameful Farter and Shitter, so she was mortified!

With our second daughter, she was so large and 10 days overdue, that when she came out, basically my wife squeezed all my daugher's meconium (look it up on wikipedia) right out of her all down my wife's leg. You've never seen so much blackish-green tar-like stuff!


_______
"Heeere commmmes another one..." (Monty Python's Contractual Obligation Album)

"Heeere commmmes another one..." (Monty Python's Contractual Obligation Album)

iwantasolidturd's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I was in labor for 27 hours with my (only) child.I was very proud of the fact that I didn't get an enema, which I had been dreading.
My Hubby said one day,"why do you tell people you didn't get an enema? You did !"
I said "No, I didn't!" He said, "Yes , you did,while you were napping" I asked him WHY he let strangers enema me while I was passed out in pain, and he said "I wasn't gonna let you shit on MY baby!"

Anonymouscanadian's picture

My case history:

2 kids, 2 non-surgery deliveries and No pooing incidents. Let's just say that in my case nature took care of itself and provided a "natural" enema when my water broke and contractions set in.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Iwantasolidturd, your name should be, Iwantanewhusband. If this story is true, which I doubt, you seriously need to find someone else to be with. Marriages are about trust and he sounds like a fucking bastard!

_______
Born right the first time.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Billy Bee's picture

If my woman shit while giving birth, I would leave her. That is disgusting. Especially in front of your new born child.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Billy Bee, you are an idiot, and I seriously doubt you have a woman, nor do you have any real prospects of obtaining one, being as ignorant as you are.

Nice name though, real chick magnet there.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I was just telling another kid, Billy, that the free clinic down the road offers a nice snippy-snip. Then you'd never have to worry about your children... And neither would we.

_______
Born right the first time.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

iwantasolidturd, it would have been classic if you'd told him "Well, even if I did shit on the baby, I still wouldn't be shitting on your baby" just to see the look on his face.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anonymous Cow:)'s picture

lol! that last comment was hilarious:) And i think its awesome Shit volcano is still chattin here 4yrs later:) love your post 2 alex/steve on the first page.

ThePhantomPooper's picture

Mommypoo, you started the funniest topic on here.. I got some great laughs

AJ_Goodbody's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Here are some interesting facts brought to me by my younger cousin back in the fall of 1978 when she gave birth to her first child, a bouncing baby boy.

She and her husband chose a birthing center in Illinois over a hospital. She didn't get cut (nor did she tear), and she never was given an enema.

She said that, if she had pooped at all during her son's birth, it would have been a very insignificant amount.

For starters, she said that she wasn't given an enema--that the body provided its own pre-delivery laxative.

In the relaxed atmosphere of the birthing center, it wasn't long before she felt the need for a toilet.

When she went there, it just snaked out of her body so that she had to keep flushing the toilet so that it wouldn't stop the toilet up.

I don't believe that anybody shaved her pubic triangle, either.

I remember that she said that a lot of things were done for the convenience of the doctors and nurses during a hospital birth that made even natural childbirth (such as she had) unnatural.

One obvious thing was putting the expectant mother up in stirrups.

No wonder, she said, that mothers had the choice to either be cut or else they'd tear.

They were pushing out their babies in a way that went against the law of gravity.

Her experience was this...

Instead of giving birth on a delivery table with her feet up in stirrups, she was in a relaxing bedroom where the bottom of the bed could be lowered a few degrees when it was time for her son to be born.

He slid out into the world with ease and a minimal amount of pushing on my cousin's part.

It was a relatively-comfortable birthing experience, and my cousin and her husband were already planning to do the same when they were ready to have their next child.

_______
AJ_Goodbody :-)
We are defined by more than our poop--but it still makes for entertaining discussion!
AJ Online


_______
AJ_Goodbody :-)
We are defined by more than our poop--but it still makes for entertaining discussion!
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