Bringing Out Baby

// // 568 Comments
m 1+ points - Newb
0
0

I was surprised when I came to PoopReport to see that there were no entries about childbirth pooping. Every mom knows that when you push that hard for that long, your bowels will empty in front of your husband, your mother, your doctor, your nurses, etc. If you're not comfortable pooping in front of someone, don't invite them to your birth.

So yes, I too pooped during those final hours of labor. But that's not what I'm here to tell you about. No, what happened to me was far more embarrassing than squeezing out a few doo-doo droppings on my OBGYN.

It was my first baby and I opted for the epidural -- the injection that numbs you from the waist down. And as many of you might know, when you are numb from the waist down, that includes ALL of your muscles. As a result of this numbness, I was unable to control any gas that needed to exit, and ended up ripping LOUD (I mean LOUD) farts left and right. They seemed to be coming every three seconds.

Mind you, I have never been a farter or a Shameless pooper. I've never had any trouble with my bowels; I rarely fart, and I NEVER farted in front of other people -- even my own family and my husband of six years. But on that day it all changed.

I eventually told the nurse I didn't want any guests, and to only disturb me when absolutely needed. I was so embarrassed by my out-of-control gas. I desperately wished I had that fart device depicted on SNL once -- the one that plugs up your ass and makes verbal, robot-like conversation every time you break wind. Instead, I ended up wedging a towel in between my cheeks to muffle the sound. It worked. I lay there, numb as can be, farting in blissful silence, and no one could tell.

I implore everyone here to ask your own mothers about their childbirth stories. I'm sure there are some good ones.

-- MommyPoo

568 Comments on "Bringing Out Baby"

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

It's an odd story involving the Atlantic Ocean, Hurricane Katrina, cloud seeding, and revenge.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I've come to the conclusion, TSV, that you are really Persephone.

Logjam

sooper pooper's picture

/BUDDHA!
my wife sprayed diahrrea (sp?) all over the doctor when she gave birth f=to our first son.....
with the second she again crapped all over him (the same doctor)

Dr. Mike's picture

I own my own practice in Northeast Mississippi and I can promise you that not only is the defecation normal in the delivery room, but it is also frequent. And by that I mean multiple times daily. I can count the times that it has not happened. To be embarrassed about this in front of ANY doctor, nurse or applicable member of the staff is not necessary. That would be like being embarrassed to bleed if you were cut. Natural and Normal... even you don't see it that way in your own personal scope of reality.

Funny how you find these unusual websites looking for simple things. ;)

I searched for "skiing"...

GrimPoo's picture

I wish someone had mentioned this to me. My friend went into labor two weeks early, while her husband was out of state, and I relucantly accepted the role of supportive woman-friend, as out of character as it is for me. I was utterly horrified to see the tip of a brown log emerge from her. Well, to be honest, I was horrified already, but the surprise shit didn't help. When it slid out to reveal a corn kernel I slipped out "for a drink of water", and while I was at it, checked into having my tubes tied.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

So you didn't want to see your friend's brown baby twin?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Dr_Poop's picture

As a pediatrician, I'm around "poop" alot. Its completey normal for an expectant mom to "poop" and "pee" wile giving birth. Why do all of you think its so discusting? Thats life. take it or leave it! I pooped wile giving birth to my baby, who is now an elevan year old preteen and let me tell you..HER POOP STINKS!!!!!!!! Do you guys have ANYTHING better to chat about than "POOP? lol

Lora's picture

OMG!! These stories are so funny,well especially the one by GrimPoo.I am 9 months pregnant,right now and I am worried about pooping a bit too!My ass is already inflamed,so much from all my worried poo sessions.I have been constipated quite a bit,but most days having bad diarrhea bouts.Preperation H & Tucks pads have been my best friends,but I am still worried about tearing or hot burning poo's.Any advice???

momdukes's picture

i didn't poo during labor. i've heard SO many stories of women pooing that i was sure it'd happen, but thank god, it didn't.

Shameless Pooer's picture

I fart and talk about poo freely, but one of my biggest fears was pooing right on the floor during childbirth, and THANK GOD it didn't happen to me!! So ladies, there IS a chance you may keep it in your pants(so-to-speak)

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Just wastin' time catching up on articles I haven't read yet. OMG! This whole thread cracked me up! Honestly, I have no idea if I pooped during my 2 deliveries. I don't remember any smell or any comments, and if my DH saw anything besides his beautiful new babies, he is MUCH to much of a gentleman to say anything about it!

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Child birth is revolting! I don't see how any one could worry about shitting in front of the docs and nurses, when they are releasing all sorts of other nasty things. The poop is the least of it. Blech!

_______
SamDamnit!
President in Exile
of Poopreportia
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

This whole, LONG post looks like one running battle between TSV and a lot of unregistered trolls. TBW, it is reminsicent of the line in the bad Western novel: "Meanwhile, back at the ranch, brave Granny was single-handedly beating off an entire tribe of aroused Apaches."

This site probably needs to be Quality moderated, but with the percentage of unregistered users, I don't have the energy.

Somebody bring it back up again later, please?

Anonymous Coward and proud's picture

yo i think i have birthaphobia (k yah i know its really lokiophobia...ppl in this post seem to adore pouncing on and quickly eating anyone who posts misinformation). i am a shameful shitter but my boyfriend confidently thinks he'll be in the delivery room with me when i make the big push....judging by all these fabulously interesting birth&poop stories, id sooner throw a typewriter at him left handed then let him in on my humiliation *smile*
All my love
VRon

Anonymous Coward and proud's picture

oh p.s. -- dislike the screen name, but Sh!t volcano has some good clean common sense....just thought that could use some validation, after reading the horrendous comments by "alexsheepdoinker" about finding the ladies so unbearably nasty.

Code Brown's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Unfortunately, I have had to witness some Moms giving "birth" before giving birth. I have heard farts so loud that they caused hearing loss within a 15ft. circle. Now I wear earmuffs. I look like a jet mechanic, but I'm safe...

Stand back, I don't know how big this baby's gonna get...

Stand back, I don't know how big this baby's gonna get...

ready and willing's picture

I'm four months pregnant and was just searching for information about labor... specifically how NOT to poop while in labor, but after reading this site and the testimonies that you ladies have given, I'm not worried at all. After all, why deprive the world of a good story like these??? I've been laughing non stop for the past hour, and considering that I am not at all shy about my bodily functions (they are, after all, perfectly natural and everyone knows it happens), I don't care anymore. Thank you for being open about everything ladies!!! I'm ready and willing now, whatever may come!!!

chiggers's picture


_______
[chiggers don't play that.]

Yes, yes, I have seen and smelled this at the hospital. I work in a family birthing center. If you get an enema beforehand this will not happen... I highly recommend it.

[chiggers don't play that.]

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

As I've stated before, there are no other large animals that shit when they give birth. I worked at a vet and have witnessed many births. The fact that humans have to use enemas before birth so they won't shit seems odd to me.

The birthing position used in hospitals is wrong and is only used because of some Victorian bullshit (invented by a man) that says a woman has to be laying or propped up on her back. If you squat or hold onto someone and actually almost stand (as the Egyptians did) this shouldn't happen.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Princess Poo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

When I was in labour with my son, the Duke of Dump, I was tormented by a nurse who spoke very little english. She spent most of the time shouting "No poo - baby, baby!" at me whenever I asked for a bed pan or made a break for the throne. 24 hours, three stitches and one baby later, I had resolved to keep my legs so tightly crossed that NOTHING went in or out of any southern oriface for several weeks. Ahhh, but when I finally gave in to the power of poop - what bliss, what a divine experience, what a whopper and that smell! It was both the most primal and spiritual experience of my entire life.

Thought for the day - what if they gave you the poo to keep instead of the baby?

Shy Pooer's picture

Well I want to have many children when I'm older (I'm 21 now). I know 100% that I'm not having my husband in the room when I give birth now! Thanks for all the stories, they made me laugh for hours. I know you all say "relax, it's natural" but I just cannot be comfortable farting and pooing in front of someone I know well - even someone I'm married to. We're brought up in this society to be secretive about bodily functions, so I can't help but be shy. :-(
I guess I'll just have to give birth alone, no matter how lonely that may be.

Bunghole In the Jungle's picture
l 100+ points

If you decide to have the baby without benefit of pain blocker (ala Lamaze), you won't want anyone in the room with you! Husband, nurses, doctors, etc. Childbirth is an experience where modesty just isn't an option.

On a bright note, if you decide to have a under-water birth and poop, clean-up is a net scoop away!

keeping the whack in tally-ho...
Fartuituos!
Serenshittipy!

Anonymous Coward's picture

Moomypoo your story was so touching that I have to sing you a song. Lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it forward squeeze pukealoaf! lean wit it rock wit it lean wit it rock wit it backward push push push pinchaloaf! LOL!

Latus Rectum's picture
m 1+ points - Newb


Can't say I've ever heard of the phenomenon of pooping during childbirth before, but I don't find it all that surprising. I was the first of eight kids so I got to see all of them in diapers and things like poop and puke coming out of them was a regular occurance. I've held pleny of my siblings and then had them puke on me. You just learn to accept it. I'm sure my mom is not at all squeamish about such things, especially raising 5 boys who all went through a phase where we were fascinated with our own poop. Almost nothing grosses me out any more. (After all, if I would frequent such websites as poopreport.com and sites about composting your own poop such as http://weblife.org/humanure/, do you really think I would be bothered by a little poop happening during childbirth?)

If I ever do get married and my wife happens to poop during childbirth, I doubt I would care. So maybe poop can be a little bit smelly, but it's really not that bad while it's still fresh, and believe me I've smelled things that were far worse. There are some man-made chemicals out there that make anything the human body can produce smell like roses by comparison. Given all that mothers have to go through in childbirth, I don't think us guys have any right to complain.

When two people get married, the two of you are supposed to become "one flesh". And I think that includes taking care one another's bodies the same way you would your own, not bickering over silly little things in life that don't even matter.

Unfortunately, I think it's partly because of some of us guys that so many women are embarassed of their own bodies. Our society at large tries so hard to convince us that certain aspects of our humanity are somehow "shameful". To be quite honest I actually prefer the way women look without all the makeup, and I think there need to be more websites like www.domai.com which try to portray tasteful nudes of women in their natural state, with little or no makeup. I'm a guy and yes, I happen to like the way the female body looks. I shamelessly admit it.

Oh gosh I'm afraid I've somehow wandered off topic. I have a tendency to ramble sometimes. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I have ADD. Well I hope this random post has at least made some sense.

-- Nate B

Anonymous Coward's picture

Has anyone had problems peeing after labor...a week later? I have to stand in order to pee. I can't go sitting. Oh, and I can totally relate to the pain of pooping after labor! It took 45minutes, standing and holding onto the towel rack in unbelievable pain.

Not A Prince's picture

My first wife worked with a woman who was a prolific and highly sought-after Lamaze teacher in the early 80's. Hence, my first wife had a lot of experience about childbirth well before she had her daughter (with her first husband). When she was ready to deliver, she was prepared in every way, shape and form to deliver, including gastronomically. She did tell me, though, that the day she was in labor (for a few hours at this point), she was in a delivery room with another prospective mommy who wasn't having as grand a time. Apparently, this other woman was quite dilated but her pushes were for naught. She was becoming despondent, according to my ex, and getting a little desparate. Finally, this woman just said "Oh, f&^k it!" and started to push rather intensely, grunting and gnashing her teeth. To my ex, who was having a calm moment and experienced in the ways of Lamaze, this seemed a little over the top until she realized that this woman was trying to evacuate a dump! And, a massive dump she did! My ex, from her vantage point, said her poop was about the size of an extra large loaf of bread! It seemed to my ex that this woman was having a hard time trying to push out one canal while trying to hold in the other! She said that the two nurses with her cleaned everything up like champs and in no time, just before she gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

My opinion: women outdistance men in the biological components of life and men could never endure.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Dear Anonymous;

Call your doctor right away! Your uterus could be not back in the right position, or your bladder could be squished around in the wrong place. Sometimes, after the baby's been taking up all that space, things don't gel back exactly as they should.

Problems urinating is ALWAYS a sign to call your doctor!!!

_______
Santa Caca!

Mariacho's picture

Say what you will, but I trust nothing that bleeds for 5 days and does not die.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

So.....women.....???
_______
Santa Caca!

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

I'm with Mariacho on this one. Also I trust nothing with a penis. I trust no one because I am paranoid. I do, however, try my luck when I leave my things here with my roomate and whoever he chooses to have over. I wouldn't call it trust trhough, because I always worry about it.

_______
Practicing the ancient Chinese art of double flushing... because sometimes, a single flush just isn't enough.

[Insert witty banter here]

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Looking back at this, I find it ironic that I was typing commentary about not wanting a child back in October, 2005. All the while I was PREGNANT WITH GORDON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gilbert is laughing his fucking head off right now!

_______
I'm sorry, but it appears that my karma ran over your dogma.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

I wondered about the timing as I read the top of the thread. That's pretty funny.

Believe me, girlfriend, once you're in there and get down to business, you won't CARE what happens except to pop Gordon outta there!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I am headed to Florida to have Gordon close to Gilbert's family. We will have a midwife and with my luck, a hurricane at the same time. I'm sure I will have lots of encouragement to hurry the hell up and pop him out.

_______
I'm sorry, but it appears that my karma ran over your dogma.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Can't wait to hear how it all comes out! :P

P.S. Dumpster, ALL the comments are ready to be re-moderated!

MRS.POOPS TOOMUCHTOBEHEALTHY's picture

I SHIT FOURTEEN TIMES DURING THE BIRTH OF MY FIRST KID :(

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

Dr.Poop wrote: "...As a pediatrician, I'm around "poop" alot. Its[sic] completey[sic] normal for an expectant mom to "poop" and "pee" wile[sic] giving birth. Why do all of you think its[sic] so discusting[sic]? Thats[sic] life. take[sic] it or leave it! I pooped wile giving birth to my baby, who is now an elevan[sic] year old preteen and let me tell you..HER POOP STINKS!!!!!!!! Do you guys have ANYTHING better to chat about than "POOP? lol..." [sic]

Uhhh...I don't know, but I'm willing to bet that the "doc" isn't a doctor, at all.

about_topop's picture

my due date is one day away...and i was confident until i read this page!!!! its funny, but only when it happens to other ppl!!!! Im terrified that i will poop while giving birth...i think i'll die of embarassment!!!! wish me luck!!!!!

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

If you go into labor on your own, don't eat anything after the pains start. You'll go ahead and have a bowel movement at some point, but probably a long time before delivery. Not to worry.

Please come back and tell us how everything *ahem* came out!

Shit Slinger's picture

i watched my aunt have a kid. it was interesting but funny to say the least. she took the most vile shit. when she had her kid she shitted sooooo hard. it and the shit went out like a huge fart but it sprayed and squirted a bit as if it was coming out like a brown fountain with peanuts. then the baby came out. i ended up leaving the room. i dont think i could squeeze out a kid like that. ill have a c section

Squalid Squatter's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Let us not neglect a newborn's first poo - that black tar type substance, delicious meconium.

From dictionary.com
Main Entry: me·co·ni·um
Pronunciation: mi-'kO-nE-&m
Function: noun
: a dark greenish mass of desquamated cells, mucus, and bile that accumulates in the bowel of a fetus and is typically discharged shortly after birth

Ledhead71's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

when i was born (we have this on video camera) the first thing i did was take a dump right when the doc was rubbing me down with a towel.... got all over the towel lol

theshatmasta's picture

Although my experience cannot possibly compare, it still involves a hospital and poop. I was 16 and came down with a case of Pancreatitis, I of course was in the pediatric ward. There they give you a little buzzer that you're supposed to use whenever you needed something. With Pancreatitis the only treatments available are many MANY painkillers injected into your veins (I was kind enough to recieve Dilaudid, a synthetic morphine) and starving for as long as it takes for you to heal. Before I had gone into the hospital, I hadn't pooped for about a week because I couldn't keep anything in my system. I was embarassed enough everytime I buzzed and told them I had to go to the bathroom, when one day one of the nurses asked me when the last time I pooped was. I've never been embarassed about pooping or farting, frankly I let a fart rip in front of anyone and laugh my little head off about it, but when you're over an intercom and you tell the whole hospital you've gotta poop it's a different story. So there I was, struggling with the poo from hell. The nurse finally told me that if I walked around maybe I could coax it out (I was not allowed any laxatives and I was not allowed anything to drink or eat to move things along). Finally the poop came, I remember ringing the nurse frantically (attatched to an IV I couldn't go anywhere without it and they had to unhook the machine so I could go potty). It was the worst poop ever and from being in bed it was SOO painful due to my hemmarhoids. The worst part was, they wanted to see it! So I couldn't even flush, I had to leave it there until they came to check it out. The nurses were nice about it though and I believe they were happy that I finally pooped. Since then, i've treasured every poop I make in my own home. What a joy it is to poop in private!

Pootective's picture

I didn't poop during labor thank God. But the BM after the epesiotomy is horrible mostly due to constipation from pain meds! I took like 5 vicoden yesterday and my shit is allready hard and tough to pass.

Oh...and my mom always told me she shit on my head when i was born. I never understood that until i had a baby of my own.

Jennica's picture

Hey there! I'm 22 years old and I can still remember when I had my first child. I was 15 years old and let me tell you- being a young mother, not knowing the father, and shitting on your doctor..... AWFUL!!! It wasn't just any poo either.... this dookie was WOW!! Not too hard not too soft.... but the smell... actually it sort of smelled like a mixture of Lysol and chitlins. But anywho- yea it was pretty disgusting.

terrified first time pooper's picture

im expecting my first baby next week and i am so terrified of pooping infront of my boyfriend i dont even fart infront of him let alone let him see me shit!!!! HELP!

shitstane mcgee's picture

i cant stop farting out air from my asshole and i have very uncontrolable shit marks on my underwhear...:(

Poop Solution!'s picture

I have had two children and did not poop during labor with either. However I can relate to having the farts after the epidurals! Contractions make you have gas and then being numb you can't control your farts. That part isn't too fun.
My suggestion for women that are too afraid to poop during labor is to drink castor oil. I read all about it to try and induce my labor. Mix a few tablespoons into a smoothie and it'll give you the runs, cramps, a sore bum, and hopefully induce labor. You'll be so cleaned out you will not only NOT poop during labor but you won't poop for a few days after which will save you a lot of pain! Best of luck!

Poopanator's picture

Do fetuses crap inside the mommy? If so do they,like, swim in their own crap or what? Because I know their asses aren't pluged are they.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

That's a good question. The answer is no: babies do not swim around in their own crap (well, until they poop in the bathtub and play with it, but that happens LATER!).

The umbilical cord, which attaches the baby to the mother's uterus (and where you got your belly button), not only carries blood, oxygen and nutrients TO the baby, but it also carries the baby's poop and pee back through the cord (separate tunnels inside).

The baby's waste is basically added to the mom's. A baby doesn't have it's first bowel movement until right after birth (or sometimes right before).

gastricbysplash's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I had three kids - all natural with non epidural. The first was 9-13 and 21-1/2" (boy) didn't poop; the second (girl) was 9-5 and 20" - did poop but was also a faster labor as a kind doctor broke my water; my last baby (boy) was a 2-1/2 day serial induction 9-4, 20-1/2 inches and I didn't poop, but I did hemorrhage really bad. I had episiotomies with all three kids - they were all obviously quite large. I can remember when it happened with my daughter I was panic stricken, but the nurses just told me don't worry honey, it happens all the time. they took care of it right away. Your first instinct is to stop pushing but your body by then is on auto-pilot. Here's to all the nurses who help us maintain some semblance of dignity!

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