Bringing Out Baby

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I was surprised when I came to PoopReport to see that there were no entries about childbirth pooping. Every mom knows that when you push that hard for that long, your bowels will empty in front of your husband, your mother, your doctor, your nurses, etc. If you're not comfortable pooping in front of someone, don't invite them to your birth.

So yes, I too pooped during those final hours of labor. But that's not what I'm here to tell you about. No, what happened to me was far more embarrassing than squeezing out a few doo-doo droppings on my OBGYN.

It was my first baby and I opted for the epidural -- the injection that numbs you from the waist down. And as many of you might know, when you are numb from the waist down, that includes ALL of your muscles. As a result of this numbness, I was unable to control any gas that needed to exit, and ended up ripping LOUD (I mean LOUD) farts left and right. They seemed to be coming every three seconds.

Mind you, I have never been a farter or a Shameless pooper. I've never had any trouble with my bowels; I rarely fart, and I NEVER farted in front of other people -- even my own family and my husband of six years. But on that day it all changed.

I eventually told the nurse I didn't want any guests, and to only disturb me when absolutely needed. I was so embarrassed by my out-of-control gas. I desperately wished I had that fart device depicted on SNL once -- the one that plugs up your ass and makes verbal, robot-like conversation every time you break wind. Instead, I ended up wedging a towel in between my cheeks to muffle the sound. It worked. I lay there, numb as can be, farting in blissful silence, and no one could tell.

I implore everyone here to ask your own mothers about their childbirth stories. I'm sure there are some good ones.

-- MommyPoo

568 Comments on "Bringing Out Baby"

Nick B's picture

Wow! I've gotta hand it to you, Respect that you can openly talk about such an embarrasing topic. I'm a bloke and I tend to shear away from the topic of faecal passing activities! (Th Also the

|Ph'/re/\'s picture

That was a very interesting story, sadly i cannot relate....,.,.,...,,.,.,

Poopie McPooperson's picture

Oh god, I'm 3 mos. pregnant right now, is it too late? I don't know if I can go through with it after reading this!!! Fish oil every day for a week before the due date, that ought to do the trick. AwfuL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Elle's picture

Alright, ladies. This is just silly.

So it might be humiliating to poop in front of hospital staff (even though they are more concerned with you and your baby than your bowel movements or pride--PLUS I'm sure they have seen more embarassing things come out of people)..

But seriously, I am AMAZED at how many of you feel embarassed by farting or pooping in front of your significant others. ESPECIALLY during childbirth.

I mean, come on, if you share your life with someone and love them, what's so bad and embarassing about your partner knowing that you're human? After all, he/she poops, too! It's nothing to get upset over.

Just accept it and learn to laugh about it. The only way to overcome these anxieties is to not be such an "anal" nut about our bodies!

POOPY's picture

ha ha ha this is so funny, ihave just pretty much read the whole thing and laughed all the way through.
i honestly thought people were winding me up when i heard you poo when u give birth, but i had to find out was too curious! glad i did. i love children, especially since my nephew came into my life 2 1/2 years ago, and i am glad i read this as now i know what to expct when i come to have children....aslong as i give birth to a healthy child i will be happy, whats a bit of poop going to make a difference, we all do it and the nurses are trained to deal with it ... so yeah poo really shouldnt be something to worry about!!!

busy_mom_of_8's picture

I've had 8 children, currently pregnant with my 9th and I have to say that I have pooped during labor. You push so hard and that is pretty much where you are directing your pushes is like your going poop. When your pushing that hard for that long it's normal to poop, my one story was with my 2nd child and I was pushing as hard as I could and when he was just starting to crown I pooped it was a big turd too not a small one.

Spriggan Y.O. 17's picture

|||||Quote:CyberPoop (awillerton@hotmail.com) -- 8.18.2003
"I don't think any man with an inch of imagination could read this post and the comments and not agree that women are by far the stronger sex.

They sure are, how long can people stay sane with that kinda pain goin on for awhile? I've endured my share, can understand.

PS- I'm a guy. And my poop was green at 2:13AM US Eastern time. ^^ Its Friday

BigEvilWoman's picture

I'm 58 and I had one son when I was 23. He's a great son and I feel lucky to have had a healthy happy child that made it to adulthood.

But when I was in labor for 24+ hours, had people poking there hands up me constantly, found myself racked up in stirrups, given an epidural, then sliced and told to push -- My body responded WITHOUT my permission and under it's own volition and out popped my son along with an errant turd that hadn't been flushed out when I had undergone an enema already!

I could have given a shit, so to speak at that moment, and evidently did.

As to ever having another baby? I am one of those women who decided she was never going to go through that obnoxious discomfort and pain ever again and I had an IUD put in and didn't have it removed until I had my tubes tied when I was 31.

The pregnancy was fine. I was never sick a day and was healthy and happy as a horse, but the birth process at a hospital that I had to go through was unnatural, awful and I was not about to go through that again.

Frankly I never wanted more than one kid in the first place. I was happy with my son and didn't feel the need to make more children.

But speaking to the point of crapping during childbirth, frankly that was the least of the annoyance to me!

Brittany's picture

Every time my husband tries to be modest about something I remind him..."I shit in your face". We had our baby at home...I was on my hands and knees pushing...he was behind me with his hands on my butt cheeks, supporting me while I pushed against him...the pressure made my cheeks spread perfectly before him...and then I shit...right in front of his face. It was actually a great start to our parenting adventure! Concerning the challenge that shitting became after the birth...I found that shooting a little warm olive oil up your ass helps things slip out with less pain...and it makes wiping a breeze, as nothing sticks to your ass!

Brittany's picture

I think that my shitting during childbirth really set the tone...suddenly shitting became a family activity. It seemed that while my daughter was still an infant, I was rarely sitting on the toilet without her in my arms nursing... now that she is nearly a year old, she still follows me into the bathroom, expecting to sit on my lap and play with the toilet paper roll. One day, after I finished dumping, I stood up with her on my hip...turned around...admired my work... flushed the toilet and waved bye-bye. Now, when she hears the toilet flush, even if she is in another room...she waves bye-bye! Shitting has become quite the source of entertainment...

Master Blaster's picture

Shit away... I can fully understand that. How many guys out there can take a shit without pissing a bit. Hell I can just get done taking a piss, feel a shit come on, and while shitting still have a little squirt come out. Think about it.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Talk about a honker kidney stone!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

SudsyWench's picture

I wondered about the payback when I never had one day of morning sickness. Nine months later I sure would find out. With my first child, I started throwing up and crapping immediately following every contraction. Being in labor for several hours like that was fun! At the hospital they finally knew I was crapped out but at least gave me something for nausea and dehydration. So, when my son was coming along, I felt like I was going into labor all day so I ate very lightly. No good. Still vomiting with every contraction I said...I am NOT spending my labor on the bathroom floor. I sat in the living room with a tupperware bowl which my husband lovingly emptied while I watched TV and did my Lamaze. His brother is there to 'see what labor is all about' and says "so I guess she's not fixing dinner...want anything from Der Wienerschnitzel?" He even offer to get me a milkshake the bastard! He left, I stood up to get ready to go to the hospital and my water broke. I immediately had a pain, sat down, and peed all over our chair. I changed into a clean robe and panties and within 10 seconds was on the floor ready to push! My husband called the paramedics (we lived in a small town so EMT's, fire and police showed up). His brother came back and I sent him next door to the in-laws to let them know we were ok. After the EMT's had their hands up my robe to check on things, I sent the firemen away - 'look, I promise not to burst into flames if you'll get the hell outta my living room'! So, we get in the ambulance, we're ten minutes down the road and yep, a BIG OLE POOP, I mean BIG! And holy lord, we're stuck in tight quarters of an ambulance. The poor medic was dying, I was crying from embarassment and my husband (from the front seat) says, "Shit, who cut the cheese!" Well, we got to the hospital, they rushed me upstairs, I had the baby while still in my robe and slippers, ended up with an episiotomy and horrible hemmorhoids from the ambulance crap. Oh, what sweet memories I have of the day my darling son was born and I just made him dig up 5 yards of sod and put down 7 yards of rock in 100 degree weather as partial payback! Rock on

Lauren's picture

lol, my god, that's funny.

funnypoops's picture

I had the joy of being in the delivery room with my very best friend when she had her son. Her labor was in full swing and she had started pushing. Shortly before her baby entered the world, she let out a series of tiny round poops. Afterwards I had to laugh whilst telling her about her little rabbit pellets. It was too funny!

Atlantima's picture

"I desperately wished I had that fart device depicted on SNL once -- the one that plugs up your ass and makes verbal, robot-like conversation every time you break wind."

Dude, that'd be bitchin'.

nameless's picture

i shit myself, the table everywhere. my husband tried to run away, but a nurse tackled him.after delivery, the doctor threw the afterbirth in a metal pan and left it there. the nurses forgot it too. all my friends and family had to see that and smell the shitty aftermath

hey gurl's picture

if i were you i would just keep on farting it must of felt good

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Gee, Elle, for all that pep talk about shamelessness, I expect a story from you about your childbirth or a good shit story period.

Sounds healthy, but we need more...........

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

1st timer's picture

Alrighty. I've come to accept that women usually poop when they give birth, but is there really ANY way to avoid it? I am planning on having a nurse come to my home to deliver my child so...do I have to dish out the "could care less about" sheets? Also, I would like to know, in detail, exactly what happens before during and after birth? My mother said that after the shoulders are out it won't hurt anymore. Any nice childbirth stories because, boy-oh-boy, I am sooooo scared now!

not tellin ya's picture

1st timer...you are going to need those "could care less about" sheets regardless of whether or not you poop...lol... Child birth is a very messy process, you could pee or poop or both...but you will most definately bleed all over the place...Just a fair warning!

Lucy's picture

I have three kids and I don't recall pooping while having them...I just puked all over with my first one..and I did pee all over my doctor while having my third child..That doctor was a total bastard anyway..He deserved it..My best friend (at the time) and my husband and I laughed afterwards!!
My birthing experiences were a total nightmare and I'm not just talking about bodily functions during the birthing process..Out of the three, my second was the only one that was a total breeze..However, he popped out on Christmas Day which was really weird but really awesome at the same time..

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Poor kid. Born on Christmas day. He has no birthday and only gets presents once a year.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

t0x1c B4by Bug's picture

When I had my daughter, I shit during labour. I didn't care. I had my kid at home, sans pain meds. My midwives were pretty discreet about cleaning up the turds. Along with my little bug, came about 4 or 5 butt bunnies.

Labour is messy and nasty anyway. It stinks even without the shit...smells like a real horrible period...9 months worth of stagnant blood...But I'm willing to do it again..because for some real wierd messed up reason, I had one of them there "orgasmic birth" experiences....no kidding...I was feeling the burn of my baby's head then it was WOOOOSH what the fuck WHEEE This makes the pain worth it!

Oh yeah, for all of ya'll who puked during labour and all ya'll who are afraid you'll puke during labour, take some Gravol/Reglan *anti Puke drug* Safe for baby, keeps the barf from coming up. There ya go, no pukage. If you are lucky it'll konk you out till your water breaks too, that's what it did for me, I slept through most of my labour, till that Transition phase hit...then, as my mom warned me, I felt like I wanted to die, but I did know it was almost over.

I'm gonna do it at home again when I get pregnant again eventually. That Orgasmic Birth just made me wanna do it all over again!

I don't care about the poops. I'm one of the lucky ones to have had an easy time of it.

Oh yeah ONLY TWO STITCHES! Trust me ladies, you'd rather tear than be cut! I recovered in like 3 days from my little tear. I know women who have been sliced and diced so badly down there, that they shit their pants and piss themselves at every sneeze..and have to go get reconstructed.

Oh yeah, Stirrups for pushing = BAD! That means you are working against gravity. Tell the Dr to go fuck himself, Squat down on the floor like you are about to take a huge Shit and push out the baby that way. makes it so much easyer because gravity is helping! Hands and knees is also a good one.

Stay outta them stirrups ladies! You are having a baby not riding a damn horse!

Tampon|Juice's picture

AHAHAHAHAHAH

freakazoid's picture

Tampon Juice. That name had to have been invented by a girl.

Ahahahahahaha!!!!!!

Jenners's picture

After watching my sister give birth I think I would have to say farting would be worse than pooping on the table while delivering. 9 months ago I watched my sister give birth to my niece. In the very beginning stages of pushing she let out a huge one. It was loud! I didn't smell anything but then again I was a few feet away. Normally I wouldn't laugh but I couldn't help it. It was made even funnier by the fact that she had this looks of pure horror on her face at the realization of what she did, her husband had a look of amusement and shock. The nurse of course is acting like she heard nothing. I didn't want to upset her so I just pursed my lips together tightly and sunk my face into the chair so as not to laugh out loud. She's able to laugh about it alittle now but still prefers for it not to be brought up. At least if you shit there's a good chance you probably won't even realize it and the nurses will change the pad and get rid of the "evidence" quickly, with farting, there's no denying it! Everyone, including you will be well aware of what happened. I already told my fiance if I ever fart or shit during labor he better keep his mouth shut until I'm out of the hospital since he's the type where the jokes probably would't stop for months. I give praise to all the women who are able to take it in such stride. Even though I'm pretty laid back about things like this, I think if and when it happens I'd be pretty embarrassed.

solobirthgirl's picture

How come you women are all so naieve!!??

Offcourse it's terrible humiliating to be spreaded in stirrups for hours while strangers put their hands into your vaginas and then also get an enema having to shit in front of them...
Why on earth do you women trust these obgyns?
go and have a vertical childbirth in a private atmosphere with your two feet flat on the ground.

Don't you have any selfrespect? jeez!!

freakazoid's picture

I agree. OB-GYNs are butchers.

Forest Sprite's picture

I've said this a million times and I'll say it again."I'm NEVER getting pregnant or do ANYTHING that would require a visit to the Gynacologist" Even if that means NEVER having sex, just because my boyfriend doesn't want to put on a condom. lol!

megabirthingbiatch's picture

man on man the terrible misinformation here, I know there's been a few attempts to redress... just for anyone who's pregnant now and worrying about any of this, *read up* www.radmid.demon.co.uk www.gentlebirth.org www.plus-size-pregnancy.org

baby no1 I did a 'normous, incredibly stinky shit before she was born, don't know about during, but she was prem so I figure my body was protecting her a bit, with the others they were all born at home, and all involved poo, and yunno what? *It's a good thing* cos it helps colonise the baby's gut with bacteria that makes Vitamin K! No shit! oh and if the baby passes meconium before it's born, it *doesn't* inhale it unless it's already in serious trouble. Sheesh the rubbish that gets propagated...

Forest_sprite's picture

It may be a GOOD thing, but all the same, I stnad by my opinion -__-'

lisa's picture

ii am a teen mother and i had a baby 5 months ago. its was the most ebarassing yet exicting time of my life. i actaully prayed to go that he would not let me poop!! all i can say is jesus heard my prayers. yipee...

Turd's picture

My daughter was in labor on her birthday. I was in a hurry to get her to the hospital--she, on the other hand, wanted her cake. She tells everyone, "My Mother would not let me eat my cake on my birthday when I was in labor. She said I was only gonna shit it out anyway"

charlotte_ukgal's picture

For any of you who are worried about your SO's reaction to seeing you shit during labour. My cousin had a brilliant idea - and I'll probably do this too if I ever choose to have kids (unlikely). She was always quite reserved about that stuff and shit scared (haha) about pooping during pregnancy. So she finally told her husband and made him poop in front of her so she could always use that against him if he got freaked watching her. Turns out he was cool about it anyway, but did help her not to feel so embarrassed!

And all you mum's out there! Damn I respect you! My mum was in labour for almost 48 hours with me! And yet she decided to have two more kids afterwards - that's love!

jen's picture

i read most of this thread and i am surprised that noone mentioned castor oil...back in the day the docs used to give it to woman to induce labor...so i decided to try it and it worked TWICE i had my babies within 24 hours...and i did all my shitting before i ever got to the hospital...not that i think it would have really mattered if i shit on the delivery table...i was in way to much pain to even care.

ohmy's picture

Well, Forest - there is always "anal sex". Now there is a WHOLE new posting!

Mepica Elculito's picture

I thank all that have kept this thread running since August of 2003... I have literally laughed my a$$ off yet at the same time acquired more respect and adoration for the women in my life... I gotta call the old lady soon to thank her. I have never laughed so hard about poop as I have tonight. I will share this site and thread with everyone at work... especially the two that just returned from maternity leave.

ohmy's picture

I agree! This was an absolutely hilarious site! I too, laughed my xxx off! I have also had two children and never even thought about this possibility...unless the nurses were being very discreet, I don't think it happened to me. I remember telling the nurse that I thought I had to poop, and she kept telling me that it was the baby's head moving through the birth canal. Come to think of it, what a time to ask! At that point I was in hard labor - and I was actually thinking of getting up to go to the bathroom? The nurse told me not to worry and keep pushing! HA! oops.....

momoftwo's picture

Thank you all for a great laugh and for bringing back some memories I would rather forget. With my first baby the labor was horrible,I had to endure the fun of a foley cath, a catheter up my who-who to measure the contractions and another catheter up there to flush water into my uterus to wash out meconium. My husband said it looked like something out of Alien. The worst part came afterward at three am when taking the after birth poop. The nurses insisted on a stool softener and when it finally worked I was in the bathroom with the bedspread wrapped around me to stop the shakes, shitting my brains out with epidural stiches from hell. When I finally finished I tried to use the peri botle(a small bottle of warm water to use instead of wiping with paper)but in my haste I didn't screw the top on tight enough and the top shot into the toilet onto the stinking mess.So there I am feeling like I am dying and stuck with no way to clean myself up. Where was my husband? Snoring his butt off on the cot in the room. I do have to say even after all that my daughter was worth the pain and humiliation and I did it all again four years later!

PooSpice's picture

When I had my son the nurse kept wiping my butt, making sure it was nice and clean, I kept letting out small poopings during contractions, but what's even better is because my son was soo overdue, he was ready to burst at birth!! First thing he did was shit all over my leg, then proceeded to pee..............it was priceless!!! It was a moment only his dad and I could remember together and say...........ewwwww!!! LOL!!! Babies....ya gotta love em'!!

Lauren's picture

This is a disgusting web page!

fart_juice's picture

Wow! I have just spent nearly 2 hours of my life reading this *entire* thread, and I have nearly fallen out of my chair laughing several times. I laughed so hard, I was crying. I was howling so loud at times next to an open window that I was actually concerned about what the neighbors might be imagining was happening over here, hearing me cackling like a crazy woman!

I have not had any children, and am terrified of the pain of childbirth and the idea of tearing, or worse yet, being cut (butchered really) by a doctor who just wants to speed up the process; it's hard to believe, however, that so many women who are brave enough to go through this pain are so worried about farting or shitting while they are pushing a baby out. It seems like once you've had a baby, you're going to be constantly cleaning up babyshit for several years, so it is, perhaps, best to get comfy with shit in advance of this process. I'm sure glad that my long-term partner and I can just take shits in front of each other and not be so hung up about it! Everybody poops. We've all been pooping all our lives and it's a normal biological process, not some secret terrible sin we must hide away. Right?

Penelope Poopstain's picture

I think I shit on the table with both of my sons deliveries..with the first, I had had an epidural and am not sure exactly what happened but it was more than a fart and the nurses wiped something off me, I was too ashamed to ask. With my second, I had 'natural' childbirth (what a fool I was lol) I wasnt supposed to go into labor for another week so I had eaten Taco Bell right before labor started...Oh lord, not a good idea at ALL lol I asked for an enema, But was told they didnt really do that anymore, so oh well! the nurses and my husband were encouraging me to push, and all of a sudden I could feel that it wasnt just the baby coming out! I stopped pushing and the nurses had to say 'Its okay to poop, its normal, just push the baby out!' so...okay, away I went and out popped the baby and about a foot of mooky stick. I was mortified. before the nurses could even begin to clean me up, my newborn son crapped all over the doctor! haha! This poor man! He looked at my husband and said 'the mom pooped on me, the baby pooped on me, YOU stay away from me!' so we all laughed and it didnt seem as humiliating, But it was certainly NOT my finest hour!

Forest Sprite's picture

ROFLMAO!! Love that name, Penelope! LOL!!

freepoo's picture

heh my wife poo'd everywhere when she had our baby. the poo got all over the goddamn table, legs, hospital staff, in her vagina and even all over the baby. the combo of poo, blood and other liquids a man couldn't even fathom was unbearable, but i held her hand the whole time. witnessing birth is the nastiest, most beautiful thing ever, and judging by the amount of blood, it looks like it hurts :O

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Freepoo, I think just pissed myself laughing. I've never heard childbirth described so well.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

H.R. Poop'n'Stuff's picture

I have a dear friend who went into labor earlier than anticipated...and just the right amount of time after eating a spicy fried shrimp sandwich for it to be knocking at her sphincter awaiting release. Her husband was away on business, so it fell to my then-girlfriend and I to get her to the hospital. It was a fast labor and delivery. Long story short, while lying on the table in the delivery room, she actually hit the wall with a projectile expulsion during a hard contraction before they could even offer her a pre-delivery enema. I didn't actually get to see it, but she's an absolutely shameless shitter and recounted the story with great gusto.

Candarse's picture

wow,shit volcano and forrest sprite have been posting on thios same story for a loooong time!@ congratulations!!!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Yes, when you're unemployed life gets REALLY boring!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

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