Bringing Out Baby

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m 1+ points - Newb
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I was surprised when I came to PoopReport to see that there were no entries about childbirth pooping. Every mom knows that when you push that hard for that long, your bowels will empty in front of your husband, your mother, your doctor, your nurses, etc. If you're not comfortable pooping in front of someone, don't invite them to your birth.

So yes, I too pooped during those final hours of labor. But that's not what I'm here to tell you about. No, what happened to me was far more embarrassing than squeezing out a few doo-doo droppings on my OBGYN.

It was my first baby and I opted for the epidural -- the injection that numbs you from the waist down. And as many of you might know, when you are numb from the waist down, that includes ALL of your muscles. As a result of this numbness, I was unable to control any gas that needed to exit, and ended up ripping LOUD (I mean LOUD) farts left and right. They seemed to be coming every three seconds.

Mind you, I have never been a farter or a Shameless pooper. I've never had any trouble with my bowels; I rarely fart, and I NEVER farted in front of other people -- even my own family and my husband of six years. But on that day it all changed.

I eventually told the nurse I didn't want any guests, and to only disturb me when absolutely needed. I was so embarrassed by my out-of-control gas. I desperately wished I had that fart device depicted on SNL once -- the one that plugs up your ass and makes verbal, robot-like conversation every time you break wind. Instead, I ended up wedging a towel in between my cheeks to muffle the sound. It worked. I lay there, numb as can be, farting in blissful silence, and no one could tell.

I implore everyone here to ask your own mothers about their childbirth stories. I'm sure there are some good ones.

-- MommyPoo

568 Comments on "Bringing Out Baby"

hoof hearted ice melted's picture

OMG I was so embarassed, I sharted my undies just before they got me onto the birthing table! Talk about shame, horror!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Ugh, Morticia! Talk about pain! I wonder how much hospital poo sells on the black market?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

A chick's picture

Was anyone here a teenage mum...if you were i have some questions for you....

twiddleshit's picture

I laughed like hell through this entire board, as it HAPPENED TO ME, but I really fail to understand what the big deal is.

Everybody poops! Really! We all know what happens and how it's done.....we clean up after our animals, we clean up after our kids (later).....Why does it bother some of you so
VERY much if it happens at such a time of physical stress as childbirth?

You're not exactly in control of your body. Your husband claims to love you come what may. HE poops TOO!!! ;) Doctors and nurses see it every day, and are being PAID to help you and clean up afterward. It's not like you're dropping your pants in the town square and taking a crap in front of innocent bystanders, after all.

Happened to me, I wasn't thrilled, but I ignored it, had the baby and life went on. No big deal. My husband picked some of it up with paper towels, as during part of my labor I squatted next to the bed. He told me later it "really stunk." I said, "So, you trying to tell me YOUR shit doesn't stink??" Hehehe

Cindy

ratso's picture

My favorite: post rectal surgery for some hemorhoids I forgot about that 1st bowel movements. I was careful for the 1st day and ate only easy stuff then came the red hot potato chips on day 2. The pain was another level of discomfort . Yes, you can imagine.

bigintestinedgirl's picture

I'm scared shitless(no pun intended) or crapping while giving birth.....it would be hell for me since i have an intestinal problem and lets just say if i crapped while giving birth the doctor probably wouldn't know which one was the baby....

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Eeeeeeewwwwwww!!!!!!!!!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

HOLYCRAP's picture

Just tuning in here folks... mustering about all your posts... you're scaring me!!! Alais, I must continue to read!!!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Hoo hoo hoo, ha ha ha!!!! I live to scare! Anyway, I've gone way beyond being scared in this discussion. I think I'll just grow my babies in sexless pods.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

poopsicle's picture

My friend pooped while she was being born... like not her mom but she, herself, was pooping. Funny, seems as if she should be the one obsessed with feces, not me. oh well she doesnt know what shes missing...

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

The mystery remains. My cousin pooped while she was being born and actually breathed it in. The doctor had to suck it all out of her lungs so she could start breathing.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

I didn't think I would contribute to this, but I will, dammit.
I almost bled to death when I had Thomas, my first. I tore 4th degree and had to wear these pads from Hell, doubled up, for awhile.
The doctors let me out too fast. I hadn't pooped yet. Well, when I did, I tore a bunch of stitches and had to go back into the hospital. The doctors thought I was a sissy, so when he was walking me to the exam room, he was walking faster than me and saying things like "Come on now."
So, he gets down THERE, and peaks his head around my leg a second later, all apologetic and all and says, "We let you go like this?"
Apparently they had been giving me such good drugs in the bum that I didn't know how bad I had been sewn up.
I was one hole and not two.
I still have a little sore spot down there from all the scar tissue.
So, I almost died from taking a shit.
Lucky for Doctor Death I have no problem shagging, or I would have to give him a Ted Koscinki love letter.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

That's what happens when you have a male doctor. I swear, girls should be treated by girl doctors and boys should be treated by boy doctors. That way when a girl has agonizing menstral cramps the female doctor will sympathize and not tell her she's being a wuss. And boys can ask embarassing questions about their nut sacks with a male doctor. That's just the way it works.
By the way, Daphne. If I had met that asshole doctor I would have kicked him right in HIS nut sack! I'd like to see the pathetic moron squeeze an eight pound kid out of HIS ass!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Stitches's picture

I'm sewing up my vag right now!

Nicole's picture

All I can say is "Whoa"! I had heard about the occasional "accident" happening while in labor but honestly I didn't think it was as common as this! Now I know what precautions to take when I do one day go in labor.

PooperGal's picture

Daphne,
That's what malpractice lawsuits are for. I can't believe he did a half-assed (sorry) job and gambled with your life and health. I'd have kicked his sorry sac.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Did he even have a sack?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

to poopergal,
thank you so much. but, in the army,there is no lawsuit.
second, shit volcano, you are the man.

third, should i tell the tale right and send it to dave? never occured to me, but hey, it was a doozie.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

katie's picture

I only have 1 baby, but it's delivery was embrassing. I farted just like you. But I had a bowel movement just when my husband and mother were watching. I was so embrassed. Plus it smelled super bad.

PooperGal's picture

Daphne,
Your story is truly one for the books. But, I think Dave would pass out if he read it. Guys have a hard time with stuff like that! They're kind of fragile, you know. ;)

truth be told's picture

For all the women who "claim" they didn't PooP while pushing.....Wake up, the truth is noone told you! Unless they gave you an enema (which is rarely done these days) All women will poop!
That's why the nurses keep changing the pads in the room.
As my Doctor says~ he only charges $500 for delivery, the other $4,000 is his charge for getting shit on! I'd charge more.

poopmaster's picture

My cousin just had baby girl and when she was pushing her out she pushed so hard that she shit at the same time. that was her very first baby at 16!

weird but true's picture

I watched my best friend give birth to her 5th child . after an epidural that didn't work and 10 hours of labour, all of which i had successfully avoided looking down south , her mother grabbed me and made me look at the baby came out and my friend took a nice long poop even better was when they said that the baby had pooped inside of her . on a side note immediately after she gave birth i walked outside and started smokeing again after 2 years of not touching them and went out the next day and bought a puppy, the only baby i will ever have after watching that .

Desiree's picture

I pooped big time with my daughter 9 years ago, and yes, I was horrified. When she came out blue and not crying however, that was the last thing on my mind. We just celebrated her bday, so she is fine. With my son, I took castor oil to bring on labor so I was all cleaned out....hehe.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I'm glad your daughter's okay. My aunt was born blue, too.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

anothermother's picture

When I had my first baby I was prepared that I might poop, but what happened instead was I pushed so hard I got roids the size of walnuts... only it felt like poop sitting there in my buttcrack, so for some minutes I kept begging the doctor to wipe it away, but the doctor just said there was no poop and went on suturing me. I kept begging, sheesh you think she could have explained why I felt like there was poop.

Angela P.'s picture

With my first son everything was so rushed and hectic I have no idea if I pooped or not. If I did no one took any notice of it. But with my second I am pretty sure I did, it really felt like it but again no one said or did anything that would confirm it and i'm too embarrassed to ask my husband. I am pretty grateful that if I did poop people were kind enough to ignore it. I'm also grateful that I put my foot down on the idea that a bunch of people would be in there during the delivery. Both times my husband was the only family member there, everyone else had to come visit after the fact.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

If I ever have a kid I don't want a lot of people in there either. It's not that I am afraid of pooping. I just don't like a million people staring in awe as my pussy pushes out a crawling, squalling watermelon.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Poopdoll's picture

Who cares if ya poop? The most important thing is giving birth to a healthy baby, no matter what it takes. Amidst all that pain, I was telling myself I'd do it all over again. It's the most beautiful yet humbling experience in the world. When they place that child upon your chest still attached to the umbilical cord and he/she's naturally comforted and calmed by the warmth of your body and the beating of your heart amidst the fear of this huge, cold, insecure world, nothing else can even begin to occupy your mind. I have three beautiful kiddies, 5,4, and 2 1/2 and forever I will be grateful for them and the husband that stayed by my side despite my bitching at him especially when he asked me if there was anything he could do and I responded, "stop breathing". What we put those men through......So with my first, I was terrified of pooing and afraid to ask anyone about it BUT you'd be amazed at the response you get when asking a mom because it's damn near a bonding experience and bragging rights to discuss the "details" of those experiences. Anyway, I don't think I pooed with number one. I was constantly being asked as it got closer to delivering if I felt like I had to poop because that is a sign that the baby is DOWN THERE! When I finally got that special "urge" and you know when that happens because you're scared SHITLESS you're going to crap all over the place, THAT'S when they called the doctor but told me to hold off pushing after telling me to push and push for hours! What the fuck!!! I'm supposed to stop now!?!!! NO WAY. She'd better get here or that's too bad. And I still don't think I pooped. My second one, I was in labor (very early stages but still labor) for three nights - every night after midnight the contractions started and lasted but were either not consistent enough, not long enough, not strong enough -whatever, not enough to warrant going to the hospital. The next day, I had my fun exam at the doc and she said I could have him anytime and it could be another two weeks. I broke down crying thinking I was going to have to do this every night for hours and NOTHING?!!!! She signed the back of her business card and said here's your "get out of jail free" care and if you begin laboring again like that, you come in and tell those nurses to call me and hand them this card and I will deliverly that baby! So we went to a movie, dinner---YES DINNER. If anything were to bring it on, a good hefty meal is a great assistance and even Christmas shopped! Then, lo and behold, midnight rolls around, we head to the hospital and the labor continues until she shows up at 7am, breaks the water and BAM! One time pushing and I can promise NO POOOOOOOO! When she sat down and said Okay you can push now, after my epidural, even got to skip the stadol, I started laughing in disbelief and accused her of kidding me! No way, it could be this easy!!! He popped out effortlessly and was perfect. I tore, it's better that way - more natural like the body is supposed to be. And I know I healed more quickly compared to my first baby where I had the episiotomy. Now my third baby, I once again had the wonderful exam at the doc and I swear that opens the flood gates, literally. I got up that next morning and I was leaking everywhere. I called and for me I think it's the most stupid question, they asked as with all the kids, if I was sure I wasn't peeing. I should think I know if I'm pissing myself!!! So with her, yup my girl I had been hoping for and thank goodness because if she was a boy, I'd be pregnant again, anyway, with her, I swore I was pooping and that time I knew I did because I could smell it. I put my hand down there, and yup, it was poo. I'd guess that if your sniffer is fully capable, you'd be able to smell it. SO hey, if you can't smell it, tell yourself you didn't do it. How's it go? Whoever smelt it dealt it? The poofaeires quickly swooped away the pad and quickly replaced it as if nothing ever happened. And that was done, back to birthin' that baby! She came out just fine and that whole incident was quickly forgotten. And I didn't even tear this time - hmmm makes ya wonder if experience is a factor in all that? I'd say poop is just a small part (not literally) of the whole experience and that end product (baby) far outweighs any of what we go through to get there.
As for the baby pooping, it's called meconium (the black tarry poo) and if the baby poops while in the womb, it begins to inhale it and risks getting the waste into their bloodstream. When that happens, it's imperative to deliver the baby for risk of contaminating or infecting the babies bloodstream.
And for goodness sake, don't base your desires to have a baby on the many experiences told by others. As with anything, we tend to tell of the worst experiences than speak of the uneventful ones. So feel free to shit yourselves it's all part of having a baby and in the end, the reward is a lifetime of love.

PoopyMommy's picture

I was giving birth to twins when this happened to me. As I was pushing the first baby out, I farted super loud and wet. Poop actually shot out like a cannon. I was so embarrassed that I even forgot to be happy about seing my daughter being born. I just wanted to die! So, as soon as she was out of me, I stuck her in my ass so that the next baby coming out would not cause me to fart/poop. But then as I began pushing, my daughter, who was in my ass at the time, was shot out like a cannonball and knocked the doctor out. Damn kids.

Geraldine Granger's picture

I am happy to have been able to once again provide you all with such a disgraceful amount of entertainment. I have once again painted my face and my nose. Why no be the clown for the enjoyment of the entire nation? It is so incredibly funny that I am not allowed by law of the land to enbark on your personal lives, yet so many people know more about me than I do. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go to the rest room!

Gretchen C.'s picture

Oh God, I pooped with my first baby even though I didn't have an epidural. I did have epidurals for babies two and three, and couldn't tell if I had pooped or not, since I couldn't feel anything, but was terrified that I would. After each contraction I was asking the nurse "Did I poop? Did I poop?" But didn't. Thank God.

Poonurse's picture
j 1000+ points

Gretchen,
She probably lied to you. I give the same answer to ladies who ask that question.
-pn-

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I'll keep that in mind if I ever have a kid, poonurse. But when I have a kid I probably will be too busy with everything else to care. It still creeps me out to think about pooping, though.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

trigunner's picture

Just remember this: The doctor, nurses, and other hospital staff have always seen worse. It's good to go into the hospital with that train of thought--that way, when something horrible does happen, you just think, "Hell with it, they've seen worse."
I'm hardly ever embarrassed at my GYNO appointments or anything. I'll sit there on the table with my feet in stirrups, and strike up a conversation with my doctor. Of course, the topics of farting and pooping have never been shameful in my family. I remember my father sitting on the tiolet, and hearing him rip one, then giggle. And, the story of my mom crapping on me when I was born was a tale always told to my friends and boyfriends, when I brought them over to meet my parents for the first time.
I do have one bad story about a stay in the hospital though. I was in one morning having to have a laporoscopy done for endometriosis. I also have irritable bowel syndrome, so when they wen to knock me out, supposedly, I crapped on the operating table. Which, of course, is not embarrassing to me. The problem was, when I came out of the recovery room, and was in my bed for a couple hours, I had to pee--I stood up and noticed I was covered in blood and shit, so was the area of the sheet where my butt was resting. The nurse helping me out of my bed was so mortified, I was just ticked off. No one had the respect to clean me off, instead, leave me there unknowingly sitting it my own substances for hours.

LALA LAND's picture

Hi people. I'm a guy. And I'm very disturbed by Alex but it's alright, he must have his problems and I wish him inner peace. Giving birth is an extremely sacred task. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY on this earth did not come out of a woman's birth canal. I don't think it should be taken as a humiliating experience at all. I love children (well, not in THAT way) and I would love to have my own someday. This is for all the mothers in the word. You rock.

freakazoid's picture

Good for you on wishing Alex inner peace. I just wish he'd get a cork stuck up his ass.

PooperGal's picture

Trigunner,
How sucky for the hospital to let you lie in your own crap and blood! That's unacceptable, especially given the hygiene hazard. What kind of hospital would let that happen? Probably an understaffed one...

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I know what went through their mind at the crappy hospital. "It's just a woman. Who cares."

Crappy hospitals always treat women like empty husks that the doctor tore the baby out of. What do you do with a husk? Throw it away!

I agree with poopergal. That hospital sounds understaffed and underfunded. aka- CRAPPY!!!

Ah, I love American medicine. Don't you?

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Scheisse's picture

I never knew that pregnant women shit during labor! Wow, the things you learn...
I'm going to ask some of my mommy friends about this.
I guess it's because it's still 'unacceptable' for women to talk about their poo's.

shitaroni baloni's picture

to any guys out here that really got a smart ass type problem !!!! how bout some of these guys that think child birth aint nothin ???? obviously they aint felt pain huh i honestly can tell you from experience that the closest thing a guy can experience to a woman havin labor pain is a guy passin kidney stones now i can tell you havin a stone lodged in your piss run is a bit painful i have been there and is not the thing to do i can honestly say ladies i feel for you for that pain you go thru during labor and i do have a hi threshold for pain

freakazoid's picture

*applause*

Brandon's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Now I understand this... but one thing still puzzels me.... How the heck do you get a baby out of such a small thing!?!?!? Its like crapping out a bowling ball!!! How does it even get past the freakin' bones?

Nick B's picture

Blasted thing posted without me finishing. so here goes:
Also the amount you ladies go through to bring life to this planet! It's shameful we suffer so little. Anyway, best of luck to all of you out there who are expecting.

Krusty  Krapper's picture

Well it brings back a lot of memories for me. I tell you this with my frist baby I know i pooped but with my second and third I did not unless the nurse was very discreet about it. With my frist I thought I could get away with the doctor not cutting me but that did not happen. It was awful I felt like I was walking with a broomstick up my bottom. The poop afterward really hurt also, I thought I was going to die. With my second I only tore just a little to my releif but to poop still hurts just a little because I had a few stitches. With my third I thought gee this should be a piece of cake well it was not. My labor was fast but I still tore just a little. My husband thought that I was some kind of freak because I

Krusty  Krapper's picture

WAS IN LABOR FOR A VERY SHORT. I MEAN ONLY A FEW HOURS SHORT.

acid_fairy's picture

THIS COMMENT IS THE 222nd!!

Turd Terrorist's picture

And did you defacate all over yourself while giving birth?

dont know shat's picture

I was LMAO while reading all the comments. I have a 3yr old and am pregnant now. My husband asked what I was laughing about and I told him. I thought for sure I didnt crap myself while giving birth to my son. I asked him and he said that I did. He said that the nurse picked it up and threw it in the trash. I had no pain medicence but after pushing for 2 hrs I guess I went numb and couldn't feel myself crapping. So to all the women who think that they didn't crap themselves try asking your husband and see how he remembers it.

Curious Cat's picture

I've read these posts and am very curious as to why more women aren't informed about all of this! I definitely want to have children some day, but I have to admit that talk of "tearing" and the thought of ripping out stitches while pooping is kind of scary. You mentioned how horrible it is to pee after childbirth. This might be a silly question, but isn't there any way you can ease the pain? Any suggestions would be great! Perhaps aiming a stream of cool water at the area while peeing would help keep it away from the stitches? *gasp* What I've read in here is enough to give anyone nightmares and I'm not talking about labor pains here! (and here all along I thought all I had to worry about was getting thru the pain of pushing the baby out)

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