Bringing Out Baby

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m 1+ points - Newb
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I was surprised when I came to PoopReport to see that there were no entries about childbirth pooping. Every mom knows that when you push that hard for that long, your bowels will empty in front of your husband, your mother, your doctor, your nurses, etc. If you're not comfortable pooping in front of someone, don't invite them to your birth.

So yes, I too pooped during those final hours of labor. But that's not what I'm here to tell you about. No, what happened to me was far more embarrassing than squeezing out a few doo-doo droppings on my OBGYN.

It was my first baby and I opted for the epidural -- the injection that numbs you from the waist down. And as many of you might know, when you are numb from the waist down, that includes ALL of your muscles. As a result of this numbness, I was unable to control any gas that needed to exit, and ended up ripping LOUD (I mean LOUD) farts left and right. They seemed to be coming every three seconds.

Mind you, I have never been a farter or a Shameless pooper. I've never had any trouble with my bowels; I rarely fart, and I NEVER farted in front of other people -- even my own family and my husband of six years. But on that day it all changed.

I eventually told the nurse I didn't want any guests, and to only disturb me when absolutely needed. I was so embarrassed by my out-of-control gas. I desperately wished I had that fart device depicted on SNL once -- the one that plugs up your ass and makes verbal, robot-like conversation every time you break wind. Instead, I ended up wedging a towel in between my cheeks to muffle the sound. It worked. I lay there, numb as can be, farting in blissful silence, and no one could tell.

I implore everyone here to ask your own mothers about their childbirth stories. I'm sure there are some good ones.

-- MommyPoo

568 Comments on "Bringing Out Baby"

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Whether or not you do an enema before delivery will depend on whether you want your BM to plop out or spray out. BMs are quite normal and doctors and nurses will not be disgusted. My RN daughter used to work in OB-Gyn and tells me she has seen this occur many times.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Anonymous's picture

I am never having a baby! I wouldn't mind the pooping but, I don't want my vagina to tear and someone to sew stitches into it!

Anonymous's picture

I have seen childbirth twice, of my two daughters, and I can't tell you if there was poop, nor could my wife.
What I can tell you is that there was something like a fold of cloth that would collect anything that came out so you can't even see it, and at least one nurse keeping everything clean of blood, amniotic fluid or anything else.
Anyway, when you're in labor your priorities will probably change. Good luck!

Jack Schitt's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorl 100+ points

Mrs. Schitt just had our second child a few hours ago. She is happy to report no poo during either birth. I was actually expecting it this time since she tried to go only hours before to no avail.

Anonymous's picture

Damn guys are rude I'd never make fun of my girl wow -im a guy obviously- Why don't these women break up with their man lol or talk?

Anonymous's picture

You Americans are hilarious prudes. Considering the mechanics of a female during labour and the size of the child, you should have a bowel movement. There is an exception though; if your sigmoid colon ( 9 to 12 inch) is completely empty.

Anonymous's picture

Man I took biggest dump of my life yesterday :) 15 inches! I know right, bitchez make a line

Anonymous's picture

Wow, I think I just tinkled a little. Do you consider your self lucky? They say it's good luck when you step in shit. :] You're basically covered with it.

Anonymous's picture

I had my daughter at 16 & didn't shit during labor!

Anonymous's picture

Like Forest Gump said, Sh*t happens. So to babies!

flushmypoo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

all these comments are making me scared to have a kid !!!!!!!!
im just gonna adopt !

Anonymous's picture

I didn't with my first - I was so paranoid, I tried going to the bathroom every hour. With my second... I was in soo much pain, I was having involuntary contractions and I couldn't stop myself from pushing... it was the worst - i was like a freaking wild animal. And yeah, I shit in the shower, and I shit on the table, and I was just beside myself. It was runny shit, and mixed with amniotic fluid, which was mixed with my baby's pooh too cause he was late... so we shat together... what a mess. :/
I'm never getting pregnant again... I am soooo done!

Anonymous's picture

My wife was in labor with our first kid. Being a swimsuit model she was incredibly vein and hated being humiliated, but on the day of our daughter's birth my wife was pushing hard at the insistence of the stupid doctor who was yelling at her. When the doctor crouched to take a look I heard a popping noise. Then he lifted his head up with shit all over his face! Everyone started laughing and my poor wife was so embarrassed she started to cry. Now that I look back on it, it was pretty funny.

Anonymous's picture

We went through about a month of this I tried different diapers and that never seemed to matter (although the ones with the stretchy sides do seem to do a little better job of holding it all in).

When I started my son on cereal and solids, though, everything changed. He is a boob boy, and he's 6 months old, cereal at first made him a bit constipated, but once he started on carrots and squash, his movements were more solid but not on the constipated side. Now, they are smelly, but they are at least contained!

You might want to also try a size larger diaper. Just like clothes, the diapers don't always match the weight. If it doesn't help, it isn't wasted money you'll use them eventually!Hope this helps!

Anonymous's picture

Way late and not useful to you anymore but in my 5 months as a mom we've had few containment failures since we switched to cloth diapers at about one month. I attribute this to the covers as well as the cloth. Not to say he doesn't take out the cover with most poops, but it generally stays in the cover.

This is not meant to be a value judgement on the benefits of cloth vs. disposable, lord knows we use the sposies when we're out and about, but cloth diapers (and especially diaper service) helps keep our soiled linen count down. Now, accidents at changing time are another matter; he helpfully watered the plants yesterday and gave his best effort to fertilize them today.

Anonymous's picture

We went through about a month of this I tried different diapers and that never seemed to matter, although the ones with the stretchy sides do seem to do a little better of holding it all in. When I started my son on cereal and solids, though, everything changed. He is a boob boy, and he's six months old.

Cereal at first made him a bit constipated but once he started on carrots and squash his diapers were more solid but not on the constipated side. Now, they are smelly, but they are at least contained! You might want to also try a size larger diaper. Just like clothes, the diapers don't always match the weight. If it doesn't help, it isn't wasted money you'll use them eventually! Hope this helps!

Anonymous's picture

Clearly trolling. Women don't poop.

Anonymous's picture

Since labor can come on quickly without much warning and in the subsequent rushing about it can be difficult to do much about preventing pooping during delivery. But there is one way that is quick, convenient and much more comfortable than an enema and it's using water from a Hand Held Bidet Sprayer. Primarily used for superior hygiene at the toilet you can use it shoot some water up inside to flush out anything in your lower bowel, whether you feel the need to go or not. It's works great on mild constipation and diarrhea also.

See bathroomsprayers.com.

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