MommyPoo, I went through the EXACT same thing with my first child. Epidural and all. I had my first enema that day as well. No pooping on Dr. from me!!

With my second child, however, no epidural and no enema..... I crapped all over the bed and doctor - much to my boyfriends disgust and ensuing hilarity at parties with friends where he'd tell them all about it. My labour was so fast with the second one that by the time I requested an epidural and an enema, his head was already getting ready to pop out! I only had time to inhale the onion-scented fumes from the nitrous oxide mask like a crack ho sucking on her pipe.

LOL! I've heard of doctors having to leave the room because they are so disgusted with what comes out on the table. I guess I was lucky -- they were pretty nice about it and assured me it was just from all the pressure of the descending baby. That made me feel a little less freakish.

I could also tell you some stories about the SEVERE constipation that came about after the birth. I thought I was going to die and drove 20 miles in an ice storm just to see a doctor.

It's all so glamourous, isn't it?

...and don't forget the joy of first poop after needing an episiotomy. My wife said she was it tears...

Yes, the stitches are often was causing the constipation. :(

Maybe they should offer a six pack of blatz beer, cashews and a cigarette to all mothers as a "home care kit" after the episiotomy. You never know - it always works for me.

All I can say is this story makes me glad I can never become pregnant.

Mike, they send you home with a bottle of something to "get things going'' but when you anticipate that it's gonna hurt...well, would you wanna take a crap with stitches that close to yer *ahem* exit? When the waste descends from your colon is puts pressure on the perineal area which is precisely where the tear/cut occurs. It's not fun.

Wait... it TEARS? As in your dilation isn't enough?

I'm scared.

Touche MommyPoo. I had three surgeries (2 nsuccessful and one successful) for a perianal abcess when I was 36. For 18 months, I was producing brown snakes with a candy apple red racing stripe all the way down one side (from passing through my wound) and walking around with gauze shoved up there. (That's what the Blatz beer in that witches brew I recommended above was for -- softening)

Oh man...ouch. Still...I think it was a mental thing. I was taking stool softeners out the wazoo but was too terrified to go and thus my digestive system pretty much shut down.

When I was very, very little I had an anal fissure (sp?) and it was total hell for a little kid. I had all kinds of tests done and at one point before they determined that it was indeed an anal fissure they made me sleep with masking tape on my ass in case pinworms were causing my discomfort.

Tydiriu -- some women tear but most women are cut first to avoid the tear. It doesn't really make sense, but the medical profession does it anyway (like many other things). When you get pregnant make sure to massage your perineal area and tell your doc you don't want an episiotomy.

Oh -- and it's your cervix that dilates (not the vaginal opening).

Oh lord, this is bringing back memories...

With my first baby, I was offered an enema, but I had had a HUGE bowel movement that morning, and was pretty confident that I was empty. Nope. Along with a baby, I pushed out some poop. I was only 19, and even more shameful than I am now, so I nearly died. The nurse just matter-of-factly cleaned it up, but my mother found it hilarious. She said "Next time, you'll take that enema won't you?" I said, "There won't BE a next time!" (I'm sure all of you moms remember that feeling, immediately after labor..."I'm NEVER doing that again!") Pooping was a horrible trial after that. I had the stool softeners, I knew better than to strain, but I could not clear the mental image of the stitches popping open from my mind.

I tried the massage thing, but I'm just not big down there. No matter how much they tried to stretch things, it just wasn't going to get any bigger. The doc knew I didn't want an episiotomy, but as things progressed he finally said "You aren't stretching enough. It's either cut or tear at this point." I opted to cut, because when my sister tried not cutting, she tore completely down to her anus, and I was not keen on that idea!

I'd rather poop on the doctor than sit in the bathroom with the runs while I'm in labor!

Wow i almost puked after hearing all those comments i'm gonna adopt a kid. Damn does it get easier after more and more kids? cause my mom had 6!

Oh my God, this is so funny! When my wife gave birth I was horrified to see a baby and a turd coming out of her. I would never tell anybody about her crapping herself. But I guess crapping during pregnancy is very common. Thanks for the good laugh.

I'm surprised that the husbands are so shocked/amused by the pooping. My husband has tried to make fun of me about it but every time I tell him to STFU and that I'd like to see him push out a watermelon through a straw without some crap coming out. All modesty really goes out the window when you're in labor. Your feet are spread in strirups for hours on end, multiple strangers (hospital staff) are periodically sticking their hands up your vagina...pooping doesn't seem like such a big deal compared to all of that.

Alex, it does get a bit easier with each birth. For most women, anyway. My second baby was a lot easier than my first. I was in labor for longer, but when it came time to push, I really didn't have to put in a lot of effort. I certainly didn't poop that time!

Thats good cause me coming from a big family i'd hoped it would be easier for my moms sake.

7 years ago when my daughter was born I saw her exit my wife's vagina. I held one of my wife's legs, the nurse held the other and the doctor pulled my daughter out.

Don't remember any poop involved. Guess I missed out.

Some women don't poop but maybe her nurses were just discreet. ;)

Indeed!

I don't think any man with an inch of imagination could read this post and the comments and not agree that women are by far the stronger sex.

I've been reading all these posts and laughing myself sick with the memories of it all. I don't recall this topic ever coming up on PR before (more evidence that this site is mostly visited by men). With my first child, I (thankfully) didn't poo during the delivery. With my second child, it was another story. Everything hurt so much down there that I wasn't actually sure if I had pooped or not, I just sort of suspected I might have. The stench in the air proved my suspicions were correct. The nurses are very cool, though. One of them whisked the mess away quick as can be, the other had a clean blanket under me immediately, and I swear some little air-freshening fairy quickly flew through the room and made the air sweet again in time for the arrival of my baby. I don't have the time or energy to get started on the POST-BIRTH poopies. Let's just say this: Ladies, do NOT double up on the stool softeners for 5 days in a row and then allow yourself to wander more than a few feet from a washroom... the result would put even the most shameless shitter to shame.

Poop faires! I love it! I'm going to refer to all L&D nurses as "poop fairies" from now on.

Brings back many memories of the dreadful stirrups and labour table....I didn't poo, but I think I must of done every other conceivable thing...but maybe I did poo and they were discreet too! I doubt it I had very mean nurses, one even told me to stop all the crying and that it wasn't that bad! HA! It was too, expecially when your 19!

This happened to me when I gave birth last year.

I usually do big long fat turds anyway, being a fat girl who eats a lot and during my pregnancy like many women I got constipated and did some really huge logs. I dont take laxatives anyway and when pregnant you are not supposed to as they can cause miscarriages in some cases.

On the day of the birth I hadnt been for a motion for a couple of days and I knew there was a big jobbie up my back passage. My contractions started and my waters broke, soaking my knickers and legs and my husband drove me to the Maternity Hospital. In the Labour Room I told the nurse I was needing a motion but was constipated, but she didnt seem bothered about this. In the old days when my mother gave birth to me it was the custom to give a woman an enema to clear out her rectum before she gave birth but that was abandoned as undignified and adding to the trauma. Also it was a lot easier for the nurses and midwifes to cope with a woman passing a solid stool than perhaps squirting diarrhea all over them and the table etc after an enema.

I was bearing down as instructed and the midwife was happily telling me that I was dilated well and the baby's head was advancing properly when I felt something else which I had forgotten about also coming out, my big jobbie. I moaned to the nurse and my husband " Oh no, Im doing a poo. Im sorry" The nurse just smiled and said "Dont worry love many women do when they are giving birth, we call it "code brown" just let it come out and we will deal with it, concentrate on your baby" I did and a few moments later two things came out of me, my daughter at nine pounds from my vagina and a big fat turd from my anus. I didnt of course see my jobbie, one of the nurses quickly removed it in a bedpan and cleaned me and the area, but my husband later told me that it was about 14 inches long and nearly 3 inches thick and very knobbly. I was again a bit constipated while in hospital for two days and did another huge hard jobbie in the patients' toilet on the ward which stuck in the pan when I pulled the flush.

this took so long to read, now I have to take a shit

We're getting ready to have our seventh child. Yup, seventh, I also have one from my first marriage. But as far as I can recall, my wife never crapped during childbirth.

I never pooped during the birth of any of my children. But I was terrified that I would with each one. I was horrified at the thought of people actually SEEING me take a dump. I felt so relieved every time a kid was born and I didn't crap on the doc...

Talk about a Code Brown...

When I was about 12, I was hospitalized for a month following some surgery. I've always been a Private Farter and Very Shameful Shitter (maybe it's a gene more prevalent in females). Anyhow, it felt like I was never alone for a moment. I had a private room, but my mom was always with me, or a nurse, or one of the kids from the other rooms. I never had the opportunity to fart discreetly or take any sort of satisfactory dump.

This built up for about a week. I would tell a nurse I needed to go to the bathroom, and she would put her hand on my lower abdomen and say "Yes, you do feel full". The humiliation! Then she would stick a bedpan under me and sit there and wait. I just couldn't do it.

Anyway, after a week of that, they had to give me sedatives before some procedure. I drifted into a trancelike state and my Fart Supressor just let go. Here I was, door open onto the rest of the ward, farting these ceaselessly loud and voluminous farts, and my control mechanism just wouldn't work. I remember my mom was in there with me and I was crying and saying "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" every time another fart rocketed its way out. My ass sounded like a New Year's party at which everyone had one of those roll-up noisemakers...midnight came and went again and again and again.

The memory of the incident haunts me to this day. I've been hospitalized several times since and I've always put special priority on having a lot of private time in the bathroom.

See! Women do have poop stories! The girl/girl conspiracy discussion is full of people wondering why women don't share poop stories like men do. We just needed a topic that will inspire fond memories of crapping on a table in front of a ton of people!

When I was 15 I saw my nephew born and was mortified when my older sister crapped on the table. I told my boyfriend the next day what happened and he began calling her "dookey Jamie". This was 11 years ago and he still calls her that. hahaha...it's really not a big deal anymore to us, but it brings back such nostalgia to hear him shout "dookey Jamie!!!" when she walks in the house to visit.

I feel your gas pain.

I could hear tooting when I was in labor and I had no idea from where it was escaping. It couldn't have been me. I was numb. Thinking that maybe there was some piece medical equipment making rude noises under my bed I asked my nurse to investigate.

When she said I was farting, I assured her I certainly was not! That would have be rude of me.

I then lifted the sheets and realized she was correct.

I'm glad my OBGYN doesn't have to look me in the eye. He'd see my embarrassment.

Last night my baby pooped white poop . What can cause a white poop?

I remember when my wife was delivering our daughter, she gave a great big push, and out of her ass came this long, snake shaped turd! It must have been 12 inches long, and was coiling up on the gurney. I was so shocked at first, I wasn't sure what happened. Then I realized that it came out of her poop chute and not her pussy. I almost fell to the floor laughing, but I held on. It was the sickest sight I think I've seen in a very long time.

Ack, Joe! I would've been shocked too. Most of the other moms I've talked to didn't actually take a shit on the table...typically it's just that a little comes out. i guess it would depend on how much you eat beforehand. I know they advice mothers to eat lightly if they expect labor is coming soon and that's what I did. The night before I only had rice and toast.

I for one am a woman who does not feel the slightest bit 'unfulfilled' as a woman in not experiencing such a degragding, humiliating experience (childbirth)...esp. as MommyPoo so vividly describes "All modesty really goes out the window when you're in labor. Your feet are spread in strirups for hours on end, multiple strangers (hospital staff) are periodically sticking their hands up your vagina..." I hate that f'ing annual pap smear ordeal enough as it is, could not face that exercise in pain and humiliation called childbirth & to top it off by shitting myself in front of strangers! I am getting cold chills down my spine just thinking of it! I admire women who have the strenght and desire to do it, good for them, but I'll pass.......esp since the 'fun' isn't over once you've done something akin to squeezing a watermelon out your nostril, then the real fun begins if you've had stitches and have to endure the agony of hot acidic urine running over your raw stitches or strain the perineum whenever there's a stool to be passed. Man, if it was me, I would live on fluids for 2 months! and avoid voiding anything from either end like the plague! Hats off to you brave women, wonder how you stood it.

So....what you guys are saying, is if I ever get pregnant...take an enema so i DONT poop on the table? and an epidural for no pain?!!

Scat Woman, not all births are so humiliating. I hope to be more "in charge" for my next one. Many things in childbirth are humiliating but can certainly be avoided...pooping unfortunately isn't one of them...but, hey, who cares, right? These guys here can talk about shitting on a golf course but a woman can't push out some poop along with the enormous baby that's exiting through her!?! Puh-leeeze! It's no big deal! Women have been birthing and pooping since the beginning of time!

As a neonatal nurse, I can honestly say that not only can a woman poop while delivering a baby, but she can also poop ON the baby. I can't count how many babies I've assessed that smell like big people poop. It's wretched & rank & should never EVER happen. I am a firm believer in the pre-delivery enema, and I've often said I'd request one or do it myself before I delivered my babies. I think they should bring 'em back. hehe

To Vixen (danielle_mojica@yahoo.com)-if your baby only had one white poop, I'd mention it the next time you took he/she to the doctor, but if it continues, call the doctor because it could signify a digestive problem.

Kristy, with all do respect -- you feel it should NEVER happen? What do you think women did before hospital births became the norm? You haven't given birth yet? I can't imagine having the shits while already in labor is much fun and I certainly would not do it simply to avoid a little embarrassment.

I just gave birth to my first soon 2 months ago. Prior to that time I was terribly afraid of pooping during the delivery.

But after developing pre-emclampsia (high blood pressure) and having to be hospitalized and induced a month early it was the least worry. I think I may have pooped during my very, very short delivery (I delivered my son in three pushes).

Delivering my son was the easiest part of all. I had no epidural and controlled all the pain by breathing. I always thought the breathing stuff was a crock but it really worked. I could have delivered my son earlier than I did but I had to wait for the damn doctor to arrive. I was so mad; I wish I had pooped on everyone at that point.

P.S. for the people who don't want to have a baby because it hurts or it is such a bad experience, don't cheat yourself. Everyone's experience is different. I know this sounds crazy, but I am so looking forward to doing it again.

I'm sorry for all you that had these horrible hospital births. Yes, to lay there for hrs with feet in stirrups is just demeaning.And lets not forget the most worse position to birth a child in. I say back to home birth. In the privacy of your own home, let hubby or the midwife clean the mess up. You're already doing the hard work anyway. And I can tell you that when you are trying to push a baby out and you just had mexican the day before, it doesnt really help when your husband keeps saying how bad the smell is. Why did I never slap him?

Thanks, Sandra. I agree! Although, I would still advise every woman that is close to her due date to eat lightly, frequently, and carefully, and not to binge on any greasy food.

Mike, your care package sounds like an excellent idea. I think those should be given free to all mothers.

I agree, though, to salute this brave, though broads. Good job, ladies! I will NEVER be brave enough to do that.

I'm not going to comment except to say that I'm glad I'm not a woman.

I HAD MY FIRST CHILD 3 1/2 YEARS AGO AND YES I SHAT MYSELF MY MOM SAYS SHE WILL NOT GO WITH ME INTO LABOR AGAIN.

I AM SIX MONTHS PREGNANT AND THE DADDY WANTS ME TO EAT LIKE A COW AND LOOK LIKE A COW. HE ALSO WANTS TO SNIFF MY BUTT WHEN I FART AND BE IN THE BATHROOM WHEN I SHIT. I DONT LET HIM. THOSE DAMN PRENATLE PILLS MAKE MY SHIT UNTOLERABLE EVEN FOR ME.

I SO HOPE I DONT SHIT W/ THIS BABY I DONT THINK I WILL EVER HERE THE END OF IT IF I DO. MY BOY FRIEND IS NASTIER THAN ME.

That's insensitive that your mother won't go into labor with you just because you shat. What if you need her support? Did you actually shit on her? What is the big deal anyway? Didn't she see your shit when she changed your diaper?

Damn, I am glad my mother acted better than that.

I suppose mum would never ever have shit during labor herself.

NO I DID NOT POO ON HER BUT THE WAY SHE ACTED ABOUT IT I WISH I HAD.

Poopsi Daisy:

The most important thing is that you and the baby are okay, not if you shit or not. I doubt the nurses and doctors cared.

If you see my earlier post about my birth experience, you will read that I think I did expell some bowel movement, but I was too busy trying to keep my baby IN while WAITING for the doctor. At that point I was not worry about shitting.

Don't let this overshadow your labor this time. It is such a non-issue.

Okay, now i know I'm DEFINATELY not having any kids. To much pain and humiliation.

This is the funniest thing Ive ever read. I think I shat on myself when I read the Blatz beer, cashew nuts and a cigarette comment. If anyone has young kids who have a story to share regarding enemas, I would sure appreciate hearing them. Just so I know Im not alone in the battle of "CONTROL" with a 4 year old boy.

WHY WAS MY COMMENT ABOUT FARTING AT THE GYNO DELETED

too much to read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know ,anonymous But i'd loveto hear that story. :)

Probably cause all caps is considered shouting.

I have to say for as many of you who have "slipped" on the delivery table there are just as many of us who haven't. I have had 2 deliveries and no poop and am hoping that my third will go the same. My first sons heart rate crashed and he had to be vacuum extracted out, the last thing on my mind was worrying if I was going to poop or not. It is a natural act and labor basically feels like you are taking a 10 pound poo any ways. To those of you who have be proud you have a beautiful baby and that your not one of the people that thinks they may never have a child because it might hurt or someone might see a "secret" part of them. Besides in the end its just poop!

You know why some women poop on the operatingtable? becuse A. they haven't ahd an enema B. they probably ate alot before going into labor.

good job, forest sprite, you are very quick witted arent you? Some of us have already picked up that info by reading what others have to say. Duh!

This makes me understand why men used to not be allowed in the delivery room when women are in labor. It saves women a lot of humiliation! I'm glad I know about this horrible phenomenon so that if I have a baby my husband will be nowhere in sight!

:p

That is so funny.

mabye to you guys, who are SO lucky that you don't have to go through all that emotionally and physically and not to mention humiliating (duhhh!) painfull expierience. . . .what the fuck are we talking about now? Pooping on the op[erating table, or how fucking retarted I am? ROFL

So.... scared.... My boyfriend and I want to have a baby eventually once we're married and all, and we've actually talked about this. He told me that he still has horrific memories of watching his mom give birth and pooping and I don't know how I could EVER have him be in the delivery room watching me poop. This is so dissapointing to me... I can't imagine having people you don't know watching poop come out of you. Does anyone have any actual statistics on this?? HOW MORTIFYING.

You know, as mortifiying it might be, you should remember that all the humiliating and pain you might go through in labor will be worht it once you have your babys smiles at your for the first time.
and if it isn't then, well.... I don't know. LMAO!!

when i was in labor, and pushing, at that time i really didnt care what happened! I wanted the pain to go away. I cant say i had the fart problem though...(thank god), but yeah with the stitches....thank god for enema's! I dont think i would have gone with out one!

I'm not going to tell my girlfriend about the stuff I've just read. All this just confirms my belief that women are indeed millions times stronger than males - I personally would be asking to be put into a coma when it comes to labour and recovery.

If you think of great leaders through history and think they're so high and mighty, just imagine them taking a shit.
Anyway, if you don't shit or piss on the table the baby will fill in for you. Immediately after my sister was born she peed on the doctor.

Piss, shit and vomit are jsut oe of the reason why id idn't choose being a docotor or nurse as a profession, but then ... I can't. My ADHD disables me from t hat type of work, but then again, my ADHD'S why i don't have a job and broke. lmao

ADHD. You're talking to a dyslexic with a tiny attention span. Become a film maker. That's what I did. Anyway, then you can film all the piss, shit, and vomit and make some other poor sap clean it up. Just say, "Hey, this is an expensive piece of equipment. I don't want to get it dirty."

You know what I made up this movie poster, called "I Have To Poop" It was based on a fake movie I made up, where all these famous celebrities just say that they have to poop. :p If anyone wants to see it, send me an email.

With my first child, I pooped alot. I was so embarrassed because I saw the nurse taking paper towels and picking up the turds. Plus it stunk bad..lol. With my second child, there was no poop. Thank goodness!!!!

My sister's best friend didn't eat anything for three days before her first child's due date because she was afraid of pooping.

i have two kids. pooped right before labor started with both of them. with #1, i had no drugs but i did have iv fluids. so i was peeing everytime i pushed. but i didnt care. as long as that baby came out healthy. with #2 i had a c-section so i had a spinal. i farted a few times but there was no poop. and i had a catheter so my pee went right in a bag. instead of thinking about this, how about the nurses who clean women after birth....all the blood and clots coming out...that was embarrassing. when you are in the throws of childbirth you dont think about who you are pissing and shitting on. but after when the baby is born and you are alone with your baby in a nice quiet room....you are a normal modest person again. and in comes this nurse to spread your legs and wipe away all the blood pouring out of you, check stitiches, incision site.....that was worse than anything else.

Um Alex...you couldn't be more wrong. Men are by far the nastier sex -- we know that from the stories here. My sympathies go out to your future wife. If you ever get one.

I agree with that. Ok here's a question: Why can't men fully wipe their asses until their asses are clean? RThat way there wouldn't be any damn skid marks on they're underwear! I mean I've been knwon to leave a few skidmarks in my undies back i nthe days, but come on, i was a kid then! Men that are fully grown should hve enough common sense to fully wipe themselves.

Haven't gotten any for a while, have you Alex?

Maybe you need to take Sex Ed again, Alex? Maybe nasty skanks are all you can get, but the "unclean" female factor is mostly a myth --something contrived in order to get women to buy douche and FDS spray.

OTOH, I've heard guys talk about "cheesy balls" and "ass-hair-dingleberries." Who is the grosser sex again?

P.S. Learn how to spell. And the caps button is to your left.

Have a nice day.

Great stories! After all that I think I will definately be having a C-Section!

I think it is called "biology" that the female "genetalia" (Thank you, Puhleeze, for pointing out his sad spelling skills, on top of of Neanderthal mentality) opening is larger than the male GENITALIA opening. I suppose that if the female genitalia opening were smaller (and less stinky) than the male genitalia opening, then Alex, and all men, would have to find solace in poking the old arse.

OMG You two are SOOO ignorant of the women's anatomy! lo;l Pop coems out of atheir anusses liek men do or any other licing creature does! Where the hell did you heart that shit from??

Yeah, and it sticks around for eighteen years!

Censorship sucks.

Yes Alex...you large festering boil on the bum of society. For your information, ignoramus, how individual people smell is dependent on how rigorous a hygiene they practice on all their body parts. Also, unless you didn't know, part of the human arousal process is through the medium of scent - certain natural scents, not stinks, like the scent of genitals for example, is actually part of the arousal mechanism. Although you clear hatred of women tells what it is that you actually probably poke (hint, it goes baaaa), when you can yank your crusty skidmarked boxers down. If it weren't for the "blob week" you would not be here would you, or if some much to be pitied lady didn't graciously squeeze your creepy little alien self out of her, oh no permit me to quote your lovely poetic passage, I coudn't do it justice with my poor prose: AFTER A BIRTH OR START AN AFFAIR ITS BAD ENOUGH HAVING TO SUFFER A GIRL WITH A VERY SMELLY VAGINA LET ALONE BREATHING IN THE FUMES OF HER URINE FROM HER STAINED KNICKERS AND FISHY SMELLING FLAPS LET ALONE SEEING CRAP COME OUT OF HER ASS AND HAVING TO SNIFF HER CABBAGE MEATY SMELLING FARTS LIKE GONE OFF EGGS A CLEAN GIRL IS EVERY MANS DESIRE NOT SOME SLOB PUSHING AND PUSHING UNTILL BROWN POO POO COMES OUT OF HER ASSHOLE" well there was more to your distempered rant but that suffices. I'm not sure if in this case you we're correct though, the case of your own birth, perhaps that is what gave rise to wonderful odorless perfect hominid that you are, a tide of 'BROWN POO POO'. Put this thought in your little mind and sleep on it - I have smelled enough urine scented mens undies and the reeky members that emerged from them to form an accurate picture of just how clean and fresh most of you men probably are - and these were all clean cut upper class men - and I am not saying they are gross dirty as you would, it is merely what happens after a day in the same undergarment and several trips to the loo - go ahead, pull your own undies down at the end of the day and check, I dare you. Also, "Einstein", did you never learn that human urine is sterile when it leaves the body? In case you don't understand the term "sterile", in this sense it means "free of germs". So why don't you crawl back in your cave and reflect on how you owe your existence to the fact that women have the courage to endure men and their smelly appendages, which frankly, aren't all that pleasing and make disgusting smelly messes when they erupt, and to become pregnant, suffer all manner of discomforts, risks to their health etc and also have the tremendous courage to face not only the risks and dangers of childbirth (women still do die in childbirth for your information) but to endure the countless humiliations and disgusting things which must happen during the process, because it cannot be helped. And all you useless men do (those of you who make a big 'brave' show) of showing up for the birth, is hold the hand and do that stupid coaching with the breathing and massaging and other assorted things, none of which alleviate the terrible pain nor help with the embarrassing things like not being able to prevent oneself from loosing bowels in full view of an audience. Try to imagine how humiliating that would feel, you self absorbed creep. People, both men and women, who love each other and who have the courage to unite their body parts and start life (yes, those things you have so viciously and nastily described)and see it through to it's very trying and sometimes traumatic end deserve respect and admiration, not your exceedingly immature badly formulated verbal diarrhea.

WELL JUST SEE WHAT PULEEZE AND FOREST SPRITE SAID ABOUT MEN BEING THE NASTIER SEX WHEN IT COMES TO PERSONAL HYGENE WELL BULLSHIT I AM AFFRAID MEN HAVE A LESSER AREA TO BE KEPT CLEAN WHEN A MAN LIKE ME TAKES A SQUIRT I USE TISSUE TO WIPE MYSELF CLEAN YOU PULL THE SKIN BACK A LITTLE A WIPE OK FAIR ENOUGH
BUT GIRLS HAVE A FAIRLY LARGE AREA CREATING MORE RESPONSIBILITY TO MAINTAIN HYGENE AND AT LEAST WE HAVE A BALLBAG TO SEPARATE OUR ASSES FROM OUR PENISES ALL ENCLOSED BY SKIN YOU WOMEN HAVE ABOUT AN INCH FROM ONE ORIFICE TO ANOTHER BOTH OF WHICH ARE FAIRLY OPEN SO WHEN A GIRL TAKES A SQUIRT SHE HAS TO MOP UP A MUCH LARGER AREA CONSIDERING HER URINATING FACILITY IS NEXT TO THE CLITORUS AND A COUPLE OF INCHES DOWN IS HER ANUS SO OK ALEX YOU WAS A BIT TO THE POINT BUT I CAN CLEARLY SEE YR POINT YOU WAS MAKING BUT IT IS THE SAME OLD THING THAT A LARGE VOLUME OF FEMALES DO THINK THAT THEIR SHIT DONT STINK BUT SORRY GIRLS IT DOES!!!! AND AS FOR THE SKIDMARK THING WOMEN DO!! WEAR THEIR PANTIES SO CLOSE TO THEIR ASSES AND YES WOMEN DO HAVE ASS HAIRS AND YES THEY DO SHIT=SKIDMARKS SORRY GIRLS JUST OWN UP TO THE FACT THEN! YOU WILL NOT GET RIDICULED GIRLS WILL DEFEND THIS FEMALE HYGENE HONOUR BECAUSE ALL WOMEN LIKE TO BE FANCIED BY MEN BUT THE THOUGH OF A SMELLY FINGER AS ALEX PUTS IT THAT CAN BE A TRUE TO THE FACT THING I THINK IT IS CALLED AND SPELT OESTROGEN THIS DOES IN MEDICAL TERMS SMELL JUST LIKE FISH BUT IF A WOMEN DOES NOT WIPE HARD ENOUGH THE SMELL OF URINE CAN ALSO SMELL THE SAME!!!!

Yeah, Fred was right. Shit does come out the vagina. Or at least it did once, and it was named Alex.
Why don't you just admit you like boys and stop wasting your energy ranting here. We are all very amused at your insane babbling but it is time to move on.
And if boys don't work, try your hand. It's always there for a date, as I'm sure you well know. Most 13-year-olds do.

By the way Steve. You and Alex should get together sometime. At least you'd have something to poke.

You guys crack me up! To Alex, the obvious genius of the crowd, COME OUT OF THE CLOSET!!!!!!!! It is clear why you like to read poop stories. Just take it in the pooper and relax. Everybody's doing it!!! Us woman have no room for all the anal obsessed men, so be true to your kind and become the pooper-scooper you are longing to be!!!

Alex is just upset because the doctor botched his circumcision.

I feel for what you women go through. Someone has to do it and I doubt if any of us guys was up to the job. However if I did have I child I would say the less people in the room with me the better.
As for Alex and Steve, exactly what grade are you in. If bodily odor bothers you this much, take your damn foreplay into the shower. That is how a REAL man would handle the situation. Not run and hide with my tail between my legs.
Let me add that more mature couples don't always rush into the house, rip off our clothes, and jump into bed. We like to take it slow, maybe even spruce up before "the big bang". If cold, mechanical sex is all you want from a relationship then so be it. But I pity you both, Steve and Alex. May you find happiness (and maturity) someday.

My futher addition to this total nonsence is yes those to morons are immature about these facts. However i too do disagree about the previuos comments about men being the nastier sex. Although i am not completely on Alex and Steves side. But some of you girls do show not a lot of respect for yrselves either, you do intend to show a lack of respect for yrselves ,which in return fires the likes of Steve and Alex up for their past comments. And as for the shit volcano what a waste of human life that person is. however i do intend to hold my views back from that character as their name quite clearly stands out for their characteristics. Esp the comment about 13 yr olds makes the mind baffle a bit, to a point of under-handedness.

Oh by the way folks HOLLY is not a female nor is FOREST SPRITE so before you guys start or get cussing here on this website REMEMBER THIS OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To everyone in this discussion. Who gives a damn?!?

This is pretty funny talking about poop and all that kinda crap. I just have one thing to say...i think we should start a poop discussion about going to a doctor for weight issues, and you had diarrhea before. It happened to me once and i lost a total of 2 pounds from that.

What a load of crap!!!!

Shit Volcano...i like your posts esp the ones from the 18th. And you're right - you have your clean people and not so clean people, and only a less than nice person would not have the consideration to freshen up prior to any amorous activities and make it more enjoyable for both parties.
One last comment for "Steve-I-can't-figure-out-how-to-release-the-caps-lock-key" - the word is spelled CLITORIS, in case I can help you get a better mark in a school paper or something...and I'll share a girly secret with you, okay? Our mommies teach us to wipe towards the back, not front, when wiping the anus, okay? Not sure which direction you nice men wipe in, do you leave a trail on your hairy sack or?
And for you "Alex" (same caps lock key issue) - the 'name' Scat Woman is a witticism, a pun on the term Cat Woman - something the educated amongst us might choose to call a 'nom de plume' - you will need to consult a dictionary, mon petit tas de merde. Ca se trouve a www.dictionary.com Ciao and do give those dear sheep and goats a break...hmmmmmm

The conversation continues freakazoid. Since Dave deleted my comment before you could read it he must be more interested than you. So the war continues.

By the way Andy. Touchee. Someone is actually reading this drivel. By the way, about the thirteen-year-olds, it takes a deep thinker to figure it out which is hard when you, yourself, are in junior high like the rest of the ball-groping knuckle-draggers above.
Keep em coming! This is fun!

Ok, I;d like to know why all the men suddenly think that I think i'ms so holly, jsut because i stated MY opinion., What ever happened to free speech? Does that also have to go down the toilet on poopreport.,com? It's bad enough that politics won't give us free speech but on Poopreport, COME ON!!

If guys can talk about their poop experiences then so can women. It just so happens that some of those experiences involve giving birth at the same time. I don't hear any girls complaining about the guys on this site who shit their pants.
Don't fret, Forest Sprite. These few guys listed above just can't take SOMEONE ELSE'S opinion. Tough shit, guys! If you can't take the heat then get off this site!

DO NOT SCALE BACK ON THE EATS PRIOR TO LABOR, JUST BECAUSE YOU MIGHT HAVE TO "GO WITH THE FLOW" DURING DELIVERY..I HAVE HAD 5 SUSCCESSFUL DELIVERIES AND FOR EVERYONE, THE BEST LABOUR INDUCTION WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE EACH ONE, MY HUSBAND AND I ATE OUT AT ONE OF THOSE SMORSGABORG(sorry bout spellin)RESTRAUNTS.. I ATE WHATEVER HIT THE SPOT, AND BY THE FOLLOWING MORNING WAS THE FIRST OF THE NIGHT BEFORE HITTING THE POT, THEN IT WAS OFF TO THE HOSPITAL TO AS THE HUGE BM WOULD TRIGGER THE LABOUR.. THE REST OF THE BM WOULD BE BACKED UP BEHIND THE KID AND THE RESULTING MOTIONS OF THE BM SHOVING ON THROUGH , I BELIEVE MADE FOR A FASTER DELIVERY.. INTO EVERY LIFE A LITTLE SHIT MUST FALL.. LET IT WORK FOR YOU..I WOULD BE WILLING TO BET THAT MANY A LOOOONNNNNGGGG DELIVERY COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED IF THE MOMS WOULD HAVE JUST "LET LOOSE, AND LET SHIT HAPPEN"

My mother never shit when she had me or my sister. However, she did eat Cornish game hens before she had each of us. The doctor told her that he delivers most babies in November right after Thanksgiving, so you might have a point.
Maybe a heavy meal pushes the baby out faster or something. My Mom was in labor with my sister for only four hours and it took her only a few minutes to give birth. She was in labor with me for two and took even less time.
I'm not sure if I subscribe to my sister's friend's theory of not eating before delivery or my mother's theory of pigging out the day before.
However, I do know that if anyone griped about me shitting while I was giving birth I'd kick their royal ass!

Thank you, Scat. I, Puhleeze, maintain that men are the nastier sex. There is a natural state that the human body is meant to be in (not to say people shouldn't clean themselves) but when women start shaving themselves bald and scrubbing with Lever 2000 and spraying themselves with Lysol, BECAUSE OF WHAT IGNORANT MEN LIKE THE ONES HERE say, it reeks havoc on their genitals, and their natural PH balance thus causing a downward spiral in feminine hygiene. So if any of you men have come across "smelly" women, chances are it's your own damn fault. :P

And if you men were left intact at birth (not circumcised) then that would be *your* natural state, and you would need to follow the same hygiene maintenance that women do.

Oh, and I agree that any man who is turned off by vaginas is probably out boinking sheep.

:-p

Nothing wrong with boinking sheep, people.
Well, actually, there is. Anyway, I skipped the last 15 or so posts by and about that abnoxious CAPS writer, as I have come to believe that many people are just too dumb to be saved.
Anyway, after reading this funny little thread, I have decided to tell my mother I love her and thank her for putting up with all of this for my sake :)
I unselfishly suggest you all do the same *smile*

i only read about half of the posts here because there are way too many. but i would like to say i have given birth three times and never once pooped during delivery. also, my first delivery was the easiest and he weighed 9lbs 8oz. i never had an episiotomy or a single stitch and everything went back to normal (size of the opening) with no trouble. guess i have been lucky.

My mom was the same way nunyabizz, except she had one less child. Anyway, I hope I'm just as lucky as both of you because I stupidly told my sister I would be a surrogate mother if she couldn't have children. She's gotten so serious about being a mother that she just might take me up on it.

Did none of you get that 'Steve' was that dickhead Alex's pseudonym? He knows no one else will support him so he had to bring out the personality disorder to help...hmm.

Peppermint, I don't do much more than a once over when it's all written in caps.

My God...seemeth to me that some folks don't get the point that...*ahem*...WE'RE ALL HUMAN!!!
Alex/Steve: shut the fuck up. You are an fool, if not, in reality, Michael Jackson, which denies you the privilege of opening your pie-hole in front of your betters.
MommyPoo: don't take any...umm...you know...about telling the truth about childbirth, no matter what certain cretinaceous cysts say...even if they are female. If they can't deal with the fact that humans make messes, smells, and other alleged impolitenesses, they can sew their labia and sphincters shut and store it for a rainy day for all I care.
They are not Elvis, or his duly appointed avatars.

And even Elvis died on the crapper.

LMAO this place is hillarious! I had a c-sec with my daughter so no poop on the dr, of course if I had no big deal, it's all about having the baby right?

Thank you, dao of poo.

My best friend told me she was worried and embarrassed with her first that it might happened etc and she told me once she was in the throes of hard labor, and after hours of humiliating prodding and exams and total strangers cramming their hands in there to see how dilated she was, as if it didn't hurt her....she changed her mind...she WANTED to get back at them for all she'd endured, lol, and was sad that she only managed to pee, but would have liked to shit all over the table and watch her tormentors have to clean it up.
My mom had a bit of a horror story about her first birth...labor was on and off, no regular pattern and it was hot in the unairconditioned hospital room so they had this woman in the bed next to her where they took all the women who were just at the contractions stage, well, back then they DID give enemas prior to deliver but seemed to have forgotten the lady next to mom....and when she blew....yikes, the stench was overwhelmingly putrid, she had the runs and mom said you could tell the meal had been beans, my mother gagged in preparation to vomiting from the smell, and her stomach violently lurching did the trick...her labor began again and my sib was born! So she had the somewhat unorthodox 'induced birth' but it was induced by another patient's stinky bean diarrhea explosion....poor mom!

Shit induced labor. Ha ha! It's probably better for you than the hormones they inject to do the same. Anyways, I've always wondered if women PEE during childbirth but I guess you answered that question, scat woman.
The horror stories I've heard about births and potty have involved the babies. First there was may sister, who I mentioned somewhere previously peed all over the doctor. Then there was my cousin who pooped while being born and inhaled it. She was born blue and the doctors had to resusitate (did I spell that right) her on the table.

I am very much a female.

Amen 2 dat!

Yeah, I agree. Alex, Steve, who invited the American Taliban into this discussion. Go hump your sheep and leave us alone.

It's been a long time since I saw the birth of my daughter in 1972 but I remember that the nurse who delivered the baby put her thumb up my wife's bum each time she pushed and the result was no shitting. This is so obvious and I cannot believe that no-one has said this before. This happened in the middle of Africa, Zambia, in Luansha mine hospital. Don't tell me the medical care was more knowledgeable there and then than now.

The first person to stick his/her finger up my asshole looses it!!!

A. to all ya women: childbirth is about THE KID! not pooping. So what if you crap while you are having a baby? It's not like pooping while having a baby is going to turn you into a bad person. IT HAPPENS! GEZ! Don't woory about crapping! focus on getting the kid out and let the nurses clean it up.

B. and about the pain, for all you who are afraid to have a kid cuz of the pain. Pain is unavoidable( belive me! a lost and arm in a accident, and had to wait 3 hours before i got medical attention!! your going to have a lot of it in life! SO BITE THE BULLET AND HAVE A KID! GEZ!
C. their is no nastier sex. some men are sick, some women are sick!

Good lord... I agree with The Shit Volcano... The minute someone sticks their finger up my bum is the day I am arrested for assault and battery. Ewww. I can't even imagine being the person who actually would DO that. What is the thought process in that? If that person is ever eating a food or something that y'know, he or she would lick her fingers for, wouldn't that one moment come back to haunt them.. indefinitely? GROSS. But if that's what they want to do. Just stay away from me.

Wow. I am laughing my ever-lovin' butt off. This is a hilarious post. I personally am scared to death of pooping during childbirth...I didn't know it ever happened before I read about it here. And I thought just being on the table with male doctors all around would be humiliating. I even hate pap smears and can't get one done unless the dr. dopes me up w/ a tranquilizer. I'm not kidding! I freak out and have a panic attack or cancel my appointment otherwise. I hate them. Oh and moving on to another topic--Alex and Steve (or should I say, Alex, because I know for a fact they are one and the same), thanks a lot for the great self-esteem boost. I really can't believe how hateful you are. I personally have been conditioned over my lifetime to regard the female anatomy as "disgusting", "shameful", or "dirty".. and so I have this complex where I feel like whenever a guy is interested in me, I panic because I am afraid he will think I am "gross" there...even though I am very clean....so thanks for making all these women here feel like crap about themselves...even the ones like me who fastidiously clean themselves and make sure everything is kept sanitary there. I'll tell you something..I have smelled some nasty-ass guys. When a guy is standing five feet away from you and you can smell his filthy reeking crotch wafting up through two or more layers of fabric, it really makes you wonder who the nastier sex is. I know where my vote lies.

Hey, Dave. Why don't you just put a seperate discussion on this. Men or Women: Who's the Grosser Sex. I know you've got one similar, but it obviously needs to be brought up again.
Anyway, then they wouldn't clog up our baby poop discussion with this garbage.

Freakazoid..
I have to say, I think both discussions, "baby poop" and "grosser sex" are valid...I can understand what you're saying about the grosser sex debate being a bit off-topic in regard to the title of this forum, but I don't think it should be written off as 'garbage'. I think both are valid discussions.

I see your point, poopieone. We are talking about poop either way.

i think it's sexy when a woman poops. Women are human beings to, and knowing a woman can poop also lets me know she is sexual as well. Having a poop while giving birth is the ultimate sighn of being a sexual human, and I find that eartyness so sexy.

When a women poops during labor with on lookers it is very exciting to watch because she is so vulnerable, yet part of her doest care because of the pain of labor. I wish I had birth videos to watch just for that purpose. Does anybody have any good sources?

Yeah, poopingduringlaborishot.com ;-)

(Some people are so strange.)

Ew! You mean someone actually has a site for this?!? That's so fucking sick it's almost funny!

winky face = joke. :)

Damn!

This is WAY, WAY too long. There's no way I'm reading all this crap. I got to ALEX's rant and some reactions before I couldn't take it anymore. Learn to ease off the CAPS, people.

wow, i love how this turned from meaningful stories of childbirth poop (or the lack there of), to women bashing, and then to men bashing. funny shit.

Wow. To poop or not to poop, that is the question. Hey, the key to all this is one universal philosophy, one monumental statement, one ringing phrase that should reverberate throughout the PR family..."When you gotta go, you gotta go!" lol

*I* love how even women resort to gay baiting when people like ALEX And STEVE open their obviously deranged pie-holes and spew. How *dare* they speak poorly of women? They must be FAGS!

At least some of you have the courtesy to infer sheep-banging instead of denigrating an entire demographic. :)

Can we get back to the gross-out?

I don't have any children of my own, but my mother tells me stories of when she was in labor with me. She too took a hot, steaming sh#t on the doctor. However, it also got all over me and the doctor started freaking out; he didn't want it to get in my lungs.

I got to have many conversations with a very informative RN in the months prior to giving birth and have the following to say.
She did warn me that women often do this during labor. It isn't just because of all the pushing: it is because the birth canal and the rectum are parallel to each other. Given the size of the baby's head, it is perfectly conceivable that it puts pressure on the rectum as it is moving down the birth canal. In short, the kid's big head squeezes down on your rectum, much like a tube of toothpaste. (By the way, have you flossed today?)
Also, I read some comments on episiotomies (sp?) and this is what they are for: should the vaginal opening fail to stretch wide enough to allow the head to pass, it will tear open. There will be a raw, ragged tear between your vagina and rectum that will not only require stitches anyway, but will also take longer to heal and cause you far more pain. If your doctor feels you may be one of these people, she will numb the area and make a small incision to prevent this from happening. It should be closed up with the dissolving kind of stitches, and it will heal much faster than an actual tear. If you're not at risk for tears, the doctor has no reason to snip you. If you are, choose less pain and discomfort over more.
And a last comment: though Alex left awhile ago, I think it's worthy to mention that if a woman becomes too vigorous with her hygiene (wiping the area too hard with toilet paper, using douches/cleansers), she may become afflicted with yeast infections and/or hemmhoroids, things that are sure to offend germophobic types like Alex. Anyone who has a problem with the human body's natural and necessary secretions should be advised not to actively look for sites with names like PoopReport.com.
That is all.

Quick notes:

First off, to The Shit Volcano, Occam's Razor dictates a much simpler reason for more babies born in November: more fucking going on in march. :-P

Secondly, I'm torn. (ouch... BAD pun -_-;;) I love my girlfriend very much. Should I send her this link to warn her, or would I be hosing my chances at fatherhood? Not that I'm so keen on fatherhood anyway, and I know she's really uninterested in being a mother. This would probably torpedo it for keeps, though. :-P

And to the men bashers and women bashers: men have dick smell and skid marks, women have cunt smell and menstruation "accidents". And both parties' shit stinks. I think mother nature was pretty fair in handing out equal helpings of indignity and humiliation to each gender.

So, oh well. Guess it's the vasectomy for me. (Less invasive/dangerous than hysterectomy, and I am NOT using condoms for my entire life, thank you very much)

-Kasreyn

Anyone who really, REALLY wants to reach me might find me on AIM if you prefix various feudal titles to my name. Feces fetishists and other weirdos will be blocked.

I'm glad I reproduce Asexually...

I think you've got a point, Kasreyn. What else is there to do in March? Everything's snowed in and it's too wet to still be skiing.