How The Ayatollah Says To Poop
I was recently re-visiting one of my favorite sources of "wisdom," a collection of Ruhollah Khomeini's political, philosophical, social, and religious sayings. During the Islamic fanaticism that erupted in Iran during the late '70s, it was known as "The Little Green Book." It is filled with amazing quotes (reading it aloud at parties is great fun) on a wide range of topics and fascinating interpretations of Islamic law -- e.g., how many goats you have to give your neighbor if you accidentally sodomize one of his children, etc.
The Ayatollah Khomeini, who took over Iran after the Islamic Revolution in 1979. He died in 1989.
The Ayatollah had many fixations, basic bodily functions being among them. I've decided to compile the poop-related quotes for you below. Should you ever stumble across a copy of the book, it's also well worth the read for what he has to say about sex, menstruation, marriage, Islamic justice, etc.
[from Chapter 9, On The Manner Of Urinating And Defecating]
It is required that everyone, when urinating or defecating, hide his sexual parts from all pubescent persons, even his sister or his mother, as well as from any feebleminded person or children too young to understand. But husband and wife are not required to hide them from each other.
It is not indispensable to hide one's genitals with anything in particular; one's hand is enough.
When defecating or urinating, one must squat in such a way as neither to face Mecca nor to turn one's back upon it.
It is not sufficient to turn one's sex organ away, while oneself facing or turning one's back on Mecca; one's privates must never be exposed either facing Mecca or facing directly away from Mecca.
Urinating and defecating are forbidden in four places: blind alleys, except with the permission of those living along them; the property of a person who has not given permission to do so; places of worship, such as medersas; graves of believers, unless one does so as an insult to them.
In three cases, it is absolutely necessary to purify one's anus with water: when the excrement has been expelled with other impurities, such as blood, for example; when some impure thing has grazed the anus; when the anal opening has been soiled more than usual. Apart from these three cases, one may either wash one's anus with water or wipe it with some fabric or a stone.
The urinary orifice can be cleaned off with water, and it is enough to wash it just one time after urinating. But those in whom the urine comes out through some other orifice would do better to wash that orifice at least twice. This must be observed by women as well.
It is not necessary to wipe one's anus with three stones or three pieces of fabric: a single stone or single piece of fabric is enough. But if one wipes it with a bone, or any sacred object, such as, for example, a paper having the name of God on it, one may not say his prayers while in this state.
It is preferable, for urinating or defecating, to squat down in an isolated place; it is also preferable to go into this place with the left foot first; it is recommended that one keep his head covered wile evacuating, and have the weight of his body carried by the left foot.
During evacuation, one must not squat facing the sun or the moon, unless one's genitals are covered. While defecating, one must also avoid squatting exposed to the wind, or in public places, or at the door of one's house, or under a fruit tree. At the time of evacuation, one must also avoid eating, dallying, or washing one's anus with the right hand. Finally, one must avoid talking, unless one is absolutely forced to or is addressing a prayer to God.
It is better to avoid urinating standing up, or urinating onto hard ground, or into an animal hole, or into water, especially stagnant water.
It is recommended not to hold back the need to urinate or defecate, especially if it hurts.
It is recommended to urinate before going to bed, before having sexual intercourse, and after ejaculating.
After urination, one must first wash the anus if it has been soiled by the urine; then one must press three times with the middle finger of his left hand on the part between the anus and the base of the penis; then one must put his thumb on top of the penis and his index finger on the bottom and pull the skin forward three times as far as the circumcision ring; and after that three times squeeze the tip of the penis.
A woman has no special instructions to follow after urinating; if she afterward notes some moisture at the vaginal orifice which she cannot judge as pure or impute, the said moisture remains pure and in no wise stands in the way of her performing ablutions or praying.
[from Chapter 10, On the Manner of Eating and Drinking]
It is forbidden to consume the excrement of animals or their nasal secretions. But if such are mixed in minute proportions into other foods, their consumption is not forbidden.
[from Chapter 11, On Purity and Impurity]
There are eleven things which are impure: urine, excrement, sperm, bones, blood, dogs, pigs, non-Moslem men and women, wine, beer, and the sweat of the excrement-eating camel.
The urine and feces of any excrement-eating animal are impure. This is equally true of the urine and feces of any animal which has been sexually possessed by a human; and the urine and feces of sheep which have been fed on sow's milk.
[from Chapter 13, On the Nature of Water]
If excrement, urine, or other impurities have polluted running water, only that part of it which has been changed in odor, color, or taste becomes impure; the rest remains pure.
[from Chapter 17, On Fasting]
Taking an enema, even for medically therapeutic reasons, breaks the fast; but the use of suppositories is not forbidden; however, it is preferable to abstain from using opium suppositories.
All quotes taken from the English Language version, published by Bantam Books in 1979. ISBN 0-553-14032-9.