One Ordinary Wednesday Morning

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While at work during one ordinary Wednesday morning, I was reading silly jokes my co-workers had printed off at home and brought in to share with each other. You see, the internet at their homes was not working right, so they couldn’t forward these jokes on and had no choice but to print them.

As I was on my second joke, a sudden realization occurred to me: I had not pooped in nearly four days! I wasn’t disturbed that much at first, but seconds later my bowels roared in tremendous agony! I felt the poop inside me push towards my anus. “DON’T YOU COME OUT!” I shrieked. Several of my co-workers gave me worried glances, but I hardly noticed as I escaped the confines of my desk as quickly as a young child escapes the classroom when let out on the last day of school before summer holidays. I had never in my life ran as fast as I did that morning to the washroom. I swung open the door and entered the one-stalled washroom. To my utter horror, it was occupied.

“OCCUPANT!” I screamed, “I REQUIRE IMMEDIATE USE OF THIS TOILET AT THIS VERY MOMENT!” The stall door quickly opened. As it turned out, it was occupied by a fellow co-worker.

“Sir, please sit down! I just flushed it for you!” my co-worker urgently reported and helped me upon the toilet. He closed the stall door as he left, wishing me good luck. Luck was not something that was going to help me this day. My insides gurgled and rumbled. I braced myself, extending both my arms out, and pushing against the thin walls of the toilet stall. I started to sweat. A million thoughts rushed through my mind, but I couldn’t focus on any of them. My entire body was shaking. I tried to hold the poop in for as long as I could, and then suddenly a volcano of poop erupted out of my anus so violently I though all my internal organs would follow along shortly. I screamed. The poop had finally vacated my body, its foul stench worse than a thousand dead pigs rotting in the heat of a thousand suns. I gagged and forced myself not to vomit. I vomited anyway.

After a thorough wiping of my rear end, I pulled up my pants, washed my hands, and headed towards the exit. But I had forgotten to flush the Hell-spawn that was in the toilet! As I slowly approached the toilet, I heard a voice call my name…

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7 Comments on "One Ordinary Wednesday Morning"

Anonymous's picture

Seriously?

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points

how assuring the human condition is by the ethics you displayed when your name was called.

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I'm hoping that you were either drunk or an invalid, because if you are needing a helping hand getting onto the toilet, then you've got serious mental issues. That, or your co-worker is a pervert.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Anonymous's picture

Fiction, but it still got a chuckle out of me.

Anonymous's picture

I was thinking BEANS!

Poop John the First's picture
l 100+ points

and the voice said "butt hole....butt hole!!

Spreading the turd one poop at a time.

Anonymous's picture

This was fricking hilarious!!!!

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