Stories About Poop
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The Midnight Breakfast
Submitted by MudChucker
March 7, 2013, 4 Comments

I placed my microphone down on the desk, and as I stood up from my chair I could feel the weight in my bowels shift with gravity. The time had come. I made my way to the toilet and looked despairingly at the seat. It had been broken by Ben about three weeks ago., and as I squatted down, the icy...

New Year's Eve Ball: An Update
Submitted by Anonymous
January 15, 2013, 8 Comments

Editor's note: Two weeks ago we received a story from an unfortunate soul who popped a New Year's Day hemorrhoid. He took the time to send us an update, and it's positive. Dear Daphne and Poop Report, Good news, kind of. I guess. After agonizing for a few days over the pain, I sucked up my...

New Year's Eve Ball
Submitted by Anonymous
January 3, 2013, 19 Comments

Most people bring in the new year with aspirations of change, or with well-intended but worthless resolutions. I brought in my new year with a hemorrhoid. I awoke groggy and a bit hung over on the first because I went out to a club New Year's Eve. I drank too much champagne, plain and simple,...

A PoopReport Short: No Deer Seen Today
Submitted by Anonymous
December 18, 2012, 1 Comments

Editor's note: Story as-is, minus one punctuation correction. Thank you, anonymous Poopreporter with excellent grammatical skills! Several buddies were at the deer camp ready for the hunt. The temperature was well below freezing at 4:00 a.m. as everyone left the cabin for the tree stands....

Black Friday Memories: The Cabbage Patc
Submitted by Anonymous
November 24, 2012, 6 Comments

Editor's note: It is during the most unassuming at times that someone will divulge a poop story to me. During a visit to our kids' orthodontist this year I let it slip that I help out with the site to another parent during a conversation over grammar, of all things. He immediately begged...

The Revenge Of Gramma's Pants
Submitted by Anonymous
November 17, 2012, 6 Comments

I am twenty years old, and until about four p.m. today I could say that I had never shit my pants since being potty trained and all. Can I say this now? Nope. This is what happened: A few months ago my gramma gave me a pair of pants that she used to wear. My gramma is pretty cool, so the pants...

A Poopreport Short: He Choked The Shit O
Submitted by Anonymous
November 9, 2012, 5 Comments

A couple of my buddies and I were drinking one night. I decided to act all Mr. Macho and claimed I could free myself from any choke hold. My friends agreed to be fair, and said if I did not tap out that they would let go before I passed out. They failed. I lost consciousness during my friend's...

Hallucinatory Hunchback
Submitted by the thin brown line
November 2, 2012, 7 Comments

My face morphed into Marty Feldman’s. My teeth were disintegrating into powder. All illuminations were centered inward, directing multitudes of pupil expansions and retractions. I experienced twenty minutes of hysterical laughter (actually five) when a fellow journey woman threw on my high-...

A Poopreport Short: Awkward
Submitted by Anonymous
October 23, 2012, 3 Comments

It all started in school, as it always does. My friend and I were hiding in the bathroom ...well more like staking out. A lot of people had been stealing money and such from students' blazers in the lockers near the bathrooms. Hiding in the stall, we wished to catch the culprit. Then a girl...

When Hiney Was Perched Upon A Trashcan
Submitted by the thin brown line
October 18, 2012, 6 Comments

“You were gone for a while. I didn’t know where you went.” – Alex Where I went, no one should have gone, but I had no choice. Alex and I separated from a group that just finished a pleasant brunch. Alex was in town for one more day, and we decided to visit one of the more refined craft brew pubs...

Potty Blues And Sisterly Love
Submitted by Anonymous
October 17, 2012, 1 Comments

So I got out of university, all casual, all happy because it was Friday and class was over. I went to the cafeteria so I could charge my Blackberry and listen to music on my way home. But before I could do anything, I felt a fart coming. It was a bit too hot on my rectum, so I squeezed my cheeks...

Drunk Deercamp Disaster
Submitted by Anonymous
October 11, 2012, 5 Comments

Ah, the good old days of deer camp, long before I had the bright idea to bring a few five gallon buckets.... Deer camp used to be a week-long event of cheap beer, great tasting camp food, and about twenty five of us, including me, who refused to shit in the woods for some God awful reason. I was...

A Transferrance Of Septic Proportion
Submitted by Anonymous
October 9, 2012, 2 Comments

I had been constipated several times as a child, and in spite of my hatred and protests against receiving suppositories and enemas, I was given a good deal of them ... forcefully. Gradually my bowel habits became normal, but the fear of getting things pushed up in my rear has left me scared and...

A Suppository Story
Submitted by Double_D
October 6, 2012, 8 Comments

I'm only twenty years old, but I have faced my share of bowel problems in life already. I had very serious problems with constipation in my early teens and had intense colonic blockages, enough so that I almost passed out upon one simple press of my upper left abdomen under my ribcage. As a young...

The Finger Does Not Work
Submitted by Anonymous
October 2, 2012, 5 Comments

My story takes place twenty-two years ago, at Sheppard Air Force Base, in Wichita Falls, Texas. I was a young Airman just beginning technical training after basic training. Let me back up just a hair here. It was Christmas time, and just after basic training I had taken a week of leave and gone...

Mark The Ginger Boy
Submitted by Anonymous
September 22, 2012, 22 Comments

Editor's Note: This originally came to me as an 1800-"word" count, rambling, single block of troglodytic text-speak that took up two solid pages of a Microsoft Word document at a size eleven font. Something about my memories of grade school made me edit this for the front page. I have not yet...

A Close Call At Band Camp
Submitted by Anonymous
September 21, 2012, 5 Comments

During my sophomore year of high school, I was in our marching band. We always went to Estes Park for about four days to learn our fall show music and drill. I was stuck rooming with the trumpet, clarinet, flute, and color guard section leaders, along with another girl in the guard. In the...

A Poopreport Short: A Belated Brown Aft
Submitted by Anonymous
September 20, 2012, 4 Comments

After the birth of my son I had an episiotomy. I was cut from my vagina to my asshole in order for my nine-pound, nine-ounce baby boy to come into the world. After that I could not sit because it hurt so much. And then I became constipated. I was miserable. My doctor said to get right on the...

Desperation Meets Inspiration
Submitted by Anonymous
September 5, 2012, 10 Comments

I used to live in a small nineteenth century house plagued with plumbing problems, and on this particular Saturday I was in the midst of a rather serious one, beyond my meager powers to repair. I had to call the plumber to arrest a dreadful leak in the ancient, cast iron sewer line which was...

Labor Day Memories
Submitted by daphne
September 3, 2012, 8 Comments

Usually PoopReport does not publish a front-pager on a federal holiday. We, too, enjoy the extra holiday; we like to barbecue steaks, roast corn, drink a cold beer, and then take a good, hearty American dump. I was not going to post a story today because of the usual regimen, but something popped...

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