My First Memory Of Poop

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m 1+ points - Newb
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This is not the earliest memory I have, but it is one of the most vivid. When I was five I used to run around the house in my undies. (Ever since, I've always felt more comfortable and relaxed in them -- which has led to some interesting moments when roommates have come home early from a trip or didn't bother to tell me that they took the day off of work.) And back when I was five, I had this toy box -- well, not really a box, but a giant plastic football. Now that I think about it, it kinda looked like a giant turd that had a hole on the top through which you would access the toys inside.

We were living with my grandparents, as my mom and dad had recently divorced. My mom and I had to share the upstairs back bedroom. She was pretty good about it, as she was really only ever in the room at night to sleep; during the day I was allowed to play in there "quietly."

I don't recall exactly why that when I had to poop I didn't just go to the bathroom. Instead, I choose to hold it. More than likely, I was probably just having a grand old time playing. So, sitting in that room dimly lit by the sun coming in through the window, wearing nothing but my favorite pair of Superman Underoos (I may have to find adult versions of these one day just to freak out my girl), holding in my poo, it happened. I was playing with Lego's and Matchbox Cars, and when I moved to get more cars from the toy football, I suddenly had a giant turd in my underwear.

I didn't want to say anything or get caught for fear of getting in trouble. I was getting in trouble a lot around that time for not having to pee before a car trip and then pissing my pants because I really did have to go. So I reached in through the front of my Roo's and pulled out this turd that was bigger than my hand. I remember making a fist with my other hand and comparing them.

Not sure how something that size could come out my tender young bum, and not knowing what to do with this newfound prize, I threw it in my toy football. My next dilemma was now having poo all over my hand, and it was gross! I looked for something to clean my hand with, and saw my mom's new coat.

It was 1979, and fur was in.

I remember this was one of those coats with rabbit fur just on the collar. With what little sense I did have about me, I deduced that the fur on the coat was similar in color to the poo on my hand, and I decided that this would cover up my crime. I still remember how soft and silky that fur was, and how it wasn't taking much, if any, of the poo off my hand. I was starting to panic, especially since I could hear someone coming up the stairs. Acting quickly, I shoved the coat under the bed and wiped my hand on the wall behind the headboard.

No sooner had I done this did my mom walk in. She immediately knew I had done something I was not supposed to do. I probably looked like a baby deer in headlights. After a few minutes of questioning, she got out of me that I had pooped my Roo's and that I threw it away in the toy football. I did not get in any trouble that day; however, a few weeks later when she needed that coat, she found it under the bed covered in poop. I got in trouble for that.

Then, almost a year later, when we moved out of there, I was once again in trouble for not telling anyone I smeared poop on the wall behind the headboard.

Editor's note: PoopReporters -- what is your first memory of poop? Please share.

141 Comments on "My First Memory Of Poop"

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Lotta comments on a pretty gross (but entertaining) little story.

I have heard people before tell of finding a mystery turd in their pants without having felt it exit their bum. This is a strange phenomenon. I personally think that the surprize poop is teleported there by space aliens.

poomama's picture

My little sis and I took baths together until I was about three. Once my mom had to leave the room briefly, I think the doorbell rang...Little Sis couldn't talk much, but she got a big grin on her face and I knew what she was about to do. I hollered for Mom but by the time she came back there were little brown submarines floating in the bath water. Needless to say, we got a second bath that day.

turd banned it's picture
m 1+ points - Newb


__Good Story Grogan, I was laughing out loud, especially about how the incident kept coming back to haunt you_____
owlbeback

"show that turd who's boss"

Ledhead71's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

omg i literally loughed out loud reading that story. when my brother was 5 he also wiped poo on the wall.... but thats another story

Krottypotty's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

This story reminds me of a naptime event when i was 2 years old when I shit my diaper and decided to finger paint.
Grogan,
Great story!!!!

delusional pooper's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Some 60 years ago when I was in elementary school for reasons which I still do not know I refused to crap in the school toilets; I simply shit in my pants and eventually went or got sent home where someone would clean me up. Is this phobia about using public toilets some crappy kind of genetic inheritance?? But somehow I got over it, though today it takes a might pressure to get me to use public toilets. Is the phobia about using public crappers a professionally defined psychological "disease"? If so, what's the treatment?

_______
Believe in the joy of shitting!

Believe in the joy of shitting!

Double Flush's picture
k 500+ points

Well dp, do like I did. Just get in there, drop your drawers, and do it. That's how I became Shameless--I just walked in and did it.

_______
"Double the flush, double the fun" --The Amazing Anus

[Insert witty banter here]

shitwit's picture
k 500+ points

One of my earliest shit memories was when I was about 3 years old. I was potty trained already but somehow I didn't get to the bathroom by the time the brown monster made an appearance. I was sitting on the couch watching Sesame Street and my mom came out of the bathroom and must have known what I was dooing. She yelled at me to stand up. I did. A big dark turd rolled out of my shorts and onto the floor! She was furious, to say the least.


_______
Brown tidings I bring
to you
from my ring

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

Maybee a bit gross, but who hasn't had an incident like that when they were little. I grew up in that same era, and remember those furr coats very well. I'd give anything to see the look on mom's face when she finally found her poop covered, furr coat. Great story Grogan, I needed a laugh, and got one when I read your story. _______
Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Bunga Din's picture
j 1000+ points

Hilarious story Grogan! Kids do the craziest things. I remember when I was about 6 we used to go to our cottage and there was a kid a few places down who I used to play with. One rainy day we were up in his room which was in the attic and rather than walking downstairs to go pee he just pissed in the corner which was just supported by ceiling tiles. I was shocked but he thought nothing of it and we continued to play. Every year I'd see him do this a couple of times until I was about 10, then I thought it was pretty gross and the whole cottage took on an air of stale pee, how his parents didn't figure it out I'll never know.

Anyways, years later his parents put the cottage up for sale and my Mom said "I'll really miss having Betty up there, but they really need to do something about that smell if they want to sell the place". I told my mom the story of Davy peeing in the corner and she laughed and said "I better call her and let her know". I was shocked she'd do this but my mom and Betty were really close.

Years later at my moms funeral I saw Davy for the first time in 20 years and the first thing he said to me was "Why did you have to go and tell your mom that". It was very funny. Davy is now a hugely successful forensic accountant.

AssBlaster2000's picture
PoopReport of the Year Awardj 1000+ points

WTF is a forensic accountant?

Motherload's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

A judicial bean counter.
_______
Always looking out for number two!

Always looking out for number two!

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Ah yes, back in the days before college (and before my IBS started), I was a really model pooper. I don't think I really ever had any issues that I remember. I do remember one time I was very constipated...my mom had given me prunes the day before and the next day when I felt I had to go, my mom told me to sit on the toilet until I was able to go. Well, it was in there pretty good and I vaguely remember sitting on the pot for about 30-40 minutes pushing that turd out. When it finally did come out, it was huge! I didn't want to flush it because I wanted to prove to my mom that I had pooped. As soon as I was done in the bathroom, my dad walked in the door from work and I ran over to him saying "Dad, quick! Look in the toilet! It finally came out!" My confused father looked and grimaced and said "Well, I bet you feel better now, don't you?" I must admit, I did feel a whole lot better. My brother was the one with the horrific pooping habits...he was a chronic constipation case. It's ironic to me that just recently, he and his buddies had a bran eating contest that my brother won by eating an entire box of raisin bran and half a gallon of milk. He informed me that after that, he had the BEST poop of his life (more detail than I needed to know).

_______
An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

juicyturds's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

mine was pooping in my dad's shoes and hiding it in the closet


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juicyturds

juicyturds

Lainee's picture

In my elementary school which was about 800 students and too big for me, I don't remember having to pee, but I do remember that when I was in the second grade, I occasionally had to take an afternoon shit and I dreaded it!

I'd try to put it off and think that that sensation and "fullness" feeling would go away. We had a break every morning and again about 2 p.m. each afternoon. Many of my girlfriends would regularly go into the designated bathroom at that time and they had no trouble filling up the six or seven stalls.

Sometimes I would go in with them just to hang out and talk as they waited in line. On a few occasions I would wash my hands because I got them pretty messed up with paint and glue in art class and I was afraid that the colors on my hand wouldn't come off if I waited too long. I don't think our faucet worked in my classroom, so the restroom was the only option.

The first time I needed to take a shit, I kept holding it off because I was within an hour of going home and I had gone TWO YEARS without using the bathroom at school other than occasionally washing my hands. I remember my friends--some of whom used the toilets two and even three times a day--waiting for a stall, going in and doing their thing, coming out and in most cases, going over to the sinks to wash their hands. I remember I had turned on scalding hot water a couple of times and crying because it temporarily stung my hands. A half hour later I felt my butt was going to explode and I obtained the peice of wood that had our room number engraved on it and then took by then my smelly trail down to the bathroom. All of the stall doors were shut--I later learned that they we set up so they would automatically go into that position--and I pushed one gingerly with my hand until it bumped into the leg of an older girl who was sitting on the toilet. I know she was embarrased because she had her jeans and panties all the way down on the floor and we both were quite startled. It took me some courage to get the nerve to open the second door, but with closer inspection I found it was unoccupied.

I pulled my sweats down just a little and looked at what seemed to be a monstrosity of a higher and very large black seat. Just as I was about the sit down, I noticed what appeared to be urine on one side of it. Oops, it wasn't going to work! The next stall was rather dark and I felt scary so I bypassed it and went to the next one--only to find an out-of-order sign and a large amount of water around it. I was down to my final option when I opened the creeky door, only to find there was no seat. Upon looking in back, I found that it was raised. I remember taking both of my hands and slowly lowering it down to the bowl. I remember it was loose and tilted more to one side. I was in the process of taking my pants back down and figuring hour how I would get up on this slightly higher seat than I had at home or was otherwise use to. Just as I sat down, the dismissal bell rang and I was thinking of chickening out and waiting until I got home since I lived only a few blocks away. A few other girls were coming into the room so I latched my door (stubbing my finger while doing it) and sat down to great immediacy in taking my first school shit.

Now since I was "experienced" it became easier to do. This was in Colorado so when we hit the cold of winter I found that I had to pee more and hence gained more experience. Looking back, I became more adept and confident and each "experience" sure helped me when I got to middle school and high school because the restrooms were huge. But, I'll never forget that stall, that day at Central Elementary School.

Raggedmama's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I know when I was little more than a baby - in pullups - if I was hit by the urge to do the doo I would always try to resist. Even the hundredth time it happened, when my "tummy" went into spasms I always regarded it as something troublesome and abnormal that I should try to prevent from happening. Probably because my mother would say "you don't half pong!" as she escorted me to the bathroom to be cleaned up - which implied that discharging excrement is misbehaviour.
The sensation of freshly formed doodoo sliding into my pants is vividly imprinted in my mind because I associate it with that Charles Aznavour song "Let Yourself Go" - when I began to have constipation problems my mother would sing a customised version of that to remind me I should change my attitude to my bowel movements. (What a pity I can't remember what her lyrics were...)

Rectal Badger's picture
l 100+ points

Oh my god, this story had me in stitches!

I can't believe everyone's saying how "gross" this is. He was five. How sophisticated were you when you were five? The story had everything. Poop in the toy box (which looked like poop of course), poop on clothes, on the wall...

I almost pooped reading this!

Grogan's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

On halloween I actually retold this story to a group of people at a party. Most of them have children and I knew this would add just one more worry about what to expect.

Anonymous Coward (Yeah...i wont change that name)'s picture

Hey guys. This stuff is pretty yuck and funny ;) but have any of u guys ever pooped urself on accident when you were old enough to supposedly know better? ha i LOVE those stories. Makes me laugh my head off.

SamDamnit's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Is Double Flush going for the lame comment record?
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The Emir of Crapistan
Join The Poop Reporter's Lounge

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GranniePanties's picture

Argh... Once I was fourteen and I was a sleepover and was wearing a cami, boy shorts, and a thong. Anyway, I was waiting in a fifteen person long line and the girl was in there for 20 MINUTES. Seriously. I was like, Cheese junkie! Anyway, they had eight kids and no bathroom, so I crapped myself. In a thong. And it rolled down my butt, fell on the floor, and I turned the brightest shade of red. Seriously. And I started laughing, and crying, so I was lying there sobbing and bursting out with giggles. Then I jumped up and pushed a girl backwords onto my crap. She had crap all over her pajama bottoms and I yelped, "OH MY GAWD, LYSSIE CRAPPED HERSELF!" There was utter silence and though Lyssie insisted nothing happened, she started crying. No one noticed it was really me, since it was dry poop and it just rolled right outta my thong. There was no, um, evidence.

BeansThemusicalFruit's picture

I've never shat myself in public but I have shat myself in the bathroom. It landed on the floor.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

Is there something a bit incongruous about someone named "GranniePanties" talking about wearing a thong?

Or maybe she started wearing Grannie Panties after the event in question.

Recto Magnifico's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I'm probably miscounting here, but I think Double Flush has 13 Lame Comments awarded in this thread alone. Too bad Turd Turdgutson hasn't been around in a while, because reading his (her?) Lamed Comments is hilarious, and Double Flush and C. Everett Poop are right up there.
Absolutely, some of the lame comments are the funniest stuff on this site. It's actually a good thing that there are some mods who seem to gang up on certain posters, because it's getting to where I can tell that if it's got the Lame Comment box there's good chance it's gonna be funny.
Kinda nice seeing that some of the posters really don't give a rat's ass about racking up points and just let fly with original stuff, sometimes funny, sometimes not, but more often than not worth reading. Keep dropping those blasts, Lame Comment Hall of Famers!

_______
Livin' La Vida Caca!

Livin' La Vida Caca!

Bigassman's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I rmember i had this training oper and i pooped and i graped in it and let it set in the and my mom was sleeping in that room and she wok up and she f;usher and it wound flush

_______
If you have to shit you shit. But if you are not close to a shiter shit by a tree but if there is not a tree go in a bag and if there is no bag shit your pants

Shit shit and shit

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

The above post looks like somebody's pet chimpanzee got loose on the computer.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

And then probably LET loose on the computer.

And the chair.

And the rug.
_______
Pug-Fug. It happens.

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points

The Dumpster (2332) -- 01.12.2007
The above post looks like somebody's pet chimpanzee got loose on the computer.

Lancelot Link perhaps???

Back to the story. If you had washed your hands, you could have spared your mom's coat, the wall, and yourself from alot of greif.

Kids will be kids though.
_______
"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Notice that GranniePants never once mentioned changing her thong or pants afterwards. I can live with skidmarks in the undies, but if I drop a shit grenade from them (whether or not it's dry and whether or not it rolls out of my pants), I'm going to change my underwear.

And you pushed your friend down in your shit and then let her "take the fall" for the errant turd? With friends like that, who needs enemas?

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

The Dumpster's picture
i 2000+ points

Hey, Deja, we've been having a blast with Grannie over on the forums! Check this out.

GranniePanties's picture

Well, the whole story is after that I went to sleep in my bag, and then when I woke up I put diff underwear on. I wasn't like sleeping in poop. Well, kinda. And Lyssue didn't figure out that it was my poop but she avoided me after that.

Crunchy Frog's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

That's terrible :-) My Mum had a grey coloured fur coat and as a child I remember it smelled rank, maybe she borrowed it from your Mum :-) The very first recollection I have of having a shit was when I still wore nappies so I must have been under 18 months because I got clean real quick, I've slipped a little since then it has to be said. I can remember Mum walking in, saying something disparaging, undoing my nappy, clearing away the gunk and putting another nappy on then going back to her room. It was dark, I remember that. She's immensely proud of me :-)

Miss Simone Scat's picture
k 500+ points


_My first memory of poop is around five years-old.(1972) We lived in a rural area and the back of our lot was covered with trees. I liked to go out there to poop. It was quiet,the breeze felt good and the dog cleaned up after me. What more could a girl want? I was caught only once. My Dad was not mad, he just told me not to do it anymore because other people would not understand. He thought is was kinda funny but knew it was not acceptable behavior for his little girl. The neighbors might have called social services on him.______
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

Frank2401's picture
l 100+ points


_My first memory is very similar to Miss Simone's. I pooped in the yard but the dog didn't clean up.______
-No matter where you are, you are always within 6 feet of a spider.

poopin 24 7's picture

My first memory of poop was when I was about three. I was with the people who were babysitting me and we were going on a walk. I had to go before the walk but I didn't want to stop so I just held it. The walk took longer than I thought it would and eventually I just pooped myself. It was a fairly large turd and I found it uncomfortable so I waddled the rest of the way on the walk. When the babysitter realized that I was waddling she asked me why I was walking funny- then she found out that I had just pooped myself. She was very upset. The funny thing was that she had to clean up the mess. I guess she wasn't so much a baby sitter as a baby shitter.

I loved this story. I thought it was highly amusing. I wish that I had been able to come up with such an original hiding place. It would have been a lot easier than waddling the rest of the way home.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

My earliest memory of pooping was when I was being toilet trained, maybe 2 or 3 years old, more likely 2. I was sitting on the toilet in a little bathroom next to grandma's kitchen, with other relatives in the kitchen. I dropped a couple of loud plunky turds, and an aunt said, "Please close the door, dear." I was shocked that anyone would be offended by my plunks. Probably from that incident, well over 60 years ago, I may date my interest in pooping. I, at least, enjoyed my plunks--and still do.

Hamster's picture
k 500+ points

I think my first poop memory was when I was about three or four I went with my aunt to visit some of her friends. I needed to poop, didn't like to ask to go in someone else's house, didn't have the iron sphincter muscles I have now, and so pooped in my pants. My aunt told me off, albeit gently.

I still don't poop in other peoples' houses -because last time I did, I blocked the toilet.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Another poop memory.

Funny thing is all I remember about my childhood is poop related.

When I was about 3 years old I remember my mother tucking me in for the night. I was still not yet potty trained and my mom still diapered me up at night. Disposable diapers were not yet popular and I wore cloth diapers and plastic pants. My mother usually put 4 cloth diapers and then the plastic pants over them. Anyway, I remember that they were so thick that I could not put my legs together. In the middle of the night I awoke with the urge to poop. My diaper by this time was already pretty much soaked with pee. I remember getting up on my knees and pushing and grunting. I really had to do a powerload but my diapers were pretty snug and I had to do a little more pushing. Well I pushed and pushed and BAM! my butt exploded with poop. I remember the warm feeling as the mushy load made it's way into my diapers. There was poop everywhere in my diapers. It went up the crack of my butt, down the crack of my butt, in between my legs, all over my privates. When I had finished pooping and peeing about a minute later I drifted off back to sleep. When I awoke the next morning there was poop and pee all over my bed. Having peed more thru the night, the poop and pee mixed together and the diapers could no longer take it and leaked. I remember how frightened I was about how my mother would react. I got out of bed and waddled precariously down the hall to my parents room. I remember trying to wake my mother telling her I had pooped. She was still in a half sleep but said she would change me in a little while and told me to go and watch TV. I remember sitting on the couch, sitting on the floor (new carpet), I remember walking into the kitchen. Basically everywhere i went I left evidence of my very messy,wet, stinky diapers. I remember my mother coming into the living room with this look on her face. It looked as though she was going to cry. She couldn't believe the mess I had made. She shamed me for being too old to go poopy in diapers and told me only babies poop in diapers and when was I gonna stop being a baby. I remember just standing there staring at her and then breaking into tears. I actually remember feeling embarrassed about pooping in my diapers. I also remember how good it felt when I first did it. I remember how long it took my mother to clean the carpet. After that incident my mother would not let me venture from my bedroom without first waking her.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

oops, nothing to see here....move along

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Captain Craptastic's picture
l 100+ points

Earliest memories of poop: I was about two or three and left several small floaters in the bath. My mom came in to find me shuttling them around like toy boats and making powerboat "vroom" noises. I must've thought that I needed some new bath-time toys and voila, I made my own! She pulled me out of the tub, removed the fecal playthings, drained the water and rinsed me off (just in case of any hangers-on). She wasn't that mad, she must've expected that little toddlers will do funny things like this. My dad, however, was less forgiving. He read me the riot act and sent me to my room to "think about what you did." This was a discipline technique he used often on me in later years, which is why I knew what he did so early. At the time, I probably thought I was pretty inventive to make my own toys: "hey this is neat, look what I can do." In preschool a bit later (maybe age four), I threw my poop at the bathroom mirrors a few times. The staff had a meltdown trying to figure out who the Mad Pooper was. I was never caught and my secret identity was kept hidden. That was quite a coup for a four year old to outsmart the teachers with a novel method of fecal destruction. Those early poop experiences were magical parts of growing up and realizing my identity as a living, pooping human being! If I ever have children, I look forward to cultivating healthy and open attitudes about the poop with my kids so that we can freely discuss any poop-related topics they feel like. I believe that too many kids are taught that poop is something to be ashamed of. EXALT THE POOP, FOR IT IS MAGNIFICENT!!! ----Captain Craptastic!!!

----Captain Craptastic!!!

turdfan's picture
l 100+ points

My worst poop experience when I was a kid was at summer camp. I hated everything about the camp anyway, and on top of that I was a really shameful shitter when I was a kid.
Anyway, at this camp, the bathrooms were huge latrines consisting of a row of about 15 urinals against one wall, and the same number of toilets against the other wall (about 4 feet away) There was not one single partition of any type in there, just one wide open space.
I would get up in the middle of the night and go out there, hoping to be alone, but without fail, it seemed like there was at least one other person in there 24 hours a day. I don't think I took a shit the whole time I was there. I guess this was actually my worst childhood memory of "wanting to shit."

heinzbeans's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Hm,
difficult to trace my first one, I will put in two stories which I recall

the first being when I was about 6 or 7, the second one a few years later.

When I was around 6 we moved to Israel, I already mentioned the outhouse we used to have near the bus-stop in Nigels "Lav of my life", but I was a kid of nature and it so happened that on a day I was out with my mates, setting up tent a little outside in the village, which we did on a number of occasions in the summer months when that certain feeling came about me, yes I had to drop a load. given that before that day I hadn't been for a couple of days,so I reckoned it'd be so un-urgent, that I could wait, I however also knew, that if I pushed it back, it'd sit there for another 2 days which would then turn it into concrete and it would turn nasty big-time. What to do? Well, the next propper crapper was about 15 minutes away, definitely not an option. It seemed through freak chance that I wasn't the only one with the need, my best friend had put on that face, which I'd seen a few times before, which meat he was also in the neeed, I only saw one option, at least I had to find a place where I could do my business with a little dignity, I am not exactly shameful, but I don't wish to be watched by a huge audience, the generation gap being the biggest implication.
I grabbed the one toilet roll which my mum gave me and insisted that I'd use it in order not to return with skidmarks, mothers *eyeroll*.

I walked for about 20 yards downwind of our camp, when I noticed steps behind me, I swung around, and it was my friend, he evidently had to go as well. Oh well, my belly told me with a rumble time was not to be wasted so, TD and squat. We were there for some time and I definitely remember feeling much better afterwards, it was a rather huge one, it didn't hurt but it didn't end either.

With a face of victory I wiped before taking our shovel to cover it up and marking it with a stone for the benefit of the others.

As for the other, that was during our Turkey holiday and I was about 8, I remembered having staid behind in the hotel room cos I didn't fancy going to the market and rather go to the pool and watch TV beforehand, just after my parents left, I felt again the urge to drop a load, and so I went to the loo, I sat for quite a while, I pushed, nothing helped, I was about to give up and I got up, this seemed to have done the trick so I quickly resat, MY that was huge for an 8 year old, again not painful but slow, too slow so I helped it along.

so much for the two earliest ones which are clear in my memory, I have other memories which are however too hazy.

Pooper Woman's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I definitely agree about running around in the undies--it also allows for quicker pulling down of the pants in emergencies ;)

My history of being a shameless shitter seems to go way, way back.

My first memory of poop was when I was three, maybe four. My mother had a few neighbourhood ladies over for coffee, and I had decided to visit the loo. Well, that was a great idea, as I pooped out a log the length of my arm! Of course, due to the length, it ended up a perfect J-shape. Bear in mind that my name starts with a J, and when you're that age, this is a big deal.

I was so excited over this that I didn't flush; I ran straight into the kitchen yelling "I pooped a J! I pooped a J!" and of course, tried to persuade everyone into taking a look. I don't really remember if I convinced them to or not, but my parents have never let me forget it.

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Pooper Woman. You're really 15? I should warn you that most of the folks on this site (not me, of course) are really quite old. This means that they tend to be, in turn, crass, blunt, irreverent, perverted, jaded, obtuse, crude, petty, vile .... I could go on. You might want to think twice before spending much time reading what these losers have to say and certainly long and hard before engaging in any conversations with them. I'm different, as I say but then I'm in my early twenties, or at least some multiple of twenties. I forget. Oh, forgetful is another common characteristic of participants. And thoughtless.

Logjam

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Don't mind him, Pooper woman...actually, its my fault he's out again, I forgot to give him his geritol and maalox...Logjam gets a little squirrelly when he's stopped up. I'll just wheel him back to his semi private room with Prarie Doggin, they're roommates the Easy Rest Convalescence and Hospice Home. I sleep on the floor at the foot of their bed.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

This is not my first memory of poop. I was no older than five and no younger than three. We were across the street swimming at our neighbor's pool. They were boys. My memory is being in the bathroom when one of them poohed. I know I was small because the toilet rim was up to my chest. Anyway, I was standing there while he was poohing when I saw it come out of his woo woo (penis). I remember my curiosity because I knew physically that turtle shaped poot couldn't have come out of the tiny hole in his woo. Except I SAW ITcome out of his woo with my own eyes. He didn't flush so I stood there and stared at it for the longest time trying to understand how it got out. It was some years later before I realized that I saw wrong.

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

This is a second-hand memory (often-told story) about a niece by marriage, now a college prof and head of a department. When she was little, she stayed briefly with my wife's family (my wife, then fairly small herself, and her brother, then a teenager). Once during her nap apparently the niece reached in her diaper after pooping and smeared her poop over whatever she could reach. My wife and her brother came in and found her still smearing. Brother said, "I'll get her; you get the wall." Quite a cleanup ensued.

LoveableHater's picture

When I was in fifth grade, the queen bee was named Delaney, (isn't that a last name?) and she was pretty damn mean to anyone who wasn't in her circle. Her sidekick, Irma (who named these poor kids? No wonder they were so mean) was even crueler.
Well, one day Delaney raised her hand and asked to go to the bathroom. About a minute later, I felt some stirrings and raised my hand too.
As I walked down the hall, I heard a faint noise, rather like a distant gust of wind. As I got closer, I realized it was a human noise. I wandered into the bathroom to find the door of the handicap stall open, with Delaney in it grunting and clutching the rail.
She didn't hear me, as her face was screwed up in pain.
Over the grunting, there were splashing and farting noises.
Horrified, I stood there for what seemed like an hour before Delaney opened her eyes and stared at me, horrified and appalled.
I stared back like a deer until I picked up my common sense from where it had fallen out of my agape mouth, and ran back to the classroom.
Of course, Delaney had made the mistake of torturing me on occasion, and so I passed a note to my best friend, "delaney was taking a gaint crap in the batroom! tell evry1, she was gruntin and stuff!". In my haste, I invented today's chatspeak.
The word spread throughout the class, and when Delaney came in a few minutes later, shaky and with no panty lines, the room lit abuzz with giggles and whispers.
I'd love to hear the story from Delaney's point of view. Maybe I should look her up and tell her to share it on PoopReport?
I can imagine the email now: "Dear Delaney--You should tell the Internet your digusting childhood pants-shitting story, even though I already have. Sincerely, the Girl Who Ruined Your Life."
Ah, revenge...

YourMom's picture

I'M YOUR MOM, HONEY. How many times did I have to tell you, do not repeat this tale to anyone! And now it's all over the internet.. tsk.

P.S: did you tell this little story to your "girl"? poor her, if you did!

powersoak's picture

Major poop story from early childhood. My mom was sick and I was sent to spend the day with a family I barely knew. I could not have been more than 3. They had a couple of girls, my age and younger. We were standing in the living room looking up at the warm air grill and laughing and suddenly, my pants boiled over with an explosion of diarrhea, way up over the waistband and foamy brown. I was shocked, but not half as much as the lady who had to strip me, put me in the tub and wash my clothes. Since I was not feeling well and she had nothing that would fit me anyway, I was thickly diapered and put in rubber pants. She kept me in them until my father arrived much later to take me home, not wanting to risk another shit bomb from me. I was dry and clean when I was put back in my clothes to go home.

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