Shameless Shitters

PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

This came today from Doniker:

I know we have been though this time and time again, but I want to again
applaud those people known as the "shameless shitters."

There I was in the bathroom at work, peeing in the urinal, when a
co-worker I barely know walks in, happy as can be and says "how you doin'!"
He then enters a stall, pulls down his pants, sits down on the can and
starts farting away! Then there is the sound of splashing as his turds hit
the water. He's 100% shameless!

If I had been in his shoes and had entered the bathroom looking to take
a dump and seen someone at the urinal, I would have walked up to another
urinal and faked a pee. If I am already in a stall and somebody enters, I
am quiet as a mouse until they leave.

I wish I could be a shameless shitter, it would take a lot of stress out
of my endless daily ritual of holding it in or trying to find the right
time and place to shit.

-- Doniker

I'm just like Doniker. If I'm headed towards the bathroom
and I see a coworker headed in even remotely the same direction, I'll turn
around right there. I've been known to alter my destination in mid-stride
and pretend like I'm going to the receptionist's desk or to the elevator,
rather than meet someone at the bathroom door. And like Doniker, there's
no way I'll exit my stall if someone else is in the bathroom.

Are we the only ones? Dear Reader, how do you react when it's time for
your office poo? Are you a shameless shitter -- one who doesn't care who
sees you or hears you or smells you? Or are you like me and
Doniker -- someone who will go to ridiculous lengths to ensure our private
business stays private?

126 Comments on "Shameless Shitters"

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Something quite a propos just happened to me. I was just doing my business. The guy in the stall next to me was reading a newspaper. Suddenly a portion of his paper flew into my stall from his stall. He made no move to pick it up, although it was in his reach. Was he sharing? It seemed that way... it was like he gave me a section to read. Did he want it back? Was I supposed to pick it up? If I picked it up, was I supposed to say thanks? I decided the best answer was to finish up and leave ASAP. As a shameful shitter, avoid bathroom conversation is always the best strategy.

Jaybowel's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Actually, I don't mind doing the download when people are in the bathroom. As long as there's a closed stall door 'twixt me and other bathroom participants, I'm good to go. Along this line, if I walk in and see someone is "reading the sports pages", I try to identify them by their shoes. I am, though, a big opponent of any form of communication in the bathroom, particularly while "in process". Don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't even acknowledge me, and I'll do the same. We'll talk at the water cooler, buddy. Keep your "hi how are ya" to yourself for now.

The only POSSIBLE exception to this would be the hand-washing phase at the end, but only if BOTH parties are hand-washing.

Hillbilly's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I dont mind dumping at work. One of my coworkers and I have contests on who can stink up the bathroom the worst. At first people were kinda grossed out about it but after a while they came to accept it as a part of my daily routine.

Jeff B's picture
l 100+ points

"KInda" is NOT a real word.

Hillbilly's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Thank you Mr. English genious. I appreciate it.

CR's picture

What a relief, I thought I was the only one. I find going to the bathroom at work to be much more challenging than work itself. Upon entering the bathroom, I unwillingly transform into General Buck Turgidson and assess the current situation (while muttering "You can't shit here! This is the war room!"). Where is the enemy? In the the the sink? If a person exists anywhere in the bathroom other than a stall, I quickly make for the sink and do the washing-the-hands-for-no-reason trick. Thus, I wash my hand about six to seven times a day and incidentally, have very clean hands. If, however, there is an occupant in the other stall (we only have two), then I will very quietly go in, line the seat with about five layers of toilet paper, and as quietly as I can, take care of business. I also try to keep my feet as far away from the side of the stall that is adjacent to my companion for fear that he will later identify me by my shoes. My time here is spent oscillating between euphoria once my companion leaves, and utter rage at the sound of the squeaking door mocking me by announcing someone's entrance.

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points

CR, you really got it bad. I don't cover the seat, I will just squat over the seat but then I always get that nasty splash on the ass. After hand washing, I do always remember to grab the door knob with a paper towel in hand, some people poop and don't wash.
I have been though that roller coaster of euphoria to rage you speak of, especially after spending alot of time in the stall pushing and then holding!

TRC's picture

There is nothing more satisfying that letting one of those hybrid fart/turds go and hearing the guy (or girl) in the stall next to you attempting to hold back a giggle.
Poop on people.

StainMaster's picture

I once was like that, very tentative to go when others were around, but I realized how pitiful that was! Real men don't give 2 shits (no pun intended) who's at the urinal or who sees them go into a stall. Everyone poops! It is a fact of nature, I even bought my 4 year old a book titled "Everyone Poops". But here is some helpful advice for those tentative poopers. Try to get some trusted co-workers to go in the bathroom together to poop at the same time. This is call PFN "Pooping Friends Network". Remember, there is strength in numbers. Or find a "Safe Haven", a remote bathroom that is not used much by others. If neither of these is an option, just remember that everyone does it. There is a kind of code of silence, no one is going to run out and tell all of your co-workers that you just painted the bowl brown. Shit ON!!!

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points

to the Stainmaster....code of silence my ass !! Where I work, there are many people who are publicly and privately made fun of for habitually stinking up the bathroom or plugging up the toilets. One guy that used to work where I do never flushed the toilet, I think he had some kind of weird fetish in which he wanted others to see his creations. This other guy smokes pipe tobacco outside all day, and you know when he is shitting, he must eat that tobacco or something, what a nasty odor.
I also refuse to get together a "PFN". Pooping is a private and personal thing.

Hillbilly's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Taking a dump at work is kind of like the first time you go to a porno shop. You're kind of afraid to go at first to go at first because of what people will think, but then you realize that everyone is there for the same thing.... whether it be the porno shop or the bathroom, everyone is there to acomplish the same goal you are. and to doniker....who ever makes fun of you for crapping at work needs to grow up and get a life.

Melly's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I used to work at this animation company. The office was really small at the time so any sounds and smells from the bathroom were easily detected. Most of the employees were guys too, so they really stunk shit up. I always felt wierd going in to take a squat because i knew everyone could probably hear me.

SmellyPants's picture

one of my coworkers insists on talking to me - i know he must recognize my shoes. i've heard him have cell phone conversations on the shitter as well. that actually helps me, for then i try to fart and splash as much as i can.

dxht's picture

dont be so uptight. its only life and everyone has to shit eventually. relax.

Quiet Shitter's picture

I am shameful. When I've gotta go, I do LOVE to go at work because, hey, you cant beat getting paid for dumping! BUT if someone's in the bathroom when I enter, I do the fake hand wash.

I know other people at my job have the same issue, because many times when I do make it in by myself, while going I hear someone enter (I hold everything and quiet down) they'll walk toward the stalls, slight pause, then the sink'll come on.

I always feel victorious when this happens. Like I won because I was getting to dookie and they had to leave.

I'm also the guy who wants to die when the 'old' guys come in and fratta-tat-tat right next to me while i'm alread in there. It is so hard not to laugh.

Well, to conclude, about 80% of the time I'll use my paper towel to turn of the faucet AND open the door on the way out.

Sometimes I feel weird doing that while others are there washing their hands. Dunno why.

Solomon Grunty's picture

I know what a couple of you mean by having to stifle laughter when the guy in the next stall lets one fly. More than once at my former workplace, I've heard what sounds for all the world like a guy exploding in the stall - the blast, the splashes, the echoes, the grunts and the sighs - and have barely kept myself from exclaiming, "My God, man - are you all right?!?!"

DQ's picture

The worst for me is entering the bathroom when it smells like shit. I mean you walk in and this green cloud sits hovering over the stalls, and urinals. I usually turn right around and head out the door. I have noticed that others will do the same. Its quite comical cause when its time to drop the big one, people smell it a mile away and back off. What's up with that

Dumper's picture

People, relax. Live in a college dorm for a while. There is no privacy. Everyone poops, and you have to do it in a public bathroom every single time. Sometimes we talk to each other sometimes we don't. It is just a part of life.

Kev Boy's picture

The worst is when I walk into the 2nd floor bathroom and Mr. Netops, Schwarzkopf or (god forbid) Lagerdude have just been in there. What do these guys eat for chrissake?!? Holy fucking cow, it's an environmental hazard in there.

Ze Svedish Kuck's picture

Ohh yes, I've worked up in dat dere 2nd floor. Methinks eet hhas somezing to do wit de fiine Svedish cooking I bring in on de alternating Friday. De las time I brought in me Svedish meetballs... oh wat a bomb did I drop in that pm! I should get ze Nobel Prize for bomb droppings!! HAHA! All your bombs are belong to my pooping!

the offended's picture

a word to the wise. when you see the magazine rolled up and clinched with white knuckle heading for the 2nd floor stall (of the NEW building), with an evil, sly, smile - run the other way. "The Knuckler" will get you. And get you he will. Small children have been killed. Old men have been carried off on stretchers. Fallot likes it though.

Kevin Fatchick's picture

Blarg blarg blarg you look like poopie sweedish partysnacks. oh it is a nice afternoon. TO EAT CHILDREN!!!! I am melting from the heat of your enormus farts too bad my large butt covers hole toilet you can not hear my large farts - I will blast off.
I am walking to eat you

Kevin Fatchick's picture

here i come

Kevin Fatchick's picture

you have upset me I will go eat barnyard animals because I'm not fat enough. you are a cow i will eat you - blarg. You are a pig i will eat you - blarg you are a egg cream i will eat you - blarg. oh no egg cream makes me fart beefy meat. I will balst off.

smell my beefy meat fart

Ze Svedish Kuck's picture

Can somezon pleez tell me... Hhow does one get out ze smel of vaseline and burning skin after de blargy blarg fellow has feeneeshed using ze facilities on ze 2nd flor? Eef eet does no stop, no more of my special meetballs for you!

Secret Nokia Poopy Admirer's picture

Hi, I'm your poopy Firewall. Well, what can I say? I've dumped big poopie burbles on the I* all day. My, my - I thought I'd rupture something during that last poop session. It really burned - I can still feel it actually, might have to apply an ice pack or something. Oh well - gotta get back to passing packets instead of poopies.

Trashcanman's picture
l 100+ points

Hehe, you know, everyone shits, no reason to be afraid? well, irrational fears run deep, whats the worst that could happen? Will someone go around the office saying, "hey, guys, guess what... Donkier SHITS!" I do understand your problem, I used to have it, but I took that big step off the cliff of shame. One day I just sat down, kicked back, and relaxed and shit, and thought, "wow, this is the best of times!" I am leaving the working world no to go to college (I'm 18) so that might be different as far as pooping goes, but still, it's an excuse to get out of class for 5 minutes, or work, or even your own wedding.

horseragg's picture

man, when the anus calls ......f-the manner thing.......i'm a grandma and bodyly functions ain't what they used to be......i say shit if you gota...

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Hey, we're talking a lot about shameless shitting over in the poopreport forums... help us change the world!

Fat Ass's picture

"Pooping Friends Network" ?!?! LMAO!!!!!
That is hilarious!!!!

As for the poopin business, I never go in public washrooms. So damn fithy. And, if I ever have to, I use the ol' "HOVER METHOD" - just hover over the sit, and I place some toilet paper on the seat, just as a precation. You never know, you might loose your balance. Remember, you have to train hard to make sure you're physically fit for this, LOL.

Chip Brown's picture

I too like the idea of PFN. It would be a great way of helping others to become shameless shitters. We could pressure Congress to enact a "Poop with a Buddy Day". This would legitimze the Brown Revolution. As Dave would say, "people, we're through the looking glass...."

Hairy Pooter's picture
l 100+ points

I was at a synagogue for my cousin's bar mitzvah and after th 3 hours or however long those things are I raced to the bathroom. When I was in there this old jewish guy comes out of the stall and says in an old jewish-guy accent, "Now THAT's the pause that refreshes!"

Trashcanman's picture
l 100+ points


Timid Turdster's picture

Wow...this is such a revelation, I thought I was the only one going thru the daily anguish of attempted and foiled poo forays to the loo at work! I tremble with impotent rage when I've, to my delight, found the loo vacant, get into the stall in record time, make haste to build the requisite nest of tp to perch upon, whip my clothes out of the way and then i hear the dreaded opening of the door and some coworker stops me in mid-deployment and then i have the humiliation of doing the silent i'm not shitting pretence while the person can most certainly tell by the odor (despite the half can of air freshener deployed) exactly what's going on in the silent stall! My pals at work and I have a code of honor, we alert each other when the bathroom reeks like shit to prevent each other from going in and puking from the stench...we have a coworker that's notorious for her Havana Omelets....the 5th floor ladies loo is notorious for her Krakatoa East of Java explosions....

billy turdpong's picture

I enjoy to make animals out of my poo and spend most of my day shaping feces into my favorite celebrities. you should see my marykate and ashley turds!!!

Hugh Jass's picture

I have a memory from a job I used to have. It was a very large company, with multiple buildings on the campus and thousands of employees. Well for a period of time there was an ongoing happening being done by someone niknamed "the mad crapper". He, we all guessed it was a male but could have been a female just as well, would during the 2nd or 3rd shifts, would randomly take a crap on some office weasles desk.
It would just be dropped right there on top of the desk in the center. There was no apparent rhyme or reason to his droppings..there wasn't just certain departments he did it in or only certain people or any particular days. It was suspected the perp was a member of the security dept. because they had access to all the buildings and such. Any regular joe would be suspect going into areas that they had no real business being in.
After a while the crapping ended but the memory lingered on. And as far as was known, the person was never caught.

And recently where I work now, there is an area just down the street where people put thir used car for sale. Well, a month or so ago someone left their boat there on the trailor for sale. Well it appears the owner has lost interest in his own property, because the forsale sign is long gone, the life jackets are torn and tattered and the boat is filling up with old malt liquor bottles, empty smokes packages, and other refuse. Well just recently someone dropped a bomb on the tongue of the trailer. Very nice. It almost looks exactly like the wild animals do...dropping a load on a rock to mark their territory. There are a number of bums passing by, so the thought is one of those filthy turds dropped his calling card, so the other bums know to stay away. We watch as someone comes to look at the boat and they promptly depart. And now with the rain, the turd is dripping and running down the sides of the trailer. What a work of art.

billyturdpong's picture

Ahhhh, Marking your territory!! How primal. The message reads "Stay out of my shitting grounds", and it is so simple to do... shit on a rock, or in this case a boat trailer.

Garion's picture

Short and sweet. What kinda pansy ass mother fucker cannot shit anywhere. Pull up your skirts girls and grab your balls for a quick check. You are supposed to be men, yes that's right, M-E-N. You cook outdoors, you use powertools, you like football and you drool at fast cars with lotsa chrome but you can't shit if someone is within 10 feet of you. WTF?!?!? Sounds like you're all a bunch of slack jawed fuckin faggots to me. When I was in boot camp we didn't have a door or walls on our stalls, and every now and then your elbow might touch someone elses. Get over your phobias, for christ's sake, you are supposed to be MEN!!! For those of you shameless shitters out there, SHIT ON!

Pooper Man's picture

When I got to go at school I go right away. At my school there are no doors. Everyones gotta go sometime. I tend to get direahee A LOT and I can tell you I poop openly.

Becca's picture

Hey Garion, thanks for the Tim Allen bit, incredibly insightful. I was persuaded when you cursed --- to me, cursing always makes the point come across clearer.

Garion's picture

Coming from someone who is too afraid to put their email address. I'd say your opinion doesn't matter.

Jaybowel's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Garion: Wow. I'm impressed. Your command of expletives is rivaled only by your homophobia and lack of respect for others. Thanks for keeping things interesting.

 raw sphincter's picture

I've had some big shits in my life but I know some who can go the distance. sometimes if I shit and don't wipe properly my ass gets raw and I have to put ointment on it and I can't sleep because it's so squishy

alifart's picture

I like to shit a big fat messy one and walk away without flushing so the next person gets a goood look at it and leaves afraid to flush.. what an honor!

The poet's picture

At work a defecation is like a little vacation.

shittersrus's picture

I used to be a shameful shitter until going into the military and discovering there were not any stalls in the restroom but 10 commodes lined up on each wall, you learn to first hide your shame by examining the paper after you use it...or smelling your finger and having a conversation with the person across from you, and then one day out of the blue you enjoy the company and the noises and smells...

custy's picture

I love to shit my pants and then go to the bathroom and scoop out the poop into the toilet. It turns me on knowing the boys will smell my ass.

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points

I bet custy is 12 years old. No normal person over 18 would think this comment is even remotely funny. This forum should be adults only...I don't need my time wasted on childish drivel. custy's comment is something I expect to come out of my 5 year old's mouth. Grow up loser.

buttmann's picture

you're all sick arses, (envy) the poo smell is horrid-but my wife's butt smell-thats cool. ok ok im nutz too

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points

And it continues........

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