Liberating The Shameless: Lessons From Ghandi


In the cultural battle between Shameless and Shameful Shitters, most of you are aware that I stand firmly in the camp of the Shameless. In fact, Dave once referred to me as the "radical wing" of the Shameless -- a banner I proudly wave. Some of my dear comrades here have noted that in recent months I have begun employing decidedly more militant tactics in my quest to free humanity from the bonds of shame. Most of these efforts have occurred at my place of employment. In my recent post entitled "I Am the Hunter", I outlined an encounter with a cowering Shameful co-worker whom I trapped in a stall.

I am a student of world history -- particularly the history of conflict. One thing I have learned is that hatred and violence against the "opposition" is ultimately a self-defeating course of action. Look no further than the continuing violence between Palestinians and Israelis.

I therefore offer an olive branch to my Shameful comrades: those of you cowering in public restrooms, fearful that others may, see, smell or hear you commit the act of pooping. It is time to listen to your needs and desires, rather than forcing the will of the Shameless upon you.

I recognize that many of you are caught in the self-defeating desire to be "left alone." I frequently hear the Shameless attempt to legitimize their desire to keep pooping to themselves. I hear the same thing from smokers who, when confronted of the dangers and irrationality of their addiction, state that they don't really want to quit and that they enjoy their dirty habit. Horse shit, I say.

Instead of our scorn, lectures and intimidation tactics, I believe that the Shameful need our understanding and assistance. The conversion to Shamelessness is not easy, I am sure. But perhaps through kindness and understanding we can begin to close the gap between our cultures.

Gandhi once said, "Be the change you wish to see." Building upon his message, I decided to change the world last Tuesday.

I entered the men's room at work with a full bladder and headed directly for the urinal on the left. While addressing the urinal, I noticed a shoe in the adjoining stall -- the same stall in which I once cornered and harassed a Shameless pooper. As I peed, he sat there in complete silence, perhaps hoping for my speedy withdrawal. I contemplated making things uncomfortable for the pooper, but then the words of Gandhi echo in the porcelain urinal.

"Be the change you wish to see."

I smiled and released a particularly delightful tune from my anus -- a small volume of gas that I had been brewing since breakfast. I chuckled aloud at the volume and tone of my fart. I realized that no human, neither Shameful nor Shameless, is immune to the humor of the fart -- those little songs that we all create. Like a militant Kasey Kasam, I dedicated my little fart to this Shameful Shitter sitting a mere twenty-four inches from me. It was my way of saying, "It's okay to poop and fart in the bathroom."

Although the shitter did not respond, I believe that he felt the camaraderie between us; and perhaps this small gesture could turn the tide for a world in turmoil.

-- Chip Brown

8 Comments on "Liberating The Shameless: Lessons From Ghandi"

Tydirium's picture
k 500+ points

But violent response against the opposition does have the effect of getting your cause into the spotlight. It provokes an immediate backlash, of course, but in the long run it gets debate and thought about your cause. Look at 9/11 -- now all we talk about is our relationship with the muslim world.

So Chip -- maybe turd terrorism in the name of shit liberation will have positive benefit. Maybe if you do it in a way that seems really violent but doesn't actually hurt anyone. Maybe you can take the shitters in your office bathroom hostage and release them unharmed once the media accepts your demand of being interview by Geraldo.

doniker's picture
j 1000+ points

I don't know, even though I am a Shameful Shitter who is and has always envied Shameless Shitters, I am also very intimidated by them and have no real desire to ever be one.

I try to put on the persona in public that I don't defecate; I feel that it is very strange and obnoxious when people go out of there way in public to be loud and broadcast there fecal functions.

Yes, this is an odd comment from a PoopReporter but then again I'm not "in public" when I am in front of my computer.

squishy_squishy's picture

I don't know if I'm a shameful shitter, to be honest I simply go in do what I must and get out I don't think about who will see or hear me, I just do as nature commands...

that being said, living by example is a great way to teach others your views, actions speak louder then words...

Uncle Chunk's picture

I am wondering whether or not one's political affiliation (Republican or Democrat) has to do with being shameful or shameless? I am Democrate and I am a shameless shitter. I have spoken to some of my buddies who are republican and they seem to be more shamefull in their shitting actions. I wonder if the shameless extend their olive branch to the shameful and both sides come to terms, our country won't be so divided. Poopreport offers an unparalled opportunity for both sides of poopers to join as one and share their stories. Maybe poop is the answer our country needs.

a young friend's picture

It doesn't bother me in the least to take a shit in front of people. Even at my girlfiends house, it doesn't bother me if she walks into the bathroom while I am sitting on the toilet. My buds and I talk even while I am taking a dump. Wiping my ass in front of people doesn't bother me either. I think a lot of this shamelessness comes from the high school I attended. There were no doors on the individual stalls. It was a big high school too. We all had to take a shit in front of each other. As being normal guys we would often committed on the smell of each others shit but that never bothered us and usually the moment we were done taking a shit another guy was ready to sit his ass on the toilet and do the same. Since there were only 3 toilets, each of them would get a constant use during lunch hour. It seemed just about every day pretty close to the same time I attacked one of the 3 toilets. The toilet paper was the individual sheet stuff. Man I hated that f**** kind of shit paper. Sometimes a sheet would stick to the shit in your ass and you had to use a bunch more to bring it out. I remember a friend of mine got mad at it once and set the dispenser on fire, with the toilet paper still in it. The smoke was bad enough to set off the fire alarm. He was caught and suspended from school. Charge was: toilet paper abuse.

So to this day my dudes, I can take a shit anywhere.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

What an amazing piece, Chip. It's the first time you ever wrote more than 5 sentences without making me laugh, because you are pretty freakin' funny.
I think, though, that it would be kind of cool to discover whose shoes these are, and to put a little note of paper on his desk with the word.
Lead him to the promised land.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Slim Jim Junkie's picture

Hey Uncle Chunk, I tend to be more of an independant, and I am rather shameless. I am not the guy that talks too much in the bathroom, but I am not afraid to pinch a loaf in any public place.

dookie dog's picture

I'm an old fart and our farts tend to smell real bad I work in a convience store stocking beer, anyway I spyed this hot middle aged thang comming toward the store and I ran to the register where my boss stood and let out this wet ass slappin harley fart quickly retreating into the cooler where I could observe my work, oh it makes me complete like good sex.

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