Shameless Shitting and Cell-Phone Crappers
I was visiting my
dad's office one day and went to the bathroom, which is shared by all of the offices on
the floor, to wash my hands.
That's all. I'm not afraid of using public restrooms, I
just didn't have to go. I swear. OK, it's true, I'm not as flamboyant about pooping
as some of the people who write in to this site.
I will always avoid pooping with an
audience if possible. Can you blame me? I guess you can, but let's get real here.
walked into the bathroom and the stench of fresh poop hit me right away. I stopped in
front of the sinks and assessed the situation. There were two stalls side-by-side and
a urinal. One of the stalls was occupied by a particularly loud and sloppy crapper.
Either he didn't hear me come in or he didn't care. I think it must be the latter,
based on what happened next.
I quickly decided that I would "hold it," wash my hands,
which did need washing, and get out of there before I passed out. As I turned on the
water, I distinctly heard a voice issue from the occupied stall, but it was hard to
tell what was said as it coincided with a huge gaseous and fecal release.
myself that I was hearing things. I didn't know anyone in this building except my dad,
and he was safe at his desk. This man was obviously cavalier in his bathroom behavior,
but he couldn't be so bold as to strike up a conversation with a total stranger while
he was so clearly pooping... could he?
I was drying my hands when it happened again.
This man was talking, and there was no one else in the bathroom. I was about to run
out of there before he said anything else, but as his one-sided conversation
continued, I quickly realized that he was not talking to me. He was talking on his
My horror turned to amusement as he conducted a business call with a
client while he had horrendous diarrhea. Nearly every sentence was punctuated by
splattering or farting of some kind. I have seen some pretty obsessed cell phone
users, but this was ridiculous.
Do you really need the phone in the bathroom? If you
do bring it with you, have the common sense to realize that nobody wants to listen to
you crap over the phone. This is a perfect situation for voice mail.
Maybe it was one
of those kinky sex lines and the person on the other end was paying $5 a minute to
listen to this. I can't explain his behavior, but I wanted to share it.