The Non-Flusher

// // 42 Comments
l 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
0
0

A janitor cleaning the loo

Caught a man who was leaving his brew.

So he said to this prick,

"Better flush it real quick.

'Otherwise, you'll be eatin' that stew!"

42 Comments on "The Non-Flusher"

Mrs. Mad Crapper's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Short and disturbing, a classic.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

I'm surprised PD hasn't come back with a jingle of his own by now.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

That toilet attendant`s goal
Was to man the glory hole
This real go-getter
Liked nothing better
Than sucking a grown man`s pole

The voice of sanity

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Awe, Thunderbox! Gagging on the grown man's pole as I just ate.
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

There once was a man from Nantucket
who loved to shit in a bucket.
His wife did request
that he throw out the mess.
Still, he refused go out and chuck it.

_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

That is not the Man from Nantucket I heard!

_______
How I beat IBS

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Ewwwwww to the stew !

athenivanidx's picture
l 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

I wrote this for all the janitors (and innocent bystanders) out there who have to deal with shit left behind by lazy twatheads.

Seriously......how hard is it to flush a damn toilet? Yeah, I realise that people can forget. But I'm sure others do this intentionally.....

**Exception**: people who KNOW that flushing will be a disaster......are exempt from this judgment. But in that case, a warning to the custodial staff would be the polite way to deal with it.

Chili: EW, indeed. That would definitely be an incentive to flush.....

The Integral, who admittedly has forgotten to flush on numerous occasions in her own bathroom, having to be prompted by her increasingly irritated sister.


_______
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

athenivanidx's picture
l 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

IBS No More,

a hearty and farty congratulations for beating the shit out of IBS.

Let's all raise our asses to IBS No more! Uncovered of course.....cornholes in perfectly puckered position, for a Dave-worthy 21-fart salute!

Stink-off to ya, 'No more!

The Integral


_______
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Athenivanidx, that was a winner! You should check out the Poop Contests section. We have had some real good limerick contests in the past few years. I wish we had more.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Athenivanidx.....It is a cold and gloomy day here in Tennessee, I thought, very briefly, about making a hearty stew for supper tonight.
Thank you.....


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

athenivanidx's picture
l 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Chief: the weather is miserable here too.....

as for the stew, if you're not someone who deliberately "leaves behind," then you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Go ahead and make that stew.......just remember to do it in a proper cooking pot and not in your skivvies.

hehe


_______
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Weather sucks here too...90 degrees, sunny...fuck.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Wow, Bilge, sucks to be you. Here in DC, we're enjoying our 3rd day of drizzle and mid-40's. All of this rain and cold is doing wonders for my grass seed.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

phatmanxxl's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

poo stew....mmm beefy

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I used to clean out the toilet
because I was the one who would soil it,
If I didn't each day,
you'd better pray,
'Cuz if you'd had a good week that could spoil it.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

The beauty of sand and rocks, Deja, is they never need watering.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

loaf pincher's picture
l 100+ points

Bilge i will trade you your weather for mine cool and sunny but still damp

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I was being facetious, loaf...I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world, right now, 95, sunny...the only bad thing is the snowbirds are starting to arrive, and the old blue hairs in thong bikinis can be a bit disconcerting.


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

loaf pincher's picture
l 100+ points

I did not need the old blue hairs thing, I was having a good day now I will be thinking of that image while combining,thanks so much Bilge!

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Why don't you join the old blue hairs with your Speedo on, Bilgepump?
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...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Sorry, SP, but there is just something so horribly wrong with 90 year old nipples, covered with pasties, draggin on the ground...and I won't even start with talking about the old ladies....


_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

LOL, awe Bilge, you can be a good sport. Think of the fun you could have!
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

athenivanidx's picture
l 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Good one, DungDaddy.

Bilge: I'll take my 45F over your 95F any day. I lived in South Florida for 2 years......I hate hot weather, and with the humidity greater than or equal to the daily high temp (90F or more), that was just......disgusting, IMHO. It was as close to living in someone's mouth as I ever care to experience. I swore when I left Ft Lauderdale that I'd never bitch about being too cold ever again.

I like my 4 seasons........and it can get plenty hot here in B'more in the summers.....I was lucky this year. Very few days over 90F.

90 year old nipples.......hehehe

I guess the elderly like to see (and show)some ass on the beach just as much as younger people do.......


_______
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Ath, I'm originally from Minnesota...I will NEVER be cold again. It got 90/90 there too, in the land of 15,291 lakes, and the skeeters carried off small children every summer. I have seen exactly two mosquitoes since I moved to Arizona, and they were puny, not even worth getting the shot gun out for.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

What's really scary Bilge is when those old ladies accidentally put their thongs on backwards. Think about it.

In my winter home, I don't think about bundling up until it gets to -30. But then I'm a friggin nutcase.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

I just wonder how they get them over their Depends without ruining the elastic.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

What!? They don't make swimmie diapers for adults!? That would be cool an adult swimmie thong diaper. SCARY!
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

athenivanidx's picture
l 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Oh.....thought you lived in Florida. In Arizona, at least it's not insanely humid, but I STILL wouldn't want to be there in the summer!!!!!! 120F?????? no thanks.

Old ladies in thongs.......yeah I agree that's a frightening mental image.

LOL at the Depends comment

but there are special pantyliners made for thongs.......Depends for thongs suddenly doesn't seem like such a stretch.


_______
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I`m picturing all those 90 year old dried up snowbird dugs going sailing over their shoulders when the wind picks up.

The voice of sanity

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Yep, T-box...look like delightfully decorative streamers on some of th sailboats on the lake...until you get close, that is. Then seasickness becomes an issue. Not for them, for me.

_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

What is even worse than putting your speedo on backwards is discovering it fits just as well that way.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Dook of York's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Am I the only one who
thinks a limerick based upon poo
is messy to picture
But sometimes is so true
As I've its experience too

Bulldog Crap's picture

Nobody in our house would dare leave the scene of the crime without flushing.
If it is a major clear-out, then a courtesy flush is compulsory.
We don't keep a poop-chopper, rather a 2 gallon bucket. Filling that from the bath tub tap provides e whole lot of force to shift a stubborn deposit.
Just this week I had one that was a 3 bucket job.
It was practically sayin "try and flush me" as well as LAUGHING at me.
I was impressed by it's staying power, but it had to go. That grogan, thanks to the fact I ate sweetcorn a day previously looked EXACTLY like the beast depicted on the official Poop Report 'T' shirt.

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

The Integral -- thanks for the props, and sorry I didn't see it until to today to say thanks!

I liked your limerick... I can't tell you how many times I have been one of the "innocent bystanders out there who have to deal with shit left behind by lazy twatheads."

I couldn't express that sentiment any better myself.

_______
How I beat IBS

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

athenivanidx's picture
l 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

You're most welcome, IBS no more.

And I'm glad you liked my poem......I thought of it right before math class......multivariate calculus to be specific.


_______
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Complex math makes you think about poop; trying to remember calculus makes me want to poop. Go figure.

_______
How I beat IBS

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

athenivanidx's picture
l 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Did you have a shitty calc teacher? Or was the subject material really "hard"?

Hmmm.......what would be the brain's equivalent of........whats that stuff people talk about.........psyllum something?

The Integral


_______
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Not hard, I just plain do not remember much about it at all (it was 20 years ago too!). I couldn't even tell you if the teacher was shitty or not, that's how much I don't remember it.

Maybe because it was one the last things I learned in high school, and then never used it again...? No reinforcement + too many new memories to make = out the window it goes!

_______
How I beat IBS

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

athenivanidx's picture
l 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Oh yeah. too much new information causes me to forget stuff that I still NEED to know.

The "hard" comment was a bad joke on my part.

HOORAY FOR POOPIES!


_______
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Was the author Dinty Moore ?

athenivanidx's picture
l 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Author of what?

rock and roll, poopy poo...........

hey shitwit, how old are your little shitwits now?

Shit Volcano, how goes it?
POOP POOP HOORAY


_______
We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

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