Quote The Craven -- Nevermore

m 1+ points - Newb

Once upon a toilet chilly,

Trying to crap, not play with willie,

There came a hideous frightening urge,

A scary monstrous need to purge.

I bowed my spine and bore down strong,

A dreadful turd a mile long

From my butthole did protrude

With guttural moan, both piteous and rude.

My sphincter now most raw and sore,

When will this hateful deed be o'er....

I now fear - 'tis nevermore.

Ten yards of paper scare suffice

To cleanse my ruined bung up nice.

It hurts so much I need some ice.

When will my shitting spree be done?

Especially now it's getting fun -

Again I swear - Nevermore!

So clogging every toilet here

And charging frat boys hearts with fear

Could only be better with some beer!

I will not stop - I am no quitter,

I am Crap - The Ripper/Shitter!

My reign of doody I'll not cease,

When oh when shall there be peace?

I will tell you - Nevermore!

9 Comments on "Quote The Craven -- Nevermore"

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points

fact: jocky frat boys enjoy spanking each other. Especially the Yale Skull & Bones fuckheads.
"you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allen Poop"
I am the eggman...goo goo goo joob"

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

Frank Benway's picture
l 100+ points

The Ripper/Shitter sounds like a good name for a new burrito at Oki-Dog.

Anonymous Coward's picture

I'm pretty sure I commented anonymously on another story about dogs eating poop yesterday with this entry. Why is it here under Edgar Allen Poop? I'm just curious - not trying to stir up problems.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Anon, your pooem was so funny that we decided to place it as a front page submission. You left no contact information, though, so I had to make a new account for you, and I had no way to tell you. This is what happens when you remain an unregisturd.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Thunderbox's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Very funny, edgar/AC. You should sign up and send more stuff in.

The voice of sanity

Anonymous Coward's picture

Being an unregisturd left me too pooped to identify myself. Besides I am already registered, but forgot my password eons ago.

athenivanidx's picture
l 100+ points

I had to force myself not to laugh....because my stomach still hurts from Mike and Scummy...........

great pooem though

We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

We three shits of Mathematica are. Laughing on the toilet, har, har!

Anonymous's picture

As an English teacher, I found the parallels in this poem to The Raven to be so hilarious! Maybe I will need to share this with my struggling writers!

Anonymous's picture

Alrighty girls, back to the nurses tent! That'll show those guys to complain about Dengue fever again just to get a look at our skirts!

Marie, you didn't forget the thermometers did you?

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