Mid Term Mistake

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Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb
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In mid-November while rushing to school,

mMy stomach felt like it was kicked by a mule.

But the timing of this was horrid at best

Because I was already late for my math mid-term test.

I drove like a madman to make it to school

So that I could get rid of this uncomfortable stool.

This test was important; I needed to focus,

which would be near impossible with a gut full of locusts.

I found a close spot in which to park the car.

Still, the math building was distant, so incredibly far.

I squeezed my ass tightly and away I did waddle,

Not stopping for traffic, there was no time to dawdle.

I pushed through the entrance and then down a hall,

Knowing that round the next corner I could let loose nature's call.

I hurried and scurried and then pushed through the door.

But something was different, of this I was sure.

The change there was palpable, of this there's no doubt.

But then from my ass a noisy fart did ring out.

I ran for the stall and checked out the seat,

Dropped trou, copped a squat, and let go of the heat.

While setting and purging and pushing and stinking,

My mind re-engaged and once more started thinking.

"There's something not right, of this I am sure.

Because I remember the urinals near by to the door.

O'er there should be urinals, of this I will vouch.

But now they are gone and now there's a couch.

The sinks on the wall should be over here.

Something's not right; no, something's gone queer.

I do not recall recently seeing a sign

That they would remodel this oasis of mine.

And that's when it hit me, my heart flush with gloom -

The realization that this was the Women's restroom.

That neatly explained why the urinals were gone

And all was so dainty, all so lacking brawn.

As quickly I could, I cleaned up my ass,

And tried not to panic before going to class.

I snapped up my pants before any could see

That big heavy belt that was wrapped around me.

I stood up and cracked the bathroom stall's door,

And cautiously looked over the Girls' bathroom floor.

I gathered my backpack and looked forward to see

That I'd gotten lucky, there was no one but me.

I said a quick prayer and peaked out once more

To make sure one no was between me and the door.

I took a deep breath and bolted from there.

In five giant bounds, I'd no time to spare,

I grabbed the curved handle, planted firmly in hand,

And flung it wide open, ran through as I planned.

And stood in the hallway, heart beating in breast,

Because now I could go and take that damned test.

While walking away, it came with a rush

That in my great haste, I'd forgotten to flush.

8 Comments on "Mid Term Mistake"

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

You passed the ass test, now how about the math test ?

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Advanced Linear Algebra is a pain in the ass on multiple levels, or vectors, if you are so inclined.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

OutdoorPooper's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Your stories always make me laugh. Good Job

Blind Mullet's picture
k 500+ points

Good story there, Deja,
But somethings quite rotten-
Theres one other thing
That you'd surely forgotten.

While math is important
Good hygiene demands
You've emptied your bowels
Now wash your damned hands!!!

_______
The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

The white zone is for loading and unloading only- FZ.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Poem written before I noticed line 35 of the above poem--just make believe that line is not there, please. I liked my poem well enough to want to send it even if it was written on a false premise.

The poem is good,
The end satisfying;
Yet one detail would
End all my prying.

The poop was approached
With suspense--yes, with hype;
But now, we must know:
Afterwards, did you wipe?

The text remains silent [actually not]
On this basic fact.
I know that my asking
Betrays lack of tact.

As you left the seat,
The end of this caper
Is hardly complete
Without use of paper.

So did you? or not?
That sure is the issue.
Be it stand, sit, or squat,
'Tis best to use tissue.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

You're remarks, Mr. Mullet,
to read, I am glad,
but I don't understand
this whole handwashing fad.

Is this just Australian?
Because it seems so outrageous.
It seems that you people
think dysentery's contagious.

But to your awkward question,
here's my reply
My hands were unwashed,
I do not deny.

But mom raised me right
so I'm not one of those
who first wipes his ass
and then picks at his nose.

I liked your post too, MSG. Keep up the good work, fellas. Pooetry is da bomb!

Woo Hoo! This is number 1000 for me. I've busted the quadruple digit ceiling.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Oh Shit Son's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

funniest thing ever... I almost woke the family
_______
Now that's what I call classical gas!

Now that's what I call classical gas!

Turdlehead's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Man I love this site
_______
Mange du merde et meurt

Mange du merde et meurt

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