Pooetry
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The Raven
Submitted by Caca Doodle
October 31, 2007, 17 Comments

Once upon a midnight dreary, While I farted, weak and weary, Trying to fill a pot with shit; Suddenly there came a snapping As of someone loudly crapping, Crapping on my kitchen floor. "Ah, 'tis some visitor," I muttered; As I did, my anus shuddered, Shuddered at the feel of rocky shit. Then --...

Of The Fecally Fearful
Submitted by Anomalous Coward
August 22, 2007, 33 Comments

Editor's note: I was perusing the Book of the Shameless when I found this year-old stroke of genius from AC, reprinted here for your enlightenment. How, in all profundity, May we discuss fecal fecundity, And avoid rhetorical redundity And never consider this, to wit: One who’s fearful to take a...

A Tibetan Dump
Submitted by Thunderbox
June 21, 2007, 7 Comments

Another fart rattles the window heralding the start of a dawn glow. Bowels awakening after the night, it's time to set out and have a shite. At 16000 feet it's a test, as the light picks out Mount Everest to stumble the few yards up the road, find the cold squatter, and drop my load. Split by knee-...

Untitled & Come To Call
Submitted by Anton Afgustovich
June 14, 2007, 9 Comments

I don't consider myself a poet. But when I do pen a few verses, it's almost always after having gotten inspiration from another [prose] author, or after having heard an oral recounting. Immediately below is a short prose piece sent to me by an acquaintance. It inspired me so much I rendered his...

Like A Big Old Backed-Up Poo
Submitted by Simon
June 4, 2007, 5 Comments

I wonder if this world we live in is symbolic of a bum. The emotions pile in landfill, packing, stacking senses numb. And when we die where do we go? Splashing Heaven's pool? Waiting and dissolving on the rim a saintly stool? Or snapping in mid-crapping, some half-reincarnated? Not done with life,...

A Saharan Dump
Submitted by Thunderbox
March 21, 2007, 8 Comments

A cold and starry desert night, wondrous setting in which to shite. No traffic noise, not even birds, just the flopping of juicy turds into a hollow on the dune, glistening brightly under the moon. Ringpiece wiped with satisfaction, the proud results of bowel action are covered over with cold sand...

Two Poems
Submitted by Anomalous Coward
January 18, 2007, 8 Comments

1. If for long days on gaseous fare you've fed And suddenly you're moved to use the head, Tarry not! Nor linger on -- Lest your movement come upon you And you find your drawers To your utter horrors Defiled with excrement. On streaks of shit you'll sadly sit 'Til your knickers you may change. An...

One Night While I Was Sleeping
Submitted by sharp shitter
January 11, 2007, 33 Comments

One night while I was sleeping After a very taxing day I had this awful feeling I had never felt this way As soon as my eyes opened I knew what needed to be done Little did I know, my friends It was over before it begun No sooner that my eyes could focus So early in the morning Did I begin to feel...

Tiny Fighter: A Tragedy
Submitted by ChiknGreez
November 29, 2006, 18 Comments

In the dark a tunnel rages pressure builds in several stages. Compelled release of endless trash received in glory with a splash. Cyclone spinning ever tighter enveloping a tiny fighter. He cannot let it end like this sucked into the dark abyss. Endlessly he wills and fights, swimming harder toward...

A Salute To PoopReporters
Submitted by The Dumpster
October 21, 2006, 20 Comments

PoopReport's a site sublime, I love to visit all the time. When I'm depressed, and need a smile, The Big Wiper's worth my while. And Logjam with his mordant thinking Makes me spit what I am drinking. Poonurse and dear Motherload Can place me on the healthy road. To keep me in the culture loop, The...

Bunga on the Pot
Submitted by The Dumpster
April 20, 2006, 49 Comments

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the P.R. nine that day, the score stood four to two, with but one inning more to play. And then when Daph could only fart, and Wiper did the same, a sickly silence settled on the poo-trons of the game. A scattered few got up to go; in deep despair the rest choked...

The Journey
April 6, 2006, 50 Comments

With a wiggle and a shake And this log's about to break -- Sliding and a-gliding Through the waves she's riding -- Down, downstream Unto the dirty lake. With two days' solid feeding, This pup's been slowly breeding -- Growing and bestowing Her hate upon me knowing This outward journey's nigh -- And...

The Dastardly Dawn Chorus Dump
March 10, 2006, 43 Comments

With a sheepish shuffle to the door and I'm there to download brown porn in my toxic lair. Armed with my arsenal of twin-plied sheets, my book of choice and a bag of boiled sweets, I swiftly close the bathroom door, arranging my wares upon the tiled floor. With the birds duly tweeting their early...

Chrysalis
Submitted by TurdleHaid
February 22, 2006, 15 Comments

Lotus position, 6:00 a.m., tinges of gold sunlight warm the horizon. From the plow position he evolves into salutation to the sun. For twelve years he has been doing the morning yoga ritual, gradually developing the control necessary to slow his heart rate and breathing to almost nil. The...

Pondering The Noble Turd
January 12, 2006, 47 Comments

Will it be brown or will it be yellow? Will it be a Guinness-induced black sticky fellow? Will it be delivered with but a single wipe? Or will you spend hours papering your pipe? Will it be freestyle or of uniform length? Will it pass freely or require all of your strength? Will there be pellets,...

The Shit Machine
January 6, 2006, 26 Comments

Some say it's disgusting and some say it's quite obscene When they discover I make a living as a shitting machine. For a small sum of money, or whatever you can donate It truly is with zeal and charm that I gladly defecate. There really is no job too big and really none too small; Be it noon or...

'Twas The Night Before Christmas (A
December 23, 2005, 19 Comments

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through my house I tiptoed in secret, just like a louse. Past the stockings I snuck, toward the bathroom, my lair, in hopes that St. Nicholas would not be squatting in there! The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of flatulence...

You Are What You Eat
December 22, 2005, 20 Comments

When I was quite young and barely a lad, my mum would opine that the food I had would manifest itself in numerous ways and cause me to shit for three whole days. But as any young upstart with no sign of a bulge, I ignored her counsel and continued t'indulge; binge-eating the pies, the curry and...

The Hangover Poo
December 14, 2005, 23 Comments

It's slimy, wet, and messy, it sticks to the toilet like superglue. It requires no further introduction: it's the dreaded hangover poo. Arriving early in the morning after the heavy night before, it truly stinks to high heaven and makes your ring piece feel raw. It's both painful and unpleasant,...

It's Defephobia
Submitted by Defephobia
October 19, 2005, 21 Comments

The glowing bride all dressed in white parts the crowd for her first dance. The groom and I have been friends for life; so he recognized my stance. The brewing sounds from down below left nothing more to say I just wish I knew what was in this goose liver pâté. In a gurgling flash, I had to dash....

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