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The Pants Go Filling
Submitted by athenivanidx
October 1, 2009, 48 Comments

Sung to the tune of The Ants Go Marching On my way to my math class, Hurrah, hurrah. I had some really awful gas, Hurrah, hurrah! I guess I never thought, perchance, I'd differentiate my pants. So I kept on marchin' On      To the class           ...

Her Reluctant Box Of Chocolates
Submitted by Mrs. Mad Crapper
September 23, 2009, 39 Comments

For days I’ve sat and held it in, It choked inside and hurt like sin. It made me sweat and steam and stew, Whenever I caught a whiff, oh pew. Oh shit, Valentine's Day is here; Hold on just a moment dear! This day I’ll do it, come rain or shine. I can not shit, oh Valentine! I was strong and now I’m...

Of All The Crazy Things I Do (or Dealing
Submitted by RoboCrap13
September 11, 2009, 18 Comments

Of all the crazy things I do, my boss made me plunge a number 2. The customer dropped it out with glee and a smell that made it a number 3 Or 4, or 5, or 6, or 7! The stench reached the highest Heavens. Boy, am I glad my nose is plugged, 'Cause that's a bowl I wouldn't have hugged. And with all the...

Goodbye, Brew
Submitted by Dook of York
August 4, 2009, 49 Comments

I'm pretty sure that beer and I need to break up. Yes, we have been down some great roads together, and beer has made me one hell of a witty and charismatic woman at times, but lately beer has been abusive and spiteful to me. I have always been aware of its rioting ways toward my guts and how...

Dung Diaries
Submitted by OfficePoopGirl
July 28, 2009, 23 Comments

I know the way of the dung beetle harvesting things he should not want. I know that God created someone to want everything or everyone. Like politicians, they all have wives and people who waste theirs still have lives. And even though most things tend to make sense why do we mingle the smell of...

A Ode To That Other Load
Submitted by spudnutsncoffee
June 5, 2009, 32 Comments

Of the things in life that give me pleasure, pinching of that stinky, long, brown, soft treasure tops my list in no small measure, of this there can be no doubt. However, There is one other thing to which I must bring attention One very pleasurable thing that by logical extension Is tied for first...

Oh Commode!
Submitted by Bran Lover
April 13, 2009, 13 Comments

Oh commode! So sassy an' bold. To you I confess and to you I hold So dear and so near my ass on your cold Porcelain mold. Unto you I give my worn-out bread, And my used stale beer nuts from that fella, Fred. My god, my porcelain god, I wish I was dead! Unto thee I do cry, my face turning red. Was...

Haiku Across Africa (Part I)
Submitted by Thunderbox
February 2, 2009, 30 Comments

Tangier, Morocco Great big logs from goat head stew No cause for concern. East by the coast road. Algiers: old city; purveyors Of undercooked eggs. Turds become softer Nothing drastic, just less firm. As you would expect. South on desert tracks Tinned rations clog our innards Swollen, shit-filled...

The Big Shit Before Christmas
Submitted by Mrs. Mad Crapper
December 23, 2008, 24 Comments

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house not a creature was shitting, not even a mouse. The dumping had been done (and flushed) in the toilet with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar...

Ode To My Frozen Choad
Submitted by prarie doggin
December 12, 2008, 29 Comments

A battle was fought on a frozen Arctic sea It was short, it was brutal, and the victor was me. It started at night in some sleazy Front Street bars, Lots of beer was consumed, and cheap fat cigars. It continued 'til dawn, as we rolled out to eat, Black coffee, runny eggs and undercooked meat. Eight...

Once Upon A Toilet Dreary
Submitted by Phillip_D_Trousers
November 26, 2008, 16 Comments

Once upon a toilet dreary, colon cramped and vision bleary Waiting for the bomb to drop into the loo Longing for the morning paper, still I sat there passing vapor When finally I felt a throb. Would I lastly birth the Blob? Doubting, as my gut kept churning, only then to churn some more The stench...

I've Gone Everywhere
Submitted by Grey_Poopon
October 29, 2008, 10 Comments

I was eatin' my burrito along the long, dusty, windy, mucky road, When along came a fart with an impendin' load. It was a bubblin' churnin' stump that was ready to glide. I clenched my cheeks and then it settled down inside. For miles and miles there was nothin' but dust and sand. I clenched my...

American Browneye
Submitted by Mrs. Mad Crapper
October 24, 2008, 19 Comments

In my youth, I used to make up words to songs that were popular at the time. I usually replaced quite a few words with "shit" and "piss", because I thought it was funny and it made my friends laugh. Well, I haven't done that in a long time -- until today. Because today my sick ass is stuck close...

Shit House
Submitted by Shits Happily I...
June 2, 2008, 20 Comments

Inspired by shithouses on various highway rest stops. With apologies to Robert Frost and Ghost House. I sit in a skanky house I know And sat many an hour ago   Staring at the gray, steel stalls   O, ass, do ye hear my calls? I need a long, brown log to grow! O'er splattered pot...

Stopping By Woods On A Windy Evening
March 11, 2008, 13 Comments

Whose woods these are I think I know. For I have crapped here, many times ago; He will not see me while I stoop -- To watch his woods fill up with poop. My little horse must think it queer To stop and take a dump out here. Between the dung and frozen piss The darkest evening of the year. He gives...

Poop's Philosophy
March 6, 2008, 21 Comments

Those of you who know Shelley's Love's Philosophy will appreciate the following, written on a chocolate whim, as it were... The stomach mingles with the duodenum, And the jejunum with the colon, The winds of one's arse mix forever With a flatulent emotion; Nothing in the world is single, Not even...

Ode To The Road Load
Submitted by prarie doggin
January 29, 2008, 33 Comments

7-11 when I'm in a hurry Hot dog, coffee, vanilla flurry Clerks with names like Osama and Hamir Dirty bathrooms -- should I fear? Stopped-up crapper, fecal slurry Smells like last night's chicken curry. Truck stop restroom outside Dallas Trucker heaven, cowboy palace Fumes of shit and greasy food...

Ode To My Load
Submitted by prarie doggin
January 23, 2008, 32 Comments

Again I mount the porcelain throne and dream of a turd I can call my own On pins and needles, I anticipate the birth One of great length and massive girth Perhaps long and coiled like a slinky Or bejeweled with corn and oh so stinky I would settle soft, light and fluffy I could give it a name --...

A Christmas Poem
Submitted by prarie doggin
December 24, 2007, 20 Comments

'Twas the night before Christmas, and there on the can Sat a drunken, dejected, poopless old man. The Ex-Lax had been taken hours before bed In hopes that the turtle would rear his brown head. Then up from the bowl there arose such a splatter! I sprang from the seat to see what was the matter! And...

Memoirs Of A Grogan
Submitted by shit4brains
December 3, 2007, 3 Comments

The grogan emerges, ancient and wise upon the sun-warmed rocks. ethereal in its transcendent beauty, though slightly wistful in its mute appeal, it twinkles and gleams jubilantly, the byzantine complexities in its shimmering rossianna texture, essence of vitality overhead twilight touches it, and...

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