Introduction: Poop For Peace: April 17, 2009

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The east hates the west. The Christians hate the Muslims. The liberals hate the conservatives. The Sunnis hate the Shiites. All across the globe, the chasm dividing humanity is ever deeper. In all the world's wars against terror, the distinction of who is perpetrating which depends on what side you ask -- so divided are we as a species that we can't even agree why we're killing each other.

For there to be peace, there must be understanding. For there to be understanding, there must be a common ground. But the further the chasm deepens, the more fundamental to basic human nature the common ground has to be.

And so April 17 is Poop For Peace Day.

Poop is the one experience all human beings have in common. We may have varying ideas of God and politics, but the power of an impending poop is a higher calling to which every human must answer. Side by side in a public bathroom, any two human beings are stripped of their differences and reduced to their most basic essence: a pair of feet sticking out below the stall, and a pair of butt trumpets performing a greasy symphony to lament humanity's non-negotiable deference to the call of the vile.

Under the influence of Taco Bell, there is no Christian or Muslim or Jew. There are only human bodies, reacting to the complications of digestion in the same predictable and malodorous ways. Poop wields supreme power over our bodies -- when poop calls, you answer, or you face the consequences. Poop is our cruel tyrant, our fickle deity, our omnipotent oppressor -- it is a force to which every human being has no choice but to submit.

And recognizing this is the first step toward world peace.

Poop For Peace Day is not a day of protest. Pooping for peace is not a left-wing or right-wing activity. Pooping for peace is an act of unity. It's not about religion or politics. Rather, it's about the simple truth: underlying our religions and our politics are universal needs, wants and desires. To poop for peace is to transcend arbitrary divisions and embrace that which makes us human. Only from starting at such a fundamental truism can we hope to expand our understandings and solve our differences.

On April 17, take some time to think when you take your time to stink. Think of yourself on your toilet, and Barack Obama on his, and Osama and Ahmadinejad and Chavez on theirs. Think about the children of Iraq and the children of America, and realize that while their skins are different colors and their gods have different names, their daily ritual is exactly the same. We all poop, which means we're all human, which means we're all brothers and sisters. Any other differences are arbitrary -- we are all united in the daily struggle against the tyranny of the bowel.




poop for peace



For five years we have pooped for peace, and for five years the evildoers among us have feigned constipation and thus prolonged humanity’s suffering. Which means the brown-splattered dove still sadly circles, an olive branch in its beak and a bit of toilet paper trailing from its foot, waiting for a nice, solid log on which to alight and end our strife.

So we're pooping for peace again on April 17, 2009. Submit your email address to get

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13 Comments on "Introduction: Poop For Peace: April 17, 2009"

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I am already practicing my peaceful pooping, this morning I passed a very peaceful turd that smelled of garlic and bourbon. I sat on my porcelain throne while producing the grogan. I know that poop for peace is to show the world that we are united by our bowel habits but, I was glad I was not squatting in the back of a cave, next to Osama Bin Laden, as he produced a turnip and mutton fat scented pile.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Feto D Walcott's picture

I have pooped for peace before but sadly it was most foul and there was no peace to be found in it.The reason I tried pooping for peace was to find peace at work from sniveling coworkers complaining about my stench and breath and from management that is always seeking to assault me.Management is always wrong and your just jealous!

SE's picture

Poop for peace... ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!
Awesome! This will make my b-day b-m truly special!

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

Consume nothing but organtic vegetables and wash it down with a fresh fruit smoothie chased with a shooter of wheat grass and then settle the whole mess by taking beano to prevent gas and other less than "pieceful" BMs.

wonderpance's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

i'm gonna try to do it this time!

i just wish it could be on a weekend so i could do it in a non-public bathroom.
_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I think it would be a marvelous idea if, in the interest of world unity, we were all to take our poops as close as possible to the same time. Just picture it, the fumes of hundreds of millions of poops, poops of infinite variety; haggis poops from Scotland, refried bean poops from Mexico, borscht poops from Russia, fried hog jowl poops from the southern USA, rice poops from all across Asia,all giving up their aromas and floating upward like one giant burnt offering to whatever Gods may be. The very idea fills my eyes with tears.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

Postman's picture
k 500+ points

If everybody shit at the same time, wouldn't that throw the earth off it's axis and send it hurtling towards the sun?

LeandraCullen's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

This is going to my very first Poop For Peace day since I've been here!!! Kewl!!! *does hyper dance*br>_______
The Original Grasshopper

The Original Grasshopper

The Final Wipe's picture

The Final Wipe is happy to extend
the offer of "free Final Wipes" to anyone who participates in "Poop for Peace 2009".
All you have to do is visit our site and send a quick note with your address and that you are pooping for peace.

TFW

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

I'm loading up my poop shooter even as I type this. Tomorrow's shitscapades will include thinly sliced marinated flank steak, fresh boiled cabbage, rice, Spanish olives and a double helping of dried peaches.

Did you realize that, if there are 6 billion people on planet earth and each spends an average of 5 minutes shitting every day, then at any given moment, there are almost 21,000,000 taking a dump and that in any given day, the totality of humanity spends the equivalent of 500,000,000 man hours shitting.
_______
My special needs student crapped in your honor roll student's backpack.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

AJ_Goodbody's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

On Poop For Peace Day, I pooped once--but it was a doozy. I sat there and thought of different people who poop--everyone from The President to my sweetie to the California mother of octuplets--but I mostly thought about how wonderful it was going to feel when I finally gave birth to that tiger. It was one of those where it somehow got curled up and tried to pass in a double-width. Once it started coming out in a single snake, it was a piece-of-cake. Anyway, I was glad when it was in the toilet. Not sure how long, as part of it had already gone down the pipe, but enough still showing to where I suspect that it was definitely no little gummy worm. My insides felt much better! I was at peace. As usual, it was odorless. Sometimes, I stink things up, but I'm usually kinda musky or odorless with occasions where I smell fruity or floral. My last floral one gave off the odor of lilacs. Have any of you ever passed fragrant poops along those lines before?


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AJ_Goodbody :-)
We are defined by more than our poop--but it still makes for entertaining discussion!
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Anonymous Coward's picture

poop day hmm never herd of it i might do it this year and i will make it spechiel by poopin g on ur face

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

We are in no danger AC, If your aim is no better than your kindergartenish attempt at writing you would never be able to hit a face.

herd......a group of animals (herd of cattle)

spechiel..I think you invented this word.

poopin....Like in Mary Poopins?

g.........I give up, what does this mean?

ur........Old high German for thoroughly.

.!,:;?"'..A few symbols used in writing that
can help clarify your meaning.

Please come back to poop report after a few more years of education.


_______
Dirty old men need love too!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

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