A Poop War

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Email: 
kellykreth@hotmail.co

Thanks to "Kelly" for sending this in to us:

I’m on antibiotics for a lovely bout of MRSA, which can give you a bit of the runs. Add to this my period, which makes you have the runs too. I seem to be forever running to the bathroom to take a crap while at work.

The key is always finding a bathroom in a multi-complex building, which is not utilized often. I ended up using the facilities across from the cafeteria. What the fuck was I thinking, you may ask? It’s so utilized that people don’t take craps there. This is perfect for me because that meant others would be in and out in a jiffy. It was a strategic decision.

So I walked in to an empty bathroom and was feeling like this is a beautiful adventure. I was going to get away with this! I placed the paper down on the toilet seat and I heard the first stall door open. Ugh! But I assume she’ll be a piss and run girl. Not my luck.

I flushed while doing my deed.

She flushed.

I could go on and on and on, but without exaggeration I can say that we were having a flushing war, each awaiting the other to leave.

I heard her toilet paper roll rattle and thought she was leaving, and I teased back.

She heard my toilet paper roll an probably thought I was leaving.

How did this end? She left…. and I won the bathroom standoff!

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9 Comments on "A Poop War"

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Boy it sure is good to be an adult.

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Some people pre-flush to see if a toilet works. Some flush to mask the sound of pooping or farting. Some to mask the sound of peeing. Some make a mercy flush in mid-poop. It's a wonder there's any water left on this planet.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Occasionally when I pre-flush and the bowel is not emptying properly my cheesoid danglers are given an unscheduled washing. Is this a good thing?

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Chief, fortunately we males have evolved with the perfect overflow alarm for toilets. A good dunking in 50 degree well water will usually get you out of the bathroom before your feet get wet. Unfortunately the older we get, the earlier that alarm goes off.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I predict that it won't be long before my alarm goes off as soon as I sit down.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

There you have it. In just three posts you get more information than you ever wanted in your whole life.

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points

just be careful of your danglers getting sucked into the whirlpool, cause you may go down with them. it's a rabbit hole none have come back from.

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

IBS NO MORE's picture
k 500+ points

Nothing like the mental image of Chief's old saggy balls dangling in cold toilet water to... Well, there's just nothing like it.

When you say the word “poop,” your mouth makes the same motion your butthole does when pooping…
The same can be said for the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”

Anonymous's picture

Enlightening the world, one heplful article at a time.

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