Poop at the Office
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The Missed Warning
Submitted by Bannah Girl
August 14, 2007, 40 Comments

I work at a store called Mervyn's in Ventura, California -- home to one of the worst poo stories you will ever hear. I was nearing the end of my Saturday shift, ready to go home and take a nap. But this hope proved to be short-lived. You see, many years ago my co-worker Jamie was forced to clean up...

Cocksucker Makes The O.R.
Submitted by rsantuc
August 10, 2007, 50 Comments

My story begins with me as a very green third-year medical student in the midst of a surgical rotation. My place in the pecking order was low. How low, you ask? Let's just say that I was lucky if the nurses didn't snap the chart from my hands with the comment, "You're not there yet, hotshot" or "...

Farting For Spite (For Real)
Submitted by Shits Happily I...
July 23, 2007, 58 Comments

Not too terribly long ago, someone posted a story called Farting For Spite. It was deemed by the more discriminating Poopeteers amongst us to be if not entirely fictional, then grossly embellished to the point that it was impossible to suspend our disbelief. My fecal friends: I have a true story of...

My Voyage into Foreign Waters
Submitted by Zizek
July 2, 2007, 25 Comments

I work on the second level of a three-story building. With about forty people in our company, we have the whole floor to ourselves. Unfortunately, the women's bathroom only has two stalls in it, and all of the chicks I work with are girly girls. Outside of my home and close friends and family, I...

My Inner Struggle
Submitted by Poo de Grace
June 19, 2007, 19 Comments

Editor's note: this was originally posted on the author's blog. She has resubmitted it to PoopReport for your horror and entertainment. My colon seems to adhere to a strict schedule: once upon rising and once before bed. Well, the unholy Taco Bell butt burrito in this story decided to make its...

The Brown Spackle Incident
Submitted by dooder
April 24, 2007, 39 Comments

It's one thing to admire your own waste product. It's quite another to parade your excrement for clients. Granted, I've spawned porcelain creatures that I'd have been proud to invite close friends over to discuss, perhaps even including a salmon and wine sampler. But this was different. I was in...

What Befell The Bathrooms
Submitted by anonymouscoworker
April 17, 2007, 28 Comments

Editor's note: the following posts came from the author's blog. It is reprinted with his blessings. POST I Somebody's ass exploded in our bathroom. I walked in there yesterday and was immediately smacked in the face with the odor. "Gee," I thought to myself, "Somebody treated this bathroom like...

On The Job Straining
Submitted by Pill Pooper
March 30, 2007, 31 Comments

When I started working full-time for myself about a year ago, all my shitting habits went out the window. As did my somewhat-reasonable diet. I went from eating a stable, balanced diet of mac, cheese, and Steakums to fast food and roadside dirty water dogs. And with this change in diet came other...

Two On The Floor
Submitted by RacingStripe
March 26, 2007, 27 Comments

It was a normal weekday, in a normal building, on a normal floor. It was late morning, and nature was calling. The closest bathroom was one nicknamed "the zoo" due to the frequent odd encounters there. I decided to go there anyway, since I was getting the human two-minute warning. As is my custom...

GIB: Guy In Bathroom
Submitted by Lyrad
March 7, 2007, 51 Comments

Gibby is a man who, it seems, is always in the bathroom. My name is Lyrad and my co-worker is Brien, and together we work at a company where we share a one-stall/one-urinal bathroom with some gentlemen who work at a Thai restaurant. The problem we were having was that whenever the employees from...

Outed
Submitted by Pinch A. Loaf
February 20, 2007, 28 Comments

I'll admit that when it comes to my bathroom habits, I'm an odd combination of Shameful and Shameless. I'll tell my poor spouse all about what's new with my poo (much to his dismay!), and I've got no shame around immediate family. But once I'm at work -- I'm the only female in an office of four...

On The Eight Day, The First One
Submitted by Anonymous
February 15, 2007, 19 Comments

There are some things in life that a man never forgets. His first kiss. His first beer. His first car. His first dump at a new job. As I enter the fourth decade of my life, memories of my first kiss, my first beer, and my first car are reminders of a distant past. But memories of my first...

January Second
Submitted by Mary Queen of Scats
January 3, 2007, 28 Comments

New Year's Eve: that glorious day of the year when it's perfectly acceptable to eat, drink, and do whatever you want because it's the last day of the year and Santa's list expires at midnight. I usually get up at six AM to eat the bran flakes I've been downing ever since Oprah's doctor told me I'd...

Trapped!
Submitted by Dr. Strangeturd
December 28, 2006, 29 Comments

I refuse to poop in the men's room at work. Not because I am Shameful, but because for some reason men at my store can't seem to hit the toilet, but usually aim instead for the seat, the floor, or the wall. So I normally poop when I get home, and rarely at work. But one night I couldn't take it...

The Deja Pooper
Submitted by Andy S
December 14, 2006, 41 Comments

I'm sharing this office crapping story to get it off my chest -- or out from under my kiester, if you prefer a more ass-oriented expression. This isn't a one-time occurrence; this is an extreme example of déjà poop. Many years ago I saw a late-night horror movie about this carload of...

Moving Heavy Loads
Submitted by geterdun57
December 1, 2006, 22 Comments

Being a heavy equipment operator is generally an okay job. Today, though, that was not the case. Normally you just sit there and let the machine do the work. I had been put on packer duty, working on a massive vibrating machine that makes things hard (the ground, people!). At around ten AM, it hit...

The Meeting Ender
Submitted by Anomalous Coward
November 13, 2006, 36 Comments

I was in another inane meeting. Time had stopped. Every other month, our department is subjected to a "brainstorming session." Theoretically, this gives everyone an opportunity to bounce new ideas around. But that theory actually died out with the dinosaurs. Contemporary brainstorming sessions are...

Two Quests For Relief
Submitted by ChiknGreez
November 10, 2006, 22 Comments

In an attempt to lose weight, I have been on a new food and exercise regimen that includes a large percentage of fiber in my diet. As a result of said diet, when it's time to go, it's time to go. While at work last week, I had a sudden and urgent need to unload -- but I had no relief to let me...

The Shameful Standoff
Submitted by PoopySmurf
November 9, 2006, 35 Comments

Yes, alas, I am a Shameful Shitter. I can venture towards bravery if I am reasonably certain I'll be dropping the kids off at the pool with only a few discreet splashes to mark their passage. If I know it's going to be noisy, though, I seek isolation. Fortunately my office has a bathroom in each...

Helen's Gift To Me
Submitted by sinkthefloater
November 8, 2006, 46 Comments

The type of work that is performed at a call center is not very physically taxing. Because of this, there is a very large population of elderly people working with me. Some of them are trying to stretch their pensions further into their golden years. Others are trying to help their grandkids pay...

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