Meet The Omniprocessor: Gates Steals Our Hearts By Drinking Poop Water

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If you read PoopReport, you know I appreciate Bill Gates. Yes, I know he committed antitrust acts. Yes, I know the only people his charity denies help to in some areas of Africa are pregnant women seeking abortions, even though he surely knows many of these women have been raped. In spite of these points, I have a deeply seated nerd love for this man, whose goals are to cure malaria and to give the world drinking water. He took the Giving Pledge, for God's sakes. How horrible can anyone be who would take the Giving Pledge?

The love I have for Gates was most likely seated in my subconscious in my childhood, before I even knew who he was. American tycoons, according to my mother, have always been susceptible to ruthless behavior while attaining their wealth on the way to becoming the nation’s most generous philanthropists. Frank Buhl, for example, was a steel tycoon from my native Pennsylvania whose end dream was to place a library in every city he could; I spent many hours in the Buhl-Henderson library, in Sharon, Pennsylvania. Andrew Carnegie gave almost three-quarters of his estate ($480,000,000) away before dying, establishing colleges, grants, trusts, and foundations in his name; my brother graduated from Carnegie-Mellon University. I am simply unable to deny the awesomeness of the good works these rich, pushy bastards do.

This week, Gates did it again, stole my heart … that rich, pushy bastard. In a video that has by now become viral, Bill Gates drank a glass of water produced by the Janicki Omniprocessor—a wonderful machine that can produce potable water and electricity from sewage water. Gates describes the Omniprocessor as a type of self-running steam engine. The brilliance of the design lies in the point that it is self-fueling. When a batch of poop water is processed, the steam used to process it creates not only drinkable water, but also enough energy to sterilize the next batch of poop water ... and the fuel is the poop itself.

The Omniprocessor was developed by Janicki Bioenergy, located just north of here, in Seattle. Janicki plans on building a very large version of the Omniprocessor in Senegal later in 2015. The machine will be able to process the waste of 100,000 people and produce just shy of 23,000 gallons of potable water and enough electricity to either light 2,500 100-watt lightbulbs or power a 335-horsepower engine … or if you are British, make 100 cups of very hot tea at once. That’s some hot shit.

The video was shot about 150 miles north of my humble abode, in Sedro-Woolley, Washington. As you see, “sewer sludge” (human poo water) enters a tube at one end of the machine. There it is heated past the point of boiling, and the water vapor is collected from the sewage. The dry portion of the sewage is then deposited into the furnace that runs the generator that runs the steam engine, where it is used as fuel to heat the poop-boiling tube. This design is so efficient that the generator can produce more energy than is needed to boil the sewage.

Meanwhile, the poo steam is cooled and filtered to remove any particles that might have tagged along. When it is tapped, the water is as clean as water can be. Even more impressive is that the entire process takes less than five minutes.

This machine, if proved successful in developing countries, could be used here. Livestock farms surely could benefit, as could smaller communities or communal environments, like prisons.

The entire video is fascinating, but you may skip to 1:50 if you are looking for the Gates and his poop water money shot.

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