A Critical Analysis of the Themes of Humanity and Biological Function in "Everybody Poops"
Everybody must poop. Even idiots who don't know a fallen tree from a log of crap know that taking a dump is critical to the functions of life. But perhaps the true connection between pooping and humanity has been kept a secret, as we see in the revelation from Bad Lip Reading on Youtube of the secret message behind the Black Eyed Peas song, “Boom Boom”.
The song itself is thickly layered with steaming piles of enigmatic lyrics. Not only are the lyrics themselves dense, but in order to even hear them one has to deliberately lip-read poorly. And with that accomplished, extrapolation is none too easy, either. For example, the first complete stanza goes as such:
No eye contact! I'll beat you down!
'Cause you know that that's not scary
You'll never find a human that steals school supplies
And if you do
Let me know who (who?)
And I'll beat him down.
In order to understand this stanza at all, much less the entire song, we must reference the chorus “Everybody poops/And if they don't they're an android/And should be destroyed.” Humans, being social creatures, are always making eye contact, unless of course they are blind. Eye contact is not frightening to us. Robots or androids, on the other hand, can have human characteristics but are notorious for not making eye contact, which is an easy way to identify them. The song also notes that real people don't steal school supplies, and that you will be a hero if you identify those who do so. This is because those who steal must be inhuman, and are trying to engineer the downfall of the human race with their petty theft.
So what does it mean to be a good human being, besides making eye contact and not stealing? The female lead of the band, Fergie, goes into this detail in the second stanza.
“I like to poop poop out the bad vibes.
That's right, I'm the best one.
And when we do a show I always start with this
And then usually around five I'll lay down and
Then I poop poop poop on the floor!”
Fergie, in this stanza, explains what it means to be a true human being. We all know that feces are made up of the indigestible food and other waste materials, but being regular also means that we are expelling bad emotions. You know how constipated people are. Just imagine what it would be like if you never, ever pooped. Fergie explains that she is the best at doing this, which is substantiated later by the stanza “Yeah I'm going downtown/Gotta get me some tissue/Fergie used it all up/'Cause she got bowel issues/Yeah, she ain't no android”, proving her excessive humanity with her regularity. Presenting herself as an exemplar of bowel movements, she then gives a schedule of how to most effectively expel bad emotions. “A show” is your job, which is why you “lay down” at five when you leave work; this means to lie down and put the stress of work so sleep. This interpretation is corroborated by the stanza she sings later, “When I'm on the pot after working for hours/Watch out down there/When I'm dumping my log”. Then, pooping on the floor is meant to signify a complete removal of inhibition and worries. Emotional baggage and the shit we put ourselves through on a daily basis is perhaps the strongest indicator of our humanity.
But why must we fly in the face of androids with our fecal matter? What is it about robots that we must fight? One of the most stumping stanzas includes these mysterious lines:
I forgot to break the mirrors
And the spaceship soared away
Why not tell me they left?
The mirrors are actually a symbol for the undifferentiated personalities of robots and androids, shiny and colorless in comparison to the multivarious experiences and expressions of human beings. If we forget to “break” them, so say the Black Eyed Peas, they will build a spaceship and fly away – not telling us that they left because they will take all of Earth's resources with them, leaving a hollow and lifeless planet in their wake. The lines after that continue to laud the effort of going to the bathroom, but it is only later that we learn why:
Mama told me she wrote me a note.
She forgot that I'm a soft machine man.
Looks like we got a big mean dookie on deck,
And I hate those greenish potatoes with them soggy fish sticks!
Soft machine men, or androids, are apparently infiltrating our society and posing as our own children! With such a terrible, shape-shifting enemy in our midst, what can we do? Using adjectives like big and mean, the Black Eyed Peas explains that androids are afraid of feces, the very symbol of our humanity. Through our emotional and physical shit, we can not only prove our humanness but also drive these spies out of our homes, for great justice.
In conclusion, the band Black Eyed Peas is fully aware of the encroaching robot threat to human civilization as we know it. Through an esoteric means of bad lip reading, they offer this awareness in a way only real human beings would be able to access. They also offer, thankfully, a final solution to the issue, and we must salute their ingenuity with flushing toilets everywhere.