Washers VS Wipers

l 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

“The global toilet paper industry is worth fifteen to twenty billion ,and according to the most recent statistics available, the average American uses 57 sheets a day."

Here is a little experiment: Take a finger and place it in some feces. Next wipe the finger as many times as desired with toilet paper to remove the material. Use either four-ply or two-ply. It really doesn't matter. Smell your finger. What does it smell like? Would you consider it clean? Would you eat finger food with this finger without washing it first?

Using paper to cleanse the anus makes as much sense, hygienically, as rubbing your body with dry tissue and imagining it removes dirt. It is truly ass-backward. Islamic scholars have known for centuries that paper won’t achieve the scrupulous hygiene required of Muslims. In a World Health Organization publication that attempts to teach health education through religious example, Professor Abdul Fattah Al-Husseini Al-Sheikh quotes the Prophet’s wife, Aisha. She had "never seen the Prophet ...coming out after evacuating his bowels without having cleaned himself with water."

“Paper cultures are in fact using the least efficient cleansing medium to clean the dirtiest part of their body.” A study conducted in Oxfordshire, England by Dr. J.A. Cameron in 1964 surveyed the underwear of 940 men and found fecal contamination in nearly all of them that ranged from “wasp-colored “ stains to “frank massive feces.” Ah, shit - this is too much information! I’m not going to tell you about the women.

Interestingly, the Japanese, although using the most advanced toilets in the world, are still wipers not washers.

Why is it that most of our highly advanced technological societies are wipers? I find this quite ironic. We use water to clean ourselves when taking a shower. We use water to wash our dishes and clean our floors. We use it to wash our cars. Yet when we sit down to take a dump, we reach for a roll of toilet paper and wipe the crap from our crack. This, I find, is an interesting quirk of our hygienic lifestyle. Wouldn’t it be cleaner to wash our butts afterward? How many times after doing your deed do you wonder if you “got it all”? How many times does the finger break through? You know what I’m talking about. And as we all know the sink is not close enough to avoid touching the clothes to get to it to wash your hands!

I’m here to tell you there is a better way. It is high time to convert to being a washer. It is easier on the environment. It is easier on your wallet. (One of these days I’m going to figure out how much the average person spends on toilet paper in a lifetime. I know it’s a shitload.)

It is already in use in selective parts of our world. For example, when I lived in Thailand most toilets (not caving to western customs) had sprayers installed similar to what we see in the U.S. on kitchen sinks. When you were done with your business you grabbed the sprayer and washed yourself. Clean, hygienic, easier on the environment and cheaper on the wallet. I called it the "bum gun."

When I bring this idea up with friends in the U.S.A. I receive instant rejection of the idea:

"It's too cold here; the cold water would shock a person."

"It would never fly here. The wiping custom is too ingrained in our culture."

Until we jump out of the box and remove the blinders clouding our perception in this regard, we will continue to be a nation of dirty assholes.

Oh yeah - I forgot to tell you the final part of the little experiment above. Don't forget to wash that finger!

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21 Comments on "Washers VS Wipers"

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

A bidet might be fun, but it's not cheap, nor is there a place for a separate fixture in our small bathroom. I shall continue to wipe. I do it carefully, even using a dab of Noxzema on the last pad of toilet paper. I know that my anus is only partly clean; but by the time I finish wiping, it doesn't smell; and once my pants are up, it's out of sight and mind. Then, when I shower, I make sure to wash with soap (see poll). So far in my life, nearly 70 years, that has been sufficient. The post above, while thought-provoking, is not practical for me, so I shall continue in my benighted but [so far] successful procedure.

C Everett Poop's picture
j 1000+ points

Yeah, those muslims are sure on the right track there. They wipe their asses with their left hand but think bacon is "unclean". Just time your shits before your showers and you'll be fine.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

I was bothered by occasional hemorrhoids for most of my adult life until a chiropractor gave me some advice that cured me. He said that toilet paper was a good thing but the job of anus cleaning wasn't complete until soap and water had been applied. I am very regular and usually have no problem pinching my daily loaf at approximately the same time each morning. Shortly thereafter I hop into the shower and in addition to my other parts I give my cornhole a good scrubbing with a mild soap like Ivory. If I have a BM at another time of day I have a dedicated wash cloth in my bathroom and once again tidy my ring-piece with a good scrubbing. If I must go while out of the house I use paper only but as soon as I am home again I scrub that sphincter till it gleams. It seems that inadequate wiping (leaving fecal residue around the anal area) can only make matters worse as far a roids are concerned.

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Had I been born into a Muslim culture I would not be able to be left-handed, I think. I can do many things with both hands (eat, put on makeup, draw), but it would have been hard to change everything. To make matter worse, I am a right-handed wiper.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points

Well, what I do is this: I use TP to wipe after I pee and I buy an inexpensive container of baby wipes to use after I go poop. I suppose I could use a washcloth moistened with water, but that seems a bit unhygienic to me, considering I'd use the cloth later (after laundering it) to wash my face.

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

Anonymous's picture

I buy moist towelettes/wet wipes whatever you want to call them. They are flushable and after the TP gets the majority I finish it off with a wet wipe. My ultimate goal is to get a Toto Washlet in the bathroom which incorporates a wand that sprays warm water where you want it, an air dryer, and a heated toilet seat. The pinnacle of pooping for the prosperous!

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

A separate wash cloth for the "out of band" bowel movement, eh? So, how often do you wash that wash cloth? After each use? And if not after each use, what kind of container do you keep it in? Or do you just open the window and hang it from a tree limb for a really good airing out?

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

It is indeed funny that the Muslims are so uptight about their assholes. I find that the pages of the Koran makes really good asswipe (at least better than glossy magazine pages). Heck, once I make it through my current copy, I might just go out and buy another one. Allah be praised.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Dr Scully's picture
l 100+ points

I believe the highly advanced societies are wipers because we shower everyday. Even if your ass is a little bit dirty from the paper, you will take a shower within 24 hours anyways.
(My friend just spent a month in the Turkish army, and the plumbing/toilet/shower situation is not the same as in the West... he basically didn't shower the entire time he was there... things like pipes bursting and shit floating in the streets).
Also, you can buy wipes which will do a pretty decent job of cleaning your ass without the need for water.

You mention the TP bill may be less, but how much higher will the water bill in the house be? Plus it's a waste of water, so it's just as bad for the environment.

Poop John the First's picture
l 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Wait a minute "a waste of water" to clean your ass? It may be for you but for me that certainly isn't the case. Also there is no way water is more expensive than TP. Finally, one could debate all day on the claim the US is a "highly advanced society". For example - we fill our toilets with clean drinking water. We poop and pee in it. Then we flush it into the sewer system and mix it with chemicals, pesticides, medical waste etc. Then we try to clean up the mess in our sewage treatment plants as best we can. Each step costs us money.

Poop and pee are valuable resources that when handled properly make great fertilizers. Its called ecological sanitation and is mostly being practiced in those "not so advanced societies".

We love to pat outselves on the back but sometimes we're really just asswipes. Our sanitation system is not highly advanced.

This is one site where we can't talk bullshit about poop!

Spreading the turd one poop at a time.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

And you fuckers laughed at me for wiping with cats

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Dr Scully's picture
l 100+ points

Yes, I completely understand and agree the toilet systems we have are quite wasteful already...
my question was why use even more clean water just to wash your ass when TP (or baby wipes/moistened TP/Chief's washcloth idea/even spitting on some tp, etc) will still do an ok job? It's just your asshole, after all. Waste comes out of it.

Also, most people will eventually take a shower not too long after a dump, so personally I don't see the point in pre-rinsing your ass. I have friends who have been to Muslim countries where the daily showering was a little lax, which I was suggesting could be a possible reason as to why they rinse and we wipe.

Anonymous's picture

OP...I get the finger thing, but unless you generally fondle your asshole while eating, I fail to see the advantage of going beyond paper. Perhaps you should try wiping with that straw man.

Dr Scully's picture
l 100+ points

Oh I had a question too! About the "bum guns" in Thailand. What did you use to dry your bum off afterwards? Was it toilet paper/paper towel-type of material? Is that not just as wasteful as tp? Or was it those communal towels like we see sometimes here for drying our hands? Did they have "bum air blowers" that activate once they sense ass is underneath them? (I'm teasing a bit, of course, but I am actually curious too as to how you dried off after).

Poop John the First's picture
l 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Most of the time itt was just a natural air dry system. No blower, no paper, no towel. Just the passage of time. But sometimes there was TP there and you used just a little to dry. Much less than with the total wipe sytem (at least for me).

Spreading the turd one poop at a time.

Anonymous's picture

I've been a washer for years! There's two different strategies I use depending on whether I'm in a house or in a public restroom. If the former I wash my backside by sitting on the edge of the bath, or if there's no bath then just use the washbasin. If it's a public toilet then I plan my dump tactically. I prepare around seven wads of toilet paper that I wet from the sink and then take them into the cubicle with me. It's not as good as real washing, but a lot better than dry wiping! But in all cases I dry wipe first before washing. Muslims don't do that. Personally I feel there's no way I'd put a hand onto poo smear even though I know I'm gonna wash my hands afterwards. Dry wipe then wash. THAT is the way for a civilized mankind.

prarie doggin's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Quality Moderatorg 4000+ points

Bidets scare the hell out of me. I'm afraid the water jet would hit my yam sack and bounce it off my ass cheeks like Sugar Ray Leonard on a speed bag. But then you all probably didn't want to know that.

Anonymous's picture

About the comment on the underwear of British men; it doesn't surprise me. Brits are some disgusting mofo's! I remember years ago deploying to Saudi Arabia with them that all of them I remember didn't wash their hands after shitting. Plus pasty skin, rotten teeth, and a diet of kidneys and baked beans to add to it

Anonymous's picture

I'm sorry we're you raised properly? Do you have no respect for your self or the 2.2 Billion Muslims? May allah forgive you. P.S if you read the Quran you would know we follow mostly both Christian and Jewish teachings. May all the prophets including Mohammad, Jesus and David have mercy on your soul.

Anonymous's picture

Superior hygiene = washing with water from a Hand Bidet Sprayer. Toilet Paper is not clean. See bathroomsprayers.com.

Anonymous's picture

Just do what u do and clean your ass please.

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